Beautiful
by Forfun100
Summary: Annabeth Chase is lost. Percy Jackson is damaged. Piper McLean is easy. Jason Grace is confused. Hazel Levesque is invisible. Frank Zhang is terrifying. Leo Valdez is stupid. What do they have in common? Sixth period study hall, and a whole lot more than they ever thought. High School Drama AU. Rated Really High T, for later chapters, multi ship.
1. Chapter 1 Private Wars

_**So y'all remember how you wanted a boarding school AU? Well here it is! Sort of. So instead of it being boarding school it's regular high school but it has a very similar plot to what I had planned originally. But I wanted to work with more family complexes and with boarding school they really wouldn't have a chance to interact with their parents. And as such here we are. The beginning is kind of slow, introductions and all. But things will get going I promise you. Right now I don't have an update schedule yet, but I will, today is officially my first day as a senior in high school, and as such first semester especially I will be so busy I'll want to claw my eyes out. I think that's it... Enjoy friends.**_

 **Annabeth**

 _"We all fight our own private wars"_

I wake up. I breathe in, I breathe out. I open my eyes, even though I don't want to. I get up, knowing that at least I have something to do. All summer I haven't needed to move, I haven't wanted to move. I'd get up at noon and I'd grab my laptop, I'd watch youtube videos, I'd avoid leaving my bed if at all possible.

One could say I'm depressed. But I prefer to say that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life. That's reason enough for me.

I shower, and sit on my bed, waiting to be completely dry. I run my fingers through the matted, wet knots that I call hair, watching water droplets flick onto the floor. I clutch my towel tightly, unconsciously of course, and when I realize this, I release my grip just slightly.

I get some clothes on; jeans and an old t-shirt that I don't realize has a hole in it until I've pulled it on. After lazily picking a different shirt, spending an eternity pulling off the first shirt, and then pulling on the next one, I head downstairs.

"Bye honey, I'll see you tonight." My dad says, walking past me to leave for work.

"Bye." I say under my breath, stepping aside to let him pass by. Snatching a banana from the bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen counter, I attempt to escape to school.

"Annabeth. Do you want a real breakfast?" My mom asks in a contradicting tone. She's not paying much attention to me, aside from her glance over her iPad. A pile of pancakes is sitting ever so tauntingly in front of her.

"I'm fine with this." I tell her.

"Are the boys ready for school?"

"I don't know." I shrug, peeling my banana.

"Well, could you go check?" Rolling my eyes, I head down the hallway and knock on the door to my brother's room. They're twins, so they have to share a room, not that they mind too much. They did share a womb after all.

"Hey losers, you ready for school?" One of my little brothers, Bobby, opens the door. He's spiked his hair and smells so heavily of axe I physically gag. "Oh my god Bobby, are you trying to fumigate the school or what?"

"You're just jealous." He says smugly, shouldering his backpack.

"Oh totally jealous of a twelve year old." I sigh, "Where's your brother?"

"He's coming."

"Get in the car."

"Can I drive?"

"No."

"It was worth a shot." He laughs, heading to the car. Sixth graders, ugh. Looking into the room, which is covered in laundry and video games, I see Matthew trying to pick a shirt.

"Dude, you have a dress code, just pick a shirt and let's go." I say.

"Annabeth, you don't get it. I have to look good."

"For who?"

"All the girls from Lincoln and Creek."

"Why?"

"I'm getting a girlfriend this year."

"You're twelve."

"I know." He nods throwing on a uniform grey polo.

"Let's go."

"It's not like you're in a rush to get to school or anything. Calm down." He snickers at me and starts rushing out to my car.

Suppressing a groan, I follow them out to the garage. Bobby's in the front seat; the moment I turn on the car he's going through the radio stations. He and Matthew comment on. Every. Fucking. Song. Every last one, as if I care that Taylor Swift is hot but her music is too girly.

Having fought my way through middle school parents driving their precious little devils to their first day of middle school I'm finally rid of my brothers at least for the day. Tonight we'll have Family Taekwondo, I'm not looking forward to it.

Parking not too close to school and not too far away, I walk into the building wishing that I could freaking disappear. I find my locker, the same one I've had for all my years at Goode. I'm a senior, by the way, forgot to mention that. I'm sorry.

Anyway, after having neatly organized my locker, I grab my first two text books. First period English, second period Physics. Making my way to the English hallway, I pass by the usual burn outs, still reeking of weed and poor life choices, only to find my English room filled with the Anime Club. Ours are the gross kind of geeks that always seem to carry a stack of Pokemon cards and pretend to be busty warrior women on their World of Warcraft accounts.

I slump to a desk in the back, trying to hide as they conclude their meeting on which conventions to attend. The nerds have been flushed out by the time the first period bell rings. The class fills up with students; some are obviously taking AP English just to take an AP course. I pull out my phone to start reading. Don't tell anyone, but I'm obsessed with dystopian novels. I know, what a high school girl of me. I'm reading the Selection series right now. I can't even tell you why I'm in love with it. I just am.

Class begins with teacher introductions and icebreakers. My least favorite thing in the world is ice breakers. But they end soon enough. Our first assignment is to check out Great Expectations from the book room and read the first four chapters. People seem shocked that we have homework on the first day of school. I'm relieved; Dickens is just mind numbing enough to make me feel like I'm in a coma while doing my assignments.

She tells us about some project we'll be doing through out the course of the book, and before I know it the bell signals the end of first period. Only six more hours to go… approximately.

I slump in my seat the moment I get to physics, my eyes stuck to the black board. I hope that this day just ends faster. The sooner I get to sleep the better.

"What is it?" I hear from behind me.

Coming out of my trance I turn to my left where the voice came from. "Can I help you?" I see a boy in a grungy looking light blue beanie, tufts of wild dark hair poking out the bottom; his eyes are squinted, focusing intently on the black board.

"I don't see it, what's got a pretty girl like you so interested in a stupid blackboard?" He turns to smirk at me.

"What's a burn out like you doing in AP Physics?" I ask with a hint of sarcasm.

He puts a hand on his chest as he chuckles. "Obviously I'm looking for a smart young lady to court."

"Obviously." I shake my head.

"Well, I didn't know I sat next to the classroom princess." He laughs again, clearly humored.

"Your mistake." I find myself feeding him.

"That's what you call it."

"And what would you call it?"

"Simple destiny darling." He winks. "And before you ask, no I don't pull this shit with all the girls."

"Aren't you dating what's her face?" I ask, having examined him long enough to recognize him. Well, I mean I've usually seen him sucking face with Rachel Dare, artistic prodigy and annoyingly one of the nicest people I've ever met.

"Not anymore. She ditched me for art school."

"So, you dumped her."

"No, she dumped me. Said she was going to Paris and was going to come back a different person."

"Like you cared about that."

He laughs again. "What does that mean?"

"I was half convinced your tongue had to be down her throat at least three hours a day. Almost like you two had a contract instead of a relationship."

He shakes his head with a smile. "My name's Percy, in case you were wondering, Princess."

"Annabeth."

"Princess Annabeth." He marvels, "What a perfect fit." I feel my breath hitch in my lungs as class begins. This teacher has the voice of a sad computer, and after almost nodding off about five times, the bell rings.

Percy stands up, "So where's your next period?"

After half a second I decide, fuck it. "Economics."

"May I escort you, princess?" He bows his head jokingly.

"You can follow. If you can keep up."

Smiling teasingly we walk out into the hallway. "So, you've been coming here, for...?"

"All four years."

"Really?" He nods, "Impressive."

"You?" I ask.

"This will be year three."

"Did you move here, or just change schools?"

"I used to live in the city, but my mom moved us." He says almost too casually.

"In the city?"

"Yeah, New York City. But she wanted a quiet life."

"Oh, that's cool." I am so awkward, kill me. "This is my class." I say.

"Are you sure it's not at the smoothie shop next door?"

"Pretty sure." I crack a smile.

"Well, maybe you'll be there for lunch. We might just have that class together too." With a sly smirk spreading across his lips, he reenters the flow of high school hallway traffic and disappears.

I slug my way through my next two periods, the monotony is unfathomable. Believe me. I decide on a whim to head on over to the smoothie place across the street, just casually. You'll never guess who I see there.

"Well, well, well, look who it is." Percy approaches from one of the lime green colored booths.

"I thought we might have this period together." I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe I'm just so desperate to not be alone that I'll play into the first asshole that bothers to speak to me. Or maybe it's my crippling need to be accepted that pushes me to be social when all I want to do is read a book.

"You thought right." He chuckles, "Come on I already ordered."

"For me?" I snort.

"Of course for you; princesses can't be bothered to deal with common people."

"Then tell me why on earth I'm talking to you?" I say with a smug smile following him to the table.

"Desire for the unexpected." He says, leaning back in his seat.

"Must be." I fold my arms over my chest.

"So, princess, what'd you have last period?"

"Pre Cal."

"Disgusting."

"Need it to graduate." I sigh, resting my head on my knuckles.

"That's the only reason I'm taking theatre. I hear you."

"Fine arts credit?"

"Yup."

"Ew."

"Yup. It's not all bad. Theatre's just not me."

Nodding I say, "If it makes you feel any better, at the end of today I have family night."

"Oh my heart goes out to you."

I laugh, "It's well appreciated." He gets up to grab what he ordered and sits back down, shoving a strawberry kiwi smoothie at me. "I'm good." I shove it back.

"Then at least take it so you don't hurt my feelings." He gives me a smirk. I'm noticing that untrustworthy half smile might just be his signature look.

I grab it and raise the cup to him. "For your ego."

"Thank you." He chuckles.

"Do you like science?" I ask.

"Yeah, but not physics." He shrugs.

"Why not?"

"Too much math and mechanics. I like biology."

"I prefer architecture myself."

"Really?"

"You sound surprised." I look at him skeptically.

"You strike me as more of a reading type."

"I like reading, but I prefer building."

"Hm." He nods, taking a sip of his smoothie. "Do we have anymore classes together, princess?"

"Well..." I pull out my schedule. "Next period is architecture."

"Nope."

"Sixth period study hall."

"That we do." He smiles at me. "I guess you lucked out."

"Maybe. We'll just have to see." I glance at him over my schedule. I notice his eyes are like the shimmering sea, and I immediately hate myself for thinking that. I really have stooped to a new low if I'm getting novelesque about fucking eye color.

"What else you got?"

We discuss schedules and classes before heading back to school. He walks me to my next period and leaves for Algebra. I find my seat quickly and painlessly. Class starts with no trouble at all, until trouble comes waltzing in.

"Can I help you?" Mr. M asks the lanky, awkward looking kid who has barged into our computer lab. This kid looks so confident, with a swagger so off balance he might as well be walking on ice. His skin is dark and his askew curly hair is even more so.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm in this class." He hands Mr. M his schedule.

"Yes, you are. Do us all a favor next time, Mr. Valdez, and be prompt to class."

"Sure thing." He snickers, taking a seat in the back of the class. Aside from the fact that I'm fifty percent sure he's building a bomb in the back of the class, time passes quickly enough. He's been drumming his fingers all period and the rhythm of it is now stuck in my head.

I make my way to the library with the sinking suspicion this guy is following me. I bury that thought down deep, and hurry to study hall.

"Slow down there, princess." I hear a heavy chuckle pop up next to me.

"You just love showing up out of nowhere, don't you?" I say, turning around to see Percy catch up with me.

"What can I say? It's a specialty."

"That's what you call it."

"And what would you call it?"

"An inconvenience." I find myself laughing hollowly. "I prefer to know when I'm being hunted."

"Who says I'm hunting?"

"What would you call it then?" I ask.

"I call it the Jackson snatch 'em."

"Excuse me?"

"It's how I pick up girls, works every time."

"I'm sure."

"Well I mean, it hasn't failed me yet."

"And I thought you said you didn't use that on all the girls."

He opens his mouth and then starts laughing. "I'm gonna be real with you. I haven't hit on a girl since Rachel. So… Yeah."

We take a seat in the library at one of the large tables. There are already too many people in this library for my taste and some people I particularly don't like. First of all that kid from architecture did follow me, he threw his stuff down on one of the tables and is now stuck on his phone doing god only knows what.

Then there's this kid that I haven't mentioned before, probably because I don't really know him, I know of him, but I don't know him. His name is Frank; he's this brooding overweight asshole. Picture this, first day of sophomore year I walk into the cafeteria and see some seniors picking on him because he's wearing an oversized hoodie in the middle of August. The next thing I know, Frank has this guy's face shoved into his lasagna. Nobody messes with him anymore, no one even talks to him if they don't have to.

The last one I know makes me grind my teeth just by looking at her. Piper McLean. It only took her one semester to be branded the school's biggest slut. She's slept with half the football team, at least a third of the basketball team, the theater troupe, probably even some of the golf team. If the rumors are true, that's twenty seven guys to date, probably more if it's a habit she picked up from wherever the hell she came from. I wouldn't put it past her. I heard she could get the class out of homework in Mr. Long's class if she wore the right shirt.

I hate girls like her, they're just so processed by society, always buying crop tops with bullshit written all over them, and complaining about how animals are people too. No I can't say I've ever had a conversation with her, and I know it's not good to be so judgmental, but come on; everyone knows this person. The processed bitches that let Victoria's Secret and Aphrodite Boutiques powder their noses with lingerie and cover them in overpriced perfume.

Percy and I take a seat at one of the large tables, far away from the ones that are already inhabited. "So, what are you working on?" He asks, pulling his backpack onto his lap.

"I have to write a diary as I read Great Expectations."

"Yuck."

"Don't like the classics?"

"I don't like Dickens. Or books in general, if they're not audio books. I have bad dyslexia and a really short attention span."

"Oh... That sucks."

He shrugs, "That's alright." I look up over my book to see Piper, stood up talking to Frank in an outfit that cannot possibly be dress code. Shorts that in no way shape or form could even dream of reaching her finger tips, a shirt that covers her midriff sometimes. God I hope they don't become a couple. That would be both disturbing and terrifying. Just as that thought filters through my mind, in walks Jason Grace, the school's perfect little prince. And when I say that, I really mean it. He's kind of perfect in everyway. Perfect athlete, perfect grades, perfect family…it's almost unfair. Almost. The shit I've heard about him when he's drunk is astounding, and not in a good way.

"Hey, are you following me?" Piper asks when he's in hearing range. The sound of her voice pisses me off.

"You wish." He chuckles, setting his things down at the table directly in front of Percy and I. Burying my face back down in my book, I try to block out the rest of the world…and it doesn't work, at all.

There's a shuffling noise, which prompts me to look up I see a girl who happened to be following him. This small dorky looking black girl, with untamed dark hair and a look of absolute fear plastered to her face. "Hi Hazel, how've you been in the three periods I haven't seen you?" Jason asks her with a smile.

"I-I've been alright." Hazel shrugs rubbing her arms self-consciously. I feel bad for this terrified little thing, she's exactly how I'm feeling inside, only I'm twenty times more pissed off usually.

"Of course she's been alright, she met me." Piper chuckles.

"Ye-yeah." Hazel nods. I definitely feel bad for the poor girl if she had to interact with Piper at all today.

Percy laughs, "Could you keep it down over there, someone's trying to study." He nudges my whole arm, bringing far too much attention to me than I'd prefer.

"No problem man." Jason assures him.

"And I should listen to you, because?" Piper is trying to either flirt or tease him and I don't care which one it is, but I don't like it.

"Older, wiser, more beautiful." Percy smirks at her.

"Older and more beautiful I'll give you, wiser is up for debate." She chuckles. God she disgusts me, with her pretty hair, and perfect figure. Why is her stomach so flat? That's anatomically impossible.

"Why don't you sit down with us and I'll give you a good old fashion Socratic Discussion." Percy taunts her.

"You're on." She says, sitting across from him. Jason and Hazel sit on either side of her.

"Hey Frank!" Percy shouts, "Get your butt over here."

Oh God we're going to get killed aren't we? I bury myself in my book. _I fully expect to find a constable in the kitchen, waiting to take me up. But there was no constable there-_

"Hey, nerd girl." I look up to see the kid from architecture sitting beside me. "We're playing a game called get to know people who are real and actually your age."

"That sounds thoroughly uninteresting." I say, "And besides, this is study hall, not social hour."

"What's the difference? It's the first day of school, who does homework the first day of school?"

"People who intend to graduate." I scowl at him.

"Lighten up princess. It's time for icebreakers. Sixth period study hall, I'll be your teacher." Percy says, looping an arm around my shoulders.

"Oh good God, I'm going to fail with you as my teacher." Piper snorts.

"So, here's how this will work, introduce yourself, and then we'll play two truths and a lie. I'll start." He sits up, "My name is Percy. I am a swimmer, I love cats, and my favorite book is Call of the Wild."

Frank gives a confused face. "You don't read."

"Dude." Percy chuckles. "You pick that over cats?"

"Hey cats are great." Leo says, "I should know, I have three of them."

"I don't love cats." Percy says before looking at me. "Did you think I loved cats?"

I shrug, "At this point probably."

"Unbelievable." He rolls his eyes. "Alright Frank, you go next."

Frank sighs, leaning back in his chair. "Hi... I'm Frank."

"Hi Frank." The kid beside me teases him.

"Um... I'm a wrestler. I have a guinea pig. And I love math."

"Bull shit." Jason says. "No one likes math."

Piper looks up at him. "I like math." I scoff unintentionally. "What's funny about that?" She asks me, mesmerizing eyes land on me, innocence hanging ever so adorably. Why is she so pretty? It's not fair that she's so pretty and such a bitch.

"Nothing." I say.

She gives me a once over before Frank admits that he hates math class. I don't know what shocks me more, the fact that he smiles or that he has a guinea pig.

"I'm Jason. I have a dog. I like to draw. And my sister is my best friend."

All of us sit stumped for a minute. "Two truths Jason not two lies." The kid beside me says.

"I did say two truths. You guys just don't pay attention." He says.

"What's there to pay attention to on the first day of school?" Piper slumps onto her knuckle.

He shrugs, "Do you give up?"

"You don't have a dog." I say finally. "There's no dog hair on your shirt."

"Very good." He nods to me.

I pretend to not be as excited as I am that I knew which one was the lie.

"So, I'm Piper. I get nervous during presentations. I like to sing. And I am really good with directions."

After a moment of silence Percy says. "You don't get nervous doing anything. You've been in theatre for three fucking years."

"That's actually one of the truths." She says. "I'm in theatre for tech, not performance."

"You're bad with directions aren't you?" The kid beside me smirks triumphantly.

She chuckles nodding quickly. "Thank you." She nudges Hazel. "Your turn."

"Oh... Uh. I'm Hazel. I'm seventeen years old. I just moved here. And... I don't know what else to say."

"Lies." Percy says. "Because you are an interesting person with tons to say. Really you should have thought up a better lie." Hazel blushes as the guy beside me pipes in.

"What's up everybody. I'm Leo. I'm hilarious. I like to build things. And teachers love me."

"Really?" I ask. "That's your lie?"

"What is?" He looks at me curiously.

"That teachers love you."

"How'd you guess?" He asks smacking the table.

I roll my eyes and sigh before saying. "Hi, I'm Annabeth. I have a perfect record. I have a black belt in taekwondo. And I want to be an architect."

"You didn't lie." Percy says.

"Yes I did." I assure him.

"You don't have a perfect record. Nobody does." Piper smiles at me, folding her arms as she leans back a bit.

"Wow, how'd you guess?" I ask.

"I'm very perceptive." I doubt that.

"What blemishes are on your record? A B in one class? Maybe an unexcused absence?" Percy teases,

"I got suspended for punching a kid."

"Same." Frank snorts.

"No way. You? Princess Annabeth." Percy's got a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"He told me I played basketball like a girl. So I punched him, I told him I hit like a girl too."

"Slay girl." Piper smiles at me, I restrain myself from vomiting on the spot.

"Now can I read?"

"Absolutely not." Jason says stealing the novel from in front of me and tossing it over his shoulder.

"We are still in a library you know." I slump forward onto my knuckles, Percy's hand creeping up my back.

"And who in the world cares?" Piper asks.

"Not I." Leo says.

"Same." Percy chuckles.

"Well I care about my grades." I sigh.

"Grades spades, worry about it later." Leo tells me.

"No."

"Um… Yes." He nods. "Come on, what's our first project teach?"

"Hmm…" Percy muses for a second. "Try our very hardest not to piss each other off."

"Well, all of us just failed." Jason laughs.

"Your face just instantly enraged me." Percy says laughing.

"TALK!" Leo groans, laying himself on Hazel.

"Um, please stop." She says softly holding her hands up by her head.

"Love me."

"How about no?"

"Leave my precious angel baby child alone." Piper pushes Leo's head off of Hazel.

"Leo, don't make me send you to the principal's office young man." Percy heckles him.

"You'll never take me alive!"

I tune out the conversation trying, instead, to focus on something more mind numbing. I pull out my phone and start reading again. I manage to wade through the rest of the period, only occasionally listening in on the conversation going on around me.

Sluggishly, while being pursued by none other than Percy, I get myself to seventh period. By some miracle I manage to escape to my last class of the day without the green eyed devil following me there.

Charles Dickens has been conquered for this homework assignment. I pack the book away when I hear a soft, "Hey."

Looking up I see a huge puff of unruly curls.

"Oh, hey Hazel."

"Could I, um… sit next to you?"

"Of course." I nod zipping my backpack up. "How's your first day been?"

"Good… I'm really glad I ran into you. I've been kind of lonely… Well I mean, the first half of the day. Except for when I met Piper at lunch. She let me sit with her, so that was nice."

"You think Piper McLean is nice?" I ask.

"Well, I mean yeah. She helped me out a lot after lunch. She told me she just moved last semester so she… Why?"

"I'm just going to warn you right now, Hazel. Piper is nothing but trouble."

"How do you know?"

"It only took her one semester to sleep with a quarter of the now senior class."

"So…?"

I chuckle, "Basically, she's a whore."

"Just because she's a whore doesn't mean she can't be nice."

"I guess, but I mean... She hasn't really given me a reason to like her. You know?"

"Fair enough… I guess."

After a moment of hesitation I ask. "So where'd you move from?"

"Alaska."

"Oh, what part?"

"Anchorage."

"Why'd you move?"

"I wanted to uh… be closer to family."

"That's cool. Do you like it here?"

She gives a half smile. "It's a lot quieter here. I like that."

"Quiet, a hundred miles out of New York City?" I ask but keep up a smile.

She starts playing with some of her hair. "You wouldn't believe the things you hear in the middle of nowhere."

Class starts then, I only took Sociology because it sounded interesting on paper, but the class sounds like complete and utter bullshit. I'm lucky that school ends soon, and so I grab my backpack in a rush.

"Going somewhere important?" Hazel chuckles.

"I have family night." I sigh, "It's stupid."

"Oh… That sounds nice."

"Well, it sounds great in theory. In practice, not so much. I'll see you around?"

"Definitely." She smiles as I walk out of the classroom. Rushing to my car, I chuck my things in the back seat, and speed back home. The boys are there before me, middle school gets out earlier than high school, and they are glued to their PlayStation. I grab a box of crackers and eat a bowl of them while I work on my pre cal assignment. God I hate math. Really, really hate it.

"Home." I hear from the front door. I basically ignore my dad until he comes into my room. "Whacha up to?" He asks.

"School."

"Nothing from colleges?"

"Nope." I pop the p at the end of my sentence.

"Okay… Dinner at five."

"Got it."

"Be ready to leave before six."

"Mhm." I can feel the tension grow right before he closes my bedroom door. I feel like I can breathe again when he's left.

About an hour later I'm sat at the dinner table eating too dry chicken and Kraft mac 'n cheese. The boys talk about how cool they are or whatever. My dad talks about some of his students and the other professors he works with. Then my mom tells us about some new project she's working on and how it's huge for her company. Then they look at me.

"So, Annabeth, how was your first day?" My dad asks, shoving a forkful of chicken in his mouth.

"It was okay."

"Did you make any friends?"

I put down my fork, "Yeah."

"What are their names?"

"Uh… Percy."

"Percy what?"

"I don't know."

"Do you have any classes together?"

"Yeah."

"What classes?"

"Physics and study hall." I don't know what I was expecting from my either overly enthusiastic or completely nonchalant father.

"Any girlfriends?" The boys snicker at that.

"Hazel."

"She sounds nice."

"Is she hot?" Bobby asks.

"Robert." My mother scolds him.

"Oh yeah, she's really hot." I roll my eyes.

"Annabeth's a dyke!" Matthew snorts so he and Bobby can cackle.

"Boys that's enough." My dad says sharply, which immediately gets them to quiet down. I'm actually kind of impressed, they've only been in middle school one day and already they've expanded their vocabulary of insults. "Apologize to your sister."

In a grumbled unison they say. "Sorry."

"Like you mean it."

"Sorry." They say louder.

Conversation drops after that, we eat in silence and then we all pile into the family car to drive to taekwondo. I'm luckily in a different class from the rest of my family, having a black belt and all, so I get some alone time.

We get home, I change into pajamas, and I finish my homework. At ten o'clock I lay down to sleep. With the lights off, I breathe in, I breathe out. I blink at the ceiling, and I wait.


	2. Chapter 2 The Wrong Steps

**Jason**

" _I don't know, I just feel stuck, like I'm afraid to take any steps, in case they're the wrong ones."_

I wake up to the sound of rain outside my bedroom window, thunder cracking loud enough to break my eardrums. That deafening sound pulls me out of bed and forces me to start my day. I shower, I dress, and I go to the kitchen for breakfast. My mom's cooking breakfast, already dressed with perfectly done hair and makeup. A sight that makes me smiles internally. The days when my mother is genuine and happy, are few and far between.

"Morning, Jason darling." She says wiping her hands on a towel before walking over to me and kissing my cheek, her overwhelming scent of lemon washes over me as she does this.

"Morning, mom." I return the gesture.

"Your dad will be down in a minute, if you want to grab yourself a plate."

"Where's Thalia?" I ask.

"She left already, she has her early morning clinicals this month." She turns back to the stove as I serve up more sausage.

"Right." I nod taking eggs, sausage, and a slice of toast.

"What time do you think you'll be home?" She asks.

"Not sure, tomorrow's the first game of the season."

"Try to be home for dinner alright, darling? Your father wants to talk to us about something."

I feel a startling realization surge through me. He's leaving again, that's always what he means when he wants to talk about something, and he always has to make a big deal of it. "Okay."

"Morning, Graces." My dad walks into the kitchen and kisses my mother.

"Morning." She smiles at him before kissing him again. Uncomfortably averting my eyes from my parents as they make out in the kitchen, I force food down my throat so fast, my plate is gone when they break away again.

"Off to school?" My dad asks me as I start putting my dishes in the sink. He's still holding onto my mom, almost possessively, as sausage links brown behind her.

"Yeah, I have my first calculus test today." I shrug. "I promised one of my friends I'd help them study."

He nod to me, "Proud of you son."

"Thanks, dad." I return the gesture.

"You have practice today?"

"Yeah, the guys and I are getting ready for the game."

"You'll do well, you always do."

"Thanks, dad."

"Don't let me keep you now, Jason. Go on."

"Bye mom, bye dad." I rush out of the house and into my car. I take the long drive to school passing by parks and houses that I've become very familiar with over the years. There's a park no one's ever at no matter what time of day it is, there's the red house that's been for sale for three years, and the random garden that could be a cemetery, I've never been sure. The rain stops right as I get to school and find a parking spot close to the football field. After gathering my things I walk inside the cinderblock school that has been my home for four years.

Nothing has changed, save a few people. The patchy blue lockers, the grey flecked tiles, the rotten egg colored textured walls, even the eons old vending machines haven't changed. Neither has my combination on locker 316. The magic numbers; 36-17-8, open my surprisingly clean locker. I only say surprising because I'm what would be considered a 'jock' and they're stereotype isn't too nice. Even though all the jocks I know are some of the nicest people I've ever met.

"Hey oh!" My best friend Dakota jumps on my back.

"Dude, why? Why? Why?" I ask trying not to fall over.

He shrugs standing back up on his own two feet. "Hey are you going out the guys tonight after practice?"

"My mom wants me home." I slam my locker shut.

"Ah, mother dearest wants her trophy son to put on display?"

"Trophy son? Is that a thing?"

"Well, you're kind of the trophy of the school. You know?"

"Shut up man." I laugh.

"Anything for you babe."

"Hey Jason, Dakota." We turn around to see none other than Drew Tankana. Gorgeously lethal, one second she's pure pleasure, the next pain and nothing but hatred. Sophomore year she spread mono like the fucking plague.

"Hey, Drew." Dakota snickers, "Who let you out of the STD ward?"

"Haha Dakota, you know as well as I do, that doesn't exist."

"Oh, applause to you. I didn't know you could understand the layout of anything but a shopping mall. Considering all the times you've asked Jason to help you get to your first period."

"Jason, he's being mean to me." She pouts.

"He's mean to everyone." I shrug.

"I'll get you one day, Jason."

"And when that day comes I'm sure I'll be at your beck and call. Till then, bye." I say walking away with Dakota.

"I think I got Gonorrhea just talking to her." Dakota chokes a bit. "The light, it's calling me."

"I think that's your mother telling you to call her once and awhile." I chuckle.

"Whatever." Dakota rolls his eyes. "So, is pops coming to the game tomorrow?"

"Maybe, I think he's leaving soon."

"Again? Dude, he's been home for what?"

"Three weeks."

"That's actually good for him." Dakota nods.

"Sadly." I sigh looping my arm around his shoulders. "But you know what my friend? Life goes on."

"Speak of which, are you going to make my OTP happen?"

I feel a blush creep up my neck. "Um… Here's the thing-"

"Please don't tell me you already fucked up."

"I just, she doesn't like me like that Dakota. She's so smart and pretty. And I'm not on her level."

"No one is on her level. If I'm an A she's like an AA+."

"Wow, you're being generous today." I laugh as we reach his locker.

"Just saying, you should talk to her."

"Also… I don't think we're talking about the same girl." I admit sheepishly.

"No… No, no. We're talking about Queenie right?" I give him an apologetic look. "Please use your words."

"No, I'm not talking about her…"

"Dude, you're kidding me. Right?" I sigh, "Jason Samuel Grace!"

"God why did Thalia tell you my middle name?" Dakota is still looking at me in shock. "What?"

"You're kidding me. You have to be kidding me. Tell me you're joking."

"Sorry, bro."

"You're going to give me an aneurism. You're not in love with she who must not be named anymore?"

"No…"

"But you've been in love with her since freshman year!"

"I know."

"And you kissed her!"

"I know."

"But… This changes everything!"

"I know… Are you mad?"

"That depends, when did you change your mind?"

"Um… Last week."

"Then no I'm not mad, you had to figure out your feelings and stuff first." Dakota slams his locker shut. "What changed your mind?"

"She's just focused on so much. School, volunteering, cheer squad."

"She's always been focused on that stuff and she's always made room in her schedule for you. So spill the real reason."

"Okay, so there's this other girl, right?"

"Is it Annabel?"

"Annabeth, first of all, and no."

"Good." He sighs out of relief. "Percy could fuck you up, and you know he's going after her."

"I figured."

"Problem is she's beautiful and smart… She's really nice too." I feel myself drift off into thoughts about… her.

"Let me guess... Gwen?"

"No, that's your crush, remember?"

"Right." He takes in a hissing breath. "God we sound like girls."

"We are girls."

"True." Dakota laughs for a moment. "Give me a hint here, Jay."

"Promise not to judge me and I'll text you her name."

"Dude, I always judge you, it's part of the code." As he says this the first period bell rings.

"I'll text you." I say heading off to my first period calculus class. Now, I don't want to sound like an ass, but fuck math, honestly. There are so many numbers and letters and new concepts every year. Math makes me want to slit my wrists, but I'm pretty good at it. I pick it up quick and it just comes naturally to me. Also, I'm really glad I'm in AP Calculus this year, because of a girl. And that's stupid and ridiculous, I know, but she's amazing.

I get to class and find her mischievous smile. She's talking to one of my friends, Alec, who also happens to be on the football team with me. He's a sweet guy, Alec, he's a Linebacker, scary as hell if he doesn't shave. The guy is ripped and has this back tattoo, he's just generally terrifying. But he's sat there in his seat, leaning on the desk to talk to _her_.

She's playing with her long flawlessly uneven hair, twirling one of the eagle feathers weaved into one of many braids. Her eyes, god her eyes are unreal, they're this ethereal multicolor, and they absolutely glimmer with happiness. She's wearing a plaid button up tied off right above her shorts, a bit of her dark skinned midriff peeking up.

She looks at me, and I look at her as I take my seat. "Morning Jason." She says in a bubbly yet sultry voice. She's unreal, absolutely unreal. From her body all the way to her voice. She's beautiful and kind, not to mention smart. Most importantly she's genuine, or at least, she seems to be. Of course I've heard the rumors about her, that she's a whore, that she'll leave her victims high and dry. I heard from one of the guys on the team that he's never had a better fuck, and he almost wished he'd made it official.

"Morning, Piper." I smile back.

"Ready for our first test on derivatives?" She asks.

"Oh yeah, do you think I'll get extra credit if I cry on it?" Alec asks.

"No, I've tried." I chuckle.

"Who's gonna score the highest?" Alec asks.

"Me." Piper says.

"Wanna bet?" I ask.

"You're on." She agrees with an excited gleam in her eyes as the final bell rings. Allowing my eyes to wander down her body, as she turns back to her desk, our teacher walks to the front of the class to begin instruction.

The test is painfully long, and I finish right before the bell rings. Piper's been done for ten minutes. She struts out of class, swaying her hips as she goes. Alec stands up from his desk.

"Damn, that girl is something, isn't she?"

"Something is right." I nod as he turns in his test. "Don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah, but I'm allowed to notice a girl who advertises as much as she does, right?"

"I'm not sure advertising is the right word."

"Come on, have you seen those shorts?" He chuckles as we walk out of the classroom.

"Do you think I'm blind?"

"Sometimes, my dear friend. Speaking of blindness, how's the Reyna conquest going for you?"

"Reyna is a no go." I sigh.

"She said no?"

"I said no more."

"Of what?"

I stop at the door of my next class, "I said no more chasing after someone who's blind to me, and to everything but her ambition. I decided I didn't want to be second place."

Alec nods, "You go man, stand up for yourself."

"Thanks." I nod walking into physics. I love physics, there's just something that I love about knowing how the world works. I love gravity, and rotational inertia. Science is something to live for, and it's the only reason I'm still in math class, because science is awesome.

I saunter out of physics and head over to my government class, I am silently joined by a short little mass of hair that I recognize to be Hazel.

"Hey, kid." I tease her.

"Hey." She sighs.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm in school." She says simply.

"Ah, there's your problem, where's your happy place?"

"Most certainly not here."

"Then where is it?" I ask.

"I don't know I just know where it isn't."

"Wow, alright." I roll my eyes as we take a seat in class. Government, I've decided, is a form of punishment inflicted on students who have, by choice of their governments, not been taught anything about this crap before their senior year of high school. I don't care about political parties, I just don't want the world to suck.

Thankfully I make it to lunch with the guys at a nearby McDonalds, word has gotten around that I am no longer in love with Reyna, and they are not too thrilled.

"So, Jason." Dakota sits me down at a table once our food has been ordered. "Tell me everything."

"What do you mean?" I ask nervously sipping my Dr. Pepper.

"Well, Alec says you're done chasing after Reyna."

"True." I nod to Alec.

"But what's the real story? Huh? What's going on inside that blonde head of yours."

"First of all, don't bring your petty jealousy over my luscious locks into this."

"Mhm…" My friend George moans from across the table forcing us all into chortling laughter.

"Tell us why you don't love the perfect girl anymore." Alec says.

"I don't see why I have to."

"You literally have been asking her to date you since our first middle school dance." Zach says giving me a small look of annoyance.

"Alright… So maybe… There's this other girl."

"It's Piper, isn't it." Alec gives me a nasty look.

"How'd you know?"

"I was just guessing to be honest." He shrugs as our numbers are called.

"Food." Zach says seriously and gets up from the table with all of our tickets.

"You're going to go from Reyna, the perfect little princess, Reyna. For Piper?" Dakota asks.

"Well-"

"Jason, don't take this personally, but you could do so much better." Alec says. "Sure, Piper's the easy kind. She won't be hard to get, but do you really think she'll let you just _have_ her?"

"What do you mean?" I ask as Zach sets our meals in front of us.

"Look man, Piper's the kind of girl that you sleep with, not the kind you date. It's a fact of life." George says. "Sure, the girl can give some of the best head you've ever had, but she's just a flirt. What are you going to do when you want a real conversation?"

"She is a person you know." I defend myself, tossing a fry in my mouth.

"Yeah, a person whose most defining quality is her impeccable ability to get your pants off in less than twenty minutes." Dakota says. "Take it from someone who's slept with her-"

"That would be all of us… Except maybe Zach." George says.

"I came to eat, not complain about girls!" Zach mutters into his Big Mac.

"And that's your first problem my friend." Alec laughs.

"Anyway, Jason." Dakota puts a hand on my shoulder. "Girls like Piper, are trouble for relationships. She's a conquest, that you brag about later, not someone you follow to college, or anything."

"Plus, you know she'd cheat on you." George says.

"How would you know that?"

"She's the type." He says with a shrug. "The kind that gets bored easily, she'll never be satisfied with one toy. She wants the whole freaking toy box."

"Try the whole toy store." Alec snorts.

"Do you think she's damaged?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" Dakota asks.

"Why do you think she hasn't had a boyfriend since she moved here? And sluts always have a tragic back story, right?"

"Probably because she doesn't need to, to get into their pants. First of all. Second of all does a tragic backstory really defend someone's actions? Especially a whore's?" Alec says.

"I guess you're right." I sigh.

"So, Jeyna is back in business?" Dakota asks hopefully.

"No." I swallow a mouthful of burger. "What I said to Alec still stands. I don't want to chase after someone who will make me second next to everything else."

"Damn… Oh well." He leans back in his chair.

"Can the rest of you schlups start eating so I don't feel like the Fat Amy of our group of friends?" Zach asks.

"Zach, honey, you are Fat Amy." Dakota chuckles.

"Fine… But you're Stacy."

"Who the fuck is that?"

"The sluty one."

"Oh…"

"Makes sense." I tease, "I'm Anna Kendrick though."

"Hold it Tex, I'm so Anna Kendrick." George argues.

The rest of lunch is basically us arguing over which Pitch Perfect character we are. Before we head our separate ways to fifth period. And then I'm on my way to sixth period, which even though it's my study hall, it's my most interesting class. I get there to see Percy, playing with a loose curl from Annabeth's messy hair do. She's typing something into her calculator, not paying him any attention. Her steel grey eyes plastered to her book, her expression pinched to a slightly confused gaze.

Then there's Leo, who is having an animated one sided conversation with Frank. God only knows what he's freaking out about this time. Noticing that Frank is clearly just nodding for Leo's sake, I follow his gaze to a puff of hair having a conversation of her own with Piper. The two of them seem to be discussing a class or something.

I take a seat next to Percy, "How is everyone today?"

Sighing, Percy leans on me, "Come on princess."

"Go away." Annabeth says indifferently.

"What're you doing?" Hazel asks her.

"Pre cal." She answers not paying much attention to us.

"Leo, she won't pay attention to me!" Percy whines, getting an involuntary smirk out of Annabeth, as she quickly tries to hide her amusement.

"Lick her." Leo says as I push Percy off me so I can go sit next to Piper.

"I swear to god, don't you dare even think about it." Annabeth puts her pencil down, which makes Hazel hold back a chuckle, unsuccessfully.

"Great, now that we have your attention." I snicker.

"God, just leave me alone, this assignment is hard enough without distractions." She shakes her head, starting to begin her work again.

"Well, why don't we help you then?" Piper asks, leaning over the table to look at the problem. Annabeth rolls her eyes as Piper overlooks Annabeth's work. I catch Leo checking out Piper's ass, he nods at me as if to tell me he approves. "Okay, so you forgot to carry the one over here. That makes this equation work out and you get your answer."

Wordlessly, and tensely, Annabeth works her way through the problem. And says absolutely nothing as she starts to work on the next one.

"Told you I'd kick your ass at math." Piper chuckles sitting back down and giving me a smirk.

"Sure, I still did better on that test though."

"You did not."

"I did too." She chuckles.

"Could the both of you shut your faces? I'm trying to work here." Annabeth sighs. "Why is math stupid?"

"It's ain't the math that's stupid." I tease lightly.

"Wow, asshole supreme, right here." Piper slaps my shoulder.

"Literally I'm this close to asking Leo for help if you don't stop." Annabeth says.

"Gladly, so give me your textbook and I'll make the fire."Leo laughs.

"Not a chance. I intend to graduate."

"Who says I'm not gonna graduate?" Leo asks.

"Your GPA?" Piper snorts.

"Your absence record." Percy adds in.

"Your referral count." I jump into the conversation.

"Frank help me out here buddy."

"I can't. I've seen your writing scores." Frank shrugs.

"Wow… WOW! My own friends turn against me."

"We're not turning against you, Leo." Piper says.

"We're pointing out the facts." Percy says.

"So, you're saying, I'm dumb?"

"Let's stop talking about this." Hazel says. "Jason can you help me with the original constitution?"

"Which one?" I chuckle starting to help her with her assignment.

"Are you supposed to be using that method?" Piper asks Annabeth.

We all break off into separate groups, helping each other with homework and whatnot before the bell rings.

I start walking with Piper down to her next period, asking her if she's going to the football game.

"I haven't decided." She tells me. "Sports tend to bore me."

"I'm sure that's not true. Everyone loves a good game of football."

"We'll see." She chuckles. "Text you later?"

"Okay." I sigh as she disappears down the hall.

"She's a character, isn't she?" Frank startles me, having just appeared beside me.

"She sure is." I agree with him as we head to accounting together. "So, what's up with you?" He shrugs. I nod, "That's good, better than having bad shit happen."

"I guess." He agrees.

"Do you think Mr. Stuart is going to force us to do that stupid small business project?"

"Probably."

"You wanna be partners?"

"Sure."

"Great."

I stop talking after that, sensing that Frank doesn't want to talk anymore. Accounting is quick and painless. We do get that assignment though, Frank and I work out the details before we go our separate ways. I get to the football locker room, where the other guys greet me unceremoniously. We're training today but not too hard, with the game tomorrow, Coach Hedge is a little freaky about everyone staying in good shape. Practice ends early, woop dee doo.

"You're going out right Jason?" Zach asks me after I've showered off.

"No one is going out tonight." Coach Hedge says. "I don't want you blundering fools getting hurt, got it?"

"Aw, come on coach." George chuckles.

"I mean it."

"I can't guys, my mom wants me home."

"Good boy, Grace. You others best follow his example." Coach claps my shoulder before I throw on my shirt.

"Gotta go, see you guys tomorrow." I shoulder my backpack and head out of the locker room. I drive home, the quickest way this time, and get there in about ten minutes. After gathering my things I get inside to be greeted by the smell of roast beef.

"Hi sweetie." My mom calls from the kitchen, "Go wash up and get your sister."

"Alright." I call back before heading down to my room. After tossing my crap on my bed I walk into my sister's room, right across the hall. She's sat on her floor looking through a mass of papers, "Hey." I get her attention. "Food."

She sighs, "Help me up."

"You can do it." I tease, walking into the room and offering her my hands. She nearly pulls me on top of her as she stands. "Jesus Thals, you're getting fat aren't ya?"

She smacks my arm, "Hardly, I spend my days running around for doctors, cleaning patients, giving shots, I get in a few boxing matches from asshole patient families. It sucks."

"You like it." I chuckle before she playfully shoves me.

"I would appreciate it if you'd shut your mouth." She laughs as we walk into the dining room. Our dad is already sitting at the head of the table as our mom sets food around the table.

"Oh, Thalia sweetheart I thought I asked you to change out of your work clothes before dinner."

"You did." Thalia shrugs as she takes her seat.

"Thalia." Our mother sighs.

"It's alright, honey." My dad chuckles waving her off. "Our daughter works hard all day, just like her old man. Leave her be."

"Thanks dad." Thalia mutters as our mom takes her seat.

"I'd still appreciate it if you'd listen to me dear." She says before our dad shoots into grace before our meal.

We start to serve ourselves as my dad speaks up. "So, son, when's the game?"

"Seven o'clock."

"Will you be coming home first? Should we save you a plate?" My mom asks.

"Probably not, coach will likely rip us apart before and after the game." I tell them digging into some mashed potatoes.

"Oh, you'll do fine, you do every year." My dad chuckles.

"I won't be home either." Thalia says, "I have the night shift."

"I thought you said you had morning clinicals." My mom says.

"Tomorrow I'm switching with one of the girls, she's leaving town so I'm getting double hours."

"You'll hardly be home."

"It's only for a few days."

"Will you have time for your school work?" My dad asks.

"Of course."

"Then I see no problem with it." He smiles at my sister.

"Jason, sweetheart, you should have Reyna over sometime." My mom says.

"I don't think so… She's pretty busy with college apps and stuff." I have just killed the conversation. Silence overtakes the dining room.

"Why's everyone so quiet?" My dad asks, but is not greeted with an answer. "Dinner is excellent sweetheart. Don't you think so kids?"

"Yeah." I mutter.

"Really great." Thalia sighs.

"Well, thank you, I was trying out a new recipe," My mom goes off about the joy of cooking or whatever and I completely tune it out until my phone goes off in my pocket. Piper's texted me, I assume.

"Jason, no phones at the table." My mom says as I read the text.

 **Hey, can you believe this fucking assignment? This shit's for twelve year olds. XD**

"Jason, put your phone away please." My mom says sternly so I tuck my phone back in my pocket. "Thank you."

We finish dinner, so Thalia and I start our chores. I do trash and Thalia does dishes, just as she cleaning up the table my dad stops us. "Wait, kids, sit back down."

Thalia flashes me a knowing look as we take our seats again.

"So, Jason, I'll be going to your game tomorrow night. But the next morning I'll be leaving for Chicago. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone for, or how many cities I'll be visiting. Hopefully I'll be back for the holidays."

"Okay." Thalia says.

"Thanks dad." I say picking up my plate and exiting to the kitchen with Thalia close behind.

"Your turn to clear the table." She says as she starts the dishes.

"Fine but just because you're gonna have a rough day tomorrow."

"I love you." She says as I walk back out to the dining room. My mom is crying, and my dad is trying to comfort her. With my head down I stack as many plates as I can before making a swift exit back to the kitchen. "How bad is it?" Thalia asks over the faucet.

"Well, she's not screaming yet." I sigh as I start emptying the trash bin.

"That's really good actually." Thalia nods. The two of us escape to our bedrooms before our mom and dad start having some kind of gross, I'll miss you sex.

I do my homework, text my friends, the rain starts up again, I'm not surprised it's been on and off rain all day. I fall asleep to the sound of rain and thunder, wondering if my dad will actually go to my game or if he's lying like he usually does.


	3. Chapter 3 Trying to be Brave

**Hazel**

" _If people expect you to be brave, sometimes you pretend you are, even when you're frightened down to your very bones."_

I wake up because of my brother's phone alarm, blaring some rock song that keeps telling me to die. Luckily I'm relatively used to it now. My sister, Bianca, while more used to it than me, is also more annoyed by it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She sighs covering her head with a pillow. I however, get up and get in the shower, trying and failing to tame my mass of hair before heading out for breakfast. I see my brother sitting on a counter top eating a bowl of cereal as his mother talks to him about something as she washes the dishes. I grab myself a bowl.

"Where's-" Nico tosses the box of cereal at me, and I just barely catch it. "Thanks." I say softly taking my food to eat at the breakfast bar.

"Hazel, my love, your father wanted me to tell you he's already set up for you to go to the stables when ever you like. Bianca can go with you if you'd like."

"Thank you, Mrs. Di Angelo." I smile sheepishly at her as she walks past me to grab a coffee mug.

"Nico! Off that counter now, you hear me?" Nico hops off the counter and takes a seat next to me.

"I can take you to the stables too." He nudges me with his elbow.

"You can't drive." His mother walks up behind him and smacks his head lightly.

"So?"

She chuckles at him. "Anyway, I'll be taking you shopping tomorrow so don't be too busy."

"Oh you don't have to-"

"You can't possibly expect me to not take you shopping." She takes my shoulders and says to me. "You're in my home, you'll do as I say. Yes?"

"Yes ma'am." She kisses my forehead.

"And besides, Nico needs jeans that don't have holes in them."

"Mom I have plenty of jeans." Nico chuckles.

"You will not be leaving this house in ripped jeans during the winter, do you hear me?" She says firmly but with a smile.

"Morning." Bianca walks through the kitchen grabbing an orange and a water bottle out of the fridge. "Bye."

"Where are you going?" Mrs. Di Angelo asks her.

"Work. Bye." And then she's gone.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with her." She sighs, shaking her head.

"So, I'm taking Hazel to the stables then right?" Nico asks.

"Nice try. I'll take you honey, I need to get to the grocery store anyway. Bianca can take you home on her way back from work."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

"I'm going too though." Nico says. "Mrs. O'Leary's not going to play fetch with herself you know mama."

"Of course not." She laughs walking out of the kitchen.

"So, I don't really ride, that's more Bianca's thing, but I'll take you around show you the horses."

"That's really nice of you."

"Anything for my new sister." He smirks at me, ruffling my hair before putting his dishes in the sink. I take it upon myself to load the dishwasher and start it before Mrs. Di Angelo comes back downstairs, now with a full face of makeup and completely curled hair.

She's a beautiful woman, Mrs. Di Angelo, gorgeous silky black hair that curls effortlessly, sparkling grey eyes, and a deep olive complexion that glows from sun exposure. She's always wearing high heels, her nails are always perfect, and her outfits are always perfectly matched. There is a lot of kindness in her heart, considering she took me in so willingly.

Obviously, she's not my mother, my skin is dark and dry compared to hers. My hair is too wild and too light to compare to her raven locks. I'm incredibly short, and she's perfectly sized. She's my… Oh it's so complicated. She's my father's wife, I guess is the easiest way to explain it.

Her two children are stunning, just like her, same olive complexion, same perfect black hair, but with our father's brown eyes. Nico is built more like our father, Bianca has softer less defined features, Nico's face has harsher lines to it.

"Are you ready, dear?" Mrs. Di Angelo pulls out her car keys from her purse.

"Yes ma'am." I nod following her and Nico out to the car. I sit in the back seat, and listen to Nico argue with his mother. I let my thoughts wander back to my own mother. Our arguments were not as loving, nor were they well meant. Nico likes to pick fights with his mother, but they're never harsh or ill meant, he's more, poking fun at her.

After a thirty minute drive we get to the stables, Mrs. Di Angelo drops us off, and tells me to keep Nico out of trouble.

"So, this is our stable. You can ride pretty much anywhere, just so long a you tell a hand which horse you're taking out, don't go trespassing either, our neighbors aren't always the friendliest." Nico says knowingly, leading me into a stable. He introduces me to a few horses, Blackjack, Tempest, and Scipio, to name a few. He tells me the grounds rules, talks about feeding and whatnot. As we near the end of his tour I see the most beautiful horse I've ever seen in my life. Golden fur, with a dark brown mane, and fiery brown eyes lock with mine.

"This baby is Arion, he's got a temper on him. I've never seen a single person not end up flying off his back. If he were a human I'm sure he'd cuss us all out."

"He's beautiful." I say walking close to his pen, clicking my tongue to call him over.

"If you want to ride him, be my guest, I'll be out front with that giant mop of a dog you saw earlier, if you need me. Hylla's out in the ring with one of her students, just tell her you're taking him. I showed you where the saddles and stuff were, so go nuts." He says leaving me alone with Arion.

"Hi pretty boy." I say softly, touching his nose as gently as I can. "You're a beautiful baby, aren't you?"

He snorts a bit, nipping gently at my hand for a snack. I take it upon myself to unlock his pen, and lead him outside. I consider getting a saddle, but decide against it, I've never been good at traditional riding. I prefer bareback anyway, it's more calming to me.

"Hylla!" I walk over to the riding pen, where a tall girl is guiding a horse with a small child on it "I'm taking Arion out, alright?"

"Go for it, just don't get hurt."

"I won't." I call before climbing up on Arion, and am surprised to find him very willing to cooperate. He paws at the ground while I settle on his back, patting his side I find myself starting to smile. "Let's test this out." I chuckle tugging lightly on his mane to turn him one direction, he sets off at a quick pace.

"Damn, Hazel, you've got balls." Nico laughs, as I pass by the store house. Without a moment to spare, Arion takes me away, riding all the way down a huge field and into a nearby thinly wooded area. I spot a good resting place, a nice patch of grass and a tree big enough to shade us both. Nudging Arion in that direction he sprints us there and abruptly stops to let me off.

"I guess you're tired too, huh, baby?" I chuckle breathlessly before hopping off his back. He starts gnawing at the grass by the tree as I take a seat against the trunk. I'm starting to really like New York, I've decided. The area is so beautiful, and almost everyone I've met has been incredibly kind. It's a nice change from the northern cold.

I had been living in Alaska, a few miles out of Anchorage with my mom. We lived in a one bedroom, hardly big enough for the two of us, house. The place was far too cold in the winter and stiflingly hot in the summer time. We didn't have a whole lot, my mom and I. She was a waitress and a maid on her days off, and I worked as a stablehand from the moment I could start working.

Before we moved to Alaska we lived in New Orleans. We had a better life there, but not that much better, if I'm honest. My mom and I never had money, and we lived as well as we were able. When I was really little, my mom was a lot happier, the older I got… the more things changed. Money got tight, and then the hurricane happened. That's what drove us north, my mom wanted to be as far away from the city as she could get.

But she hated Alaska, she hated the cold and the people. I didn't have a problem with our neighbors, in fact I made a few friends with them. But she hated everyone we lived near, she said they were dirty poor people. I didn't think that she could say much, we were also poor people, after all.

I went to an all girls academy when we moved there, my mom told me boys were nothing but trouble. That and she said that public school was an abomination, I knew the real reason though. My mom wanted me to have a good education, so I could go to college and get a good job. She wanted us to be safe, which was something she could never provide for us.

When I was fourteen she started seeing a man named Richard, and he was… white. Let me explain, he was a rich man, he had something to do with the oil industry. He called my mom his black little wife, even though he was already married. He bought us a new house and a car. He taught me how to drive actually.

I say he's white, because he always brought it up. He made me feel bad about being a girl and being black. He'd tell me people like me never made it in the world without a white man's money. He told me I was too dumb to understand the real world, because girls don't understand things like that, and that's why we need men in our lives.

Well, to make a long story short, two winters ago his wife found out about my mom and I. She kicked him out, so he moved in with us. I'd never seen my mom so happy to have someone with her, to love her everyday. I started spending more time at the stables, I never liked Richard, he always made me feel so terrible about myself, and living with him made it all so much harder.

One day early in the summer I came home and found him and my mom having sex in the living room. I didn't want to see it, them like that, but I also saw him hitting her, during their sex. I tried to forget about it, but suddenly, I was seeing bruises, on her shoulders, her legs. Her friends made jokes about how she liked it rough. But I knew.

I told my mom I didn't like Richard and she went off on me, about how he was giving us a good life. She told me she loved him, I told her I hated her. Things got worse for me after that, my mom told Richard what I'd said to her, he started tormenting me. He'd lock me outside the house whenever he could, he started calling me a useless brat, and stopped using my name at all. But he stopped hitting my mom, so I tried to stick it out.

Then he kicked me out of the house all together, last January. I was officially homeless at seventeen, and suddenly I had nowhere to go in the coldest part of the year. For months I'd looked for a home, but the closest thing I could find was the old abandoned schoolhouse in my shitty little town in Alaska. I was lucky enough, that in February, I found a home with my employers, but I felt like I was a burden on them, so I started looking for my father.

I had never really known him, but he always sent me gifts at christmas and for my birthday. I called him and explained the whole situation to him. And he was quick to offer me his home. I used what little money I'd earned while I was living with my employers to get a bus ticket. After seventeen years, I'd finally met my dad… and his wife… and his two kids. Needless to say that caught me off guard.

But then they took me to their house, and I was even more shocked. They were an upper middle class family, but they owned a horse ranch from his wife's side, and he had some corporation that was really taking off.

Mrs. Di Angelo is still trying to get me to call her my mom, but she just isn't. My mom is a tough woman who doesn't take anyone's crap. My mother doesn't know that there is such thing as the word impossible. And my mother's love, while harsh and some days overbearing, is always meant well. My mom is loud and cannot be missed. Or at least, she was before she started dating Richard. Now she's quiet, reserved. She let him bully her into a relationship, she let him bully her into submission.

She's not my mom anymore, not really. She kind of lost her mom card when she turned her back on her kid. But I'm also sort of pathetic because I still miss her. I don't like knowing that I meant less to her than a stable life. That doesn't mean, she's not the one who raised me.

I know it's not her fault, and I can sympathize with her, because she was my mom when I needed her to be. I still love her, and I've tried calling her, just to let her know I'm alright. She never picks up, or maybe they moved. I don't know, really. I wish I did.

Arion starts nudging my face, as if he's demanding to be pet. I smooth his fur down his nose, until he's decided to be done with me, and he goes back to nibbling at the grass.

My thoughts wander from the past to now. School is so much harder here, not in difficulty… though school has always been difficult for me. I was nearly a drop out last year when I was at my old school. I'm not _smart_ I'm just… me.

And I've never really had friends, per say, mostly just people

"You ready to head back baby?" I ask him.

He responds with a snort, which I take as a no.

"Well, what do you want to do?" He shakes his head at me. "Nothing huh?" I sigh sinking back into the tree. It's warm here, but it's different from Alaska or New Orleans. New Orleans felt eternally sticky, like I could constantly swim through the air, even in the winter. Alaska was bitterly cold, but in the summer the weather was hot and heavy. It reminded me only slightly of New Orleans, but the air was always so crisp. I like this autumn air best, the air isn't thick, I feel like I could breathe it all day.

I'm thinking this deeply about the weather, if that doesn't say how boring of a person I am, nothing will.

"Come on." I stand up wiping off my hands on my pants to climb on Arion's back. "Give me a tour." I say spurring him into motion. It's not much of a tour as much as it is a thrilling adventure through the forest and fields. This place is beautiful, the colors of the trees are still green, but the golden colors of autumn are coming journey is a whirlwind, a blur of colors smashed into one whole picture. Like one of those moving surrealist paintings, the world around me feels like it is made up of many strokes and not just of one thing.

We ride back up to the stables I find Nico chasing after his dog, and Hylla seems to be taking the horses out of their pens. I dismount and walk him back to the stable.

"Did he treat you right?" Hylla asks.

"He was really good." I say with a nod.

"What a jackass." Hylla chuckles. "It's cause she's pretty isn't it?" I blush as Hylla takes him back into the stable.

I walk over to Nico who's still playing fetch with this dog.

"Hey, balls Mcgee." He says tossing the ball halfway across the field.

"What?"

"You're just badass in every way and I'm jealous."

"Oh… Thanks?"

"You're welcome." Mrs. O'leary comes running back to us. "You wanna play with her for a bit?"

"Um… sure." I take the slobbery blue ball and chuck it.

"So, how's college apps?"

"Gross."

"I can understand that." He sighs. "I don't know, I'm kind of ready for college."

"You say that now."

"I really think I'm ready to start my life, Hazel."

"What does that even mean, to you?"

He watches the ball as I throw it again. "Being able to decide for myself, where I go and what I do."

"You already do that, pretty much."

"I know, I guess I'm more done with school than anything."

"You don't want to go to college?"

"Well, yeah I'll go to college, but I mean, the possibilities are endless."

"Yeah, I guess they are." I agree. We throw this ball for at least an hour before Bianca picks us up.

Nico and Bianca's relationship is very complicated, they love each other, I can figure that much, but I'm not so sure if they like each other. They never really speak unless they have too, but she's fiercely protective of him. They're an odd family, the Di Angelo's, but they're my family too, I suppose.

When we get home, Mrs. Di Angelo is buzzing around the kitchen.

"Mama! We're home." Bianca calls taking off her shoes.

Mrs. Di Angelo walks out of the kitchen and kisses each of her children's cheeks, including mine. "Go wash up, and change for supper, your father's invited one of his coworkers over for dinner."

"Yes ma'am." I nod.

"Nico, take a shower." She says heading back to the stove.

"Uhg, mom." He rolls his eyes as Bianca and I head up to our room.

"Here." Bianca says when we're in our room. She's handed me a pink and white polka dot dress.

"Oh I-"

"Mom wants you dressed up, it's not really my style anyway." She says closing the door behind her.

"Thank you." I say even though I hear the bathroom door closing. I put on the dress and wash up in a sink downstairs.

I start helping Mrs. Di Angelo set the table.

"Did you like the stables?"

"Yes, very much."

"I'm glad, who was working today?"

"Hylla."

"She's a good kid. Did you ride at all?"

"Yes, I did." I don't want to put a stopper in our conversation so I continue. "I used to ride when I was young."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I worked on a ranch, I was more of a stable hand than anything."

"Interesting. Well, I'm glad you liked it there, I'm afraid my two kids don't love it as much as I did growing up."

"It's a beautiful property. And the horses are just amazing."

She smiles looking over the table. "I'm happy to hear that. I haven't been down there in quite awhile. I don't have much time for it." I nod slowly as Nico treks into the dining room. "Did you shower like I asked you to?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Did you?"

"Yes, I'm not a disgusting filth bucket." He sighs.

"Good." Just then the front door opens. The three of us walk out to the front hall. Bianca makes it down the stairs as we do.

"Ah, Mr. Thanatos, I'd like you to meet my family." My dad introduces us. "This is my wife, Maria and my three kids. Bianca, Nico, and Hazel."

"Pleased to meet you." He nods shaking each of our hands.

We eat dinner together, mostly the adults hold the conversation. I clear off the table and start on the dishes as soon as everyone's finished their meals. Bianca walks in shortly after me.

"Oh… That's my job, Hazel." She says sounding slightly shocked.

"I've got it, you can put away leftovers though."

She nods, "Just don't take out the trash, that's Nico's job."

"Alright." I agree, turning back to the dishes.

Nico walks in almost as soon as Bianca has finished her chore. "What are we trading off or something?" He asks. Bianca just walks past him as I chuckle a bit. "What're you laughing at." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Nothing." I say.

"Good answer. I'm a wild one, Hazel."

"A wild puppy dog is more like it." Bianca says.

"I should be feared. I'm telling you." Nico tries to assure us.

"You're a cupcake." I smirk at him.

"Cupcakes are delicious." He tells me ruffling my curls as he passes by.

"Are you?"

"Have you seen me? I'm hotter than you."

"Very true." I snicker.

"Not true." Bianca says. But we leave at that, afraid we might say something wrong, or maybe, even more terrifying, we might say something right.

I know what they know about me is minimal, kept small enough to understand what is necessary, but my story to them is incomplete. Whether they think my mother died, or she just didn't want me, both are true, but both require more answers than they have questions.

They don't try to tiptoe around me, they come by it honestly. The only one who knows even half of what I've seen is my father, and he can't always look me in the eye because of it. I have seen and done things that cannot be repeated out loud, because I'm afraid they'll become real again. Things that they, or anyone else for that matter, would never believe.

Sweet innocent little Hazel, is neither innocent nor little. She has already faced the crippling reality of being poor, she has already been treated like the scum of the earth. But I don't try to correct those people who call me sweet, innocent, or little. It would take too long, and too much effort to tell them every bit of information about me.

Even though I've written down my story, it is not whole and I don't think it ever will be. Because there are not enough words and pages in the world for me to explain the things I did, the things I've seen, and why. There's a whole world that is full of nonsense, full of things that shouldn't be but are and I am the walking embodiment of that.

What they know about me is small enough for them to understand, but they do not really understand. Our conversations are always kept safe, with little jokes and smiles. Nico will sometimes tell me I'm safe, and he doesn't know what that means to me. I hope he never finds out what that means to me.

Nico takes out the garbage and I start the dishwasher. He takes me up to his room and asks me if I know how to play Super Smash Brother's. When I say no, he tells me he's going to fix me. So we play all night until I decide that I need some sleep. Bianca is already fast asleep when I curl up under my covers for the night. The cool soft sheets wrap me up tightly, swaddling me like a baby, I fall asleep quickly and without effort.


	4. Chapter 4 Smiles are Like That

**Y'all I just really wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate each and everyone of you. I had a really bad day and for some reason that's when I got a whole load of comments come my way, sending me love and support. I want you guys to know I love you all so much. Even if your day has been just as bad as mine, I'm sending you my love… in the form of chapters. Enjoy!**

 **Leo**

" _Smiles are like that, they come and they go."_

"Leo?" A thunderous stomping shakes my bedroom as my dad walks up the stairs, presumably to wake me up. I toss my covers off and start pulling on the closest shirt to me. "You coming to the shop with me?"

"Yeah, dad, I'll be down in a second." I tell him having yanked on a pair of pants.

"Well, hurry, your mom made you breakfast." I tousle my hair, slap on some deodorant and rush out of my room down to the kitchen.

"Morning." I rush by the island kissing my mom's cheek as I grab some toast.

"Afternoon, mijo." She corrects me.

"Right." I take a seat next to her. "Did dad leave yet?"

"No, he's getting some things ready to head out." She says messing with my hair. "You need a haircut."

"Yeah, yeah, did you take your meds, mama?"

"Of course." She assures me.

"And you remember your doctor's appointment is-"

"At two, yes, I know, your dad's coming back to pick me up."

"Okay, good."

"Go work." She nudges me to stand up. "I love you."

"Love you too." I call to her as I run out to meet my dad. He's done that thing where he pulls out of the driveway and waits by the sidewalk just to piss me off. And it works to some extent.

"You ready to work today?" He asks the moment I've sat down.

"Um.. Yeah sure dad. I'm always ready to work." I shrug.

My dad owns an auto repair shop, the best in the business if you ask me. But of course, I'm bias because I work there, and let's be real I'm as hot as it's going to get and they should be grateful for my presence.

I've always known I'd become a mechanic, not just because it's the family business, but because I love it. I love putting things together and taking them apart. I love problem solving. When I'm working my mind can finally zero in on one thing, I have a hard time focusing, I have both dyslexia and ADHD. It makes my life in school pretty hard, I wanted to drop out but my dad told me there was no way in hell any son of his would be dropping out of high school.

And so, I'm still in school, I'll get my high school diploma and then go to a specialty finishing school for mechanics. My dad and I agreed on that, at least.

When we pull up to the shop my dad and I go our separate ways.

"Hey Leo, how's everything?" My good friend, Nessa approaches me. She's like an older sister to me, if she weren't thirty with two kids and if she were mexican.

"Everything's chill, how's the fortress of awesome?" I ask her in return.

"Packed, I have an oldie for you if you're up for it."

"You know my one true weakness." I rub my hands together following her to one busted up car.

"How's your mom doing?"

"She's alright."

"The doctors say anything?"

"Nothing new."

She stops pressing me about my mom, most people do, when they hear that nothing's changed. "Engine gave up in the driveway, had to be towed over here. Apparently the repair signal has been on over a year and no service to be seen."

"Awe, what'd I do to deserve this?" I ask wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

"You let go of me, hot shot."

"Fair enough." I say heading over to my new project.

I start giving it a general run down, going through every single nook and cranny. I start figuring out what parts need to be ordered, I could have wet dreams about screws and bolts, okay? It's my thing.

I take my lunch break and hour later than usual working on this freaking monsters of a car. I walk to the sandwich shop around the corner, walking in I'm greeted with the warm scent of fresh bread. An even warmer smile greets me too.

"You're late today Valdez." She says teasingly, leaning on the countertop attractively.

"Well, what'd you want, Calypso? I'm a busy man, with work to do."

"I expect you to come see me, especially when I work on Sundays." She says as I approach the register.

"I'll have my usual."

She chuckles, "Would that be me or the sandwich?"

"Both if I can have it." She presses forward allowing me to kiss her lips.

"Margie! I'm going on my break!" Calypso says grabbing my pre made sandwich and hopping over the counter. Our hands clasp instantly as we take the short walk to her family's apartment.

"So, how long are your breaks these days?" I ask teasingly.

"Does it really matter? No one at the shop gives a fuck." I love it when she curses, her sweet and innocent exterior crumbles every time she swears.

"Hey they always cover your shifts." I say wrapping my arms around her impossibly small waist, "Even when you're gone for hours at a time."

"You're not that good Valdez." She rolls her eyes.

"Oh, but I am that good."

She lets her hands rub my shoulders, "Would you like to test that theory?"

I immediately start kissing her, before I know it, our tongues clash, our lips moving separately to fit together like gears to make an engine work. Our shirts litter the floor of her living room, her hands knotted in my hair, and my hand are running laps along her body.

Calypso and I have a very complicated relationship. We have casual sex… quite a bit, but we are in no way, shape, or form in a relationship. Like, yeah she's cool and could kick my ass at any video game for sure. But we just have sex and nothing more.

I like it this way, we're the best kind of friends with benefits relationship. She talks, I listen, she gives me some head. I talk, she listens, I give her some head. We're not in love, although I guess you could say we are. We're in a best friend love. If that makes sense.

We care, but it's not like, we're in love or anything.

We're a lot alike, Calypso and I. Our parents neglect us, well I mean, hers are worse. They flat out don't care about her, or what happens to her. My mom's just, sick, and my dad is all caught up in her.

We both were lonely until we found each other, she gets me, I guess. But there's no strings attached with her. If she wants to talk, we talk, if she wants sex, we bang. And obviously the same goes for me. It's ideal, honestly. No prying, no fights, just two friends, having a good time.

We spend close to twenty minutes practically sucking the life out of each other before she pulls back from me. Her swollen lips are suddenly in view, she's still holding onto my belt loops fighting to stay with me, but I can tell she doesn't want to.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, are you?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk?"

She nods slowly, before reaching down to get dressed. The two of us get dressed routinely She hands me my shirt and I grab the bag of food and place it in front of her. "So, what's up?" I ask sitting down comfortably close to her.

She sighs, stealing a bite of my sandwich, "My mom's pregnant."

"Again?" I ask as she hands the sandwich to me

"Yeah… Again." Calypso sighs. "You'd think seven kids would be enough, but apparently not."

"She gonna keep it?"

"Yeah, she's gonna keep it. I wish she wouldn't, but you know, it's not my choice."

"How's your dad feel?"

"My dad doesn't feel, as usual." She groans. "Zoe's pissed off, as usual. I guess I can't complain. I shouldn't complain, right?"

"You can complain, I should know about complaining."

She chuckles, "You have a better reason than me."

"Not better, just different."

"I guess if you want to be the good guy." She shoves me lightly before deciding she'd prefer a hug. "Dude, I just can't with them."

"With who?"

"All of them, my mom, my dad."

"Your siblings?"

"Every single one of them except for Zoe, of course. I can't be mad at her."

"She is your twin."

"Irish twin there's a difference."

"You say that, I still don't know the difference."

She chuckles again, "Well, you don't have to."

"Okay."

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going anywhere?"

"What do you mean?"

"For college, or like, anything. Are you leaving, or do you think you'll be here forever?"

"I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. If I have to I will, but I want to avoid it if I can."

"Why?"

I shrug, "This is my home."

"Is it really?"

"Yeah, it is. I love it here. I love living here."

"That's… nice."

"What about you, college at sixteen?"

"Haha, no. I'll leave here. Someday. I can't just stay here all my life."

"I get it."

"Do you?"

"I think so." I shrug cautiously.

"How's school?"

"Stupid."

"Is it?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"It just is."

"What's wrong with school?"

"They just… They expect me to sit there and do nothing all day but write about shit I don't care about."

"School's important." She tells me.

"Everyone keeps saying that. But I don't buy it."

"It is important. Education opens doors."

"The only door I need is an archway."

"But what if?"

"If my dad's booming business closes, the world is always going to need a good mechanic, Calypso. Even if robots take over, they'll still need someone to fix up the robots. And I am one hundred and fifty percent down for that."

"To fix robots for a living?" She chuckles.

"That sounds fucking awesome to me."

"And what about me? What will become of me if robots take all the jobs in the world?"

"No one can compete with an excellent human sandwich maker."

"Leo!"

"And you'll make a great teacher or whatever."

"Professor, there's a difference."

"And what would that be?"

"A phD."

"Ah yes, your little paper that says you're better than everyone else."

"I didn't need a paper to know that."

I laugh then, "Yeah, me neither."

"So you really think you'll never leave?"

"Why are you asking so much?"

"I just want to know."

"No. I don't plan on leaving..." I sigh, "But it is about time I get back to work."

"Okay." She nods standing up with me. We walk down the road pushing each other as we go.

I get back to the shop just before my lunch break is over. I get right back into it. My work I mean. I find the problem in the engine, but I need to order a part for it. Then there's a problem with the breaks that I get to tackle.

I work on that same car almost my whole day, Nessa pulls me away from the project to take a look at something she just can't figure out. It's an easy fix, to me, of course.

As my shift comes to an end I start closing up the shop for the night. Nessa helps me out, my dad having already gone home, has locked his office, but left the keys for me. I lock up the cabinets while she cleans the tools.

"So, how's school?"

"Why?"

She shrugs, "Just curious. Do I need to get you through another year of english classes?"

"Probably." I sigh. "School is so dumb Nessa."

"Yeah, tell that to your mother."

"Nah, I'll pass on getting a shoe thrown at me."

"I could do that." She chuckles, "Have you made any friends that aren't in their thirties?"

"I mean, duh. I'm amazing, I make friends everywhere I go. The people, love the Leo."

"So you're not going for the introverted character for your senior year."

"Absolutely not."

"Got a girlfriend yet?"

"No."

"Do you want one?"

"No."

"Boyfriend?"

"No! Stop asking."

"Alright, alright, calm down. I just thought you'd want to talk about it, because you don't really get to at home."

I stop and close my eyes, thinking about all of this is not easy. My life, the future, my family, none of it is easy.

"Leo?"

"I'm scared, Nessa." I say softly, "Really fucking scared."

"About what?"

I turn around, "What isn't there to be scared of?"

"Is it college?"

"I'm not going to college, I'm going to community for two years and then here."

"You don't think you have what it takes?"

"I know I don't."

She sighs, "Look, Leo. I know that it's hard right now, with your mom and everything, but you can't let that control you. You are so much smarter than you think you are. You're just lazy and don't want to work for what you want."

"Wow, thanks Nessa."

"You could be an engineer. You could be the one to revolutionize anything you choose. You just have to choose to."

"So what are you saying exactly?"

"Choose to be great."

"I'm always great."

"Choose more than this town. Go to some big university, study and work hard."

"I don't study well, I don't do school well."

"Then do something about it. Now what else is bothering you? Is it your mom?"

"I mean, duh."

"You can't control her health, Leo."

"I'm done talking about this."

"Are you sure you want to be?"

"I am… You done cleaning?"

"Yeah… Night, Leo."

"Night."

She leaves the shop as I lock up the building. Since my dad took the car home earlier, I start walking home, it's a bit far, but nothing I can't handle. Walking is not a chore, even if I want to be home, all my dad's going to make me do anyway is shower and do my homework. Or, not do my homework. As the case with me is.

It's just so time consuming and I'm not about that life. I'm a kid and I want to be a kid. At least, I think that's what I want. It's so complicated, to know what you want, or at least have this illusion of knowing what you want.

I get home late, almost ten thirty. My mom is asleep, my dad is nowhere to be seen. There's a plate of food covered in tin foil at my place at the table. Throwing away the wrapping I pop the plate in the microwave, then grab myself a soda from the fridge.

"You're home late." My dad says from behind me.

"Nessa and I were making sure everything was spotless, pops." I attempt a joke.

"You need to be home on time."

"Yeah, I know, I had to walk home. It took awhile."

"You didn't ask Nessa for a ride?"

"Nah."

"And you didn't make any detours?"

"Ew, no." I grab my plate out of the microwave.

"You have a lot of homework?"

"Yeah."

"Get it done and go to bed." He says leaving after that.

"Sure." I shrug heading upstairs to do my 'work'. I don't do school work. I play videogames until I'm tired enough to go to bed.


	5. Chapter 5 Simply Complicated

**Annabeth**

" _It's as simple as that. Simple and complicated as most true things are."_

I get to school on time and start my day like everything is normal. Nothing has happened since the first day, or at least, nothing out of the ordinary. It's business as usual. And so I head to english where we discuss the parallels of Great Expectations to the traditional fairy tale. While I have my own opinions on whether or not Pip is the original cliche it doesn't change the fact that this class is absolutely inconceivable boring. I'd rather be smacking my head against a brick wall.

Who fucking cares about this shit anyway? The answer, is without a doubt, not me. I don't care, I just don't, I'm only here for a grade, honestly.

I leave right when the bell rings, picking up my essay on the way out. I only got a ninety four because this teacher doesn't think anyone deserves a one hundred. "There's _always_ room for improvement."

Which is fine and all if you're not a high school teacher who's only just trying to get students to graduate. Seriously, who gives a fuck if it could be better? Everything can always be better, that doesn't mean it is. Sometimes that's the best you're gonna get and you have to give it what it deserves.

"What's new princess?" Percy asks sitting next to me.

"Not a whole lot, Percy. Not a whole lot."

"Be my lab partner." He says.

"Okay."

"And go out with me."

"What?" I ask turning to look at him.

He snorts and I begin to think he's joking. "Go out with me, you know, on a date."

"Oh…" I feel heat fill up my face.

"You free tomorrow? Eight o'clock? There's a shitty horror movie that just came out."

"Well, I uh… Sure okay."

"You scared, princess?"

"No." I say grabbing my phone out of my back pocket. Did I just agree to a date with a boy? While I'm still in high school? What is wrong with me? My freshman self would be displeased. But my freshman self would also be displeased because I've dropped half of my extracurriculars, spend more time on my laptop than I do with people, and just general self deprecation.

Our lab today is bouncy balls and calculations. Our teacher basically just let's us do whatever for the class period. I'm writing down the data as Percy stares at me.

"You gonna help?"

"I would if I knew what the question was."

Sighing I read it to him, "Which of Newton's laws help you determine the course of action the ball will take?"

"Boring." He says.

"You're not helping."

"I rarely do." He chuckles, "So about that date."

"What, you're already canceling on me?" It wouldn't be the first time.

"No, course not. I was wondering, do you want to see a movie or would you prefer like, dinner or something?"

Oh god not dinner, then I'd have to talk to him, and then I'd have to not be sarcastic at some point. Then he'd stop being sarcastic and what if he's like one of those secretly artsy guys? Or worse he's a stoner. Worse even he'd suggest we go to a party or something afterwards. Oh my god he'd watch me eat if we went out for dinner.

"I'm good with a movie."

"Okay. Cool, that's cool."

"And uh… Could you not pick me up?"

He smirks, "Why? Embarrassed by your family?"

"Yes. If they find out I'm going on a date they'll eat me alive."

"Eat you?"

"Well, they'll never leave me alone. Just tell me times and stuff."

"It's not like we're going on a secret operation to take down communist China. It's a date."

I chuckle, "I know that, but my family doesn't."

"I'm your first date, huh?"

"What? No." I shake my head.

"I so am. It's a wonderful world of awkward firsts and even more awkward lasts."

"Shut up." I sigh.

"Why? I finally have something over you." I look up at him and his smile is wide. "I'm going to be your first."

"We'll see at how many things you'll be my first for." I try not to let my voice shake at the thoughts that run a mile a minute. He's totally talking about sex right?

"Let's hope for more than one." He raises his eyebrows at me.

The bell rings interrupting our conversation, I throw my bag over my shoulder and scramble to gather my books. Percy is up and by the door in one quick easy motion. "You coming, princess?"

"When are you going to call me by my name?"

"I don't know, does it bother you?"

"No, but I have a name."

"It's a good name, but I don't feel like using it. not yet."

"When?"

He shrugs, leaving me at my class with a smirk before melting back into the hallway traffic. I go to lunch with Percy, he tells me all about how stupid the theatre teacher is and how he can't believe he didn't get into art. I listen to him, laughing when I feel like he wants me to laugh and responding when I can.

I don't talk much, I don't have a lot to say. What would I talk about? How much I hate this school? How much I hate myself? How much I hate everything? That's not exactly what you want to talk to your new boyfriend about. Boyfriend? Is he my… are we?

I'm too mortified with myself to ask him if us going on a date means we're a thing. That's just… I'm shuddering just thinking about. God I'm an idiot. Why can't I just be normal?

He walks me to class only, once his hand brushes mine briefly before leaving me off at my architecture room. I hurry to my seat, knowing that our first project is due, we're pitching ideas on how best to design a skyscraper. It's the first and only project I've been excited about all year. I worked really hard on it and I hope it all pays off.

Mr. M calls roll and then has us start to give our presentations. Waltzing in ten minutes late is none other than Leo, who thoroughly disrupts the class before we get back to presenting.

As I'm presenting my own project I start to feel more and more insecure, I worked so hard on this project, but I feel like everyone else has been doing the same things as me. Of course, my essay is way better than my presentation, I hope that gives me the grade I need.

Leo goes up towards the end of class, and he starts out with a whole load of bullshit, but as he explains more and more about his project, it starts making sense. His ideas are good, and he's really good at talking about his ideas in a way that everyone can understand. Mr. M seems extremely impressed, and I have to say, so am I.

I walk out of class when the bell rings, to catch up with him. "How did you do that?" I ask immediately.

"What?"

"How did you do that whole, thing?"

"It wasn't that hard. I'm more of a mechanical thinker."

"I've never heard of anything like that."

"That's because I invented it." He says proudly.

"How?"

He shrugs, "Natural talent."

I take that as my answer as we walk into the library for study hall. Frank is there, listening to his music at the table, Leo pulls up a chair beside him. I take my seat across from them.

"Hey man, what's happening?" Leo asks pulling out his phone.

"Nothing."

"Cool." I feel arms wrap around my shoulders, and a chin sit on my head.

"What do you want?" I sigh, trying not to smile.

"You. Mostly."

"Yuck." Leo and I say together.

"Be nice." Percy chides us sitting down next to me. "Frank my man-"

"Yes I'll help you with algebra." Frank sighs.

"You're the man." Percy says pulling out the textbook.

"Woah, woah, woah, you're doing school work?" I ask him.

"I know right? He's a changing man Annabeth." Leo says pretending to wipe away tears.

"Hey, all." Piper says taking a seat beside me, with Hazel, who had been following her silently, taking a seat across from her. I start rummaging through my bag looking for Great Expectations.

"Hey." Frank mutters looking for the page he and Percy are working on.

"How are we?" She asks.

"We've had a tragic loss today, Piper. Percy's doing homework." Leo sighs.

"Oh, boo fucking hoo." Piper rolls her eyes. Jason slips into a chair beside Percy almost unnoticed by any of us.

"This is a real tragedy!" He claims.

"No, my GPA is the real tragedy." Percy says.

"Where's the lie?" Frank asks with a snicker.

"There isn't one." Percy says. "I'm hopeless."

"No one's hopeless." Hazel says softly.

Jason starts commenting on something about how school isn't that hard, I don't listen, I get up with my book and walk over to the next table so I can read in silence. However, silence I never meet.

Piper sits down beside me, before I have time to find where I left off. "So I need your help."

"Really?" I cock my head at her.

"Yup." She pushes a paper in front of me. "I want to piss off my english class by presenting this poem for my project."

I start to read what she's given me. "They're letting you present, For All Those Who've Died, in a public school?"

"It's my favorite, and that's what they asked for."

"What's the project on exactly?"

"It's like, talk about symbolisms and poem structure or something like that."

"Why are you asking me for help?"

Piper shrugs. "Because I've decided to be generous, and give you the benefit of the doubt."

"What?" I ask feeling my face contort with confusion.

"It's kind of not hard to tell you don't like me, but I think that deep down you have an appreciation for a well versed, outspoken woman."

I look at her, shocked by what she's said to me. She's saying, I know you hate me, but guess what? I'm smart and use my fucking voice. What are you going to do about? What am I going to do about it?

"Besides, would you really rather spend a whole period wasting precious brain cells trying to understand Dickens?" She asks stealing away my book to observe it, "And his worst one at that?"

"You read Dickens?"

"For school, never for pleasure. The man could put a goddamn hyena to sleep, for shits sake."

I snort at that. "So why are you pissing off your class?"

"Because, Denis grabbed my ass, I didn't much appreciate that. I want to show him that even at my worst subject, I'm still smarter than him. I mean, come on, his poem is Walt fucking Whitman. He thinks reading _Whitman_ makes him intelligent. Bitch please, that shit's a deep as his goddamn psyche."

I laugh again, "Hate him much?"

"Well, yeah, don't you?"

"Denis, is, a rare breed of stupid. I'll give you that. But there is no symbolism in this poem, it's straight forward."

"See, that's what most people think. But look deeper." Piper starts picking apart the text. She starts telling me all about the history of this author and how she's still alive, fighting the patriarchy. She talks about this woman who writes about complexness of rights and freedoms of women. I come to the realization, that Piper is a raging feminist, but I kind of like it. She is wildly fascinated with all of this stuff, she apparently, goes on runs and shit. She goes to book talks and signings, she's intense.

"And if you look at it this way, she's totally just talking about the rights and freedoms women _have_ but they don't really get to enjoy because society says no."

"Well, yeah, that makes sense, but it still doesn't mean that's what she's talking about."

"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be? The author is writing this poem, these words for the women who died for me and you. Wouldn't it be fucking awful if they died so we could be beautiful?"

"So we could be beautiful?" I laugh pretty hard at that, but Piper is completely serious.

"Yes. They died so we could be beautiful. So we could feel confident in our own skin. So we could feel like we are the majestic creatures we are, and not have to be afraid. Because this world we live in tells us that we can't feel beautiful without being conceited sluts."

"Like you?" I chuckle.

She laughs too, "Just ask Drew." The bell rings before I can ask her anything else. "Hey, so I hear you have a date Friday."

"Oh… yeah, I guess I do."

"If you want I can do your makeup and stuff." She takes out a gum wrapper from her pocket and scribbles her number down. "Text me."

"Bye?" I ask as she saunters her way out of library over to Jason and Frank.

"Woah, what do we have here? Piper gave you her number? She hasn't even given _me_ her number yet." Percy teases me.

"Yeah… Weird." I swallow, letting him lead me out of the library. My seventh period is the absolute worst, the test isn't too bad, it's just so time consuming. I nearly fall asleep doing some of it. I hate school so much, I hate it. The environment is so stifling. The kids are just terrible, delinquents, if they're left to their own devices. I hate it, I hate it so much.

Eighth period comes, Hazel and I endure another painfully boring lecture together. Something about how productive members in society are the more socially apt. Surprise, surprise. Guess who will be a fucking dead weight in the real world. As if I'm not already.

I head home right after school and immediately lock myself in my room. Percy texts me details about the date, what movie we're seeing and how I should wear something pretty. Homework is bland and uninteresting, until dinner comes around and I realize I have to tell the parents I have plans.

I get nervous, knowing that it's a date and I've never been on a date. My dad will turn into helicopter dad and my mom will never stop asking me questions. I can't tell them I'm going on a date with Percy. He's not exactly a parent's dream date for their child. I mean, the dude looks like he smokes weed regularly. I shake at the dinner table, absolutely without control.

"Well, we're closing that deal tomorrow whether they like it or not." My mom concludes her story from work.

"That reminds me of one of my students, he just keeps on giving me excuses." My dad complains to my mom. "So kids, how was school?"

"Good, we're building a rocket in science class." Matthew says.

"That's great, Annabeth?"

"School was… fine." I say shoving overcooked pork in my mouth.

"Just fine? Did anything happen today? New assignments? Anything?"

Oh fuck me. I swallow my food before answering, "Well a friend of mine asked me to go see a movie tomorrow."

"What time?"

"Eight."

"Who is she?"

"Uh… Percy."

"She sounds nice."

Before I can respond my brother Bobby asks, "Is she hot?"

"Bobby." My mother scolds lightly.

" _He_ is hot." I say without thinking and instantly regret the words when they've flown out of my mouth.

"Annabeth's got a boyfriend!" Matthew teases, "Annabeth's got a boyfriend!"

"Matthew stop it." My mom sighs. "Both of you boys stop teasing your sister."

"A boy huh?" My dad acts like he's about to start teasing me. Please god, don't.

"Yeah, a boy dad. Girls at my age hang out with boys."

"And what kind of hanging out are you planning to do exactly?" My mom asks.

"We're going to see a movie. Nothing else."

"Nothing else huh? Why are two teenagers going to such a late night movie." My dad questions me.

"Oh my god dad eight o'clock on a friday night is not even that late."

"How do you know, Percy, is it?"

"Yeah, we have physics together." I roll my eyes.

"Isn't that one of your APs?" My dad asks.

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm just curious, Annabeth, this is the most you've spoken to me since your sophomore year."

"Ugh." I groan putting my elbows on the table.

"How long have you been seeing him?" My mom asks.

"Literally this is the first time we're hanging out please stop."

"We will stop when you are not so rude to your mother. Apologize." My dad says sternly, waiting for me to release my pent up breath. When I was younger, I used to hold my breath when I was angry, it's something I do on accident now.

"Fine, I'm sorry."

"Like you mean it."

"I'm not ten years old, dad."

"Then stop acting like it."

In a little huff I clear off my place, putting my dishes in the sink and walking away. "Annabeth." My dad says sharply before I leave the dining room and put myself back up in my room. I turn on music and numb my mind with Dickens. The hyena within me falls asleep as I read about Pip and that bitch Estella, who I'm starting to think, and am frightened by the idea, that she's not as much a bitch as I thought her to be. I finish the assignment before my mom opens my door, unannounced.

"Sure, come in." I say staring at my open math textbook.

"My house, my rules."

"Of course."

"You will not be rude to your father and I. We are your parents and you will respect us."

"I never said I didn't."

"You sure act it."

I wish I could tell her that the only disrespectful ones in this relationship is her and my dad. That they don't care about my life until they decide to, and they wonder why I don't want to talk to them. Their disinterest seeps into my skin and boils my blood when they try to care.

I don't say these things. "I'm sorry." I say even though I do not mean it.

"It's alright. What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Seven."

"He's driving?"

"Yeah."

"I want to meet him."

"Not yet, please. This is the first date of my whole life, can it be mine?"

She sighs, "Alright, you have a curfew."

"Okay."

"Eleven o'clock, no later."

"Yes ma'am."

She leaves me to homework and mind numbing tasks that put me to bed before midnight. I wake up and go to school, pretending that I'm not an anxious wreck. Percy holds my hand when we meet for lunch, I try not to crawl out of my skin to run away. I pretend like nothing is wrong even though my mind is scrambling through every inch and crevice searching for something to comfort me.

I tell myself to suck it up, because girls at my age are supposed to want this. I'm supposed to want him.

During study hall, Percy lets his arms hold onto me as Piper helps me with Pre Cal. I find it entirely impossible that she's so good at math, though Jason teases her about beating her on their first test in Calculus. She takes it in graceful strides, telling him to shut his goddamn mouth before she fills it with her fist. Leo makes a rude comment about backwards fisting… forwards?

I rush home after last period and hurry through my closet, looking for something to make me feel less shitty about myself. I pull on a clean pair of skinny jeans and one of those popular extra baggy shirts that my grandma bought me, for no reason other than she thinks I wear too many t-shirts. I don't think there are nearly enough t-shirts in the world, but that's just me.

I grab a necklace and earrings, before slapping on a face of simple makeup. I don't own that many pairs of shoes, and eventually I give up on giving a shit what he thinks about my shoes. I resolve that he doesn't give a fuck about my shoes, because I don't even give a fuck about my shoes.

After a few once overs in the mirror, I get a text that he's outside and wants to know if he should park. I tell him no,while simultaneously grabbing my purse, and walking out of my room.

"Leaving?" My dad asks from his office as I pass by.

"Yup. Bye."

"Be back before midnight!" He calls as I rush out to Percy's car. I'm strapped in and we're on the road before I have time to breathe again. His car is surprisingly clean, I only say that, because I've seen his organization skills, or his lack thereof.

"Sup, girl?" He smirks at me.

"I can get out of this car at any time you know." I tease him back.

"Aw, hurt my feelings. You prefer suicide over dating me?"

"Well, yeah."

"That hurts, princess."

"Please for the love of god find a new nickname."

"Why?"

"Princess makes me sound pretentious."

"You are pretentious." He snorts. "But that's why I like you."

"Because I'm better than you?"

"Well obviously, but also because I think that you're enough of a challenge that I won't get bored of easily."

"I'm a challange?" I ask. "How?"

He turns a corner, "You're a puzzle, and I'm ready to put you together."

"Good luck with that." I say this even though I'm really thinking, if I'm a puzzle, I have too many pieces missing. I mean that the pieces of me do not fit together perfectly, or really at all. The pieces that are there do not connect and the ones that do, don't fit with the next cluster already put together. If I am a puzzle, I'm the kind of puzzle in children's libraries. The ones of Hogwarts that are always missing one spire, the ones of states and for some reason no one can find Montana. If I am a puzzle, there are hundreds of pieces, out of the thousand it will take to put me together. But I only say, good luck.

No big surprise, the movie he takes me to is a shitty horror flick. The sound is too loud and it makes me jump only because of the piercing music. I surprise myself, when the touch of his hand does not make me fly out of my seat. I let him draw circles in the back of my hand and I curl up beside him.

I'm even more surprised when I let him kiss me and I don't even flinch. It's not my first kiss, but it is my first kiss in years. That's right, I let a boy kiss me on the first date, judge me how you will. His lips are tight and dry, but there's something intriguing, charming even that pulls me in. I know that making out in a movie theatre for the last twenty minutes of a movie is so teenagery of me. I know it makes me a stereotype and that disgusts me, when the credits start I pull myself back.

"We should go." I says shortly, trying to hide my breathlessness.

He looks at the screen and then at me. "Sure."

We walk out to his car, and when we get there he sits in the front seat and stares at me.

"What?"

"You're beautiful."

"Cliche much?"

"You like it Chase, I know you do."

I shrug smiling at him anyway, "So where're we going?"

"When do you have to be home?"

"Eleven… ish." It's ten forty now.

"Then… home?" He asks, there's something in his voice, a tremor almost. Like he doesn't want to go home and I can't figure out my stomach bubbles up with nerves. What if he wants to go farther than this? What if he wants to do more than kiss me? What if he wants sex tonight? I am not that girl.

"Home." I say hoping my voice doesn't shake.

"We'll have more fun next time then." He chuckles starting up the car. A shiver runs through my body, what the hell could that mean? Does he want to…. Like, touch me? I mean, god does he want to have sex with me? Does he want to use me or what?

He drives me up to my house and puts the car in park. "You want me to walk you up?" He asks

"I'm a big girl, I am able to function on my own."

"You didn't seem that way in the theater wise girl." He says with a snicker. I lean forward and kiss him, feeling his whole body shake to a stop. He sighs behind my lips, and his hand creep up to my waist.

"What was that about functioning?" I ask pulling back from him.

"You make me want to stop." He chuckles.

I start to gather my things, his hand walking down my back until he's holding onto the loose fabric. "What do I have to do to make you stay?" He's trying to tease me, but I'm not willing to tease back.

"Try again next week, you might get a bit more lucky then."

"I'll count on it… Text you later?"

"You better." I attempt to open the door, but he pulls me back to him, kissing me roughly for a little longer than I would have liked. But I obliged him anyway. Kissing his lips with an equal harshness. Warmth pulsing through us, my arms around his neck, and his hands draw pictures along the skin of my spine. I feel weak in his arms, like I'll let him do what he wants to me. I don't like feeling weak, but my weakness keeps me from moving out of his arms. Everything about kissing him makes me hyper aware in both good and bad ways. He has this power over me that I don't like, but I'm also not willing to take it away from him.

He pulls back eventually, god knows I didn't have the strength to do so myself.

"See you Monday." He says breathlessly before kissing my forehead.

"Alright." I turn and open the door to the car as I go. I notice the light on the front porch is glowing dimly. I presume my parents are awake as I walk inside.

I'm right, the moment I close the door behind me I hear my dad clear his throat. "You're home late."

I turn around to face my parents, who stand with arms folded across their chests, pajamas and disappointment.

"It's eleven oh five." I say having checked the time as I walked in.

"I said eleven." My mom says.

"Are you for real? He was literally parked outside at ten fifty six."

"And you were doing what exactly for nine minutes?" My dad asks.

"God, dad it's not like we could have had sex in nine minutes."

"Do not use that tone with me." He says firmly.

"Go to bed, Annabeth. Now." My mom says moving out of the way so I can escape to my bedroom. I throw my things on my desk and close my door behind me. I tear off my clothes and scrub my face clean. The audacity of my parents is just ridiculous, where were they last year huh? When I needed someone, anyone to save me from myself? Where were they when I first cut myself? Not fucking standing in the front hall waiting for me to come home. That's for fucking damn sure. I see a notification of a text on my phone, but I don't look at it. I curl up on my bed in the darkness.

I try to feel less stupid for my actions and emotions. Why am I dating him? I mean he makes me feel good… but I feel so wrong when I'm with him. Like I don't deserve him. Why are my parents forcing me to feel so terrible about everything I do? Why do I hate myself?


	6. Chapter 6 Things I Never Knew

**Jason**

" _The world, even in the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don't know."_

"This is literally, the dumbest fucking thing, ever." Piper complains folding her arms as she gives up on her timeline for US history. "I don't give a flying fuck about Andrew Jackson. All he ever did was force my people into genocide."

I look over at her, pretending not be as humored as I am. Her and Frank have been doing this timeline of the Jacksonian era and western expansion. Frank already threw in the towel ten minutes ago and resorted to just watching her struggle through the assignment. Annabeth had been trying to help her, but got the president's confused after James Madison and stopped to google the order of the presidents. Percy has been watching Annabeth question how she could have forgotten Martin Van Buren with this kind of admiration. Ever since their date on Friday, he's been absolutely mesmerized by her.

"Somebody please help me, history is trying to kill me." She groaned.

"I'll help." Leo teased, enjoying the opportunity far too much.

"Yeah, yeah, as if, nuts for brains."

"What kind of nuts?" He asks.

"Does it matter?"

"To you it might." He winks exaggeratedly.

She rolls her eyes, "Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw."

"It'd be a nice break for your vag wouldn't it?"

Piper snorts, which I take to mean that I can laugh at that too. Our whole table starts laughing at that, except for Hazel.

"You're disgusting." She says shoving him.

"It was funny." Leo claims.

"That's what you call it."

"Can someone just help me? Please?" Piper groans.

"Hand it over." I hold out my hand for her textbook, and place it ontop of my stupid government one. "Did you already put down his position on the national bank? Because that was a big deal."

"Here, read my notes." She tosses them at me as if to say, I fucking dare you.

 _Andrew Jackass was a shit head in almost every way, which is why his political party's new figurehead is the donkey, because he's an ass and smelled like a piece of shit._

"Okay… Piper?"

"Yeah?"

"You're going to need all the help you can get."

"Bwahah!" Percy laughs loudly for half a second before calming down.

"Thanks for that boy genius." She swipes away her notes, "So how fix?"

"How fix?" Annabeth teases her.

"Shut up!" Piper ruffles her hair angrily.

"Piper, calm down." Frank says, clearly humored, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, she can't calm down, she's always hot and bothered." Annabeth says trying not to laugh. I have to hold my breath in my lungs to keep myself from laughing.

"Burn!" Leo cackles.

"How have we not been kicked out of this library?" Hazel mutters.

"Piper, meet me at the public library at six. I'll help you out."

"You're going to tutor me?" She asks.

"Yeah, why?"

"I just figured you were too busy being Mr. Perfect." She teases lightly.

"Please, perfect is his middle name, not his last name." Percy chuckles.

"It is not." I shake my head, chuckling

"What is your middle name, Jason?" Piper asks.

"Samuel." I say.

"Jason Samuel Grace? How fucking pretentious." Annabeth snorts.

"I know, right?"

"You're the pretentious one, Annabeth." Percy says. "What's your middle name?"

"Lillian." She says

"I like it." Percy says before kissing her, however briefly.

"You have a middle name Jackson?" She asks him.

"Yeah…."

"What is it?" Piper asks.

"Alexander. I hate it."

"Why?" I laugh.

"Say my full name and try to tell me I don't sound like a fucking nerd."

"Perseus Alexander Jackson?" Hazel asks. "That doesn't make you sound like a nerd."

"That's actually fucking rad." Piper tells him.

"If it makes you feel better dude, my mom went all traditional on me and gave me three middle names." Leo admits.

"Dude that's awesome. Truly inspiring." Percy cackles.

"What are they?" I ask, genuinely interested in the conversation.

In a thick Mexican accent, that sounds as if he's slipping back into an accent he's been trying to rid himself of for years, he says. "Leo Miguel-Angel Luis Ricardo Valdez."

"That's beautiful." Piper slow claps for him.

"Thank you very much." He nods at her.

"Why do middle names even matter? It's like everyone has them but I don't know why." Annabeth says.

"I don't have a middle name." Frank says softly.

"Really?" Hazel asks, to which he nods. "That's really cool. Why not?"

He shrugs. "My parents just didn't give me one."

"Well, you're lucky. Do you know how terrifying it is to hear your mother shout 'Piper Elizabeth, get down here'?" Piper shoves him playfully. He barely mutters a no before I'm speaking up.

"Elizabeth huh?" I ask her.

"I know, right?" She wrinkles her nose. "I could vomit hearing the name."

"Can I call you PE, now?" Leo asks teasingly.

"You can try and then we'll see how strong my sucker punch is." She laughs.

"Michelle." Hazel says softly, "My middle name is Michelle."

"That's actually adorable, you're entirely unfair, Hazel." Annabeth laughs lightly.

"Uh… Thanks?"

"Take the compliment and run, Jesus knows Annabeth never gives them out." Percy teases.

"Wow, you just said that. And you can't take it back." Annabeth crosses her arms over her chest.

"Come on Wise Girl you never compliment me."

"Well, do something to deserve it." She challenges him with a smile.

The bell rings shortly after that, and Frank walks with me to our accounting class. "Hey dude, if you want we can work on this project at the library. Sound good?"

"Depends, will I be third wheeling?"

"No dude, this isn't like a date or anything." I say defensively.

"Alright."

"So, you in?"

"Yeah. Six?"

"Six." We don't say anything else for the whole of the class. I go to practice and then home to grab my laptop before heading out again.

When I walk in the door, I hear shuffling from the kitchen, and my mom appears in the doorway, stumbling ever so slightly. What can I say? She handles her liquor well.

"Hey mom."

"Hi, baby." She says softly. "What are you doing home?" She hiccups, covering her mouth immediately after she does so.

"I'm grabbing my laptop, some friends and I are going work on a project."

She nods, "Don't be home late… You have money?"

"Yeah."

"Grab yourself some dinner." I can see tears pooling in her eyes as I retreat to my bedroom. I'm surprised that the alcohol hasn't become her. It's been two weeks since our dad left, and she's still trying to hide her drinking from Thalia and I. As if we don't know, the only thing in the basement is wine and beer. Dad keeps it there for the house parties we never have. Mom keeps it well in stock when he comes home. She's the only one who uses it, Thalia and I know better than to get in her way.

I grab my laptop and head back out, getting to the library just before six. I walk inside the building and start looking for them. The library very rarely has anyone come in, little kids sometimes sit in chairs that are too big for them, reading Dr. Seuss. There are pre teen girls checking out chick flicks on pages, and pretentious young men who think reading adult books make them inherently better than everyone else. There are mostly old people sitting in front of computers reading The New York Times online.

I wander around looking at each table for a girl wearing too little clothing and a boy in a clothes that eat him alive. But I do not find them out in the open. I start peeking in the study rooms with plush couches and faux fireplaces, they shouldn't be too hard to find, but surprisingly they are. I start peeking into the computer labs. I find them in an empty computer lab in the farthest corner of the library, I can see in through the large window next to the door.

Piper happens to be dancing to whatever song is playing in the room, and Frank is doubled over laughing. She looks absolutely magnificent, tassels of braids smacking her lovely joyous face as she shakes with laughter and music coursing through her.

She opens her eyes instantly locking with mine. She smiles at me and gives a small wave. I smile back before walking into the room. I am met with the sound of Bohemian Rhapsody, it fills me up with smiles. Frank is gasping for breath as Piper continues to sing along, let me tell you she does a good Freddie Mercury impression. I close the door behind me so that we don't disturb the entire library.

"Jason save me." Frank coughs between fits of laughter. "I can't."

"I'm here Frank it's okay." I snort. Piper pauses the music and collapses on the floor howling with laughter. "What did I miss?"

"Her face!" Frank gasps.

Piper turns back on the music, rewinding it to the beginning and starts to lipsync dramatically. At part where they sing let him go back and forth, her faces makes me snort and cackle until I too am incapacitated by laughter.

"Reasons why I'm the hottest girl in school." She says triumphantly flipping her hair over one shoulder.

"When did we vote for that?" Frank snorts. "I didn't vote for you."

"Bruh, I thought we had something special."

"Okay, enough fun times, we have work to do." I pull out my laptop and start opening the different files I've collected for mine and Frank's project.

"You're no fun." Frank sighs grabbing the nearest chair and climbing into it.

"I'm fun." I argue.

"You're really not though." Piper says with a shrug.

"I am too."

"Fine, prove it, what are we going to do? Play a game about the presidents?"

"How about a stock market flash card game?"

"That hurts just thinking about it." Piper slumps down in her chair.

"I know right?" I snort rolling my eyes, "Now let's get to work."

"No." Frank groans.

"You have to."

"Says who?"

"Me!" Piper jumps up and slides right in front of him.

"Jesus fuck, Pipes!" Frank gasps.

"Nah, he's not my type." She winks. "But thanks for the confidence boost, baby doll."

"Come on now." I chuckle.

"Yes sir." Piper grins at me. "Should I call you teacher?"

"No. I'm not your teacher." Now is not the time for teacher student roleplay

"Hey, she was making a sex joke, get with it." Frank says with a laugh, which instantly makes me blush.

"I was not. Can't love sex without being a whore, can't hate sex without being a goddamned prude. Shit just crucify me already." Piper folds her arms over her chest.

"Anytime, just hit me up." Frank laughs.

"You're a bastard." She says pulling out her note book.

"Alright, so what do you have for Jackson's presidency?" She opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off first. "That does not involve how much you hate him."

We actually get a bunch of academic stuff done, when we really get down to the work it comes relatively painlessly. When you get Piper working she really focuses and gets herself handled, Frank works on the power point for our small business project in accounting. Piper seems to have a good general idea of how to complete her project, but she needs help with the years and why events are significant.

Before I know it, it's nine o'clock, and I haven't even started my calculus work.

"Shit." I sigh thinking about everything else I have to work on.

"What's wrong?" Piper asks.

"I still have all those calc problem and four chapters to read in Catcher in the Rye."

"Wow, sucks to suck." Frank shoves me lightly.

"Not funny." I groan.

"Here, if you promise to give them back, you can have my homework." Piper reaches into her backpack and tosses her stapled problems at me.

"You're heaven sent."

"Yup." She agrees putting all of her other things in her bag.

"God Piper, I can't believe you of all people condone cheating." Frank says flabbergasted.

"It's not cheating, it's assisting." She assures him.

"Whatever you want to call it, still a crime."

"Oh I'm so scared of the repercussions. What ever will they do?"

True." Frank snorts.

"You need a ride?" She asks him.

"Nah, I can walk."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, see you guys tomorrow." He waves walking out of the lab.

"So, you feel better about the assignment?" I ask her.

"Yeah… Thank you. By the way."

"No problem."

"No, really. I'm hard to deal with, trust me I know, I'm a handful. And you put up with me."

"I don't put up with you, I promise." I chuckle. "I wouldn't have offered to help if I was just putting up with you."

Smirking slightly she grabs her backpack and hoists it onto her back. "Well lots of people don't exactly like me very much, let alone want to spend more time with me."

"Lots of people doesn't mean everyone you know."

"Yeah, I know." She looks down at her shoes.

"You coming to the game Thursday?"

"I haven't decided, after parties are more my scene, you dig?" She asks with such heavy sarcasm I can't help but feel confused.

"Well the game is gonna be good. I recommend coming by second half, and maybe make a poster for me." I joke.

"Oh yeah, like you need more fangirls." She rolls her eyes.

"What?"

"You have a freshman fan club, basically." She emphasises the basically at the end.

"Basically." I repeat. "But it'd be a nice change, having someone there to cheer for me. My parents don't get involved with my uh… Well they don't exactly come to games. My sister would but she's kind of busy."

"I get that." She smiles, "I guess I have to go make a poster then."

"I was kidding about the poster." I say quickly as we walk out to the parking lot.

"Well now you're so getting one. With glitter."

"Please no."

"Too bad." She snorts. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, for sure."

I watch her swaying hips as she walks to her car, the absolute ease and confidence in her stride has me entranced for a second. I swear she put a spell on me. The problem is that I don't exactly mind. I climb into my car, my friends tell me she's nothing but trouble. But when I talk to her, she's like, a real person. She's funny, thoughtful, and smart even. I thought I had a crush on her because she seemed like trouble, but maybe I like her, now at least, because there is so much more to her than her crop tops.

I get home after picking myself up a crappy burger, to a house full of strangling silence. I go to the kitchen so I can eat my meal, but when I turn on the lights, I hear a groan and suppress one of my own.

My mother is curled up on the island in the middle of our kitchen, a smashed bottle of wine lays where her hand has fallen limp. I drop my backpack on the ground and put my food on the nearest counter top.

"Come on mama." I sigh shaking her a little. She groans again, but doesn't move. Walking around the island I cradle her in my arms and carry her to her bedroom. Gently laying her on top of the bed, I pull the messed up sheet around her corpse like body. I close the door behind me before getting my dinner and eating it over the sink. My night is spent cleaning up shattered glass and reading about this awkward asshole basically try not to kill himself. Oh the irony.

At the game on Thursday Coach Hedge rants to us about how much we need to win this game, he does this for every game, so it's not like I'm instilled with fear or anything. The first half of the game is rough, two interceptions in the first quarter, at least six flags on different plays, and the score is twenty one nil. Guess who's got nil.

I'm starting as soon as the band is finished with the half time show. I wish I wasn't starting, I have a massive migraine, and no hope at being any good for the team. But I don't get a choice, I could always fake injury, or something, but I don't want to do that.

We get back out on the field, the crowd on our side having significantly depleted since the band parents went home and no one else seems to think we'll win. I can't blame them, honestly. At this point we have no chance.

When we all get back to our sides waiting to get on the field I turn around to search the crowd. Thalia told me she'd try to be here, I know she's probably working, or maybe getting mom off the bathroom floor. Either or at this point of the year. As I search the stands I do see a glittery poster that says "You are a champion" and I assume that's an omaj to Queen. It makes me laugh none the less, especially the pink glitter stickers she used and shitty picture of a crown next to the words.

She smiles at me, and I smile back before getting put in the game. I may have someone in the crowd there for me but I still feel like shit. My head is spinning, I drop the ball the only two times the ball is thrown my way. We miraculously get two touchdowns thanks to Dakota picking up the slack. We get an interception with two minutes left in the game. We still lose, but at least it wasn't as brutal as it was looking like it would be.

When we get to the locker room I collapse on one of the benches, the other guys lazily start heading for the showers. My head is pounding, I don't want to try moving right now, I don't think I could. Coach chews us out sufficiently before telling us we have late practice tomorrow.

"Forbes you better improve those passes. When Bacchus is the only one who can catch that shit we have a problem. Ridges you own me a hundred push ups, and Grace you better start praying to any of those gods you've learned about because your arms might as well fall off after tomorrow's workout."

"Yes sir." I mutter pulling off my gear slowly.

"Hey man, don't beat yourself up, you could carry the team most days." Dakota says grabbing his towel from his locker. "You get a free pass this time."

"Just this time though right?" I smirk at him.

"Duh, I expect you to be broken by tomorrow honestly."

"Thanks."

"Yup. Hey I hear there's a party at Sabrina's, you coming?"

"I'll think about it. I feel like shit."

"We all have off days, dude. You're like, the perfect prince, we forgive you."

I actually mean that I feel like shit. My whole body is shaking, and I have a fever... Oops, oh well, still not the worst thing I've done while playing. I don't shower, I just want to get out of here. After throwing all of my clothes in my locker I leave without a word. People are spread out around the field but there's hardly anyone left. I wonder if Piper left, she probably did, I hope she did.

"That sucked, Grace." I hear a sarcastic voice from behind me. "I could have caught those passes. Hell, maybe I'll join the football team so I can fix the monstrosity that was that game."

I turn and smile at her. "Thanks for coming, dude." Dude? Dude!?

"No problem, bro. Do you want to keep the sign?" She asks.

"Most definitely. Are you going to Sabrina's?"

"Are you?"

"I don't know, I'm thinking about it."

"Don't, you need a nap, and some aspirin from the looks of it. You feeling okay?"

"I just feel bad about the game."

"Okay, sure. Nah, I'm not going to the after party, if that gives you more of a reason not to go. Unless of course, me going to said party will make you want to go even less."

"I'm just gonna go home I think." I tell her, chuckling.

"Good plan. Do yourself a favor and go to bed." She hands me the poster.

"See you tomorrow."

"For your sake I hope so." She says with one final almost flirting smile before walking away.

I get to my car and drive home slowly, worrying about being sick and maybe not going to school tomorrow because that would suck. Especially if I skipped after we lost. At home I pack my backpack and curl up in bed to sleep. I wake up feeling even worse than yesterday, I don't eat breakfast but I do shove a granola bar in my backpack just in case my appetite miraculously appears.

"Jason, sweetheart, where are you going?" My mom is standing, well leaning heavily on the wall, outside of her bedroom door. Her eyes are squinted at me as if I'm the sun, blinding her.

"I'm going to school, mom." I say.

"Oh yeah, you still go there." She groans rubbing her forehead. "Why haven't you graduated yet?"

I sigh and respond, "Bye mom." Walking out the door and driving to school, I feel my head start pounding. My stomach feels like it's about to be sick even though I haven't eaten since dinner yesterday. Maybe coming to school was a shitty idea.

I start to reconsider my decision, standing at my locker I think about going to the office to sign myself out, when Dakota and Reyna approach.

"Hey man, you missed out on a wild fucking party." He says, "And look who's still alive."

"Thanks for that Dakota." Reyna rolls her eyes. "Yes, I live. How've you been Jason?"

Well right now? I feel like an asswipe, "I've been good. The year hasn't gotten so bad that I literally want to scream, so I'd say that's a win."

"Well you always were an optimist." She laughs. "I haven't seen much of you lately. I didn't scare you away did I?"

"No, I'm so busy with stuff I can't say I've been trying to stay up to date with you."

"Totally get it." The bell rings, shocking me slightly. "Dakota said I should come have lunch with you guys."

"Oh, cool, see you then." I walk to Calculus, without realizing I've made it there I plop down in my seat.

"You look like shit." Piper says turning around in her seat to face Alec's desk better. I can see her underwear as she does this, I don't know if she'd mind, mostly because her dress is that short anyway, but I elect to ignore it.

"It's cause we lost last night and he always takes things to heart." Alec smirks at me. "He's a real sensitive type of guy."

"Sensitive huh?" She snorts, "As if."

"It's true, I'm sure you've never experienced someone quite like him." I think Alec is trying to set me up with her or something. While I appreciate that, please not right now.

Our teacher starts to give us notes, that I can't honestly listen to because my brain is clogged with pain. A stabbing pain that makes my whole body hurt. In the middle of lecture I get up and leave because I just know I'm gonna puke. The moment I've locked the stall behind me I barely have time to hunch over before I vomit.

"Dude you okay?" Alec asks on the other side of the stall. Then I vomit again. "I'll take that as a no… I'll go get you a nurse's pass."

I try to cough up everything that's going to come up so I can just feel better already. By the time Alec comes back I actually do feel better so I stand up, flush the toilet, and unlock the stall.

"Let's go." He says holding out my backpack.

"Can I even try to tell you I feel fine now?"

"You can try, but you'll fail." He says taking the lead as we walk to the nurse. "So, that's why you almost let the ball hit your fucking face."

"Pretty much yeah."

"Coach will be ecstatic. After you left he went off on this rant about how you had lost your interest in the game and a bunch of bull shit assumptions."

"Tell him I just really needed to puke and everything will be okay." I chuckle, but feel the burning in the back of my throat and start coughing.

"Woah, you okay?" He stops walking and looks at me wearily.

"Totally fine, one hundred percent okay." I swallow thickly and keep walking.

"You're gonna go to hell for those lies, same as stealing." He says somewhat jokingly.

"I knew that."

When we get to the nurse she barely even looks me over before telling me to go sign myself out. As I do this, my skin feels hot and just moving makes everything hurt. I want to cry as I walk out to the parking lot, the weather is hot even though it's only ten, and my car is even hotter.

I pull up to the house and notice that Thalia's car is still here, which means I might get my first interaction with my sister in over a week.

I open the front door and immediately hear, "Jason? Is that you?" Thalia, either in last night's scrubs or in new ones, walks out of the kitchen. "Did you forget something?"

I feel my voice waver before words even come out of my mouth. "I feel hot." I say softly.

She puts a hand on my forehead. "Damn, Jason, why didn't you say anything? I would have called you out. Go lay down on the couch okay?"

"Yeah." I say walking into the living room. Thalia calls out from work, which she almost never does, so she can stay home to take care of me. It's really nice of her and she makes me feel a whole lot better.


	7. Chapter 7 A Mystery to Myself

**Hazel**

" _I had a feeling something was wrong with me. I guess I was a mystery even to myself."_

I have decided that while I love the Di Angelos I can't spend all of my time with them, I really need to stop being in their house as a constant burden. So today at lunch I do something I never imagined myself doing.

"You free tonight?" I ask Piper interrupting the gap of silence that occurs between topics.

"I can be, why?"

"Oh, I just… I kind of wanted to hang out."

"Sure, wanna go get ice cream after rehearsal?"

"Oh right your show."

"Don't worry about it, stage manager isn't too big of a deal until show. I'm sure Mr. A will let me loose if you're waiting for me."

"I will never understand why he loves you." I shake my head taking a bite of my apple.

"Because I'm me."

"And you're the only one who doesn't actually act."

"That too." She chuckles.

"We can totally meet up at another time if you don't want to." I blurt out before I can stop myself.

"Wow, Hazel. Do you or don't you want to hang out with me? I'm getting offended that you're trying to get out of this." She teases me.

"What are you? My girlfriend?"

"Yes I am! God, I'm offended, Hazel. I thought we had something special going here. But I guess I was wrong. You're just like all the others." She pretends to cry.

"Yup, whatcha gonna do about it?" I ask.

"What do you want me to do about it?" She raises her eyebrows at me, a sultry drawl fills her voice. I will never know how the fuck she can just do that. How can she suddenly just become the embodiment of sexuality?

I give her a smirk of my own even though it's nowhere near half as powerful as hers is. "Well, you know."

"And what if I don't?" She purrs.

"I could always show you." I tease.

"That's the only way to do it." Piper reaches up to touch my face and bust out laughing.

"Stop!" I cackle.

"I knew you'd give." She chuckles leaning back against the wall.

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do." She shoves me playfully as we continue to eat. Our next period is biology in which we have a test over the parts of a cell. The class is mostly full of Freshman but Piper and I are in the class together, because we both moved here and have different science credits. Who would have thought that biology would be required?

The test is really hard for me, I don't really understand cells and stuff like that. If I can't see it I don't understand it, that's just the way my brain works. Lucky for me, Piper is really good at cheating and she gives me some of the answers. I feel alright about it, maybe I got a C, that would be amazing.

Piper and I walk to study hall together, her ranting about how much bullshit this school can put in the curriculum, and how at her old school in California they actually attempted to teach them things that matter.

"How was school in Anchorage?" She asks.

"Worse than it is here." I tell her. "The teachers there, they were kind of… well… They were just bad."

"That's terrible, teachers that suck make everyone's life hard."

"Yeah, it wasn't the teachers that made my life hard. Let's be real here." I snicker as we take our seats in the library. Leo is teasing Frank as Percy plays with Annabeth's hair.

"What are we late?" Piper asks.

"No, Jason's the late one." Leo says, "I'm so going to give him shit for this."

"Is he even here today?" I ask, "He wasn't in government."

"He went home first period because he puked." Piper says.

"Gross!" Percy fakes disgust, at least, I think he's faking.

"I hope he's okay." I say.

"He'll be fine, I'm sure." Piper tells me. "On that note, who wants to hang out tonight? Hazel and I are going to get ice cream later and she's embarrassed that I'm her girlfriend."

"Piper Elizabeth." I tease her but also not, because I'm not gay and that's not cool.

"You swing both ways too? Damn, Piper there's a whole new world of people to bang." Leo tells her.

"So she can sleep with you now." Percy teases him.

"Shut up dude." Leo snickers. "I wish I could accompany you fine ladies but alas I cannot. I have work."

"Boo you whore." Piper swats her hand at him.

"Suck my dick, I really have work tonight."

"Fine suit yourself. We'll have fun without you." She smiles at him.

"Good."

"You want to go wise girl?" Percy asks Annabeth.

"I can't, college apps." She says looking at him sideways.

"Ugh, come on Annabeth, have fun with us."

"I'll have fun next month, Percy." She sighs shaking her head.

"Is that a promise?" He asks moving his face close to hers.

"You're disgusting." She says as he kisses her cheek.

"I'll go." Frank says softly. He looks up at Piper and shifts his eyes to me, I feel a coldness in my blood, like his gaze sends a winter wind through me. I don't know much about Frank, I've heard rumors that he's the school bully, and he can kick anyone's ass. I've heard he nearly killed a guy Sophomore year, something to do with smothering and lasagna. But then Piper talks about him as if he's this kind sweetheart of a guy who could do no wrong. Jason seems to like him too, and Percy's always trying to make him feel included. But I haven't decided how I feel yet.

I've started to realize that Piper sees the good in everyone, she claims she only sees potential, but really, she sees the world with rose tinted glasses. She thinks everyone has good in them and I admire that about her, but it's probably gotten her hurt. It has gotten me hurt, it's gotten a lot of people hurt. And as that thought passes through me, I don't know how someone so nice and heartfelt can have sex so casually. But then again I can't judge, I've had casual sex before.

Then there's Jason, he's so perfect he makes other people want to be perfect. Piper told me that she thinks she likes him. I want them to date, two incredibly kind people would make the perfect couple. Jason's always kind and he knows when to talk. He can tell when I want to be left alone, and no one can ever figure that out, so I give him props.

Percy is the kind of nice you'd never expect, he's gentle and kind, when you'd expect him to be nothing but rough. I've seen his attendance record during my office courtesy, and let me just say, it isn't good. He's the kind of delinquent that goes against the rules, but never against you. I never thought I'd meet one in real life.

And of course, Percy's dating Annabeth now. Their relationship is odd to me, she acts so cold to him, but it must be endearing. She's a good person, don't get me wrong, but she's the kind of good person that the world wants to create. The status quo bred into her like a third eye. She seems unapproachable, and then you talk to her. While she remains stoic and impassive, she has a good heart and good intentions.

Then I look at Leo, he reminds me a lot of one of my old boyfriends. Sammy was his name, I consider him to be my first love. He lived in Alaska and we dated for almost a year, he and Leo could be twins honestly. They're both wild, loud, and almost free. Leo would never let a teacher keep him contained and neither would Sammy. Before the thought pops up, no I'm not attracted to Leo because he reminds me of Sammy. It's odd, I almost feel like it hurts to look at him, like there's a phantom of loss every time I see him smile.

I no longer love Sammy, and I don't think I'll ever love Leo. Not the way I loved Sammy at least.

I start to work on my government assignment, the sixth amendment analysis. Deciding to be generous I answer the questions and then pull out my phone to text Jason the assignment.

"Texting during school, I'm disappointed in you." Percy says shaking his head disapprovingly at me.

"Texting is not the worst thing I've done in school." I chuckle.

"I don't believe you."

"Why not?"

"You're just so squishy."

"What does that mean?"

"Yeah what does that mean?" Annabeth chuckles at her boyfriend.

"It means she's the most goddamn innocent little thing I've ever met in my whole life." Innocence, how fucking adorable. I haven't been innocent in years.

"True." Leo snorts.

"You leave my precious child alone." Piper shoves him playfully.

"I'm your precious child." Frank says softly.

"You too."

"How many times have you had babies?" Percy asks.

"Define babies."

"That is not a good thing for me to have to define."

I listen to the rest of the conversation while keeping to myself, I watch Leo basically beach himself on the table, and Percy follows shortly after. I wonder how the fuck we haven't gotten kicked out of this library. Seriously, we cause such a nuisance that I'm in shock we haven't gotten thoroughly chewed out by the librarian.

When class is over I go my own way to class before spending last period with Annabeth. The whole time she seems to be withdrawn, like her thoughts are traveling faster than her brain can manage. I try to talk to her a little bit, but she mostly ignores me and continues to work on our assignment.

When the final bell rings I attempt to find my way to the fine arts building, or the theatre, but I assume they're in the same place. It takes me twenty minutes walking around the whole school before I find the fine arts building, which is fucking huge. How have I just missed this since I've been here?

I walk into the theatre and see this scrawny blonde kid standing next to some pouty looking asian chick. They're looking at the theatre director as he says, "You aren't projecting properly. Would your character really mumble?"

I hear a sharp, "Pst." And turn to see Percy sitting with Frank in the back row of the theatre. I take a seat beside Percy. "What's going on little bit?"

"Nothing." I sigh, "School is the worst."

"We knew that." He chuckles. "But you look down."

"Not more than usual, I hope. I don't feel any different."

"Just making sure."

"Obviously." I snip.

"Hey now, is that shade being thrown?" He asks incredulously.

"What do you think, smart ass?"

"You can curse?"

"Duh. I'm eighteen years old."

"But you're so cute and innocent."

"That's what you think." I snort leaning back in the chair before realizing I really need to text Mrs. Di Angelo that I won't be home until later.

I pull out my phone as the actors begin their scene again. I hear a low whistle next to me and a "Damn if I wasn't taken."

I look up and see Piper stood on the stage in short shorts and a cutoff shirt, she's leaned over picking up some kind of drill.

"You're a fucking pig." I roll my eyes at him.

"What? She's-"

"A person you dumbass."

"Now you're just cursing to make fun of me." He laughs.

"Sure." I shrug sending my text.

Frank sits there looking at Percy and I, I assume we're far more interesting to him than Piper's ass hanging out.

"Where are you from again?" Percy asks.

"Alaska. Why?"

"You've got a bite that I just couldn't pinpoint." He laughs, "Is everyone in Alaska like that?"

"Sure, we're as harsh as the weather."

"Good one."

"Thanks." I smirk slightly, watching the performers struggle through their lines, get told where to go on the stage, and whatnot. It's time consuming, boring, I'd feel bad for them if that one scrawny dude wasn't giving the girl such a hard time.

Piper jumps off the stage at one point, her backpack slung over one shoulder, she stops to say goodbye to the teacher before walking to the back of the theatre to meet us.

"Hey, you guys ready to go?"

"Yeah, for sure." I stand up and start walking out with her.

"Shotgun." Frank says before we even get out of the theatre.

"Sure."

"You have a car?" I ask.

"Yup."

"Because you're daddy's little princess." Frank teases her.

"Oh shut up." She rolls her eyes.

"It's true. And you know it."

"Of course, you're a daddy's girl. I'm not even going to pretend to be surprised." Percy snorts.

"I love my dad, sue me." She laughs pulling out her keys.

"And where is daddy dearest huh?"

"MIA usually." She chuckles, but her breath settles heavily in her chest. I think she's lying, or maybe it's the truth, but the truth is harder than it seems.

"I feel that on a spiritual level." Percy laughs, "But I'm not complaining, I get money and shit from him. Don't need much else."

"I feel too." Frank says.

"Wow, daddy issues galore, what are we? Degrassi? I don't think so." I chuckle changing the topic. "Who wants to strangle me first? I'm doing college apps this weekend."

"Ugh don't even get me started on college." Frank groans.  
"I completely agree, Frank."

"Have you started any yet?" Piper asks.

"It's cute how much faith you have in people." I sigh walking around the other side of her car and opening the door. Her car is surprisingly clean, minus the mountain of textbooks acting as a barrier between the two seats.

"So close yet so far, Hazel." Percy laughs. Frank starts flipping through the radio stations as Piper tosses her bag in his lap.

"I'm not your storage unit."

"Yeah, but you love me so deal with it hoe." She says backing out of her parking space.

"So when's the wedding?" Percy asks. Piper flips him off from the front seat as she gets us out of the parking lot.

"She's not my type." Frank says.

"Yeah he likes submissive pussy, not the kind that takes what it wants." I bust out laughing at her words and so does Frank.

"Oh my god Piper, you're such a fucking slut it's amazing." He says.

"Thanks babydoll." She says. "So Hazel I'm corrupting you."

"Please don't, I like my life without the constant fear of STIs." Percy starts cackling beside me.

"Wow I'm just a punching bag today."

"Let's be real Piper, you should start purchasing lube and condoms in bulk, you'd really benefit from all the money you'd save." Percy puts his hands on her shoulders.

"Jesus, I can't enjoy sex?"

"Please, are high school boys even that good?" I ask, "Because in my experience, no, they aren't."

"Back up, since when are you not a virgin?" Percy asks.

"Uh… I was… either fifteen or fourteen." I say trying to think back.

"Same." Piper chuckles from the front seat. "But I also got a vibrator before I got a boyfriend, so, you know."

"I wish! I didn't know what an orgasm was until I was sixteen and it was not because of a penis."

"Piper, you've already corrupted Hazel, she just said penis." Percy says.

"Good." Piper says almost sternly. "Come on Jackson when did you lose your V-card?"

"Well… sixteen I think. You're sixteen sophomore year right?"

"Yeah… Wow sixteen sounds like baby age now." Frank says.

"I know." I nod, "It's like when you first turn ten and you think, wow I'm old enough to have two digits in my age, I'm so cool, but then you turn twelve or thirteen and you're like. Damn I was a child."

"Let's be real here, I regret everything I did at ages eleven through fourteen." Piper says. "What about you Frank, had any hot and steamy affairs in your short life?"

"Nah, I've never really had any desire to."

"Waiting till marriage?" Percy asks.

"Waiting till I want to have sex."

"Good it's not worth it if you don't want it." Piper says parking.

"Are you honestly trying to tell me you want some drunk jock/stoner/whatever sticking it in you every week?" Percy asks.

She unbuckles her seatbelt and turns around to face us. "Yes, and if they're just, 'sticking it in me' then I'm leaving. I like having sex, but I'll never settle for boring, _just fuck me_ , nonsense. No, fuck that. My sex is exciting and magical, I am an absolute gift in bed, I expect no less from anyone I'm banging."

"That was real deep." Frank says tossing her wallet onto her seat.

"It's true, have you heard what the people I sleep with say about me? I might as well be some kind of goddess."

"Then please do the world a favor and tell boys that girls do not want a big dick, we want ambiance." I tell her as we pile out of the car and into the ice cream parlor.

"Believe me I do."

"I want to hear about Hazel's first time." Percy says, "She sparked my interest."

"Oh did I?" I wink at him.

"Please don't ever do that again, it's like a kitten is trying to flirt with me. It's weird and I'm taken."

"Yeah, you're taken alright, but is she?" Piper asks as we take a seat in one of the booths.

"What does that mean?" He asks.

"It means she's got your leash in one hand and a whip in the other. I'm just saying there are no pants in your relationship, from the outside of course. I could be wrong." Piper says.

"You are, you don't get to see it, but she's very soft. Around other people it's different."

"I'll believe you." Piper says. "So Hazel your first time, go."

"Uhg…" I chuckle, "So, I had this boyfriend right?"

"Oh so you're not a lesbian?" Percy teases me, I promptly kick him from under the table. "Very funny asshole."

A waiter comes around and takes our orders before I can get back to my story.

"So this guy, well, he was special. He was my first love-"

"At fourteen?" Percy chuckles.

I snort, "Fourteen would not be the last time we bang… Anyway, we were at his house because it was cold as balls outside, and we had just come back from the mall. And I laid out on his bed because I was tired. He told me he'd never seen anyone as beautiful as me in his whole life. I told him he was alright, and he climbed on top of me. We made out for twenty minutes before he ran to his parents bedroom and grabbed a condom.

"Now at this point we both realized that neither of us knew how to put on a condom. He told me he'd just pull out, but I said no fucking way. So we pull up a wikihow on how to put on a condom, and after ten minutes of trying to figure out which way it rolled on, his hard on had gone soft. So I um… Well, I had to fix that, get the condom on, and then we finally had sex."

"That's cute, honestly." Piper says wrapping an arm around my shoulders trying not to laugh.

"Go ahead and laugh." I start laughing, "It's ridiculous."

"This is why you don't have sex at fourteen." Percy teases me.

"You want to hear the funniest part?"

"Yes." Piper says resting her head in her hand.

"When he finished, and like, rolled off of me, he looks at me and goes, 'that was amazing, wasn't it?' and as he's kissing my cheek I go, 'I don't know.'"

They all start laughing really hard at that.

"Ooo, that had to hurt." Frank covers his face, as if he's trying really hard not to laugh.

"Because I'd never had sex at that point, how was I supposed to know if it was amazing or not? It was alright, but later on when I'd learn how sex was supposed to feel… Let's just say he learned to make me scream."

"Oh my fucking god, Hazel." Percy puts his head in his hand. "I remember the first time I had sex, was at a rave, but neither my girlfriend or I were high, we were just really in the mood. And I asked for a condom from one of the guys next to me. And he goes, yeah sure man, a broken one or nah?"

Piper pinches the bridge of her nose as Frank and I shake with laughter. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I'm not." Percy assures her, "I got an unbroken one and then awkwardly pinned my girlfriend against a bathroom wall and tried to have sex with her… The first time I missed her vag and just ended up sliding my condomed dick in between us. The second time I almost jammed it into her thigh. Third time I got it in and it was… An experience."

"Sure if that's what you want to call it." Frank nodded, clapping Percy's shoulder. Our sundaes and shakes arrive just in time so our waiter will not hear about our sex lives.

"Piper, spill. How'd you lose your virginity." Percy folds his arms over his chest.

She shakes her head. "You don't know me well enough for me to give you that story."

"Why not?" Frank asks genuinely.

"I don't kiss and tell."

"Fuck and tell?" Percy snorts.

"You're a piece of shit." She sighs but with a humored smile.

"So I told you how I lost my virginity because…?" I chuckle slightly but awkwardly

"Because you chose to do so without me telling you to?"

"Tell us one of your firsts then."

"Fine." She folds her arms. "The first time a gave a guy a blowjob, I demanded that he eat me out, because I'm not going to just give someone head without due payment, you know?" Percy and I laugh but not exactly at her, just at the thought. "Hazel please tell me you know the joy of being eaten out."

"Not exactly no…" I chuckle.

"You have not lived my friend." She says, "Anyway I tell him to eat me out, so I gave him his blowjob and after a like ten minute wait period He starts going down on me right? First of all he pulled me to the edge of the bed and dangled my legs off the bed. Do you know how hard it is to be pleasured like that? I was scared to like, moan or anything because what if I fall off the fucking bed and land on his face?"

"Shit man!" Percy snort.

"Yeah, so he's eating me out and he's actually not that bad at it. Let me tell you I've had some oral sex so bad I started texting in the middle of it. But he was really good, especially since it was both of our first times giving and recieving oral. So I'm like trying real hard not to fall off of the bed right?"

"This is not going good places." Frank says nervously.

"No because The was the exact moment I learned that female ejaculation is a thing."

"Mother fucker." Percy starts snorting.

"So I'm totally like, shit I just peed all other this guy's face, and I mean like, it was a lot of stuff, coming out. You know?"

"No." All three of us say between fits of laughter.

"Well, lots of stuff came out of me. And I was ready to cry when he looks up at me and says, 'damn you taste good.' And I'm like, dude what the fuck? So I go home, crying, and google whether or not that was normal. Find out yes, it is normal. And ever since I make sure that he's not the only one cuming."

"Um…. Okay." Frank said awkwardly. "So, any tips?"

Percy smacks Frank's chest. "Dude!"

"What?!" Frank starts laughing. Piper and I start giving tips on how to best get a girl hot, the guys laugh at us. Piper drives us home at the end of the night, Mrs. Di Angelo has waited for me.

"I'm sorry." I say quickly, "Am I home late?"

"No, honey, you're not. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yes, I am… Thank you."

"Of course." She smiles at me, "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun." I tell her.

"I'm glad. Who'd you go with?"

I try not to stutter, "Oh, Piper, and Frank… And Percy."

"Boys huh?" She smirks, I feel my face start to burn with heat. "I'm kidding, it sounds like it was fun."

"It was. It was a lot of fun." I nod.

"Go on up to bed, I'm done drilling you for tonight." She says leaving as soon as the words are out of her mouth.

I find myself smiling as I head upstairs and crawl into bed.


	8. Chapter 8 Beauty in Awkwardness

**Leo**

" _There is such beauty in awkwardness."_

I'm so fucking bored. School is so fucking boring. College applications are so fucking boring. I've actually started working on it and I'm just so over this bullshit. Why am I doing this again? I turn away from my computer and flop on my bed. This sucks, this fucking sucks. Why is this even important? I don't care about college at all it's just-

"Hey." I look up and see Calypso climbing through my window. "Mind if I come in?"

"Not at all." I smile softly at her.

"My whole family was pissing me off." She says straddling my lap before she kisses me. A small moan transfers from her lips to mine. "I need sex."

"Me too, school is kicking my ass." I kiss her neck and watch the shivers run through her skin.

"Jesus you know what you're doing." She says with a sigh.

"Well, we do practice a lot." I chuckle into her neck as she leans forward. I lay out on the bed and she kisses my face, every bit of my face. We tangle our bodies together and have our moments together as if they aren't just moments.

Two hours later we're still laying in bed together, I still need to grab my boxers and she's still listening to my sound of the autumn wind gliding through my open window mixes with the sounds of cars driving by. There's a lingering scent of rain hanging in the air, and everything seems so effortless. The opposite of college apps and homework.

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"My dad's mad."

"About the baby?"

"That, and he's mad at me, and Zoe. He's just angry in general."

"What happened this time?"

"Zoe thinks she's gay. But she's only told me about it. I think my dad's suspicious of her. You know he's never liked how close Zoe and I are."

"He's not going to do anything, is he?"

"Does he ever do anything?" Calypso sits up.

"You're lucky he doesn't." I say sitting up, holding her shoulders gently. "You know he could do worse things."

"I hate it when he yells. That's all he does at home now."

"Is he actually home for once?"

"Less than usual. He claims his work schedule has him carrying the world. But he stays there until early in the morning, when he comes home, he yells at my mom for not waiting up for him, or whatever. Then he just leaves again, I don't know where he goes, or what he does. He's just gone."

"But, don't you like it when he's gone?"

She shrugs, turning back to look at me. "It's like I want what I can't have. I want my dad, until my dad comes home. Then I want a real dad who actually gives a shit about me. Then I want my mom, until I realize that my mom just wants kids, and then I want a mom who will actually love me. It's a catch 22."

"Sure, we'll go with that." I kiss her shoulder but she lifts up my head so our eyes meet.

"I'm scared to go home, Leo. I'm scared because Aj and Felix are starting to think the way our dad treats our mom is okay. Agnes says she hates our dad and she's four years old. Leah is spending so much more time out of the house and she's twelve. I don't know what to do. They're my kids, but I never see them, and I can't take care of them, because our mother thinks that being physically present is enough."

"Hey, it's okay." I hug her to me. "Don't be scared."

"It's my home, but it's also my hell. I'm so alone there."

"But Zoe's there, and you love your family."

"A family that might as well be ghosts. They don't exist Leo. It's like I'm in solitary confinement."

"I'm here."

"Yeah, but you're not in that house. I have no fucking conections to the outside world."

"You stay at school until like six anyway, and you have work."

"Yeah work in a place that hasn't seen business since nineteen ninety eight. And a school where the only people who like me are the administration and teachers."

"Who cares who they are? They're people you make a connection with."

She slumps into me, "I want a family."

"You have me."

"You'll do." She smirks up at me. "Do I need to put clothes on?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean is papa gonna waltz in here and see me naked, again?"

"Oh, my parents aren't home right now."

"Oh, Leo, is she-"

"She's fine, it's just a sleep study or whatever." I shrug reaching to the floor to pick up my shorts. She grabs my arm and pulls me up to kiss her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even think to ask."

"It's alright, You know I hate it when people ask me about it."

"Well still, I'm over here bitching."

"You're always bitching."

"Shut up." I kiss her, because I need the feeling and taste of someone's lips to smother my feelings back into my body. I can't deal with my life, right now. Not while everything is so, difficult. Everyone expects me to keep them updated, to tell them what's up, what's going on. But I don't know, it's not my body, not my doctors appointments, I don't know what's going on with my mom because she's my mom and she doesn't want me to worry.

"Hey, I'm here you know." She says.

"I know that." I sigh my gaze falls over to my computer where my college essays are still pulled up.

"School work?"

"College application." I say.

"I thought you weren't going away." She says with a voice so small I could almost think she's afraid.

"I get benefits because of my mom, so I figure why not?"

"Did your dad force you into it?"

"No… I just think, maybe I could do it."

"Since when?"

"Are you mad at me or something?"

"No, I just wasn't sure. You never seemed to want to go to college, so I just wondered what happened."

"I don't know what happened. I want to try though."

"Okay." she nods getting out of my bed and starting to get dressed. I pull on some boxers and watch in awe as she pulls on her jeans. Once her bra is on, I can't help myself from kissing her again, there's something extremely attractive about a woman in jeans and a bra.

"Come on I just put my clothes back on. If you wanted a round two you should have said so ten minutes ago."

"I don't want another round. I just want to kiss you." I say.

She nods kissing my lips again before we hear a knock at my window. We both turn to see Zoe standing outside looking at us with her arms folded over her chest as if she was disappointed in us.

Calypso quickly snatches her shirt, probably embarrassed that her sister is seeing us like this, even though she's seen us do worse. I walk over to the window to let her in.

"What's up Zoe?" I ask as she climbs over the window sill into my room.

"Same old." She sighs, "Callie mom's not home yet and Agnes keeps asking me if dad killed her yet. Felix told her she's dead and that you are too and now she won't stop crying."

"God, that kid doesn't know when to stop." Calypso sighs walking over to her sister. "Let's go. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah…" I wait to see if she'll kiss me, when she doesn't I help them out the window, and watch them disappear into the night.

I turn back to my computer, my college essay just staring at me, and I opt to text Hazel instead of worrying about the future. She tells me that she and Frank are chilling at Piper's place, so I tell her I'm going to crash the party. She give me the address. I walk to Piper's house even though it's pretty far, and knock on the door.

Piper answers in a sports bra and shorts that could barely pass as shorts.

"Water." I push past her, "Your house if far as fucking shit." I make a scene of panting for air.

"Aw, what a little shit head." Piper snorts ruffling my hair before leaving the front hall to grab me a glass of water.

Piper's house is huge, from the outside it seems like a greek mansion, it's ridiculous. Inside it's even more lavish and grand. I'm almost positive that the whole house is made out of imported shit from all over the world.

"Come on, the children are upstairs." She says, leading me up the stairs to her bedroom, which I need to say is probably bigger than the whole second story of my house. There's a freaking king sized bed, three full book shelves, and two desks. Who the fuck needs two desks?

Hazel And Frank are sitting on her bed, which has some kind of flower pattern on it, shoving each other around.

"Piper, tell Frank he's an ass." Hazel complains.

"Frank, you're an ass." I say for her as I sit on her bed. I swear to god she sleeps on clouds.

"I love you, Frank." She smiles at him, "But I agree with, Hazel. You suck."

"Thanks." He sighs. "I can go."

"Not until Jason gets here."

"We're going to see the great and mighty Jason emerge from his illness?" Frank teases throwing a pillow at Hazel.

"Hey!" She laughs, sitting up in an attempt to smother him. He easily picks her up and tosses her carelessly across the bed. The bed is so big, however, she stays on with enough room to roll over still.

"Hoe." Frank says before she flips him off.

"Can you feel the love tonight-"

"Shut up Leo." Piper says basically slapping the whole of my face with both of her hands.

"Why don't you love me?" I ask, she leans forward and kisses my cheek. "Stop." I groan.

"Fuck you, do you want me or not?"

Before I can answer her, she's jumping off the bed and out of the room.

"Where are you going?" I ask her.

"She's running away from all the sin inside of you." Frank says.

"Man what the hell?" I laugh.

Hazel snorts behind him before decomposing into bubbling laughter.

"I'm hilarious." Frank tugs on the collar of his tee shirt.

"Look at this loser." Piper walks back into her room with Jason behind her.

"Hey! You gonna puke on us?" I ask.

"Just you." He rolls his eyes.

"Not on my bed you're not." She says tugging him over to laying out on her bed. There are five fucking teenagers laying on this bed. What the fuck?

"Piper?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"What the hell do your parents do?"

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"Your house looks like it was sculpted, not built." Hazel translates.

"And I think I've seen pictures of you in eight different countries at varying ages." Frank says.

"Not to mention that this room is bigger than half of my house." I say.

"Well…" She seems reluctant to tell us.

"Come on you told us that you thought you peed on a guys face, what's so bad about your parents?" Frank asks.

"Drug lords. They're both drug lords." Jason says.

"I fucking wish. That'd be bomb." She chuckles before turning the question on Jason. "Well what do your parents do? I've seen your fancy ass house."

"My house is not this nice." Jason says. "My dad's a big CEO, my mom's a stay at home mom."

"You can live in that house with one income? Damn boy, sign me up to be a fucking housewife." Piper shoves him lightly.

"What's your damage?" He asks half chuckling, but almost like he's offended.

She shrugs. "It depends on who you ask."

"I'm asking you." He tells her.

She pauses for a moment, deciding which question to answer. "My dad's an actor, my mom has her own business."

"An actor? Like an _actor_?" Hazel teases her.

"Have you seen him in your favorite porn?" Piper asks her.

"What's your dad's name?" Frank asks.

"He's not really in porn." Piper says quickly, which causes Jason and I to laugh.

"Duh." Frank rolls his eyes. "But what's his name?"

"Tristan." She says.

"Tristan what?" I ask running through movies that I've seen. She couldn't be-... No. She can't be related to...

"Tristan McLean." She says a pinkish tone settling across her cheeks.

"No. Fucking. Way." All of our jaws drop. Tristan McLean has been in everything from award winning drama's, to historically inaccurate action films. He's been in Disney channel bullshit. The man can do anything he so pleases. And his sexy as all hell daughter is sitting in front of me… I'm in his house.

"Shut your fucking traps, this does not leave this room."

"Cross my heart." Jason promises.

"I believe you, I'm looking at you, Leo. Not a word to anyone."

"Scouts honor." I hold up my hands.

"But, what are you doing in New York?" Hazel asks, she looks ready to pass out.

"My dad's on Broadway for another year."

"What's he doing?" Jason asks.

"He's the lead in the Producers." She rolls her eyes and flicks her hand as if his work is meaningless to her.

"I didn't know he was married." Frank says.

"Good, I don't understand why people have to know every detail of our lives." She huffs, "And anyway, my parents aren't married. They share a house, a daughter, her trust fund, and their lives. But they don't want to be married. Don't ask me why."

"Who is your mom anyway?" I ask.

"Who're your parents?" She looks at me folding her arms in just a way that pushes her breasts together for max cleavage.

I could tell them that my mom is sick, but that's not exactly something I want them to know. I don't need anymore people thinking, poor fucking Leo. "My dad owns an auto shop. And if it makes you feel better, my parents aren't married either. But don't fucking ask me why."

She nods, a small smirk spreading across her face. "My mom is the owner of Aphrodite Boutique."

"That explains your unfairly perfect complexion. Her skin is goals." Hazel groans.

"Ew."

"So your mom makes girls sexy af?" I ask.

"Well, I mean, she did make me." Piper says.

"That's so wrong." Jason covers his eyes.

"Mind bleach won't work. Trust me, if it had I would have used it a long time ago."

"So what's it like having famous parents?" Hazel asks. I look at her, passing a glance over Frank who seems to have checked out of the conversation.

"Well, this house is empty isn't it?" She asks bitterly, it's strange how that look reminds me of Calypso.

"Oh…" Hazel says. "My mom was never really home much either." She says cryptically.

"Is she dead?" Frank asks softly.

"No, no. I just live with my dad now. It's kind of complicated." She rubs her arms nervously.

"Let's get some fucking food." Piper says standing up and taking a seat at the desk with a computer. "Who wants pizza?"

"Me." Hazel groans crawling over to lay her head on Frank's lap. "Lighten up will you?" She teases poking his chest.

He looks down at her with what I hope is a joking glare. "You're absolutely puny."

"Rude." She snorts rolling off of him.

"It's true." Jason says walk towards the end of the bed. "I could just…" He picks her up and slings her over his shoulder.

"Jason Samuel Grace! You better put me the fuck down before I beat your fucking smug ass into the ground!" She shrieks, which forces all of us to laugh.

"Is cheese good!?" Piper shouts over our laughter.

"YAS!" I shout still laughing.

"Jason!" Hazel squeaks out as he pretends to drop her.

"Say please." Jason taunts her.

"Just throw her to me." Frank says climbing off the bed.

"I will kill both of you!" Hazel screams as Jason tosses her to Frank.

"Am I light enough for you?" Frank asks snickering when he catches her bridal style.

"As the mother fucking sun. Now let go!"

Frank puts her down gently and Hazel shoves him with all her might, only managing to get him stumbling back a few steps.

"Piper, boys are assholes." She groans.

"You're telling me, ask me how many times I've had to tell a boy that we don't pee from our vagina's."

"Pee is so weird." I say making everyone in the room laugh with me. "It is, what if instead of cuming you peed?"

"Okay A, what the fuck?" Jason asks laughing.

"B, not anatomically possible." Piper says.

"C, if it is happening, please call a doctor." Frank snorts.

"D, why the fuck?" Hazel asks.

"I'm a loser with no time to use google." I hold my hands up in defense.

"Hey so… No?" Piper asks. "Please?"

"Fine. I'm really feeling loved here." I roll my eyes, but I really shouldn't have said that because in a second I'm being tackled by all of them trying to hug me. We start wrestling somehow, and I can't stop laughing.

Piper decides she doesn't want to break the floor so she takes us all downstairs to the entertainment room. "Please, pick any movie that doesn't have my father in it." She says, "You guys want drinks?"

We tell her what we want to drink and off she goes, with Jason following behind her.

"He wants her doesn't he?" I ask the other two.

"Yeah, it's gross huh?" Frank says. "He probably wants her for sex."

"You think so?" Hazel asks.

"Have you met the guy? Perfect football player type, obviously there's something fucked up about him. Everyone has something fucked up about them."

I snort. "Do you have a crush on her, big guy?"

"Not at all." He shakes his head. "I just don't trust him with her."

"Did he do something to you dude?"

"No, but I'm also not a girl."

"Oh my god, you're not serious are you?" Hazel asks. "Jason's not going to beat and or roofie her."

"I'm not saying that. I think he's going to fuck her until he gets bored. And which one's worse?"

Which one _is_ worse? "What's your damage Frank?"

He looks at me, both humored and almost pissed off. "If I was a video game character, I'd have one hit point left. I'm just waiting on that last sucker punch."

"Who wanted the legal beer?" Piper asks walking back into the room carrying three glasses. Jason is carrying another three behind her. I notice, his eyes are clawing their way up her legs to her ass as she bends over to place the glasses on coasters. I can't help but think about what Frank said. Jason's gotta have something wrong with him. We're all a little bit fucked up, afterall. Me for instance, the idiotic class clown, with a dying mother. Calypso has absent to the point of neglectful parents, a mom who loves being pregnant more than she loves her children. A gay sister and little siblings starved for attention.

What about Jason? What about Frank and Hazel? What's Piper's damage?

"Where are Percy and Annabeth?" I ask, my thoughts having wandered to them.

"On a date to some concert." Piper rolls her eyes. "Annabeth's a fucking tease, she tells me she wants to hang out sometime and then ditches me for Percy."

"I'd ditch you for Percy. I mean, have you seen the guy?" Jason chuckles taking a seat.

"Oh yeah, totally your type." Frank rolls his eyes.

"Maybe he is." Jason challenges him jokingly. "I've always liked trouble.

"You're in luck, we have that in surplus supply." Piper says kicking out her hip as she sets up the TV.

"Please for the love of god, not Frozen." Hazel says as we start actually picking a movie to watch.

The pizza arrives just as we decide to watch Teen Beach Movie. Which is worse than Frozen it's so bad that we just end up making fun of it the whole time and have to watch High School Musical to cleanse ourselves of the absolute sin that is Teen Beach Movie.

"Kids these days, they think bullshit parodies are hilarious. In my day you had to have plot to be considered funny." Frank shakes his fist at the TV as Troy starts getting his head in the game. "This is real entertainment, something you can really get down to."

"Yeah, grandpa get jiggy with it." Piper snorts.

"What'd you say?" I ask cupping my ear to emphasise the point.

"When we're in an old folks home we're still gonna get down to Bop to the Top. Don't doubt me on this." Hazel says.

Hazel then forces us to dance with her for We're All in This Together. It's still stuck in my fucking head. Even now as Jason is driving me home, per Piper's request.

"Fun times." I sigh as Jason gets back on the road. He's driving Frank and I home. Hazel's spending the night.

"Yeah, I'll say." Jason chuckles, "So, Frank."

"What's up?" Frank asks.

"Do you have a thing with Piper?"

"God fucking damnit." Frank sighs. "Can't I live? Can't I have a friend who also happens to be a girl?"

"A girl who's a big fat slut?" I snicker.

They both say, "Shut up." In perfect unison.

"Alright, alright." I chuckle sitting back.

After a moment of silence Jason says, "So, no?"

"Just ask her out man, what do you have to lose?"

"Besides your picture perfect reputation." I add onto Frank's comment.

"I just… I don't know man."

Frank sighs, "Look if you want to date her just fucking do it. Who cares what your football friends think?"

"But do you think she'd say yes?" Jason asks again.

"She may be a hoe, but she's still a person. Look at Annabeth, she's kind of rude and cold, but she's a person with a boyfriend."

"Annabeth's different." Jason says. "She's a goody-goody like me."

"So what?" I ask.

"Piper's just…."

"Do you want to fight me on this?" Frank says lowly, in an almost growl of a tone. "Because she's my friend you know."

"I'm not saying she's not… I'm saying she's just, different from any other girl I've liked before."

"Look man." I sigh, "Take me for example. I'm with a girl who is not my girlfriend, but she's my best friend, sure we sleep together and kiss and stuff. But we're not a thing. Neither of us want that. So talk it out with her and make a fucking deal. Or don't do anything about it."

"Who?" Jason asks.

"Just a girl… She doesn't go to school with us. She goes to Romwell."

"Yeah but who is she?"

"Her name's Calypso, we met in like, the sixth grade. Why do you care?"

"Sorry, I just, didn't know you had a girl in your life."

"She's not my girlfriend." I sound defensive, but I'm not her boyfriend. She'd kill me if my friends thought she was my girlfriend. Hell, I'd kill her if her friends thought I was her boyfriend.

"Okay." Jason says. "Frank, how about you?"

"No."

"Boyfriend?"

"No."

How about-"

"Stop." He says ending the conversation.

I see my house coming into view, it looks so small and worn now that I've been to a famous actor's home.

Jason sighs, parking on the street. "Will your parents be mad you're home late?"

"Nah." I shrug, "See you guys on Monday."

"Later." Frank says as I climb out of the car.

I get inside the house and lock the door behind me. I go upstairs only to see my college essay. Staring right back at me.


	9. Chapter 9 Nobody

**Note: ANNABETH'S OPINION OF POKEMON IS NOT MY OPINION. Seperation of author and character y'all**

 **Annabeth**

" _I'm still nobody when am I not going to be nobody?"_

"Annabeth, get up, you'll be late." My mom knocks heavily on my door. I slowly open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. Fuck Mondays. Absolutely fuck them. I throw on sweatpants and grab myself some breakfast down in the kitchen. "You're going to school dressed like that?" My mom asks me when I sit down with my cereal.

"Yeah. Why?"

"It's not appropriate."

I shrug, "They don't care."

"Alright…" She says standing up from the table and putting her dishes in the sink. She starts walking out of the kitchen.

"Bye." I say.

"Bye." She says half heartedly. Thanks so much mom, really.

I get the boys in the car and drop them off for school, before getting myself to school. I don't spend much time in the hallways, I just get myself to english as quickly as possible, keeping my head down as I go.

I take a nap in english, like I actually fall asleep. I don't mean to, I just do. I'm so bored with myself and everything. This class is obnoxiously slow I can barely even function. They call this AP?

In physics I take my seat and wait anxiously for Percy. Ever since our first date, I've felt like I need to take care of him. He comes to my locker and walks me to my classes. I kiss him, but not often and not for long. At lunch if we go to a secluded part of the fine arts building, I'll oblige him with a quick make out, but in school I refuse.

We've been on another date since the shitty horror film, and we did a lot more kissing. I'm afraid that he thinks of me as a conquest, like I'm something he can own if he takes me on enough dates. I'm scared of sex, of giving him that much commitment when I can't even give that kind of commitment to myself.

God, what is my problem? Aside from the fact that I hate myself. Why can't I just let him do what he wants with me? It's not like I have any value, and he sees value in me. Why can't I give him that?

I guess I can't give what I never had myself.

"Hey wise girl." He smirks at me, taking his seat. "You avoiding me?" I didn't text him yesterday, I'm sure he's joking but I still feel my face burn.

"Why would I?" I ask him.

"I don't know. That time of the month?" He asks.

"Fuck you."

"I'm just messing with you." He says grabbing my hand from my desk. His rough hand creates friction as he smooths down my skin.

"You're being a weird asshole right now." I say, "The asshole part is normal, where's this weird coming from?"

"It's a good day. I'm feeling it."

"What makes today so good?"

"You're here, to be the sunshine in the middle of my October."

"Who needs sunshine in October?" I ask.

"Don't tell me you're a sweater weather enthusiast."

"I like being able to wear jeans and sweatpants without dying of heat stroke."

"Fair point." He nods. "I guess I just missed your pretty face."

"Well aren't you smooth as silk." I scoff at him.

"You love it. Or me. You know you do."

"Could you not?"

"You're so cute when you pretend not to love me." I give him a sideways glance as class begins. We are again left to our own devices and Percy takes this to mean he's allowed to tease me.

He pulls me so close I'm almost on his lap, which makes me wildly uncomfortable. I mean we're in a fucking science lab. Then he starts kissing the back of my neck making me even more uncomfortable, but I'm too scared to tell him that. I let him continue to do this until I can't stand the sharp chills running up and down my whole body, prickling with discomfort. Swiftly I stand up to grab some supplies for our project. Feeling awfully disgusted with myself, I head back but stay on the opposite side of the table.

"You're such a tease."

"Me?" I ask in shock. "Are you kidding, you're the one getting all up in my business."

"Yeah, that's not teasing, that's giving."

Is it still giving if I don't want it? "Whatever." I look back down at our assignment.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks.

"No." I say.

"Then what is it? Why are you ignoring me?" He asks again, I can't tell if his whining is fake or not.

"You know I don't like it when you're so… public with me." I say the last part as if I'm ashamed to say it, even though I was hoping to sound more accusing.

"I didn't actually. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I say feeling small as he walks around the table, this time to sit next to me.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's fine, Percy, really. I just don't…. It makes me feel weird okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

I feel bad for making him feel bad, so I lean a little bit closer to him. He reciprocates by putting an arm around my waist.

Class ends, even if the pace is incredibly slow. Percy and I leave together, him talking about plans for our next date. I nod whenever her asks me if it's exciting to think about. He lets me go to my next class, I sulk in my seat, feeling this pit in my stomach.

I just made my boyfriend feel like shit for loving me. For appreciating the body that I hate. His kisses are never ill meant, and he didn't mean any harm by it, but what did I do? I told him to stop it because I felt uncomfortable. Who the fuck feels uncomfortable around their boyfriend?

Why can't I just like it when he kisses me? What is so fucked up about me that I can't hold myself together in fucking physics of all places, because I'm terrified for no reason. I'm such a goddamn dumb ass. God, why do I have to be like this?

At lunch I find Percy by my locker, he's leaned up against it casually looking at me with expectation. "Hey."

"Hey." I say, "You wanna go to the fine arts building?"

"Is that too public for you?" He teases, but I can only think, fucking kill me. "Of course."

Hand in hand we walk out to the next building, where we hide away in a tucked away corner of the hall. Why we do this I have no fucking clue, but at least it's far away from people. He says that he likes just kissing me, that it makes him feel alive. While I would normally think that's bullshit, I can't help but feel like it means something to me.

He takes a gentle hold of my face, runs his fingers from my jaw to my chin, he seems to take in every inch of my face before deciding where the best place to kiss me would be. I go for his lips his warm cracking lips that still feel soft against my own. I feel fear and worry build up inside of me, what if this isn't good enough for him?

I keep my lips against his, I breathe him in, only to inflate my worry. His hands have left my face, they find my curls, and my shirt to hold onto. I feel like I want to run away, but I can't because he's holding me here. I tell myself to stop it, I'm supposed to be his girlfriend and I already suck at that because I don't want him kissing me.

He makes me feel numb, but not the kind of numb that Dickens makes me feel, he makes me feel everything all at once, so intensely that I feel nothing. Like every nerve and circuit board in my body is on overload and at a stand still. When I don't know how to feel, I revert to fear, because oh my god his hand is on my skin.

His hands, creep up my shirt so that they encompass my hips, now I really can't run away even if I wanted to. I mean, I shouldn't want to, so why do I? Why can't I just be fucking normal? Why can't I want him to touch every inch of me, like we're in some movie and touching is half the story telling? I wish I wanted him more than I do, he could give me so much, but I have nothing to give in return.

What kind of a shit human being am I? What is wrong with me? He's kissing my neck now, sucking at the skin like he's a fucking vacuum. My worry mixes in my stomach, making me feel sick, I'm ready to ask him if we can stop but my voice is dead in my throat. I can't speak without wanting to cry, my mouth would betray me and say something wrong, because my thoughts are all wrong.

"Hey, what do you say we finish this later?" He chuckles, apparently not noticing me at all. Maybe I don't mean anything to him, I mean if he can't tell how nervous I am.

"Time for class already?"

"Yeah… Unless you don't mind being a little late." He gives me a teasing smile, leaning into me again to kiss my jaw.

"Of course I mind, dummy." I say grabbing my backpack off the floor. "You ready to go?"

"Sure thing." He nods, taking my hand to lead me out of the hall. We walk into the building hand in hand, my skin prickling with some kind of nerves. I hate how my body always sends me mixed signals.

He drops me off at my architecture class, I give him a quick kiss before hiding in my own skin. Leo comes in right before the bell rings.

"Wow, it's a miracle, you aren't late to class for once." I tease him.

"Hey so, be my partner for this next project?" He asks, leaning on my desk. For some reason I get a wafted smell of motor oil coming off of him. I wonder if his car had some kind of leak.

"You gonna slack on me?" I ask him.

"Not a chance princess."

"Don't call me princess." I say with a sigh.

"Fine." He smirks ruffling my hair as he heads back to his desk.

I sit in my desk, staring at my teacher as he drones on and on about internal structure or something. I listen but not totally. I hear bits and pieces of his lecture, but I can't force myself to listen to what he's saying.

Class ends, I leave for the library with Leo. He starts talking about all these ideas he has for poster board and whatnot. I take my seat next to Percy, who kisses my cheek the moment he sees me.

"I only downloaded the whole fucking album." Piper says.

"Please don't tell me you actually watched the second one." Leo groans sitting across the table.

"I told you that I couldn't stop watching it, no matter how hard I tried. They have a good message." She argues.

"They kind of shove it down your throat don't you think?" Jason asks. "I mean they threw the whole girls are just as good as boys trope in your face every five seconds."

"I love it, honestly. I would want my children to see that movie, it's really progressive if you think about it."

"Anything's progressive if you think about it." Leo says, "That's no excuse to watch a shitty movie."

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Teen Beach Movie." Piper tells me, "It's a statement peice."

"It's for preteens who think if you make fun of a genre it's an educated form of entertainment." Frank says.

"But it's not. Think about it, when was the last time you watched a movie aimed at teens, preteens, and kids, actually a movie aimed at anyone, where the main couple doesn't kiss once during the whole film?"

"Never, and that's why it's bad." Hazel chuckles.

"No that's why it's so good. Think about it, a relationship that doesn't rely on physical contact, no kissing or anything. They like each other as people, now imagine a young kid sees that. Then they realize there's more to relationships than physical attraction."

"You're looking too into it, literally it's just another shitty Disney movie." Jason tells her.

"Disney knows how to define a generation while being family friendly. They don't freak out the parents, but the teach little kids good lessons. Look at High School Musical. Defined our generation. Huh?"

"Alright, Piper, whatever you say." Jason shakes his head smiling at her.

"Why the sudden interest in Teen Beach Movie?" I ask her.

"We watched it at my house on Saturday." Piper says, "I invited your boyfriend, but he was rude and didn't even text me back."

"Suck my ass." Percy says. "We were on a hot date."

"I'm sure. Did you get asked for a broken one this time?" She asks.

"God you're being a bitch today."

"I'm always a bitch."

"It's true she is always a bitch." Frank says.

"You're her bitch though." Leo says.

"You are all my bitches." Piper snickers.

"I'm sure." Jason rolls his eyes.

I sit there and feel a mixture of emotions, I feel sad almost. I mean, I guess these people are my friends. Or I think they are. I mean, Piper, Hazel, and Leo talk to me a lot. They seem to want to talk to me, be involved with my life. And yet I don't really treat them that way, do I?

If I am their friend I suck at it. I hardly text them, I'm rude, and I never seem to appreciate them. And then I expect them to let me hang out with them and shit because I'm a piece of crap. And now I'm angry with myself because, wow, I am just a shallow bitch.

They continue their conversation, not noticing how critical and hateful I'm being of myself. I know that they probably don't care and they shouldn't have to. I'm just… Uhg I'm so done with myself today. I just can't handle anything that's happening without my stomach filling with worry, and my mind running away from me. I'm afraid of everything, especially myself. I feel invisible, like I don't exist even in my own life. Like I'm just a prop. Even when Percy touches me, no matter what Piper says to me, and Leo calling me princess made me feel even more transparent than before.

I'm just a ghost, that's it, that has to be it. I'm so small and see-through, there's no way. I'm just haunting my own existence, right?

I can't be lost in my own life, that's not how these things work. This can't be what it feels like to grow up, because I've grown out of my skin. I've grown out of myself, and that's not how things are supposed to work. It's like I grew up too fast and my body couldn't keep up with my mind. And I hate it. I hate it so much, my head hurts thinking about it.

I have a hard time distinguishing whether I hate myself, or my situation. There's a constant struggle between me and my life. I guess this is a real man vs. man situation.

"Hey, Annabeth, back me up here." Piper nudges me. "I'm cute right?"

I take a look at her. A long sleeved shirt that rides up her midriff and tight torn skinny jeans. She's fierce, outspoken, she knows who she is. She knows what she wants and she's not afraid of it. Maybe that's why I didn't like her at first… Because she knows who she is, and I wouldn't know who I am if it was spelled out for me.

"I'd take you to Sunday brunch. Meet my parents." I smirk. "And I won't do that for Percy, so you can figure out what that means."

"I told you I'm adorable." She says putting her hands under her chin.

"But Annabeth's cuter." Percy says.

"No." I snort, "Hazel is."

"Hazel is pretty cute." Piper observes.

"I think Leo's the cutest." Leo says under his breath.

"Nah man, have you seen Frank's eyes?" Jason asks.

The guys start to tell each other that no, they're the cutest.

"I'm braiding your hair." Piper says turning my shoulders. "Do you care what kind?"

"Nah man, do what you do." I shrug, opening Great Expectations to the last chapter. I despise this ending, why the hell does everything go full fucking circle? That's not okay and that's not how real life works. We're supposed to learn and grow as people. If I can't rely on that, then why am I still here?

I go to my next period, and my last. Nothing happens, although Hazel does invite me to go with her and Piper to do homework, but the idea of not going home after school is crippling to me. I tell her maybe we can hang out on Saturday. She takes my answer and doesn't press me further.

I get in my car and drive home quickly, there's no one home when I get there. My dad and my brothers are out at some kind of school try out for cross country, I think. I go to my room after grabbing a snack, I lock myself in. I close my eyes and start crying even though it pisses me off.

I don't want to feel this weak and helpless in my own fucking life. I shouldn't feel this way. Senior year is supposed to be the greatest year ever and all I'm doing is hating every second of it. I hate school. I hate homework. I hate applying to college. I hate my social life. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

I cry in the shower, and before I know it, I'm all cried out and I can start my homework. There is so much to do.

"You showered." I hear at the door, scaring the life out of me.

"Dad." I sigh when I realize it's just him.

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

"Just fine?"

It was terrible, horrible, awful. I'm hating myself again daddy, help me. Please. "Yeah just fine. How was your parent night thing?"

"The boys are on the team." He tells me with a smile, "Homework?"

"Working on it." I hold up my laptop which has my six page report on it.

"Good girl." Please don't chastise me dad.

"What's for dinner?"

"Leftovers. Fix some for yourself whenever you're hungry."

"Okay." He kisses my head before turning around and closing my bedroom door.

I don't go eat anything that night for dinner. I hardly even sleep either.


	10. Chapter 10 Boys Like Me

**Jason**

" _The summer sun was not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belonged to the rain."_

I get home around seven o'clock after practice, I didn't want to come home. I wanted to go anywhere but home. The only place I could have gone though, was some stupid house party. While there was a thought in the back of my head that Piper might be there, I decided not to go. So here I am on a Friday night coming home to the sounds of intense sobbing. I don't want to deal with my mother tonight.

I know I'd feel like shit if I didn't help her though, so I walk down the hall and into my mom's bedroom, she's sat on the floor by the door, crying into her hands.

"Mom." I say softly taking a seat beside her. "Mommy look at me."

She looks up slightly, her face splotched with tears and the rash associated with alcohol.

"You still have us. Your kids, remember?"

"What does it matter?" She asks.

"Thalia and I love you. You know that?"

"Not like him, he's my world."

I want to ask her, what about me? What about Thalia? Why aren't we her world? I can't get the words out of my mouth before she's sobbing again. "Mom-"

"Go away." She says rubbing her face vigorously.

"Mom."

"What!? What is it!?"

"I love you."

"Get out." She says before going back to sobbing. I'm not going to lie, I want to cry too. Not that I was expecting any different from her. Or I guess I was. I sort of, always am. I hope that if I tell her I love her enough, she'll snap out of it. But that's too much to hope for.

I get up and leave her room, going to the kitchen so I can make something for dinner. I start cooking some pasta and spaghetti sauce in a jar that I found. I get a call from Dakota, as soon as the pasta is finished cooking.

"Hello?" I answer emptying the pot of pasta into a strainer.

"Hey, so I'll be at your place in fifteen minutes, we're going to go out because you need a social life."

I turn the stove off for the sauce when I see it bubbling. "I have a social life."

"Yeah, at school and on Saturdays. When was the last time you were at a party?"

"The beginning of school. Monica's remember?"

"No, and that's how I know it was awesome." I chuckle at him while I start making myself a plate. "Come on dude."

"Make it an hour and you've got yourself a deal."

"Sweet! I'll see you then."

I sit down and start eating my dinner before making one plate for my mom and Thalia, who comes home just as I'm doing the dishes. "Hey!" I call out to the front hall.

"Hey, you made dinner." Thalia smiles at me, "Thanks squirt."

"I'm still bigger than you even if I am six years younger." I tell her closing up the dish washer.

"Yeah, yeah," She rolls her eyes as she sits down. "Did you check up on mom?" She asks observing the extra plate.

"Uhuh… I made it just in case."

"I'm actually only here for a little bit. I have a patient going into surgery in about an hour that I need to be there for. Observations and stuff."

"Being a nurse sounds like so much fun." I tease her sitting across the table.

"It is, stitches and IVs." She chuckles. "You should see some of the infections I get to clean up after."

"Sick." I nod.

"How's school?"

"It's alright. All A's, and no prospect of what I want to do in sight."

"Become a nurse." She tells me.

"Thanks but no." I shake my head.

"Well then just go to college and dick around for a year before deciding what classes to take."

"I was thinking, Thalia. What do you think about me going into aerospace?"

"Nerd!" She wrinkles her nose.

"Aw, come on."

"You know how I feel about space, bro. I hate the idea of-"

"Weightlessness and the black depths of nothing. I know. But I love physics."

"Which makes you weird enough starting out. But if you want to, you know, discover the new frontier go for it. Just promise me something."

"Sure."

"Don't you ever go off to colonize a new world. You can leave the state and even the country, but not the world. Got it?"

"Scouts honor." I cross my heart.

"You hated scouting."

"I did not."

"Yes you did. You quit the moment you got into high school."

I sigh, rolling my eyes, when I notice our mom walking into the kitchen. "Mom?"

"Don't look at me."

"Why not?" Thalia asks bitterly, "We know what you're going to do. Just get your fucking Grey Goose or whatever and go." Thalia shoves a fork full of pasta down her throat. Thalia's always been more resentful and bitter towards our mother. Probably because the drinking didn't start until Thalia was just old enough to still want her mother, but could function on her own.

Our dad got this really good job when I was about four, and he started traveling more than we saw him.

Thalia had to start taking care of me, when our mom couldn't. Thalia packed both of our lunches, she got us on the school bus on time, she made sure someone picked me up from half day daycare. She got home and did her homework while I watched Rugrats. She'd cook us dinner, give me a bath, and tuck me into bed. Some nights I'd get up and sleep with her, when I started to realize that no one would tuck her into bed, unless dad was home.

I feel bad that Thalia had been given responsibility over me, and she's never forgiven my mom for it. She never will. But she became my best friend, she took care of me not only in the physical way, but she helped me on spelling tests. She taught me multiplication when she first learned it. She never resented me, even when she hated our mother. I've always admired her for that.

"I'm actually going to head out." Thalia says as our mom closes the door to the basement.

"I'll do your dishes." I tell her standing up to grab her plate.

"Thanks." She says leaning across the table to kiss my cheek. "You might want to put that away." She says glancing at our mom's plate.

"Okay…" I nod.

"See you at like, seven tomorrow." She chuckles walking out the door.

"Bye." I say in a small voice before going to put Thalia's dishes in the sink.

I wash her dishes but leave the plate for my mom out as I go change for this party. After dressing myself in warm clothes I walk into my mom's bedroom to check up on her. She's laying out on the floor a bottle of clear alcohol sloshing and spilling next to her. I pick up the bottle, put it on her night stand, and then I pick her up and put her in bed.

"I love you mom." I say softly before kissing her cheek. Pulling the covers over her shoulders, I close the door to her room and text Dakota to see if he's here. He says he's pulling up to the house. I head outside, locking the door behind me, because you never know.

I take a moment to breathe before getting in his car.

"Hey man." I sigh putting my seatbelt on.

"So you're getting drunk, I'm designated driver, it's decided." He says speeding off towards some house party.

"No." I sigh.

"Yes. You will not be sober at this party, Grace. You have a bomb ass time when you get drunk."

"I'll take one shot but that's it."

"Fair enough, you'll be wasted with just that anyway." Dakota teases me.

"Hey I'm a lightweight so fucking what?" I also hate drinking, so….?

"Nothing, dude this party is gonna be sick. Everyone's gonna be there."

"Everyone huh? Where's the party, the gym?"

"Bruh." He chuckles, "Shut up."

We start pulling up to the party, and into the belly of the beast we go. I walk around greeting everyone I know, which is a lot of people. I see Alec with his girlfriend mounted on him and Zach chilling with George. Dakota has split away to go find Gwen. I find someone I don't expect to see.

"Percy?" I ask.

"Hey man." He raises his plastic cup of beer to me.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. You?"

"Same old."

"Ah, cool." He takes a large gulp of alcohol. "You want some?"

"Nah, thanks I'm good."

"Kay, what are you doing here. It doesn't exactly seem like your scene."

"Dakota dragged me here."

"Ah, loyalty, I get it."

"Yeah." I let the silence sink between us. "Aren't you supposed to be on a date?"

"I don't know man, she's weird about it sometimes. There are times she wants to talk to me, and times she doesn't."

"Ah…"

"See you around man."

"Be safe." I tell him as he walks away. Making my way through the crowd I stumbleupon Frank who is sitting on a couch watching different couples sucking on each other.

He looks up at me and stands to join me. "Sup?" He asks his breath heavy with alcohol.

"Not much. What are you doing here?"

"I heard it would be wild so I thought, why the fuck not?" He doesn't even seem a little bit drunk.

"How long have you been here?"

He shrugs, "Long enough to see someone jump off the balcony into the pool, and get flashed by six people. I also got hit on by a dude."

"Nice. How drunk are you?"

"I've only had five beers."

"Five? Shit man I can't do that."

He snorts, "Good, it's not enough. Want a jello shot?"

"Fuck, alright." I sigh following him to the kitchen. After passing three nearly naked couples we grab ourselves some homemade jello shots. They taste like sugary bullshit.

"So, now that you have some liquid courage, who are you gonna fuck?" He asks.

"What the hell? Who are you Leo?"

"Nah man, Leo left already. Something about some girl."

"Some girl?"

"Yeah, she called him and asked if he would do something for her or something. But what about you?"

"What about me? I'm not planning on fucking anyone."

"Not even Piper?" My face must do something dumb because he starts laughing.

"How did you guess?"

"Everyone has. It's no secret bruh."

"But I don't want to sleep with her." I tell him.

"Then what do you want to do to her?"

"I don't want to do anything _to_ her."

He suddenly looks very confused, "What then?"

"I just, really like her… I don't know. I mean there's a lot of things I don't like about her. Like I hate how much she sleeps with other people, and I hate how she's a self proclaimed bitch. And I hate that my friends can tell me how she is in bed. But I still want to date her but I don't know why."

"She's a good person, that's why. She's a good person and a good friend."

"But she's a whore."

"So?"

"I don't know man, this is what goes on in my mind." I sigh. "What do I do?"

"Well the first step is talk to her. The next is whatever you decide."

"Alright." I don't think I'll be doing that… But okay.

"Later, I'm going outside to watch people dive into the cold as fuck pool."

"Bye." I nod as he leaves, again I start wandering through the party.

I wonder if Piper's here, I wonder if she's upstairs getting fucked, or fucking one of the boys here. I wonder if she's ever slept with a girl before. It really bothers me that the things I worry about when it comes to her is her sex life. I know she's safe, some guys complain about it, but people won't commit to her. Or maybe she won't commit to them. That's what makes me interested, I guess.

Why won't anyone date her? I think there's something that made her act like this, people don't just have sex to have sex. Especially in high school. I wonder how she lost her virginity. I wonder what she was like as a kid. I think more and more about her.

I come to the conclusion that I'm attracted to her, because I want to fix her. I want to help her and make her life easier. Maybe give her a reason to stop sleeping around. I want to save her. I think it's also because I'm kind of a goody-two-shoes to everyone and their mother. She's nothing but trouble, and I can't help but find that really, really attractive.

"Jason!" I hear suddenly, turning around I see Reyna approach me. "Hey! What are you doing here?"

"Dakota dragged me. What about you?" I ask hugging her.

"Gwen dragged me here, I'm actually leaving soon. I have a shift at the hospital in the morning."

"Oh yeah, how's that going?"

"Good. I love volunteering so, you know."

"Yeah, you still planning on enlisting?"

"I am… How about you? What's up with you?"

"Not a lot. I've been busy with school and football. You know how it goes."

"Ugh I know, super busy right?"

"Yeah. You still on the cheer squad or what?"

"For now, I'm dropping at the end of football season."

"Why?"

"No time, you know?"

"I get it."

She smiles at me, "We haven't talked in a long ass time."

"We haven't, have we?"

"I guess that's what happens when we take different classes."

"Yeah, it kind of sucks." I nod, "You should have lunch with us sometime. You know, when I'm not vomiting."

"I will." She agrees. "Do you need a ride?"

"Nah, Dakota said he'd take me."

"Have you seen your best friend?" She asks.

"What'd he do?" I ask suddenly feeling the shot I took settle in my stomach.

"Come on." She takes me to one of the rooms in the back of the house. I walk in and immediately regret that decision. Let me just say that I see my best friend bent over a naked girl in a way that I never wanted to see him.

"He's already drunk?"

"Please, isn't he always drunk?" Reyna asks with a chuckle.

"Okay, I'll give you that… And I'll take you up on your offer for a ride."

"Knew you would." She smiles pulling her keys out of her back pocket. "You ready now?"

"Uhuh." I nod following her out to her car.

"So, how much did you actually drink?" She asks as I climb in the passenger side.

"One shot."

"And you're smashed."

"Am not."

"Are too, you're walking funny."

"I naturally walk like a duck, thank you."

"You're such an idiot sometimes Grace." She shakes her head.

"Aren't we all?"

"Not me."

"Sure you can be." I tell her.

"Like when?"

"Like when you never went out with me." Well, I can't take it back now.

"See, you're drunk."

"But I'm right."

"I really hope you don't remember this conversation Grace. Because I never wanted to date you. You're a good friend but I didn't want you to be more than that."

"That's good, because I don't like you that way anymore."

She smiles at me, "I like you drunk. You're real damn honest with yourself."

"And you."

"And me… But you did have a crush on me?"

"Oh yeah. Did you ever… like me?" I ask her.

"No. Sorry, you're not exactly my type."

"What is your type?"

"I don't know. But I'll know it when I see it."

"Do you like boys?"

"I think so. Sometimes I'm not sure though… I think I'm bisexual honestly."

"You're telling me this because I'm drunk aren't you?"

She sucks in her lips and nods, "I just… I've needed someone to tell for a while. And you probably won't remember anyway. So this is good. Right? Getting this out is good?" She's about to start crying.

"Yeah… But what if I remember?"

She looks at me, "Well… I have a feeling I'll be needing someone."

"So… It's okay if I remember?"

"Just as long as you swear you won't tell anyone."

"Cross my heart."

"I knew there was a reason I kept you around." She swallows her tears, and I can't help thinking, she can't do that forever.

"Because I'm beautiful. And too drunk to judge?"

"All of the above." She chuckles.

"Sweet."

"So, do you like me now or something?" She asks.

"No I have a crush on a mega bitch." Wow I am drunk, I was starting to think I wasn't.

"Just don't tell her that you piece of shit."

"I won't, I'll tell her she's hot."

"Don't say that either."

"Why not?"

"If you're going to date a person you need to make them feel like a person first."

"Why?"

"Because that's what they are. They need to be respected in a relationship." She says this like it's obvious.

"Okay."

"So… You don't care that I'm bi?" She asks cautiously.

"Nah man." I tell her as she puts the car in park. Tears still welled up in her eyes, she lunges forward and hugs me.

"Thank you."

"Of course." I tell her squeezing her tightly.

"I mean it. Thank you."

"Text me sometime. And if you ever need anything. Hit me up." I tell her before she sits back down.

"If you remember."

"I'll remember."

"I doubt it, you are pretty drunk."

"Yeah, but…. Nevermind. We'll see."

"Hey, Jason, you can get out of my car now."

"Okay."

"Bye Jason. Feel better."

"I'll try." I chuckle before stumbling out of the car. When I get inside I can feel the onset of a headache, I don't often get hungover and I really don't have the time for it either. I have a project to do and I promised Piper and Frank that we'd meet up at the library tomorrow.

I head into the kitchen for some water and see a half eaten plate of cold pasta sitting out. I put the rest of it away, maybe Thalia will take it for lunch, before making myself a glass of water. With every sip I feel my headache edge away. I start walking to my room so I can finally go to sleep.

"Jason." I hear a weak moan come from my mom's room. I slowly, carefully walk to her room and stand in the door frame.

"Yeah?" I see her laying on her bed, tears streaming down her face, staring blankly.

"You're such a good boy." She slurs. She doesn't mean it, I have to remind myself that she doesn't mean it. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Don't leave me… Please don't ever leave me."

"Okay…" I watch her close her eyes as she begins to sob. I have to decide whether to comfort her or go to sleep. It used to not be a decision I used to just take care of her. But things have changed, everything does eventually. I stare at her, watching her breath even out as the liquor finally knocks her out.

I go to sleep in my own bed, listening to the sounds that silence makes. The buzzing of the heater, the soft whirring that comes from shaking gears as my laptop charges by my bed. I lay there and I think, I can't wait to get out of here.


	11. Chapter 11 Scared of Each Other

**Hazel**

" _Maybe everybody in the whole damned world is scared of each other."_

Wednesdays are the worst, Mondays have nothing of them, I'm sorry. Especially now that Piper's in tech week for the school play, so she spends lunches trying to get scene changes down. Yes, I am alone at lunch on a Wednesday at the end of October. I find myself wandering through the halls nibbling on a granola bar until I feel a presence beside me.

"Hey." Frank says lowly, just him being next to me makes me feel suddenly out of control.

"Hey." I return.

"You want to sit down?"

"Uh… Sure." We take a seat along a wall of lockers and sit awkwardly in silence. "So you're in US…"

"Yeah."

"Do you like it?"

"It's alright…" He clears his throat, "You're in biology. Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"That's awesome. I mean, I really liked it when I took it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I liked how straightforward it was. And it came naturally to me."

"That's cool."

"What's your favorite period?"

I snort, "Study hall. School is stupid."

He chuckles almost nervously. "Yeah, I guess… So are you planning on going to college then?"

I sigh, "Yeah, I kind of want to say fuck it and just go to community, but I don't think my dad would like that too much."

"What do you want to do?" He asks.

"I don't know. Something with kids. Like a daycare worker, or something. I really just want to be a mom."

"Really?"

"What I can't want to have kids?"

"No. It's not that." He says nervously. "I just didn't think you wanted to be just a mom."

"I wouldn't be just a mom. I'd be the best mom in the whole goddamn world." I tell him. "I'd cook every meal, and the house would always be spotless. I'd be president of the PTA, and I'd be able to do any type of braid. My kids would love me to the ends of the earth and back."

"That sounds… really nice." He says.

"What do you want to do then?"

"I want to be a biologist of some kind. Not a doctor though, I hate needles." I can't help but chuckle at that. "I know, big guy like me scared of needles, but go with it. I'm not sure what I want to do with a biology degree, but I think after my masters I'll figure it out."

"Where do you want to go?"

"NYU or Columbia. I don't really want to leave the state if I don't have to. Plus I get military benefits if I stay in state."

"That's cool."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. I've only applied to the school close by. I don't even know what it's called. I want to major in child development."

"Cool…"

"Yeah." I nod.

"Are you taking child development now?"

"I wish, no. I needed to take a bunch of bullshit required courses because I'm a transfer."

"Ah, that sucks. If you ever need help with biology I've got your back."

"Thanks… I kind of suck at school so there isn't a whole lot I can repay you with."

"That's fine." He shrugs.

"Cool." I nod.

"Yup." Thank god the bell rings.

"Well, see you next period."

"Okay." He nods, "Bye?"

"Bye."

In biology Piper is sitting there on her phone looking real damn pissed off.

"You okay?" I ask taking my seat.

"My mom's being a dick." She sighs, "She's like, I going to be home for three days so you should spend all of your time with me. Bitch you're never fucking home anyway and I have shows literally the only days you're in town, on business, mind you."

"Wow, sorry I asked."

"I fucking know."

"I mean, really I'm sorry."

"Me too." She sighs slumping into her hand.

Biology is hella awkward mostly because we're doing a lab about food chains and Piper keeps talking about how much bullshit this is. I google all of the answers and turn in both of our assignments all before the bell rings.

We walk in silence down to the library and take our seats tentatively. I throw my biology take home quiz at Frank who had been focusing on some difficult looking textbook.

"What the-"

"Help." I sigh sitting down in front of him.

"Oh…" He looks up, taking my assignment and reading through the questions.

"Hey bitch." Leo greets Piper.

"Don't try me." She sighs as the bell rings.

"Why not, I always do."

"I'm not dealing with anyone right now, I'm not in the mood."

"Everything okay?" Jason asks. She doesn't answer, she pulls her phone out from her pocket and plugs up her ears to listen to music.

"Alright then." Percy rolls his eyes looking away from her and back towards Annabeth. "So-"

"No."

"Why?"

"No."

I don't listen to them argue about something that clearly amused Percy but annoys Annabeth. I have Frank help me with the micro and macro organisms worksheet I was assigned for homework.

"Hey, hey, hey!" I hear from behind, I don't look up I keep writing in detritus micr- "What's happening players?"

"Brutus, what's up?" Jason asks, I don't look at him but I can sense that he's not exactly on good terms with this guy. Or maybe he just doesn't like him that much, it could be either.

"Not much my man, not much. Hey, hottie, how's it hanging?" He winks at Piper. I glance at her, all she does is scoff at him, not even looking up from her work. "Fine, be that way, I'll get you some day."

"I doubt it." Frank mumbles next to me, I look up at him for a second, he flashes me a gaze accompanied with raised brows and sideways smirk.

"So, Jason, and all of you guys, there's going to be a sick ass party this Friday, at Preston's house. It's going to be the party of the year."

"Please for the love of jesus and your mother, tell me it's not a costume party." Percy complains, chuckling.

"It's an ABC party my friend."

"ABC?" Annabeth asks.

"Anything but clothes, babe." Brutus says. "More than half of the school is going. You in?"

"Oh we'll be there." Jason chuckles. "Count on it."

"Sweet. Catch you later." He says walking away.

"We're going to a party?" Annabeth asks.

"Yeah. Be afraid, very afraid. Especially if Brutus is pulling this shit." Piper says.

"Why?" I can't help but ask, "Sure, he sounds high but he doesn't seem bad."

"He told me he never had protected sex and a whore like me didn't get any special treatment." Piper growls, "He's a despicable no good piece of shit and I hate him."

"Oh wow." Annabeth says softly.

"Yeah, I have a million bad experiences with assholes and he's one of them. Guys like him are absolutely fucking infuriating."

"So, we're all going to our first party together, huh?" Leo chuckles, "Class field trip!"

"I am _not_ going to a party." Annabeth says stubbornly.

"Come on Annabeth it'll be fun." Percy tells her.

"What's so fun about it? Getting drunk or high or both?"

"No. You get to chill with your friends, and drink if you want. The best part is that no one's going to judge you for it." Leo tell hers.

"Besides, how many times in your life do you get to be in high school? A senior in high school, at that." Percy says.

"Ugh, Percy-"

"What would you even do on a Friday night?"

"I don't know."

"Then come with me." He says pulling her just a bit closer.

"Fine."

"Yay! Hazel, Frank you're coming too." Leo says.

"But what do I wear?" I ask.

"I've got you baby doll, you can come to my house and I'll help you." Piper offers.

"You're going?"

"Yeah, I figure why not, you know? Plus Preston's house is like two blocks away from mine anyway."

"Okay." I nod.

"Annabeth you can come with us too."

"Oh-... Alright, sure thanks." She nods.

"Then it's decided, we're totally gonna rock this shit."

I highly doubt that, I'll probably blend into the wall like I do in everyday life. The last time I went to a party was in Alaska, a year ago from September something. That was fucking wild, a girl peed just about everywhere in the living room. There was more cocaine than alcohol, I was drunk to the point of sloppiness.

I think that someone let some kind of animal into the house, but I'm not so sure, that part's a bit hazy… it was either a really big dog or a small bear. I can't exactly recall... I kind of wish I did. I had sex with my ex-boyfriend, and then somehow, the cops got called. I don't know what god I have to thank, but they did not check the bathroom, where I was in a very compromising situation in a bathtub.

Let's just say I woke up the next morning with a massive headache, vomit right next to me, and I was in a room that smelled like an explosion of a college frat house. In a house that wasn't even mine. It's easy to see why I haven't been to a party in a year.

I also just don't like the atmosphere of them, there's music but hardly anyone is dancing, there's food that people are only eating when they need to sober up, every room has someone boning, and the smell of alcohol is so overwhelming I get drunk just by walking in. Parties are just messes so slovenly that they could either be people or just shit that people keep putting inside of them. No wonder no one trusts teens, honestly.

So why am I going? Because why the fuck not? I'll have some fucking ginger ale and watch other people get stoned and drunk. I'll make sure no one has sex with Piper, I'll keep Annabeth away from Percy if she needs me to. I feel like I could carry Leo home if necessary, so I've got a fair shot of taking care of my friends. Plus, I could have fun, if there's no chance of me seeing my ex, at least I won't wind up having sex. Right?

"Tell your mom you're sleeping over." Piper says to the both of us. I pull out my phone to text Mrs. Di Angelo if I can sleep over at Piper's. Annabeth sighs, looking back down at her pre cal. Her reluctance to go will not be tolerated, not by this group. I think Annabeth needs to get out more, honestly.

She's really a good person but if she went out into the world and started living I think she'd be better off. There is life beyond textbooks. I had to learn that lesson the hard way, I hope she doesn't.

I go home at the end of the day and am greeted by Mrs. Di Angelo who's just coming out of her office.

"Hi sweetheart." She says.

"Hi." I say softly.

"How was school?"

"Alright."

"That's good. You said Piper invited you to her house?"

"Yeah, Friday after school."

"Did you want to come home first?"

"Um, yeah, I think so."

"Do you have a ride?"

"Yeah, I'll text her."

"Okay. Just so you know Sunday I want to go to the stables, I was hoping you'd join me."

I smile at her, "Absolutely."

"Great. Dinner will be ready in an hour."

"Thank you."

"Of course." She smiles, "Go do your homework, alright?"

"Yes ma'am." I nod hurrying to mine and Bianca's room. I sit down on my bed and start working on my assignments. I text Piper that I can go, she tells me she's already got a few costumes made out of duct tape and trash bags from when she used to live in California that Annabeth and I can use.

I don't know what I was expecting them to be, but when I get to Piper's on Friday what she has is not it at all.

"How the fuck do you even make duct tape shorts?" Annabeth asks lifting up to booty shorts she's been handed.

"Trash bags." Piper says, "I had a friend who was really good at crafting and she made me all sorts of outfits."

"Including, outfits made out of duct tape?" I ask looking at this lime green and hot pink leggings and bra set that holy shit, why do I look good in this? Let alone why do I fit?

"Yeah, she was kind of all over the place." Piper says taking her shirt off to pull on the duct tape bra she has.

"And she couldn't be bothered to make a shirt?" I ask look at my own boobs in a kind of awe.

"I'd offer my tube top." Annabeth snorts, "But I need some form of coverage."

"Your ass is great though." Piper says.

"Thanks." Annabeth says pulling on the tube top, "On the bright side, none of this is coming off."

"True." I chuckle.

"But it really can." Piper says opening her skater skirt by the velcro.

"You're such a whore, I love it." I snort.

"Yeah." She nods.

"Okay, I can't breathe." Annabeth sighs, still trying to get her top on.

"Come here, babe." Piper climbs onto her bed and starts tugging on the duct tape until it pulls on all the way.

"Thanks, now how do I get it off?"

"The heat from your body will make it more malleable."

"Better get hot and heavy, Annabeth." I tease her.

"Stop." She chuckles.

"I can get you hotter than your boyfriend." Piper says in a husky voice.

"Honestly, yeah you could. Let's be real, Percy is hot, but him being an ass is a total turn off."

"Amen." I chuckle.

"I feel that on a spiritual level." Piper says. "You guys ready?"

"Yeah." I say throwing my clothes on top of the old backpack I brought with me.

"Let's get our freak on." Piper says taking Annabeth's hand. "I solemnly swear I will not leave you until you are safe with your boyfriend."

"Thanks, that actually makes me feel better." She says. We walk down the sidewalk for a block and a half before we reach the house party. From the outside the only thing that would make anyone suspicious is the sheer amount of cars parked near and around the place.

But when we walk in, we are assaulted by the stench of weed and alcohol. I am filled with memories of vodka shots and wildly inappropriate sex positions that I really should not have been in. There is music filling up every inch of the house, people are actually dancing… Well grinding, but dancing nonetheless.

"You guys want a beer or a shot first?" Piper asks over the music.

"Beer." I say, shots are not my thing.

"Sounds good." Annabeth says.

"It's gonna taste like piss I'm warning you now." Piper tells her, gripping our hands as we make our way over to the kitchen where the liquor is flowing freely.

"Hey, Piper! What's going on?" A guy wearing a towel around his waist greets her.

"Not much Alec, any beer that isn't shit?" She asks.

"That doesn't exist, my friend. Have you seen Shelby?"

"I think she's out back playing pong. Have you seen Jason?"

"Thanks. And no not yet, is he coming?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"Great. I'll tell him you're here if I see him."

"Thanks bro." She says walking over to a cooler producing three beers.

"To Annabeth's liquor cherry being popped." I say clinking the bottles with the other girls.

"That sounds disgusting." She shivers before we all take a huge swig of beer. "And it tastes exactly like piss."

"Told you." Piper says when she's knocked back half of her beer.

"Why do you drink this shit anyway?"

Piper and I shrug, "I don't know." She says. "I prefer shots."

"I just like the rush of it." I tell her before taking a sip, I forgot how awful beer tastes. It tastes like liquid garbage that fills me up with an almost excitement. No, I'm not an alcoholic, I just forgot what liquor was like. It's weird how much of an impact a little drink can make.

"I need a real hard drink." Piper sighs, "I haven't been drunk in a while and it's fucking time. I just turned in all of my college apps, and my life is now out of my hands."

"I feel that. But I'm not turning mine in yet." Annabeth sighs taking another sip. "This is disgusting."

"Yup."

"Let's go find the guys." I say taking the lead, getting us through the party crowd. We eventually find them in a room full of people shouting, toga. They all dressed in bed sheet togas and here we are looking like hookers in duct tape.

"Hey! Look at my hot fucking girlfriend." Percy says loudly over the shouting and the music before grabbing Annabeth's waist and kissing her.

"Are you drunk already?" She asks him.

"I wish baby girl, I fucking wish. Hey, everyone do a shot with me."

"Please." Piper sighs.

"I don't do shots." I chuckle. "I'll watch."

"Aw, come on!" Percy laughs.

"Yeah, I'm a fucking lightweight and I'm taking one." Jason tells me.

"I'll take hers, and anyone else's." Piper says.

"I'm just gonna stick with a beer too." Leo says holding up his bottle.

"Fine, pansy's." Frank snorts as we all go in a line down to one of the rooms where a coffee table is full of hard liquor. After they've thrown back their shots Piper pours part of the vodka bottle into her beer.

"Alright that's fucking hard core." I snort.

"I am the most hardcore." Piper says. "And I don't know about the rest of you fuckers, but I need to dance. I have got to let loose."

"I'm so down." Percy nearly moans, "I have been dying to be at a party with you, all year, babe. Dance with me?"

"Uh… Sure, I guess." I'm suddenly really worried about Annabeth, she seems really nervous and she just took her first shot ever. I hope that Percy doesn't scar her for life. Because parties can be a lot of fun if we let them.

"Hazel, I'm probably going to grind on you, don't be surprised." Piper laughs.

"Oh it is welcomed hot stuff." I wink at her as we walk to a room full of hot, sweaty grinding teenagers, and it's like we're invincible.


	12. Chapter 12 Just After Midnight

**Hey guys quick question, which character are you most like? I'm just really curious and also when each character reaches the point of no return I want to see if you still feel that way… I don't know, maybe it's dumb, but I'd like to help if I can. So leave a comment, who are you most like?**

 **Leo**

" _The monster showed up just after midnight. As they do."_

I have been standing on the sidelines of the party, watching my friends grind and bop all over each other. Annabeth probably can't breathe, because let me just say, Percy is winning at their game of tonsil hockey. Piper looks like she's finally done with her vodka beer, and she is getting down. Hazel is dancing so sexually I can't believe I thought she was innocent. Frank actually has some groove and rhythm when he's drunk. Jason is looking like he's ready to tear into Piper, I really hope that he gets her in a room tonight. I'll never hear the end of it if he doesn't.

I stopped drinking halfway through my beer, I'm just not feeling it tonight. I don't want to get drunk because I have work in the morning, and while Piper has already turned in her college apps I have not. Jason's going to edit my essays but I'm fucking terrified of turning them in.

It's like Piper said, our future is out of our hands once we turn them in. I don't want to be that person who doesn't get in anywhere. What if I don't get in? What if I don't do well enough to qualify for the program I want to be in? I'm terrified.

I feel like I'm watching my friends becoming themselves, freer and more open with themselves. Piper is basically mounting herself on Jason. Annabeth and Percy are going to have sex, undeniably. Hazel is probably going to go home and laugh herself to sleep. And Frank is finally letting go.

They're all becoming themselves, with the hard shove of intoxication to give them a boost. I think they could fall in love like in a stupid Katy Perry song, they're literally on top of their worlds. So, why aren't I? I don't feel like I'll ever be on top of my world, honestly my world is just full of heaviness, keeping me down at the bottom.

I blame it on school, on the future. The things that I don't know are eating me alive. All of my suddenly unanswerable questions about college have taken over my life. Why does anyone even apply to college? The waiting and the not knowing is so stressful.

Suddenly I'm approached by Frank, "You okay man?"

"Yeah, I'm just not feeling it tonight, you know?"

"What's up?"

"I'm just stressing."

"About?"

"What comes next."

"You wanna smoke?"

"Cigs? Not interested." I shake my head.

"Weed, bruh."

"Oh… I'll think about it.

"Do, you need to chill."

"Are you drunk yet?" I ask.

"Nah why?"

I shake my head, "Come on man, let's go get you a shot."

"Cool." He nods. "Hold up, let me grab the others." He goes back through the crowd and comes back not too much later with our gang stumbling behind him.

Piper is stood upright and the others are stumbling, sloppy, messes, except for Hazel and Frank. Percy's goddamned sloshed, stumbling and tearing Annabeth down with him at every step. Hazel looks like she's trying to support them but she's just making it worse.

While Piper is standing freely she's doing some weird things with her hand that I'm not going to try understanding. Then there's Jason who is staring blatantly at Piper, his gaze raking up her body like a farmer tills his land.

We all go back to the room where the shot glasses were and I take the liberty of pouring them each a shot of whiskey, as that's what's left.

"To sixth period study hall." Frank says.

"Cheers." Piper says knocking back the shot with the rest of them.

Annabeth's face wrinkles up at the taste of the harsh alcohol. "Disgusting." She shivers.

"Do you like any liquor?" Percy asks her.

"If I do, I haven't found it." She says.

"Then we'll just have to keep trying. Leo, is there rum anywhere?"

"Uh… I don't think so man." Piper has already grabbed Hazel and Jason's wrists, leading them back out to the dancing room.

"Damn, well, Annie-"

"Wow already that drunk huh?" She slurs her words so that the sentence could pass for just one word.

"You wanna get a room?"

"Alright, Frank and I are gonna go." I say dragging Frank by the shirt away from the shots room.

"Ooo, tequila." Frank says walking off in a different direction. "Leo, you want some bro?"

"You know what? Fuck it, sure." I walk over to the table and take a shot of the fiery liquid.

"God Mexico is a gift."

"Yeah, they gave you me, right?"I chuckle.

"Sure man, whatever suits your fancy."

"Cheers to that!" I raise my already empty shot glass, which is just a regular cup.

"Hey so, I've been thinking." Frank says, pouring himself another shot.

"About what?"

"Annabeth."

"What about her?"

"Do you think she's okay?" He asks me.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, is she okay? I don't know she seems like the type to always have her life in control. Do you ever think she's not?"

"No one has their life in control. I'm telling you, no one." Well now seems like the right time to say that I'm an advice drunk. I give my best advice when I'm intoxicated, I swear.

"So what's her damage do you think?"

"I don't know, maybe her parents are tough on her."

Frank chuckles, "Parents, great. If there's anything I know it's mommy daddy issues."

"I feel you man."

"What's your damage?"

"I'm going to lie to you, okay?" I ask him.

"Okay."

"There's this girl-"

"That Crimson chick?"

"Calypso."

"Close enough. Go on."

"I'm not exactly in love with her, and I'm not exactly not in love with her. You know?"

"No…"

"Like, I like her, like that, but I don't know… I just wouldn't introduce her to the family."

"Okay." He's grabbed the bottle of tequila and is now just filling up his cup with it.

"She's great and all, but for some reason, I just feel like it's impossible for me to date her. I don't know why." He nods before taking another swig. "So, big guy, what's your damage?"

"I'm going to lie to you."

"Please do."

"My grandma is raising me, and she gives just enough of a shit to give me hell. But not enough of a shit for me to feel like she actually cares."

"That's… pretty terrible."

"True."

"Hey so, do you think that our friends will actually make it back to Piper's place or what?" I ask.

"My guess is that Hazel, Piper, and Jason will make it back. Percy and Annabeth will not."

"What about us?"

"Well, my friend, we're gonna be singing the whole way home."

I snort, "You've obviously never heard me sing."

"Nah man, don't give me that shit, you'll be singing."

"I don't get happy drunk Frank."

"I do. Why do think I get drunk?" He asks pouring liquor into my cup.

"That's good." I tell him before the cup is half full. He stops pouring and starts chugging. "Okay no." I reach over and stop the flow of burning alcohol down his throat.

He gasps, "God that's good."

"You're hard core." I tell him. "But please don't drown in your cup."

"I would have offed myself years ago if that was the goal."

"Frank, are you an alcoholic?" I ask him.

"I like to think I'm not. I mean, I go to parties and usually just have a drink or two."

"What makes today any different?"

Before he can answer that Percy and Annabeth stumble out of the shots room, she throws something at him before running away. Percy gets up off his ass with mine and Frank's help.

"Did you see that?" Percy asks as we stand him upright.

"Dude, what happened?" Frank asks. I pick up what Annabeth threw at him, it's just a crumpled up plastic cup.

"I don't know." He says as his toga falls off his shoulder so it hangs solely on his waist. "What'd I do wrong?" His eyes grow to the size of frying pans and tears pool in them.

"Dude, I bet she's not thinking straight, it's the alcohol. She's never had any before, it's messing with her mind. It has nothing to do with you I'm positive." I tell him.

"She started crying and I asked her what was wrong. She just like… shoved me."

"Hey don't sweat it man, it's okay." Frank says. "Leo go get the others, have Hazel go after Annabeth."

I nod quickly, weaving in between the crowd to find Jason, Piper, and Hazel. But I only find Hazel, dancing alone. Well, twerking next to some guys who are going wild about her ass. I grab her more roughly than I intended to, yanking her back into reality.

"Hazel! Where the fuck are Jason and Piper!?" I demand, shouting over the music.

"They're fucking!" She tells me excitedly, "I got them together. I got them together." She sings to me.

"Where did they go?" I ask.

"Back to Piper's place." She tells me, "They're having sex!"

"I get that! But we have a big problem!"

"What the hell could go wrong on a night like tonight!?" She asks smiling brightly.

"Annabeth ran away!"

She stops dancing, "What!?" She spits on herself a little bit, she puts her knuckles over her mouth as a barrier.

"Something happened, Percy says she started crying. All Frank and I saw was her running out."

"Where did she go!?" She asks pushing past me and bolts through the crowd.

"Hazel! Hazel!" I run after her and grab her just as she's about to sprint out the door.

"Leo we have to find her! This is her first experience with this kind of thing, she doesn't know how to handle herself."

"I know that, but we need to stay together. We'll go back to Piper's and figure it out from there."

"I can't believe this is happening." She moans "Our first party together and we've lost someone from our group."

"Three someones." I correct her as we walk back to Percy and Frank.

"Leo, where are Piper and Jason?" Frank demands. Hazel sits down to start comforting Percy, who is actually crying now, really hard. She hugs him into her duct tape covered boobs, he grips her tightly like he never wants to let go.

"Piper and Jason went back to her place to get into each other's pants." I tell him, "I figured we shouldn't get any more separated than we already are."

Frank rubs the back of his neck, "Good plan…"

"Let's get Percy into a bed and we'll go from there."

He nods before helping Percy stand up. Hazel and Frank let Percy limply lean on them as we leave the party and walk down the street to Piper's place. Hazel and Frank take Percy right inside, but I stop where I'm standing. I feel myself grow more and more shocked as my drunk brain registers that Annabeth's car is gone.

"No. No way. No fucking way, you cannot be this stupid." I pull out my phone searching for Annabeth's number. I think twice before dialing the number, because if she is driving, talking on the phone will only distract her more. I'll call her as soon as I tell the others.

Percy is either crying into Hazel's shoulder, or he's passed out that way, it's hard to tell. Frank looks like a concerned dad, arms folded and disappointed look at him.

"Uh, I'd hate to do this, guys but we have a problem." I say.

"Yeah we know that, bro." Frank says.

"A new problem?" Hazel asks laying Percy down on his side. So he's crying in his sleep, that takes talent.

"Yeah."

"Perfect, just what we need." Frank sighs.

"What is it?" Hazel asks.

"Annabeth's car is gone." I say.

"No, not possible." Frank says moving quickly past me.

"I'm not lying man." I say, trailing close behind him back outside. We stand there for a moment looking around for any sign of Annabeth's car, and we can't find it.

"Dumb bitch. Fucking dumb ass bitch." Frank grumbles, "You have her number?"

"Yeah, but do we want to distract her more?"

"Call. Her."

Hazel walks out to see if what I said was true. "Oh my god." She covers her mouth. "This can't be happening."

Annabeth's phone goes straight to voicemail. "Well, it's happening. She's not answering her phone either."

"Oh my god." She starts crying, "Percy's passed out on the couch, Annabeth's driving drunk... What do we do?"

I hug her tightly, but neither one of us says anything.

Not until I say, "There's nothing we can do, but wait and see in the morning."

"How can you say that?" Hazel asks, "She's in real danger."

"What can we do? Call her until she picks up or gets in an accident? There's nothing we can do."

"Come on, Hazel." Frank sighs, "Let's go to bed, Leo's, right there's nothing we can do now, except pray she's okay."

She looks at us for half a second before trying to run passed us. Frank scoops her up in his arms without missing a beat.

"Put me down!" She smacks at him until we're in one of the many bedrooms in this house.

"Don't make me hold you here." He says, she's still kicking at him as he tries to lay her down, so he holds onto her as they lay on the bed, until she calms down enough to start crying on him. The sight of them reminds me of when my mom told my dad she was dying. She laid in their bed, crying in his arms until she fell asleep, and then my dad could not stop crying.

I do now what I did then, I walk away, down the hall, and only stop when I hear the sexy talk going on in Piper's bedroom. The door is open, and Piper sounds like she's either in labor or his tongue is somewhere on her body that I don't want to know about.

I go downstairs to check on Percy, he is fast asleep, his body crumpled up on the couch, drool hanging off the corner of his mouth. He looks troubled, even in his sleep. I can understand that, the hauntings of life manifesting into dreams when I can't stand being awake anymore.

I'm tired but I don't want to sleep. I feel like it's not time to sleep yet, and I don't know why. Suddenly, I feel a sharp vibration in the pocket of my shorts, After lifting up my towel toga to get to my phone I feel my heart stop. My dad is calling me, I'm in huge fucking trouble. I just know it.

"Hello?" I answer the call.

"Leo, where are you? You didn't pick up the home phone."

"I told you I was going to hang out with some friends tonight, remember?"

"At one thirty?" He asks.

"I'm sorry dad I lost track of time, I'll be home soon."

"Don't bother, stay out until you've sobered up."

"I'm not drunk dad." I lie easily to him.

"I don't want to hear it, Leo. Get your ass in a bed, sleep off the alcohol and in the morning come down to the hospital."

Fuck, "What happened?"

"Your mom came by the shop a couple of hours ago, she just wanted to sit in with us but she collapsed."

"Is she okay!?" I ask suddenly frantic.

"What do you think?" He asks.

"How-"

"She's stable right now and she hasn't woken up yet, the doctors don't know what's going on, or if they do, they won't tell me."

"Dad-"

"Leo do not come down here you understand me?"

"Dad, what the hell?"

"You are drunk you need to sober up."

"I'm not drunk."

"And I'm not stupid."

"Are you kidding me!?" I feel like I'm screaming, but there is no other sound in this house, aside from the thumping coming from Piper and Jason's sex session.

"Bye."

"Dad!?" He's hung up though, and I can't bring myself to call him back. I want to sprint down to the hospital right now, feeling more sober than ever. But I don't, I go upstairs, I lay down in a free bed, and I wait for sleep. But I never get to sleep. I just stare at the ceiling, crying only to myself and no one else.

 **Bad time to interrupt? Sorry y'all, the next chapter will come soon enough. In the meantime don't forget to tell me what you think is going to happen and who you're most like. I think I might start sending little snippets of the next chapter to people who submit comments. Do y'all thinks that's a good idea? Let me know! As Always, sending you my love, Jess.**


	13. Chapter 13 Broken and Wasted

**Annabeth**

" _I'd rather be broken than wasted."_

I taste the shot on his lips before I can even get one of my own.

"Are you drunk already?" I ask him with a chuckle in my throat.

"I wish baby girl, I fucking wish. Hey, everyone do a shot with me." Percy says before he starts laughing. Since when am I his baby girl?

"Please." Piper sighs next to me.

"I don't do shots." Hazel chuckles, folding her arms over her chest. "I'll watch."

"Aw, come on." Percy laughs.

"Yeah, I'm a fucking lightweight and I'm taking one." Jason tells me.

"I'll take hers, and anyone else's." Piper says.

"I'm just gonna stick with a beer too." Leo says holding up his bottle.

"Fine, pansy's." Frank snorts. I feel Percy nearly drag me along to a room full of hard liquors lined up in a messy way and stacked cups that are depleting quickly. They pour each shot, Frank pours me one before we all count back. The shot itself burns like a fire that destroys a forest and leaves the field empty.

The taste is not as disgusting as I thought it would be, and the alcohol goes down rather smoothly. I have no complaints about shots overall.

"Alright that's fucking hard core." Hazel snorts. I look over to see Piper, who's giving a real, fuck it, face. She's pouring the vodka into her beer.

"I'm the most hard core." Piper says putting the nearly empty bottle down.

"And I don't know about the rest of you fuckers, but I need to dance. I have got to let loose."

"I'm so down." Percy nearly moans, "I have been dying to be at a party with you, all year, babe. Dance with me?"

Wait, what? He's been waiting all year to dance with me? At a party? Drunk even? What is he talking about?

"Uh… Sure, I guess." I shrug as he takes my hand and leads us to this one room that is bursting with sound and life. Girls are grinding, boys are diving off of furniture, and everyone in between is shaking some part of their body.

Piper, Hazel, Jason, Frank, Percy, and I head into the crowd to start dance. Percy glues my ass to his hips, forcing this half assed duct taped grind. I bend my knees and sway my hips with him because that seems to be what he wants. He sucks on the back of my neck and his hands wrap around my torso.

I focus on watching Hazel, she bops and pops every inch of her body. She looks like the music is being extended, like she lives for this. Even though I'm fairly sure this is her first party too, maybe she's had alcohol but I don't think she's ever been to a party… Anyway, she looks like she's alive and I'm thoroughly jealous.

Then I look at Frank, still guzzling alcohol like it's going to save his life. When he stops drinking he moves around a bit, but he doesn't seem to want to. He looks so much more weighed down. By what? I don't know.

Then there's Piper, so liberated and free, she doesn't have to try looking graceful on the dance floor. She looks like she belongs here. Commando, in a duct tape bra skirt set, booze in her hand. Beautiful, perfect, effortless. Things I've always wished I could be.

Jason looks like he's stalking his prey, he keeps touching Piper, getting so close to her they might as well be Percy and I. She'll oblige him for a few moments before pushing on his chest and putting her ass right up in Hazel's business. They're playing a game with each other, who will give in first and who will end up victorious? My bet is that it's Piper. Girls like her are always winning and no one else would even guess it.

Percy takes me roughly, turning me to face him so that our lips smash together. Everything about kissing him makes my body hyperaware. Tingling skin reaching down to my toes as his intoxicating tongue teases the inside of my mouth.

I didn't even notice Frank had left, hell I didn't even notice that the spot where Percy's been sucking on my skin like it's a fucking breath mint. Until Frank comes back.

"Guys, I'm taking another shot, you in?" He asks the smile on his face is devilish and I remember why I was always so terrified of him.

"Hell yeah." Piper says taking the lead back to where we left Leo.

Jason turns to Hazel, "Let's go, you're drinking. Now."

"Come on." Percy slurs, stumbling into me.

"Hey. Hey. Hey." I barely stop him from face planting. I stumble with him trying to make sure he stands straight. I fail at that, and Hazel attempts to help me out, but she just makes walking with him even harder.

"Wow, give a guy four shots and this is what happens." Frank rolls his eyes.

"When did you give him four shots?" I ask.

"Before you guys got here. Me, Jason, and Percy played a little game. Jason only took two, Percy took four and I took five." He says proudly.

"Boys." Hazel rolls her eyes.

"What?" Frank chuckles.

We say nothing else as we stumble back into the living room. "I love you." Percy whispers in my ear, spitting a little as he does so. Leo is busy pouring us shots of whiskey.

"To sixth period study hall." Frank raises his shot to us.

"Cheers." Piper says before we knock back our shots.

I feel the shot hit my stomach instantly from the moment it touches my lips and as it sets fire to my whole body. The liquor is hard and concentrated, almost like cough medicine.

I wrinkle my nose and soon my whole face bunches up, "Disgusting." I try not to cough the liquid back up.

"Do you like any liquor?" Percy asks me with a sloppy smile.

"If I do, I haven't found it." I tell him, my body falling back into his arms even though I do not want to be there.

"Then we'll just have to keep trying. Leo, is there rum anywhere?" Piper takes Jason and Hazel, tugging them behind her to go back to dancing. She's been singing every song and proclaiming that this has been the best night ever. I'd beg to differ. I feel dizzy and weak, like nothing makes sense. I feel like every touch is full of feeling but none of it is good. My skin is sensitive and not the good kind at all. I do not like being drunk.

"Uh… I don't think so man." Leo says watching Piper scamper away.

"Damn, well, Annie-"

"Wow already that drunk huh?" I hear my words slur together, like I'm not even forming them as myself. The words just tumble out of me.

"You wanna get a room?" He asks blatantly, my cheeks go up in flames.

"Alright, Frank and I are gonna go." Leo says pushing Frank ahead of him. When the door close I look up at Percy, he's smiling at me in a way the fills me with fear.

"Percy-"

"I want you, Annabeth. Really, I do."

"But… I'm not sure."

He starts kissing my neck, I feel myself melt inside, like the heat of my liquor is getting to the rest of me. His touch is like fire, burning the inches of my skin that I wish were covered. He falls on to me, we're on the couch.

"Percy, wait." I sigh, "Look at me."

"I can't stop looking at you." His breath stings and smells of pure medicine, the kind that could knock out horses.

"Percy, I'm a virgin."

"I don't care about that."

"Please, I'm scared." My skin is hot and sweaty.

"There's no reason to be. I'll take care of you."

"But.. I just-"

"Don't you trust me?"

"Percy, I'm not sure." My voice is shaking, my hands are trembling.

"You're not sure if you love me?" He doesn't seem bothered, he keeps kissing me.

"No."

"No you're not sure?"

"I don't know."

"Don't know what?"

A lot of things. "I don't want this, please, Percy. I'm not ready."

"It'll be fine." He assures me. "I wouldn't do this if I didn't love you."

"You wouldn't do this if you weren't drunk."

"Annabeth, I love you."

"I'm scared."

"Don't be."

"But-"

"You have nothing to worry about." He whispers so close to my face I can feel his breath sterilize my skin. "I love you, and I'm going to take care of you, there's no need to be afraid. I've got you baby girl, it won't hurt."

"Please." He starts kissing me roughly, when he usually treats me like something precious, now he treats me like I'm disposable. His hands grab and grope my whole body, the duct tape on my body stretches and constrains the rest of me. Like the universe is binding me down to this moment.

When I normally let him kiss me I zone out, I let him touch me and I try to forget how much I hate my body in his hands. Forgetting, leaving the moment is much easier than dealing with what is happening now. I try not to be myself, because being myself means hating every bit of myself, and I am not strong enough to deal with that.

The world is getting back at me now, my whole body is stuck here, his hands are trying to bunch up my shirt, his kisses are wet and frantic. Like if he doesn't go fast enough, if he doesn't get his dick inside of me now he's going to lose me.

I'm screaming on the inside, the war within me, is being fought over whether or not I should let this happen. Should I sit here and let him use me? Or should I run away and risk our relationship?

Between my fear of us having sex and my fear of him hating me for leaving without giving him sex is making the world tumble like it's in a dryer.

I start crying, and he starts kissing away the tears. "Don't be scared." He says. "I would never hurt you."

I suppress my screaming. He loves me, and the people who love you don't hurt you. He can't love me, it's only been six weeks. There's no way… What if we have sex and he doesn't remember? Why did the others leave me? Don't they know how terrified I am? I'm so scared, and his hands are on my breasts as he's kissing my tears away.

He doesn't care about me. He doesn't care enough about me. Because if he did he'd know that this is making me want to die.

"Get off!" I frantically push him to the ground. I've caught him off guard, and he falls easily to the ground. I grab one of the plastic cups from the table as I sprint out of the room.

"Annabeth-" Percy has gotten up and started following me. I turn around and chuck the plastic cup right at his face before racing down the hall. I shove a few people out of my way. Someone makes the comment that I'm probably going to vomit and they should get out of my way.

I let my feet fly beneath me, the cold air kisses my tear stained cheeks. I feel guilt and fear make a mixed cocktail inside of my gut. I will throw up, I know I will.

I get inside Piper's place, only to see her and Jason doing the exact thing I was trying to avoid. She's straddled over him, the moment I walk in, he rips the velcro open and tossed the skirt to the side. I look away before I can catch a glimpse of Piper's ass. But the image of her slinking down on top of him may never escape me.

"Am I sexy to you?" Piper asks him.

"You're everything to me." He says, his voice shaking as I can only imagine she's touching him in ways that make me want to scream out of fear. "Don't do anything crazy, I want to know there's more for me to have."

"Fuck that." She says in a husky whisper, "Chaos killed the dinosaurs, let's kill the whole goddamn human race."

I tune them out, suddenly so nauseous that I have to vomit. I run out of her room, to the nearest restroom, throwing up alcohol that burns more coming back out. My brain then decides that since there is no alcohol in my stomach there must be no alcohol in my body. I go back to the bedroom, more clothes litter the floor, and there are more sounds coming from the bed. Moaning and gasping that sends me into a tailspin of doubt. I grab my purse and pull out my keys.

Before I can stop myself, I'm driving home. What my parents will think of me coming home at two a.m. wasted, is beyond me. But I don't care. I don't even realize I've driven drunk until I park my car in the driveway.

I sit there, in a state of aghast shock, what have I done? Did I just...

"What the ever living fuck, Annabeth?" I demand of myself. "What is wrong with you, you stupid, stupid idiot!" I hit my head with the heels of my hands. I'm such a stupid bitch, who the fuck have I become?

I pull my keys out of the ignition and run inside the house. Not a sound comes from the rest of my family, not even a snore. I hurry into my bedroom and close the door behind me. Tears and gasping breath falling out of me like I'm a faucet of emotion. I curl up in front of the door, not having enough energy to pull myself up off the ground. I can't stop crying. Why can't I stop crying?

"You're so stupid. You should have let Percy have sex with you, maybe then you'd finally feel good about yourself for five fucking seconds." I tell myself. I'm shivering too, my skin so cold I might as well be inside of a freezer.

"You're such a bitch. The first person to love you and you refuse to let them. You're going to be alone and hateful all of your life and you'll be the only one to blame."

I sit up, coughing every now and then before leaning back against the door. My body shakes so much the door moves in its frame.

I take so long to stand up that I hear the clocks sound three by the time I can walk again. I walk to my desk and grab the scissors that sit there so innocently. I cut the duct tape off of my body and force myself to look at the slash marks on my thighs, the ones that have mostly healed over the summer.

The scars are jagged and criss crossed. I started cutting when the world became too heavy for me to hold. I was sixteen, sitting on my bedroom floor staring at a calendar full of dates and meetings. I remember feeling nothing but the blood trickling down my thighs, the scissors in my hand, and the mound of tissues I had to sop up the blood.

The older I get the more stupid I feel for that. There are much better reasons to hurt yourself. Much better ways too.

I put the scissors down and try not to look at myself. I'll be sick all over again if I have to see my body. My pale, disfigured, disgusting body.

The worst part about my body, is that I did this to myself. I cut myself, I hurt myself, every bruise and imperfection is my own doing.

I go to the bathroom and pull out my razor. I don't have to tell you what I do next.


	14. Chapter 14 Without Darkness

**This one goes out for those of you like me, who cannot stand Halloween. I love you. And if you love the spooks and tricks, I still love you… But have you seen Christmas!?**

 **Jason**

" _A world without darkness, how beautiful was that?"_

I wake up feeling heavy and almost like I can't breathe. I notice things slowly, like how I feel almost sticky, and how there is something on my chest that's making it difficult to breathe. I notice I'm slightly sore, and that I'm not wearing anything… What the fuck-... Oh. Right, I uh… I slept with Piper.

That's a thing that happened, and now that I'm recalling it. Jesus that was hot. She was just, wow, mind blowing. Her sex would make me use one of those vocabulary words that I thought I'd never use. Our sex was mesmerizing. Our sex was fucking euphoric.

Piper nuzzles her head on my chest, I remember where her head had been previously. Where my head had been previously. I remember every second as if it were happening all over again. I wouldn't have changed a thing about us. We were perfect, unstoppable, so good we could have made pantheons of gods jealous.

"What are you smiling at?" She asks looking up at me knowingly.

"A lot of things, most of them having to do with you." I tell her softly.

"Mmm." She hums sitting up over me, something so small that I find so attractive. When she towers over me, her power against mine. And now I know, in bed I'm no match for her. "And what about the thoughts that don't have to do with me?" Her one hand runs through my hair, the other one holds her up over me.

"They have to do with me."

"Uhuh." She says in a voice dripping with sultry.

"And last night."

"What about last night?" She eggs me on, leaning down so that our faces are centimeters apart.

"That I wish it could last forever." I close my eyes and wait for her to kiss me.

"It can." She says barely above a whisper before our lips crash together, like two things that nobody thought should ever be, but make a damn good combination. Like pizza and chocolate, or Russia and the US in WWII, or even I don't know the earth and mars. When we kiss it's like worlds are colliding physically, like we are mashing ourselves into something new.

I know that every single person who's ever had the privilege of sleeping with her was so right about how fantastic she is. But they were wrong for letting her go. A mistake I refuse to make.

"Piper-" I pull away from her mind numbing kisses.

"Hm?" She asks sighing into the skin of my neck.

"Guys-... Please tell me you… Nope, there are the clothes." Leo walks in on Piper and I. I quickly grab Piper's shoulders and press her body to mine. I hope I'm not hurting her as I do this.

"Leo, do you mind?" I ask.

"Hey, you're the ones who left the door open." He says.

"What's up?" Piper asks, trying to sit up, but I won't let her.

"So, last night we had a bit of a situation that still needs to be resolved."

"What did you all do?"

"Well it wasn't me." Leo says, "But uh, we don't exactly know where Annabeth is."

"What do you mean you don't know where Annabeth is?" I ask sharply.

"I mean uh… Well, to make a long story short, something happened between Percy and Annabeth, Percy can't remember what it was. But she ran away and kind of.. well she took her car."

"Are you serious?" I ask. "Okay, um, Leo could you go so we can… You know get clothes on?"

"Yeah, sure man." He nods closing the door behind him.

"What a dumb ass." I sigh maneuvering my way out of the bed as Piper sits there.

"Why?" She asks. "We don't know what happened."

"She drove drunk, Piper."

She bites her lip and looks away. She mumbles something before standing up, I look away from her naked body, so that I don't stare blatantly. I pull on the underwear I had on under my towel toga from last night.

"Is there a problem?" She asks me.

"What do you mean?" I ask, still avoiding a glance at her.

"Why aren't you looking at me?" She puts a hand on the middle of my back.

"Because… I don't want to stare at you." I say.

"I had sex with you… You can look at me. Hell, indulge yourself."

I hesitate for a heartbeat before turning around to look at her. She's fucking ethereal, every bump and curve in her body is proportioned to perfection. I remember the feeling of her sweat soaked skin against mine. The fever of passion between us. Everything beautiful and right in the world, that was us.

I can't stop myself from kissing her, even though I probably shouldn't be kissing her. She doesn't say no, she doesn't say anything. She breathes into me when she finally pulls back.

"What are you on about, Jason?"

"What do you mean?" I ask her, noticing that my hands are sitting on her hips.

"I mean, what do you want?"

"Uh-..."

"Oh come off it, Jason, just answer me." I look at her and have to actively fight the urge to kiss her again. "Well?"

"Would you be my girlfriend?" Oh fuck no. I did not just… I did just. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean… Uh… I can take it back if you want." Slap me.

"Wait, what?"

"Shit."

"Is this because you had sex with me and have a pity thing?" She asks.

"What? No… I just… I… Uh…"

She backs away from me, "Jason?"

"Look, I really like you okay? Like a lot, and I'm really unsure of what to do now… Should I leave?"

She hesitates for a moment, "You didn't leave last night."

"I know."

"Why are you suddenly scared of me?" She asks.

"I'm not… I don't know."

"Because you don't have to date me."

"I know. Oh I know that. I was just… I don't know what I'm saying."

"Okay. Do you want like an hour or something?"

"Yeah."

She turns around, grabbing clothes out of her drawer and exiting to the bathroom. I go down to the living room only to see the other guys dressed minimally just like me, since we didn't think to bring a change of clothes. Hazel has clothes on, but she does have a backpack at her feet. She's rubbing Percy's back, the two of them sitting on the couch. Percy looks stressed out. Leo looks irritated, but it's hard to take him seriously when all he's wearing is boxer briefs that make his junk very.. uh, outlined.

Frank is standing behind the couch and notices me first, "Where's Piper?" He asks.

"She's coming, she's-"

"Getting dressed, calm down yo." She says walking out from behind me.

"Now is not the time to calm down, forgive me." Frank rolls his eyes.

"Well I looked up car accidents near the area on the local newspaper." Piper holds up her phone, "The closest one to us was on the highway and Annabeth couldn't have taken the highway because her house isn't that far from here. I'm sure she made it home just fine."

"She drove drunk, Piper." Leo says sharply.

"I know that." She responds, "But at least she's not dead or hurt."

"She shouldn't have left in the first place." Frank shakes his head.

"We don't even know what happened." Piper looks at Percy, "Right?"

"I swear if I knew what happened I would have already done something." He looks like he's ready to cry. "I keep drawing up blanks and she won't answer my texts or my calls."

"Okay, calm down, has anyone else texted her?" I ask.

"Try all of us minus you two." Leo says sounding irritated.

"Look there's no point in sitting around here calling her. She's safe and for right now that has to be good enough." Piper says.

"How can you say that?" Hazel asks, "What if something did happen last night?"

"Then she needs to work it out for herself, right now. Text her tomorrow and if she doesn't answer we'll see her Monday."

"That's your solution!? Wait!?" Frank demands.

"What choice do we have?"

"Go to her house?" Leo asks.

"Too suspicious, her parents will know something's up."

"Won't they already know something's up?" I say thinking that if they're not my parents, they should, right?

"It's too early to say. And we don't know much about them." Piper shakes her head. "There's nothing we can do."

"I can't believe you." Percy shakes his head.

She walks past me and puts her hand on his knee, "You need to go home. Calm down, take a break."

"I can't."

"You have to. How did you all get here?" She asks.

"I drove." Percy says, "My car's still at the park."

"I'll go get it, considering I'm the only one dressed." Hazel volunteers. "Percy give me your keys."

He lethargically hands her his keys and she walks out promptly.

"I can't believe this is happening." Percy says.

"There's nothing we can do." Piper says surely.

I look at her as she takes a seat beside Percy. She seems so positive that there's nothing we can do. I wish I felt so confident, I can only feel memories of my mom flood back to me. The thought of her driving that intoxicated... Sure Annabeth hadn't had half the shots Percy had, but that didn't make me feel better. When Hazel comes back Frank, Leo, and Percy start to head out.

"Hey, Jason." Piper stops me before I can go. "You wanna work of calculus?"

I nod, knowing what she really means. "I'll see you guys Monday." I say a short goodbye as they head out the front door. I turn around to face her, she has her arms folded over her chest and she stares intently at me.

I can't help but think she's beautiful even like this. Confused, maybe even pissed. I think just about anything could be a good look on her.

"So…" She rocks back on her heels.

"So…" I say exactly the same way she did.

"Where were we?"

"Unsure."

"Were you unsure?"

I hesitate, "I was uh… unsure if it was alright. What I did."

"Asking me to be your girlfriend. You mean."

"Yeah." Why can't I speak?

"Did you ask me out, just because we slept together? Because I don't care about that."

"No, I just… really like you."

She looks at me with a half smile. "That's cute…"

"Cute?"

"Yeah. Cute." She walks over to me, swaying her hips enticingly. Her hands find my arms and crawl up them slowly. "So… you want, me."

"Yes." I say softly, because I'm starting to get really confused. I feel like anything could happen to us.

"Well, you're in luck, because I want you."

My hands rest on her hips, my thumbs automatically under her shirt. "No way." I chuckle.

"Way." She smiles effortlessly. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"Absolutely." I whisper before I kiss her again, there is fire blazing out of control all through my body, her heartbeat so fast against mine that I feel like I'm burning down. Like the world is full of ice and she's melting it all away. Nothing else matters but her.

"Do you want to do more than kiss me?" She asks pulling away. I feel so breathless, my whole body trembling because of her. I don't answer her directly, I move my lips to her neck because I can't imagine not kissing her right now. Our perfect little selves are suddenly the only things in the universe. She was right, if chaos killed the dinosaurs, we're the asteroid that's overdue. She's only thing that's right about this broken fucking world. And this, us, we could be god in this moment, I could mistake us for something that perfect.

"Jason, I want you to touch me." She says my name like I'm a prayer.

"Again?" I chuckle, as if I could ever stop touching her.

"Everyday, if you want. I'd welcome it." She says, her arms becoming firmly wrapped around my neck.

"You're sure?" I ask waiting, holding myself back from picking her up and running back to her bedroom.

"I need you, okay?"

"Need me?" I ask looking at her. She has eyes that look the way laughter feels.

"Yeah… I need you. The thing is, it's weird. Everyone who's ever touched me… they've been hungry."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, they've wanted my boobs in their hands, and my clit in their mouths. They never cared about _me_ they just wanted to stick themselves somewhere inside of me. Point is, no one has ever touched me like you have."

I pull her so close to me that our hips are touching. "Like how?" I ask, enjoying the way she smiles at me, like she could unlock the whole world with a word.

"You hold me like I'm precious, something you need to look after. You're gentle and sweet, until you ask if I want more. We're rough and unrefined, and I like it that way. I've never been treated that way."

"Do you want to be rough and unrefined?" I ask her.

"Till I see fucking stars." She says before practically pouncing on me. I taste her tongue before I realize it's in my mouth. She tastes like sunrises and scorching flames, she makes me feel like I don't have any damage. Everyone has damage unless her tongue is swirling around inside of my mouth. Then I'm brand new, there's not a single scratch. I'm the perfect prince everyone pretends I am, when they don't know me.

I start to walk her backwards until she gets excited and runs us up to her bedroom. With her I feel like I'm invincible, like being eighteen makes us untouchable.

I pick her up and toss her on the bed, she's got a lot of clothing to get through before we get down to it.


	15. Chapter 15 What You Do

**Hey, I'm thinking about doing a companion guide with this story to fill in some of the blanks y'all keep asking me about. This story is only in these four POVs but if you desperately want the other three I can make arrangements. It will be a separate story, it won't be required reading by any means, but it will be like this story's little sister. Sort of. Tell me what you think!**

 **Hazel**

" _What you think is not important. It is only important what you do."_

I get home a little before ten, my heart still heavy with worry about Annabeth. Last night was too much, with Leo suddenly seeming so powerless, and Frank… Who would have thought that Frank could be so strong? So commanding? I never thought he'd take charge of a situation like that. Poor Percy, and then Piper being so careless about the whole thing… I need a break.

"Do you want to shower before we head out?" Mrs. Di Angelo asks.

"I'm good, I'll just shower when we get home." I tell her, I hope I won't need to lie to her. She's such a nice woman, I don't think I could lie to her.

"Okay." She nods, walking to the staircase, "Nico! Get down here! We're leaving!"

"I'm coming!" Nico shouts back down as if he's incredibly annoyed with her. "Jeez, woman."

"Well, if you didn't take so long to get ready." She smirks at him as we head out the door.

"Mama, what's for lunch?" Nico asks as soon as we pull out of the driveway.

"Fine, we'll go out." She rolls her eyes at him.

"I didn't-... Fine, whatever, be that way."

I wonder what Annabeth's doing right now, I hope she's okay. Piper seemed convinced that she was fine, or at least that she shouldn't be bothered. I'm not so sure about that, this seems like the kind of thing to be bothered about. What if she got hurt? What if something did happen between her and Percy? Was she okay? Was he okay?

"Hazel, what do you think about Auntie Mem's for lunch?"

"Hm? Oh! Sure, that sounds good."

"Wow, not even paying attention to us huh, Hazel?" Nico teases me.

"I don't blame her, do you hear yourself talking?" His mom teases back.

"Mom take my side for once!"

"No."

"Why not?" He laughs.

"Because she didn't ruin my body and make my life hell from the moment of conception."

"Okay first of all I came second so Bianca ruined you, second you wanted this. You get to live with it."

I bite my tongue, a small fear settling inside of me, that maybe this isn't such a good idea. Maybe I should tell them I don't feel well, have them turn around so I can wait until they go back out. Then I can find out how Annabeth is doing. But then they might just stay to watch over me, and it would be really weird. Oh my god, why the fuck is this so hard?

Things were never this hard before. Back in Alaska… Well I take it back, things were hard, but a different kind of hard. I had people that I loved, back home, my mom, Sammy, Jensen, Ricky, Juels, Emily… My only friends. But they never did anything like this. I mean, they did, hell I did, but it was different then.

I guess because in Alaska, I was always the one in a relationship. I had the boyfriends and I was the one always having sex. I was the one who scared the shit out of them. I guess this is some kind of karma.

We get to the stables quickly. I immediately head right for Arion, and don't bother saddling him, before I'm off. The wind rushing past me as he gallops away, like the wind is lifting my stress away from me. I used to use horses to run away from my problems back in Alaska, not everything changes.

When we stop, out in the deep forest, I take Arion's face in my hands.

"What am I gonna do?" I ask him, "You want to hear a funny story, buddy? I let one of my friends run away, for no reason. I just, let her leave. While she was drunk, for the first time. I feel so bad. What should I do?"

He nibbles on my fingers as if to say, "A snack would be a great place to start." I suddenly feel very hungry myself, I haven't eaten since yesterday after school before the party. I feel weak in the knees and suddenly shaky.

"Let's go back and get you a sugar cube." I say remounting Arion, but he doesn't want to move. "Come on, let's go." I nudge him.

He snorts loudly at me as if he's saying, "Get off me, I ain't going nowhere."

"Fine." I sigh climbing back off of him and slumping down to sit. "So, any advice?" He does nothing but seemingly takes a nap. "You're helpful."

I hate that I feel so, at a loss. It's not like there's anything I can do about this. What's done is done, there's no changing that. I can't forget about her though, that wouldn't be right. She's my friend and I let her put herself in harm's way.

And then there's Piper, maybe I shouldn't have let her and Jason have sex. Maybe I should have told them to wait until they were sober. It's not exactly advised to have drunk sex with your friends. What if they don't end up together? What if he ends up, just another guy she's had sex with? What if she ends up simply a prize to be won? Like I did.

I had this boyfriend when I was sixteen, his name was Jeremy and he was amazing. He was funny, kind, smart, and gorgeous. He was good to me, and good for me. I felt like I was doing something right.

But he was jealous of Sammy, who was still my best friend. He always told me that he didn't know how I could still be friends with him. He hated me being around him, he hated when I talked to him alone, he was afraid I'd go back to him. Sammy and I had broken up because he wasn't taking us seriously, but that didn't mean I hated him.

Jeremy told me one day, that I had to show him I loved him. The only way I could think to show him I loved him was to bring him home and show him how terrible my mother and Richard could be. I showed him how much they hated me. He told me he'd never leave me. I had sex with him soon after, and not long after that, he broke my heart. He left me because he'd gotten another girl pregnant and he had his obligations to her. All he'd wanted me for was a conquest before he dropped out of school to be someone's dad, he never loved me. I was devastated, and I fell back into Sammy's arms.

I never really got myself into a situation that was an irreversible mistake. I've always been able to get away from things, from my past. I'm afraid to do anything else but run… for the most part. I'm not exactly the best with confrontation, I get scared, and I hide until I can run away from the problem.

Suddenly, I feel my pocket vibrate, I slide my phone out and lazily look at it. I see Annabeth's name and a simple text, 'I'm alright.'

Relief fills me up like water in an empty glass. Thank fucking god. I text her back quickly. She sends me a smiley face and I feel incredible knowing that everything's alright. She's okay. Everything is okay. I text the others to let them know Annabeth's texted me, before getting back on Arion.

"Now let's go." I spur him to move. He gallops back to the stables, so fast that I can feel myself shaking as I dismount.

"Looking good, Hazel." Nico tells me as he helps put Arion back in his pen.

"Thanks, we gonna go eat?"

"For sure. Dude you have to try the onion rings, they're bomb."

"Awesome." I chuckle as we head out to the ring. Mrs. Di Angelo is killing it in the ring, she's doing tricks and jumps like I've never seen before. She's amazing.

"Mama, slay!" Nico calls to the ring, watching his mother and hollering at her. I watch in silence, wondering if I should speak. She pulls her horse to a stop right by us.

"What do you think kids?" She asks.

"You're fantastic." I tell her.

"Like a superhero." Nico says, "You're freaking invincible."

"Thanks." She chuckles clicking for her horse to do a walking turn. "We should come more often, don't you think?"

"Of course." Nico says. "Mrs. O'Leary needs me. and obviously Arion needs Hazel. He only rides well with her."

"Then it's decided, maybe I could get your dad and Bianca out at some point when the winter is over."

"That would be awesome." Nico says as Mrs. Di Angelo dismounts.

"Alright, go wash up and we'll go out for some lunch."

"Let's go." Nico nods me over to the farm house. When we walk inside we're greeted by a bright smile.

"Hey, Nico." He says kindly.

"Hey, Will, have you met Hazel?"

"I don't believe I've had the pleasure." Will holds out his hand to me.

"Nice to meet you."

"You're the one who's been taking Arion out, huh?"

"That's me."

"You tell me if he gives you any trouble, okay? I'm in charge of the veterinary work here."

"And basic people first aid." Nico tacks on.

"Yeah." Will laughs, "That too. I can patch you up, but I can't fix bone stuff."

"I'll keep that in mind." I nod.

"Hey how's Skippy?" Will asks Nico.

"I don't know man, isn't that your thing?" Is… Nico blushing?

"I guess so." Will laughs, "Just figured I'd ask."

"You usually do."

"You usually don't mind."

"I never said…"

"I get it." Will chuckles again, this time more bashful about it. "Well, nice to meet you, Hazel."

"You too."

He walks past us, and I see Nico's chest deflate a bit as Will closes the front door behind him. "Not a fucking word." Nico says before turning towards the kitchen.

"My lips are sealed." I promise, following him. We wash up and get in the car, as soon as Mrs. Di Angelo finishes talking to Hyllia.

When we get to the restaurant, we're sat down and make our orders like clock work.

"How's Piper, Hazel?"

Uh… Well. "She's good. She just turned in all of her college apps so she's got a lot more free time."

"Did she get you those comp tickets for the show?"

"Yeah, I'm going Friday, is that okay?"

"Of course, do you need a ride?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay at school."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Alright… Nico, what are you doing this week?" She asks.

"Some of the guys want to go see that new disney movie that came out."

Mrs. Di Angelo smiles at him. "That sounds like fun. Who all is going. Uh… Chris, Jack, Marcus, the usual." I think he's lying, but I don't know why.

"You know when your curfew is." She says. "Hazel, your curfew is midnight."

"I shouldn't be out that late." I say.

"Well, you might go to dinner after."

"I don't know, I guess we'll see."

"Let me know as soon as you can, I might just be able to get in a date night with your father."

"Ew." Nico teases.

"Well, you did always want a little brother."

"Mama, gross!" Nico covers his eyes.

"It's going to happen when you have kids." She says chuckling.

"Wrong, I'm never having kids. Ever." He says.

"Where am I going to get grandkids from, then?"

"Me." I tell her, "I love kids, I can't wait to have some of my own."

"You better wait to have some." Nico says.

"Shut up." I chuckle, rolling my eyes.

"I didn't know you liked kids." She says.

"I love kids. I think I want to be a day care worker, or a kindergarten teacher. Something like that."

"You'd be good at it. You're very caring."

I smile at her as our food is placed in front of us. Nico was right, the onion rings are bomb, and the cheeseburger isn't half bad either. Mrs. Di Angelo orders us milkshakes for dessert and they're really good. I might just drag Piper here after the show on Friday. Her and Annabeth, if she's free. It'll be a fun girls night. I think we've earned it.

We get back in the car and drive back home. Nico talks to his mom about school and how some teacher hates him and won't give him higher than a ninety five on his essays. I wish I got ninety fives on my essays. Hell, I wish I got ninety fives in general, my grades suck compared to his. Which I'm not exactly surprised by, he goes to some special school he has to apply for every year, and he gets in. I used to go to an all girls school sure, but I never wanted to go. I hate school no matter what, if I'm honest.

I think I'm so bad at school because I hate it, and that just makes me not want to deal with it. So I don't do every homework assignment, and I cheat on tests just enough to look like I got lucky and not like I was cheating. So what? It happens to the best of us.

We pull up to the house, and Mrs. Di Angelo starts digging through her purse. "Nico, sweetie, go get the mail for me?"

"Please." Nico says.

"Please?"

"Yes, mama." He sighs taking the mail key with him as I walk into the house with his mom.

"Have you thought about becoming a babysitter, Hazel?"

"Um… not really. I'm not exactly certified."

"You could take the class online. Actually, there's a family that I know who could use a good babysitter. I'll recommend you."

"Really?" I ask excitedly.

"Yes, of course. You could get in contact with them. They have a one year old and a four year old."

"That would be amazing." I tell her. "Do you think they'd hire me?"

"Why wouldn't they? You're a good kid."

Well, not entirely, but thanks. "I haven't been working since I got here."

"You used to work?"

"Yeah, I worked on a horse ranch."

"Oh that's right, for some reason I never think you worked there."

"That's alright." I chuckle as Nico walks into the kitchen.

"Lots of junk mail. Nothing new. But Hazel got something." He hands me a purple envelope, that I hesitate to take.

I see the handwriting and I know it's my mother's. I read each loop and curve of the letters twice over. I get a hint of her cheap lavender perfume as I bring the letter closer to me.

"Who's it from?" Mrs. Di Angelo asks distractedly as she opens some of the bills and whatnot.

I feel tears brimming in my eyes as I stare at this letter. I don't want to open it, I don't want to know what she's written to me. What would she say as her first contact to me since I ran away months ago.

"Hazel, what is it?" Nico asks me, his tone drenched in concern. Tentatively he puts his hand on my shoulder, reading the addresses. "Your mom?"

Mrs. Di Angelo looks up at me suddenly interested in the offending letter. I can't open it, I can't even breathe. I keep staring at it.

"What did she say sweetheart?" Mrs. Di Angelo asks me.

Slowly I break the seal of the letter and unfold its contents. I only read the first sentence before retracting my hands from it, as if it's burning, and collapsing in tears. Nico catches me, holding me close as I try to make my sobs less thunderous. Mrs. Di Angelo picks up the letter, and Bianca comes into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" She asks.

"Hazel?" Mrs. Di Angelo asks me.

I shake my head, burying my face into Nico's shirt. I can't believe this, this can't be happening. Please don't let this be real.

"Sweetheart, can I read it?" Mrs. Di Angelo puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah." I whisper before choking on my tears.

"What happened?" Bianca asks kneeling beside me.

Mrs. Di Angel reads the whole letter, "I don't understand, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I look at her, my tears feeling like rivers on my cheeks and waterfalls as they fall off of my chin. "You wouldn't understand." I hiccup slightly when I say it.

"Why not?"

"You can tell us, Hazel." Nico says gently.

But I don't know if I can. My mom is getting married to Richard, and I'm not sure I can tell them why this is catastrophic. Not without telling them all of the horrible things that I've done too.


	16. Chapter 16 Monsters

**Leo**

" _Love is the most savage monster of all."_

I get dropped off at my house by Percy, I leave the car trying not to think about mom. It's hard enough to have a sick mother, but now I don't even know if my friend is alive or not. If she's okay. I don't know why she ran, but my mother is sick. Doesn't she have any consideration for me?… Annabeth, I mean. Why can't she understand that I have bigger issues than her?

I shower, get dressed, and eat. I walk to the hospital while my hair is still drying. I get to the hospital in what feels like no time at all, probably because I don't want to be here. That's how things seem to go, the less you want to do something, the longer and more drawn out it seems.

I call my dad as I stand in the main lobby of the hospital. I think it's about to go to voicemail when he answers.

"We're on the third floor." He says, "Room three twenty six."

"Ward?"

"Just go up the elevator." He hangs up, I can tell he's upset with me. Not that he's ever not upset with me, especially recently. He's never been exactly caring, or anything like that. He's always been stern and hard working. I like to believe he cares about me, but he has kind of a dickish way of showing it.

I get in the elevator going up with a bunch of other random people. I don't pay attention to any of them, I watch the floor counter as we crawl up the shaft to the third floor. Maneuvering my way out of the elevator, I make my way through the halls of the hospital. But I'm really stupidly lost. I can't find my way back to the reception desk if I tried.

I lean against a wall and pull out my phone. Just as I'm wondering if google maps would work in a hospital I hear a voice interrupt my idiocy.

"Can I help you with something?" I look up to see an unfathomably pretty girl. Dark eyes and rich skin tones, she's in a polo shirt tucked into khaki pants. She has a name tag that says volunteer on it.

"What are your qualifications?" I ask, the feeling of a smiling tugging at my lips.

"Excuse me?"

"What are your qualifications for helping me?"

"Are you trying to be difficult?" She folds her arms over her chest.

"Just trying to lighten the mood."

"Why exactly?"

"Forgive me, I'm just looking for my mom's room. Otherwise I wouldn't be caught dead in this place."

"You are trying to be difficult." She sighs. "Are you really here for someone, or are you hiding out?"

I sigh, she doesn't want to joke around, I guess. I was hoping for a good distraction, at least for a little while. "I'm really looking for my mom's room, but I'm also not too upset that I can't find it."

She looks at me with a furrowed brow and skeptical eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You know what it's like when you get to leave class and you avoid going back at all costs?" She nods. "Yeah, it's like that." I sigh.

"Why?" She asks, genuinely curious.

"Because… It's not easy watching someone you love have to go through that."

"I guess I wouldn't understand." She says finally dropping her arms to her sides.

"I hope you never do."

She nods, "So, do you want help getting to her room?"

"Eventually."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, please, waste my time. What's your name?"

"Reyna. What's yours?"

"Leo. Have we met?"

"No, I don't think so… Do you go to Goode?"

"Yeah, maybe I've seen you in the halls before."

"Maybe. You're a what?"

"Senior."

"Me too."

"Hm, small world." I say.

"It seems that way. You're sure you don't want me to help you find your mom's room?"

"I guess you should."

"Okay, which room?"

I sigh as I think, "Uh… three twenty six."

"You are in the wrong place." Reyna says, "Come on, I'll get you there." I follow behind her silently trudging up to the door where my mom is.

"Thanks." I mutter.

"Sure thing." She says softly, leaving me at the door.

I walk into the room, to see my dad standing over my mom. She's got an IV stuck in her arm and a tired smile stretched across her face.

"Hi Mijo." She says gently.

"Hey, mom. How is… everything?"

She sighs, "Did you have a good time with your friends?"

I look at my dad, he gives me a cold stare. "It was alright."

"I wish it had been better." She says taking my hand. "Your grades are good?"

"Good for me." I say softly. It's a lie, but she doesn't have to know that.

"I'm glad."

"Espie." My dad says. "We should tell him."

I think I know what it is, that she's going into surgery, they're going to find what's wrong and they're going to fix her. That's how medicine works right? They go into surgery and they fix it. I can dream, right? And if I believe it hard enough it'll be true.

"Mijo, you know how the doctors have said they'd try everything they could?"

"Yeah."

"They've tried everything they can."

I feel the breath being stolen from my chest. My heart hurting, my breathing unreal, I feel the kind of warmth filling my chest that happens after a jump scare. When my heart leaps up into my throat and warms me up because my whole body can't stand this fear. This aftermath of watching something gruesome, something horrifying. The mangled body in that horror film is my mother's body. And I realize why horror flick characters run at every opportunity instead of driving or anything sensible. I just want to leave. It doesn't matter how, and I can't be bothered to stop to open a car door.

"Leo?"

"I'm sorry, mom." I say softly.

She squeezes my hand. "Don't be, you did nothing."

"So?"

"Leo, look at me, everything will be okay." How can anything be okay, when she's the one who fixed whatever was wrong. I need to think up an excuse. I need to leave. I have to get out of here, I'll go see Calypso. That's what I'll do. I'll get away from here, somehow.

"Leo?" My mom asks.

"Hm?"

"They're going to take me for some scans, Why don't you and your dad go get lunch?"

"Okay." I nod following my dad out into the hallway.

"You want to go to work?" He asks with a sigh.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to walk?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I don't know when I'll be home. But don't stay out too late."

"Got it." I nod leaving my dad and the hospital behind. I might as well run to Calypso's place, I rush down the streets. Just to see if she's there. I knock on her front door, only to have Zoe answer it.

"What's up?" She asks.

"Your big sis here?" I ask.

"Yeah, bedroom." She nods, "Tell her I'm heading out?"

"Got it." The two of us go our separate ways and when I walk into Calypso's bedroom, her surprise can't be matched to anything I've ever seen.

"Leo?"

"Calypso-... I… I need."

"A good time, or a good talk?"

I pounce on her kissing her face like it's the last thing I'll ever do. She moans and sighs into my mouth. Our skin creates hot friction that could spark flames on her bed sheets. Every inch of my skin crawling with the warmth of her. I didn't even realize I had been cold, until she put warmth inside of me.

I wonder why I feel this way. How I feel this way. Is this what love feels like? Am I in love with her or what?

We lay in bed, I stare at her as she breathes, her skin flushed red from sex, her smile is content. Maybe this is what love feels like.

"Leo. Can I tell you something?" She asks looking towards me.

"Anything."

"So, you know how Zoe and I have been really skeptical of our parents lately?"

"As always." I tell her.

"Well, Agnes told us that she doesn't know why we stay here. And Zoe got this idea."

I sit up, looking at her, trying to hide how baffled I am.

She averts my gaze as she says, "The other kids, all of them except for Agnes, Zoe and I want to stay. I'll go crazy if I stay here, and Zoe deserves so much more. Poor Agnes, Felix is just shy of torturing her. So I called my Uncle Bob, you know, the one who lives in Toronto?"

"Sure, okay."

"Well I have my Uncle bob who lives up in Toronto with his cat and the great outdoors. He's an astrologist, unmarried, and a professor."

"You're telling me this because?" I ask with a slight drawl.

"I called him to ask if Agnes, Zoe, and I could live with him."

"What?"

"We're running away Leo. We can't keep living like this. In this house." I don't know what look passes my face for her to say what she does next, but it couldn't have been good. "Look, Leo, I know it seems sudden and irrational. But we don't have a choice. Especially with the new baby."  
"And what about the new baby, Calypso? What are they going to do without you?"

"Maybe us running away will open our parents eyes."

"Or maybe they'll shut them tighter."

"Leo, please." She looks at me desperately. "I need your help. A place to start hiding the things we're taking with us. I need you because Agnes isn't afraid of you by some miracle. And when we leave… I can't leave you without saying goodbye."

"Just what I needed." I don't want to say the words but I can't stop them and before I know it, she's staring at me coldly.

"Oh because I totally did this to hurt you. Because everything is always about you."

"That's not what I meant." I bite back my anger.

"That's how it sounded."

"You're not the only one with problems, Calypso." I tell her, my voice hitching in my throat."

"What are you on about?" She asks harshly.

"My mom's going to die, there's nothing else they can do for her. I just found out today."

"Oh my god-"

"So yeah, I'm a little hurt and scared right now. Okay?"

"I didn't know."

"I don't want to talk about it." I say.

"Of course you do. Look." She takes her hand and wipes away my tears. "You never cry."

"I just want to forget about it."

"But, don't you want to fix it?"

"What is there to fix!?" I suddenly blow up at her. "I'm so fucking powerless."

She takes me in her arms, "I get it. You can't do a thing and it's hard. You fix things and make them good as new. But you can't do anything now."

"She's my mom."

"I know."

I don't ask her why everyone's leaving me. I don't want her to regret running away because of me. I don't want to rule her life, because it's her life not mine. I would run if I could. If I had somewhere to go. I don't exactly have family though. Let's be real here, I'm a half mexican, half white bastard kid. Do you really think my traditional catholic mexican family sees me as anything, you know, good? Especially because I fail classes, skip school, and got suspended one time.

"Leo?"

"So, you're going to Toronto huh?"

"Yeah." She says softly, "I can't think of any reason to stay." Ouch, and to think I thought she was what love felt like.

"It'll be good for you guys."

"I think so too, Agnes is young enough she might not remember too much about this place anyway."

"Here's hoping." I nod.

"This is a good thing, I know it is. It's the only thing that's felt right in a long time."

"It'll be good to finally escape, huh?"

"I hope you get into college, Leo. Then you'll know what I mean."

"I hope you're right."

"I'm not scare."

I chuckle, "Scared isn't even in your vocabulary."

"True enough." She agrees. "Hey, Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"You want to… you know."

It's either have sex with Calypso or go home to apply to college. You figure out which one I choose.


	17. Chapter 17 The Hardest Things

**Annabeth**

" _There are harder things than being invisible."_

I wake up on Monday morning my legs still sore from the cuts I put there. The pain flares up as I get out of bed, the scabs crunching together as I pull on clothes. My jeans seem to cling to them. They are the only things I can focus on. Seven slashes on each leg, pain and irritation making me feel tired. I don't want to go to school. Not when I feel so physically ill with myself.

Saturday and Sunday my parents didn't ask me to leave my room. The came in, sat on my bed and asked me dumb things. Like if I had fun, and when I got home. I didn't tell them that I have never been so scared. I didn't tell them it was the worst day of my life. I didn't tell them that it didn't matter when I got home because the nightmare didn't end when I stopped the car. In fact it only got worse when I parked.

I remember the days when my depression was so bad that I physically felt ill. I feel that way today. I wish I had a fever so my mom would call me out. But I know she won't. I can't face them. I can't even fucking face myself.

I get in my car, listening to my stupid brothers talk about dumb shit the whole ride to school. When I get to my own school I feel my forehead, wishing there was the heat of a fever there. But there isn't. I get my shit and walk lethargically to English. Anime club is still there, talking about the new issue of, I don't know, something hard to pronounce. I slink to my seat and wait for their meeting to adjourn. I think about how shitty I feel, how much I don't want to see Percy next period. The thought of seeing him makes me want to vomit.

Soon enough, class begins, we go down to the book room to get Lord of the Flies. I've already read this book, I don't want to read it again if I can help it. She gives us our assignment for the book, and just as the bell is about to ring, the fire alarm goes off. All of us clump out of the door and the building onto the sidewalk, as our teacher takes roll.

"Hey." I hear a gentle sigh beside me. I turn to see Piper, her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her jacket. "It's cold as balls today."

"That's kind of how November works." I say with a sigh.

"At least it's not hot as shit." She tells me.

"Yeah… Where's Jason? Don't you have first period with him?"

She shrugs, "We had a sub in Calculus, we all left early."

"Oh… Are you two okay?"

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"Well, I just… I saw you guys… Do stuff together."

"Oh, yeah, I guess I'm dating the goober now, huh?" She chuckles.

"You? Dating?" I can't help but chuckle.

She shrugs, "He's different."

"Different than what?"

She shakes her head, "He wants me, not my vag." I nod to her response, "So, do I need to kick Percy's ass?"

"What? I mean, what did he say?" I ask, having known this was bound to come up.

"He doesn't remember a damned thing. Or so he says."

"He-... He doesn't remember?" I'm an idiot. Why… What?

"Annabeth, what happened?" She asks with a soft voice.

"He- He- He-"

"Breathe." She says, taking her hands out of her pockets to hold my hand.

I gulp down my words. "I told him that I wasn't ready, okay?"

"For what?"

"Touching and…" In a small whisper I say, "Sex."

"No." She says pulling back from me, "He didn't-"

"He tried, but I kept saying no, and he couldn't process it I guess, he must have been too drunk."

"That's no excuse… Annabeth, I'm so sorry." She hugs me, and it's the first time in a long time that I have an anchor, something that keeps me here in the real world, that I don't mind keeping me here. I squeeze her back, trying to tell her how desperate I am through this contact. "Are you okay?"

No… I'm not okay in so many different ways. "I don't know."

"It's okay if you aren't. You feel betrayed."

No I don't, I feel like it's all my fault. I feel stupid and sick. I feel like I hate myself and that pain isn't going away. "No, it's not that."

She finally pulls back, "What is it then?"

"I'm just so confused. When he's not drinking, he treats me like I'm precious." More like I'm fragile, which I am. "And then, he started drinking and I felt like all he wanted was-"

"Your vag."

Well… Not exactly. "Yes, exactly."

"I get it, Annabeth-"

"What do I say to him? I mean, I see him next period."

"I don't know, how about you explain to him the situation, and then tell him how you feel."

"Because that's so easy."

"Well, you can run from him forever, or you can stand up for yourself." What if I'm not good enough for that? What if I'm not worthy of defending myself? What if I should only ever run because I don't deserve to be loved? "If the right thing were easy, it wouldn't be called the right thing. It'd be called the thing you do."

I nod as our APs start telling us to go to our next period.

"See you sixth period?"

"For sure." I sigh walking back into the building. I get to physics first, and as I take my seat, I gather my thoughts. What do you say to someone you wholeheartedly rejected.

He walks in looking tired and disgruntled, until he sees me. His features soften as he walks up to me. "Annabeth… Hi."

"Hi." I say trying not to fidget in my seat.

He sits in his seat. "I… I don't know where to start."

I sigh, "You… You don't remember, do you?"

"No."

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that."

The bell rings and our teacher start passing out tests. I can hardly focus on what I'm doing. Not when Percy's right next to me, but there's a wall between us. This thick ass wall that keeps me from telling him… Telling him what's wrong.

I finish my test just before the bell rings, we walk in silence to my next period. And we don't talk until he meets me for lunch. I take his hand, which surprises him, to say the least. I lead him out to the fine arts building, to our spot. I turn to face him, and he looks so damned confused.

"You wanted to have sex with me." I say. "I said no, but you didn't stop."

"Annab-"

"Wait, I know I overreacted and I shouldn't have left, but I'm really not ready to have sex with you Percy. And that was so scary that I stopped thinking. I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, "No, don't be sorry. I'm so… Annabeth, I'm more than sorry."

"Yeah." I sigh.

"How do we fix this?"

"Just promise me, you'll wait for me. And if you don't want to wait… you need to leave." Please don't leave me.

"I'll be here for you, of course I will be." Thank you. He takes me in his arms and nearly crushes me to him. I feel a mixture of things as he holds me tighter. His skin is warm and I can practically feel him shaking. "Hey, I uh, I want you to come to my place. You know, Friday we have that half day, I was thinking, you could meet my family."

When I can't even dare to let my family see him, he wants me to meet his family. Why am I so terrible, so awful? Why am I so… god, why can't I just love him?

The rest of this day is so awful, and awkward, I can't stand it. Study hall is tense and I apologize so many times, I go home and apologize to them again. Even though I know they can't hear me, I feel like I can't help but say I'm sorry as if my mouth is on repeat.

On Friday, I drop the boys off at home before heading to Percy's place. The house is small, only one story and sits plainly on a simple lot. I knock on the door and am greeted by a kind faced woman, signs of age kiss her features, but she's beautiful. In her face, I can almost see Percy's.

"Hi, Annabeth." She says warmly.

"Hi." I smile at her.

"Come in, please, sorry it's a bit of a mess. Lucy's been a bit wild today." Just as I think who's Lucy? I see Percy sitting on the living room floor playing with a little girl. I didn't know he had a baby sister.

"Hi." Percy says to me, "Lucy, say hi, say hi to Annabeth." Lucy looks a lot like Percy, except her nose is not as angular, and her eyes are a soft hazel instead of a sharp green.

"Hi, Lucy." She giggles wildly, her curly brown hair bouncing with each gurgling chuckle.

"Silly little girl." Percy says.

"So, she's your first love?"

"Yup."

"Cute." I smile giving her my finger.

"She's one." Percy's mom says behind me. "Almost two now. You can come to her birthday party next week, if you want."

"Sure." I nod as Lucy brings me one of the toys lying around.

"Thank you." I nod to her.

"She likes you. She used to hate Rachel. I always told her it was because she was a ginger."

She presses on my thighs which remind me of the cuts that are just beneath the denim fabric. I suddenly feel such shame for them. The cuts that I put on my own body, that are there because I'm simply detestable. But this little girl just likes me, why? I'm not sure.

"Well, I am loveable." I say taking her hands off of my thighs.

"Yup." He smiles at me.

"Will you be staying for dinner? Paul will be home late so we have an extra seat." Percy's mom says.

"Um… I think my parents want me home for dinner. They're not exactly flexible people, but I'll ask."

"You're always welcome, sweetheart." She tells me sitting on the couch.

"Thank you."

"Of course."

"Did you all just move here?" I ask as I notice a bunch of boxes lying around.

"No, we're planning on following Percy to college." His mom teases.

"God mom. Be cool." He smiles at her.

"I am very cool."

Lucy grabs another toy and hands it to me. I am brought back to a time when I didn't wholly hate my brothers. I remember when they were this small. I was pretty small myself, I was seven when they were born after all. I remember them crying every night, I remember how much I hated them when they were so little that I could hold them both in my arms.

When they were one year olds, I loved them, a whole lot more. They were my kids and I always had someone to play with. But I also took care of them, and I felt like most days I loved them more than my parents. There's something about having a little sibling that makes you protective and almost motherly.

About an hour into us playing with her, Percy's mom comes back to put Lucy down for her nap. Percy picks her up and kisses her cheeks before handing her off to their mom. When he sits back down I take his hand in mine.

"I'm in shock." He chuckles.

"Why?" I ask.

"You're really good with her."

"I am a big sister myself."

"Huh?"

"I swear I've told you this." I look at his confused face. "My brothers? Bobby and Matthew? The twins?"

"I didn't know that. How old are they?"

"Eleven, they're killing me. I can't wait for them to be twenty already."

"How old were you when they came along?"

"I was seven. I hated them until they were a year old. Then they were like my favorite toys to play with. Sure they were annoying when they cried and they couldn't talk, but I still loved the little suckers."

"Nice." He nods.

"What about you?" I ask.

"I was… God sixteen when she was born."

"Wow, you're old." I chuckle.

"Um… Do you… Do you want to go to my room?" I feel myself fall back, didn't I just tell him- "There's this thing I want to talk about… but it's not something I can just say."

"Sure." I try not to stutter. We stand up and walk down a short hallway into Percy's room. It's shockingly clean in here, everything looks almost like a dorm room. His bed is made, my bed isn't even made.

He closes the door behind us as I take a seat on his bed. I can feel this fear building up inside of me, my skin prickling. I remember his body on top of mine, I remember being scared of him.

"So… Here's the low down on my family." He chuckles sitting next to me, "I have daddy issues out the ass, alright?"

"Okay." I nod.

"When I was born my dad left my mom, but he's got some trust fund bullshit set aside for me. I don't entirely understand it. But he's an ass we hate him."

"Oh so this is the cliff notes version of Percy Jackson's life, huh?" I tease him.

"If you like." He shrugs.

"So when I was about a year old, my mom was sure we were going to end up homeless if she didn't do something about it. So she married my stepdad."

"Paul."

"Jesus fuck no." He shakes his head. "His name was Gabe and I hated him, he was just disgusting and awful."

"Oh…" I say watching him shift, something inside of him suddenly seems off.

"He was… He was not a good guy. He made me feel like shit, he made my mom feel worse. I still think he hit my mom, but she dealt with it because otherwise we would have been out on our asses."

Oh my god… I take his hand slowly, and he squeezes it tightly.

"So, she dealt with this guy so we could be okay, I started rebelling against him and the stupid schools he thought would be good for me. Because you know, you can just put a kid in the equivalent of military school and expect no fallout."

"He… He put you through military school."

"Well… yeah, until I... I kind of blew up the kitchen. He sent me to more schools than I can count, always trying to get rid of me."

"Percy…"

"And then, my mom met Paul and I don't blame her for this… But she started seeing him as more than a friend. I would say she had an affair with him, but that sounds like a bad word and her sleeping with him was probably the best thing that ever happened to us."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she got pregnant, so she finally had a catalyst to leave him. This is the house that we ran away to three years ago and we never looked back."

I suddenly feel extremely selfish for how I've been acting. How can I feel like my worries are so much larger than anyone else's? And how can this make me hate myself so much more? How does his story make me want to slit my thighs open? Why is this happening? Why do I feel like I'm drowning in everything around me?

"Percy, I'm so sorry, no one deserves that." I say moving in to hold him closer.

"I hate how it still affects me… Annabeth, I'm sorry about last week, I know… I know how scary it is to feel that powerless. I never wanted to become that, believe me."

"No-"

"And I know I shouldn't blame alcohol but I had way too much to drink."

"Do you really not remember it?"

"No." He whispers his answer.

"I think that's what hurts that most. That we don't-"

"I know how to fix it, I promise you."

Why do you think I deserve this? Why do I deserve someone who is willing to change for me? I suddenly want to tell him I cut myself. I want to tell him that breathing hurts and moving makes me feel like dying. I'm so close to telling him I went home and cut myself, but I can't do that to him. He has so much more to worry about. I want to protect him.

"Tell me something." I say, "Does it hurt that your sister made your mom leave?"

"No… Not really. I was just glad to get out. I guess I'm sort of mad about it, because you know, it was a bad situation and we couldn't leave. But then when we were gone… none of it mattered."

"I think that makes a lot of sense." I tell him. What I want to say is that I'm hurting, that I'm scared, and I feel terribly alone. I want to ask him if he's ever felt this way, if he knows what it's like to hurt your skin so your brain can take a chill pill. I want to tell him I love him, but that's creepy since it hasn't even been two months. When can I tell him I love him? I think I love him but I've never been in love.

He makes me feel nervous, but he makes me forget how much I'm hurting, he makes me feel like I can disappear. That's what love feels like right? It feels like I don't want to leave. But I feel like I'm using him because I don't want to leave. When I leave I remind myself how much I'm hurting and how much I can't stand myself.

"You're not… scared of me are you?"

"Absolutely not."

"Thank you." He clutches me tightly, as if he doesn't want to let me go.

I'm the one who pulls away to kiss him, and we kiss until I have to go. I don't want to leave this small home, it's so full of love while my home is so full of empty promises and deceptive love. I would stay here, but I know I can't. When I get home my parents are very pushy to get me talking.

"The boys said you went to Percy's house, I hope his parents were home."

"They were, mom."

"They also said you didn't take anything with you, what exactly were you doing?"

"I met his family, dad."

"So you can meet his parents but we can't meet him?"

"Yes, mom."

"Are you ashamed of us?"

"Are you embarrassed by us?"

"We're your family."

"We come first, Annabeth"

"Family is your first priority."

"Okay." Why are these, the people I did not choose to belong to, the most important people in my life? Why do they get to choose? The people I haven't known for even three months treat me better than you.

I wish that I didn't take a shower that night, because I gave into the temptation to reopen the cuts on my thighs.


	18. Chapter 18 Grounded in my Mind

**Sorry this took so long friends, half of my face is congested, and by that I mean I'm sick. Also I got incredibly into gaming this thanksgiving because my brothers convinced me to play Until Dawn, and let me just say, NEW OBSESSION! There's a character named Jess, so duh. And there are seven main characters so I'm writing a fan fic for it, that's right you should check that out. Anyway, don't hate me if updates are scarce until the new year. College apps are due and my life is slowly but surely crumbling beneath my feet.**

 **Enough about me, read this!**

 **Jason**

" _Part of growing up is making sure your sense of reality isn't entirely grounded in your own mind."_

Why am I scared to hold her hand at school? When I take her out after the show on Friday, I'm not afraid of the tingling sensation that runs through my body everytime she touches me anywhere. She feels like joy and I never want to leave her. It's like when she's there I'm something that's whole, and when she goes away she takes a little bit of me. It's not like I've never been in relationships before, shit it's not like I've never had sex before. But she is something wild and new.

So why am I scared to be seen with her at school? Why am I trying to save face? Is it because every time I go into the locker room guys holler at me, teasing me about how much sex I'm going to get? They tell me I'm the JP Morgan of sex now, since I have a monopoly on a gold mine. I guess what bothers me more is that I can't bring myself to defend her. I just laugh and shake my head, thinking I'm the better person just because I know there is so much more to her.

What upsets me the most, though, is that she hasn't changed. She still wears tight clothes with bare midriffs, she still wears makeup and high heels. I might as well say it, she looks like a hooker, but I still love her. But it's so very complicated.

I mean, doesn't she have any form of decency? For my sake? Should she? What's wrong with me for thinking that?

I'm thinking about this because it's Sunday afternoon, we're sitting in her backyard she's observing different fallen leaves, kicking them around her her feet. She looks so effortless, as her knit dress rides up her thighs, her hair fluttering softly in the gentle fall breeze. She's so beautiful, so kind, and so brave. Maybe I should be a little brave.

"Piper, can I talk to you about something?" I ask slumping a bit more into the tree I'm sitting against.

She looks up at me, her eyes shining like a melting pot of colors. "Of course."

"How did you… How did you get like this?"

"Well, we had sex and-"

"No, I mean, how did you get here? Like… When did you get to be this way?"

She looks at me for a second, "You mean, how did I become a slut… Right?"

"No, I wouldn't say slut."

"They what would you say?" She asks.

"Look, Piper, it's just that I'm not totally comfortable with how many people you've slept with. And it's not you, it's totally me. I just want to know why."

"It's not like you're dating all the people I've slept with."

"Here's the thing, I was raised the traditional, wait until marriage stuff."

"And?"

"Well, I had sex because I wanted to see what it was like. What all the hype was about. Why did you?"

"Are you worried about like emotional detachment or something?" She's getting to seem defensive and almost scared, like she doesn't want me to say the wrong thing. "Because I'm a functioning human being thank you very much."

"I don't see why you're freaking out about this, we've had sex, I just want to know… How did you lose your virginity? How did you end up so-"

"Loose? Do you think I'm just a whore?"

"Baby, that's not it at all." Why am I lying to her? If I'm honest with her, I'd tell her, yes I think you're a whore. But my tongue is fluent in lies that protect people.

"Then what is it?" She asks.

"I don't like the way people talk about you."

"How do they talk about me?" She asks.

"They just… I don't like that they talk about you being easy."

"Why?"

"Because I want to protect you… Why won't you tell me how you lost your virginity?"

She shakes her head, "It's not a story you're ready to hear."

"What do you mean?" I ask, "Piper, I'm your boyfriend."

"Yeah, my boyfriend for a week. What makes you think I'm ready to tell you my life story?"

"Well you don't have to be rude about it." I say.

"Sorry... I just. I bet there are things you're scared to tell me." My throat clenches up at the thought of telling her about my mom. "Look, my sexual debut, I don't want you to get the wrong idea, it wasn't traumatizing. But it's not a good story and it will probably change how you see me. I don't want to start off our relationship like that."

"We-"

"No, I wasn't raped." She says, "Before you ask… Can't we just be seventeen, Jason? Can't we date like we have nothing to lose?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, is it so hard to let go and have fun?"

"We can still have fun even if you let me in."

She sighs, "Did you lose your virginity to a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, freshman year. I hardly even remember it I was sloshed." I recount, Veronica was her name. She was a dark, mysterious, lesbian. Yeah, my first time was with a lesbian deal with it.

"I didn't."

"What do you mean you didn't?"

"My first time wasn't with a boyfriend. That's what I'll tell you. You're my second boyfriend, actually."

"I guess I don't like your reputation, but I really like you."

"My reputation is a part of me, Jason. I created that."

"But who you are and your reputation are two totally different things. Why let the world only see the part of you that's sexual?"

"Because… it took me a long time for my sex to become mine. And now that it's mine no one can take it from me. I want the world to know that the only one who owns me, is me."

"But there are so many wonderful parts to you, why don't you let anyone see those parts?"

She shrugs, "Look, here's the thing about reputations, people see what they want to see. No matter how good of a person I am, people will choose to see how many people I've slept with. My sex life has nothing to do with my character. But they don't know that."

"So that's it? You're not going to change how they see you?"

"You know as well as I do you can't change people's minds when they're set. You have to ride it out on your own. Sometimes you get lucky and people see you for who you are, not for who you seem to be."

I sigh, "Piper, I guess I just don't get it."

"You're still helplessly lost in the cave, darling." She smiles, "Come find me when you're ready to come out."

"And now you've gone Plato on me? My own girlfriend." I can't handle the seriousness of the conversation anymore, so I change the subject.

"You were asking for it." She says before kissing me. A paralyzing kiss that makes me moan into her lips. She pulls back and looks at me strangely.

"I hate Plato."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"But you've never met the man." She says moving up next to me.

"I didn't have to, I just knew he was a dick to start." I kiss the top of her head because I can't keep myself off of her.

"To each his own." She says.

So, where are your parents exactly?" I ask.

"Dad's doing a show and he'll be out until maybe two. Mom's in Paris for some beauty conference." She waves her hand.

"So, you're home alone until when?"

"Um mom comes back for a few days next week, and then leaves for another month. Dad is always gone until early. What about you? When does daddy dearest come home?"

"I think he'll be home for a week if he's not being a prick this year"

"Is he usually?"

I shrug, "He's a true workaholic."

"Is he?"

"Yeah, he lives at home for three months max."

"I feel that." She sighs. "Well, do you want to spend the night?" She ask turn to kiss my neck.

"I don't have any clothes here." I tell her.

"Well, why don't you go home get yourself together and then come back? Say six o'clock?"

"Six o'clock." I agree kissing her before I stand up to leave. She walks me out, our hands swinging in time until we reach her front door. She kisses me so mind numbingly that I don't want to leave her, but I head out and drive over to my house. I head to my room, grabbing a few things as I go.

"Hey, you're home." Thalia knocks on the door frame.

"Not for long, I'm going to a friends place."

"Oh?" She folds her arms, "And you're bringing condoms?"

"It's that kind of a friend."

She chuckles, "You didn't tell me you have a girlfriend."

"I haven't seen you in a week."

"So this is a new development? And you're already having sex?"

"Well… It's weird and messy. When are you free next? It's a long story, and you look like you need to go." I notice the keys in her hand.

"I'm off Tuesday. we can eat out?"

"Sounds like a plan." She comes into my room and kisses my cheek. "Yuck." I tease.

"I love you my sweet little baby brother. Who happens to be having sex without telling his big sister." I kiss her cheek back, "Thank you."

"Bye."

As she leaves I get a text from Percy asking me if I want to chill with him, Leo, and Frank. I agree without hesitation. Just as I think I should go check up on my mom, I peek into her bedroom only to see she's not there. Either she's grabbing more liquor or she's vomiting. I can't deal with either of those things so I leave.

I pull up to Leo's place, park my car and knock on the front door. Percy's the one to answer the door.

"Uh-"

"Backyard." He says leading me straight through the small house to the outside where Leo is sitting down, polishing some kind of contraption.

"Hey." He says distractedly.

"Hey." I sigh sitting down. "Where's Frank?"

"Being a loser and not showing up." Percy lays back on the grass. "What's up dude?"

"Nothing."

"How's the girlfriend?"

"She's good."

"She sex you into a coma yet?" Leo chuckles.

"Yeah…"

"Oh god." Leo sighs.

"You tired of her yet?" Percy laughs.

"Dude, not cool." I say.

"Not my fault your girlfriend's got a vag like a slip and slide."

"And it won't be my fault when I punch you in the throat."

"Come on man, she's easy, you know it." Leo says.

"I know that, but she's a person, you know." I say.

"Well, I do, but do you?"

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"Jason, here me out. I know you're real damned confused, you don't know how anyone can be raised to end up like her. Sure, she's nice, and pretty cool. But she's a still a bitch and your brain can't quite comprehend how those two things go together. Face it, she's a puzzle and that's why you like her."

"I'm just… I'm confused as to why, you know?"

"Duh." Percy says, "You look at her like she's a goddamn rubix cube."

"She's not a puzzle, bro, like you said, she's a person. People aren't meant to be figured out. We take each other at face value, and after we scratch the surface, we get more interested. It's not your fault, it's just in your nature."

"You know… the other guys, they keep asking me when I'm going to dump her."

"It's been a week."

"I know."

Leo looks up at me, "What were you expecting? Guys are gross, they're just waiting for her to be open for business."

"But she's… I don't know."

"Jason you're dating the girl who was only here for one semester and has already fucked or been fucked by every attractive guy who goes to our school. Minus me of course." Leo says, "What the fuck were you expecting to happen?"

"I don't know… I really don't. I guess I was expecting people to remember how we were taught to treat others."

"We forgot those lessons long ago, asshole." Percy says, "Believe me, they teach us the golden rule, but it's been nothing but tarnished."

"Here's my advice." Leo says, "The sky's gonna hurt when it falls my friend, so you better start building some walls. That is, if you don't want to get hurt."

I already have walls built up so high not even the clouds can pass them. Isn't the point of dating and falling in love that they break down your walls? Isn't the whole point that love makes you whole and your little box doesn't have to be empty anymore? Isn't love supposed to keep liquor out of your hands because you're so busy holding them close.

Isn't love… Isn't love? Do I love Piper McLean, already? I can't be that much of a loser, can I?

"So, you staying here?" Leo asks us.

"Nah, my mom wants me home." Percy says.

"I'm going to Piper's."

"Get it while you can."

"Thanks…" I say.

"Look, it's not like I don't want you guys to be together. I'm just saying be careful." Percy says.

"How is Annabeth? Is she okay?" I ask him.

"She's fine now, don't worry about it." He says.

"What happened?" Leo asks.

"Alcohol happened." He says.

I can understand that, it makes sense. "I'm sorry dude."

"Me too. I hate feeling like no matter what I do… I don't know. It's like she's a land mine and everything sets her off."

"Then why do you deal with it?" Leo asks bitterly.

"Because, I'm kind of in love with her. She cares, a lot, she just doesn't know how to show it."

"You love her?"

"Well, I don't know what else to call it." Percy shrugs, "It's something odd, almost like when you know you're doing something wrong. But it feels so much better than the right thing. It feels the way a good scare feels. She scares me, I guess, I'm some sort of adrenaline junkie."

"Aren't you ever tired?" Leo asks.

"Tired? Why?" Percy asks.

"I don't know. I'm always tired." He says going back to his work.

I'm exhausted Leo, the world doesn't know when to let up, and I'm afraid of so much. I can't stand it, some days I'm so tired of just about everything. We change the topic to something mindless, thinking is too exhausting.

About an hour later, Percy and I leave for our separate destinations. I get to Piper's house in little time, and I'm greeted at the door, like she truly missed me. She kisses me and her smile is clearly evident.

"Missed me?" I ask her taking hold of the knit fabric that hugs her in a way that I want to hold her.

"Something like that." She says. "Are you ready?"

"Ready?"

"For… You know…" She smiles closing the door behind her.

"I wanted to look at you a little longer."

"Well, I'm here."

"What's the craziest thing you've ever heard?" I ask her, my hands running marathons along the curves of her body.

"Honestly?"

"Obviously."

"I love you."

"What?" I ask.

"It's the craziest thing I've ever heard." I continue to stare at her in utter disbelief. "It was crazy because he was just another bang, but he told me he loved me. I'm still not sure if he was just in the moment or if he was really in love with me."

"And if I said it too?"

"Well, maybe someday, if you play your cards right, I'll believe you."


	19. Chapter 19 The Most Afraid Of

**Hazel**

" _You know the truth, the one that you hide, is the thing you are most afraid of."_

Mrs. Di Angelo has stopped pressing me to tell her why my mother's marriage is so traumatic to me. She tells me that I can talk to my dad when he comes home tonight, she figures I'll tell him more than I'll tell her. I haven't decided if I will or not.

Frank and I have started hanging out at lunch together, considering that Piper is now dating Jason. Which I like, but at the same time I don't know how to feel about it. That's the majority of my emotions lately. I don't know how to feel about a lot of things.

Piper told me in confidence what happened to Annabeth, and now I don't know how to feel about Percy, I think he's a dick, but Annabeth's still dating him. I don't get why she would continue to date the guy who tried to force himself on her, that's not right to me. But it's none of my business, I guess. Plus, I'm not exactly one to talk.

"You okay?" Frank asks me.

"Huh?" I ask, pulling myself out of my trance.

"Are you alright?" He asks again.

"I don't know, I guess so."

"You guess so?"

"Don't you ever feel like everything is just confusing?"

"No."

"How are you so sure then? I feel like everything I think is just a muddled mess in my brain."

"I just am. I'm always sure." He sighs.

"Okay."

"Yeah."

We end our conversation there, not another word said between us as I go to my biology class.

Piper and Jason are sucking the life out of each other in front of the door. His hands wrapped around her possessively, like he's asserting his dominance. He might as well pee on her, honestly.

"Hoe, come on." I interrupt them.

Piper breaks apart from him, "I'll see you around then?"

"Yeah…" He leans down to kiss her again, this time she makes it brief.

"What's up honey?" She asks me as we sit down at our desks.

"Same old. You seem good?"

"I guess that's how it seems." She chuckles.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, Jason seems like mr. perfect but he really, really isn't. He's just a guy."

"What did he do?"

"He just doesn't get me."

"I'm not following."

"He's a great guy, don't get me wrong, but at the same time. I don't know, he just doesn't get me. Yet. Maybe that's it, we've only been together for two weeks. I feel like I'm seeing a lot more of him than I ever wanted this soon."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, hopefully I can change his mind. He cares about me, Hazel, really he does, and that's something entirely new for me... but he doesn't understand me."

"Why is being young so confusing."

"Because we're just now realizing just how many shades of everything there are. But now it's subjective, we have to decide which shades are darker and lighter."

"I don't like that. I don't like having to decide."

"You have to."

"Says who?"

"Says the real world, and she doesn't put up with bullshit." Piper turns around as class beings.

I try to focus on the functions of the parts of a cell, I really do try, but it's not working. I hear my mom's voice in the back of my mind, she tells me over and over again that she loves him. She loves the man who gives her money so long as he can do as he likes to her. His name sounds like a curse word.

I feel myself shaking in my seat, shaking with fear and anxiety. This can't be happening, right? This kind of stuff doesn't just happen to people.

"Yo, let's get going." Piper tugs on one of my curls.

"Class is over?" I ask, frantically packing my shit.

"Yeah, come on."

"I'm coming." I say throwing my bag over my shoulder, following her out of the classroom.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

"I don't know, why?"

"I was just asking, I'm going to visit my family, I didn't know if you did anything special."

"I haven't really lived with my dad for that long, I'm wondering if they have traditions I don't know about."

"That's cool, must be nice to have a second family."

"It is." I nod.

"I'm stuck with my heavily racist mom's side of the family and my dad's party till you've missed two days of work."

"Oh god." I chuckle.

"They're not bad people, just bad at being good."

"That makes no sense." I tell her as we sit down. She sits on Jason's lap, even though there's a chair right there.

"Miss me?" She asks him.

"Always." He tells her kissing the back of her neck.

"Get a room." Annabeth rolls her eyes.

"I think I need to go find a book." Piper says, standing up and dragging Jason behind her until they disappear around a book shelf.

"She's such a whore." Leo chuckles.

"Yeah." Annabeth nods.

"We can't talk." I shake my head. "We all have made a mess of our sex lives at some point."

"True." Annabeth sighs.

"You're a virgin." Percy says.

"I've still made a mess of my sex life, but don't you dare ask me how."

"How can I not ask how?" He chuckles.

"Story time, how'd you fuck up your sex life." Leo says.

"Who's going first?" Percy asks.

"Me of course." Frank snorts. "I fucked up my sex life by not having one. Hazel go."

"I fucked up my sex life by having casual sex… with my ex… a lot… like _a lot_ of casual sex."

"Nice." Percy holds up an okay sign.

"I fucked up my sex life by sleeping with my best friend all the fucking time." Leo says.

"Me as fuck." I chuckle.

"I fucked up my sex life by having sex while I was babysitting." Percy says.

"Babysitting who?" I ask.

"Dude that's not right." Leo cackles.

"My baby sister, she's young enough to sleep through it." Percy defends himself.

"Sure, okay."

Frank looks really confused, "You had sex with-"

"No!" Percy gasps, "No. My fucking girlfriend! You're fucked up man."

"You worded that really suspiciously." Frank holds up his hands in defense.

"I fucked up my sex life by telling someone I loved him, but he didn't love me back." Annabeth says, probably feeling like she has to tell us, because we told her our stories.

"That's dark." Leo says.

She shrugs looking back down at her homework, "Babe, can you go pull Jason away so that I can ask him for help on this?"

"Sure…" He kisses the top of her head before walking to the bookshelves. He brings the two of them back, looking severe, while Piper looks ready to bust at the seams with laughter. "Disgusting, and in the middle of a library!"

"Hey, it's the most action like half of those books will ever see, am I right?" Jason snickers.

"You're sickening." Piper shoves him, laughing.

He grabs her ass, "You want it."

"I don't actually." She pushes off of him.

"Of course you do, your vag has a get in free on Tuesdays rule." Leo snickers.

"I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel." She sighs.

"Love you too."

"Jason, let go of me." Piper says getting out of his arms to sit beside me.

"What did you want?" Jason asks Annabeth, still looking at Piper lustfully.

"Calculus." She sighs.

"Hazel, baby, can you help me understand this?" Piper pulls The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde out of her backpack and throws it down in front of me.

"The answer is alcohol. Other than that, I'm useless." I tell her.

"Bull shit." She says.

"The strange liquid-"

"No, the you being useless, part."

"I'm shit at school."

"Same!" Percy snorts.

"But you're about to graduate right?" Piper says.

"Well, yeah, so?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm gonna graduate, and have you seen my attendance record?" Leo asks.

"Just look at my 'permanent record'. It's like a collage of referrals and suspensions." Percy chuckles.

"I got caught giving someone head in a bathroom once, does that count as something keeping me from graduating?" Piper asks with a chuckle.

"No." Jason says quickly.

"I nearly flunked junior year. School just isn't my thing." I tell them.

"The office says if I get put in ISS one more time I don't get to graduate." Frank says with a smirk.

"How many times have you been in ISS exactly?" I ask.

"When are we starting the counting?" He chuckles. "If we're talking sixth grade, at least seven times. Just high school, three."

"Fuck dude." Percy says nervously snorting.

"I have a temper."

"As if." I roll my eyes, "You're squishy."

"What?" He asks.

"If you had a temper I'd have already pissed you off and you know it."

"You think so?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Okay." He nods.

"I still need help." Piper says to me.

"Let me see, baby." Jason holds out his hand.

"You already told me that you don't know how to answer these questions." She says, causing Jason to roll his eyes.

"I'll help you out." Annabeth says.

"Thanks boo."

I sit there listening to my friends talk to and about each other. Piper seems lowkey upset about something, and she makes some very cutting remarks. Annabeth sits there doing homework without paying any attention. Leo and Percy start playing the penis game at one point. Jason seems to be off somehow, I don't know how or why. And Frank, he looks amused by everything going on around him.

My mind slips back to when I lived in Alaska, Sammy would be holding my hand under the table. Emily would be play fighting with Jensen, and Ricky would be smoking even though we were in a fucking library. Sammy would ask Ricky how his lung cancer was coming along.

I'd ask Jensen how her new girlfriend was, and she'd tell me all about how this time she was sure she'd found the right girl, or how she was going to break up with them next period. Emily would probably be obsessed with getting into college.

I know what they'd be doing, but maybe I wouldn't be there anyway, afterall I did betray them.

The bell rings, violently shaking me back into reality. I miss my old friends, even though they've probably forgotten all about me.

"Let's go." Piper grabs my arm.

"We don't even share next period." I say grabbing my stuff.

"So? If I don't force you to go to class you'd sit there jacking off all day." She laughs.

It's like I can hear Emily's voice in her words. "I wish."

"Me too."

"You have me for that." Jason says taking her by the waist. He's asserting some kind of ownership over her, like she's his property. It's sick, really.

My last two periods are bull shit, and I hardly pay any attention. I leave school, ready to get picked up by Mrs. Di Angelo, but I don't see Mrs. Di Angelo, I see my dad, parked in the bus loop, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Hi, Hazel." He says firmly.

"Um… Hey, dad."

"You ready to go home?"

"Yeah…" I nod getting in the car.

We drive in silence for the first half of the drive, but then he speaks up. "So, your mother is getting married."

"Yes."

"To the man who kicked you out."

"Yes."

"I haven't told my wife about him."

"I figured… She seemed confused."

"You have to understand, Hazel, that you and I are very much the same. We want to protect the people we love, I wanted to keep those things from her."

"I understand." I tell him.

"I'm sorry that all of this is happening to you, Hazel, no one deserves it." I don't say anything, my thoughts say no, I do deserve it. But I'd never say it outloud, so he continues. "I don't want you attending the wedding, I don't want you to have anything to do with them."

"She's my mom."

"And he tried to kill her."

I remember that, the memories of him leaving his car on in the garage, funneling the exhaust through the house so he could poison us both.

"And she has made no other attempt to contact you anyway. He wants something, I know men like that."

"You don't know anything." I say, knowing that if I hadn't provoked him, well, things would have been vastly different. I hit him first, that's right, sweet innocent little Hazel tried to beat up a man. And when I stopped fighting him, ran away to my room, so he tried to kill me and my mom. Equal and opposite reactions, they're real.

"Hazel… You can tell me what else is bothering you. If there is more, I mean."

"No… it's okay, dad."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, Hazel your mother called me earlier." I feel my muscles stiffen and my heart starts pounding, "She wants to talk to you. She asked me if I could tell you to call her. If you have no problems with-"

I get out of the car, as he's parked in front of the house. Shouldering my backpack, I hurry up to mine and Bianca's bedroom. Maybe I'll cry, ten minutes, twenty minutes, an hour, I don't care how long. I just need to cry. To my surprise, Bianca's sitting on her bed looking up at me when I open the door. We stare at each other for an exceedingly uncomfortable amount of time.

"Hey." She says.

"Hey." Breathing is very difficult.

"You want to watch a movie?"

"Sure." I nod sitting down next to her. She pulls up Clueless on netflix, after kicking off my shoes I lay down next to her.

At some point our legs end up winding together, half snuggling half falling off the bed, we're watching the first Hunger Games movie. Nico walks in, looks at us, looks at the movie and lays down beside us. Safe, comfortable, and silent.


	20. Chapter 20 Goodbye

**When you funnel your emotions into fan fic and end up writing three chapters.**

 **Leo**

" _We all have to find our own ways to say goodbye."_

Friday morning, I get up and go to school, I'm sending in my transcripts for colleges today, my dream school being Texas Tech, it's far enough away and if I get need based aid, I'd only have to pay for room and board. I just… have to get it. I went home that night after the party and started finishing my applications. I've worked so hard on them and I got the college readiness guy at school to edit my essays. My grades kind of suck, my ACT scores aren't too bad. I hope.

My school day is full of bullshit, my teachers are so boring and my classes are so monotonous. In health class, while we're watching some video about pregnant teens I get a text from Calypso.

 _You busy after school?_ I tell her no, and she responds with, _we're leaving, tonight._

I can't believe this, it's only been a week and they're already leaving. Sure, throughout the whole week, she's been coming over to my place, dropping off clothes, and bags. And yeah we'd have sex, before she'd leave again. It's been really weighing on me, the fact that she's leaving. But at the same time, she's pushing me to leave, to be better than I am now. She's making me want more than I've ever had before.

"Hey." Hazel whispers, getting me out of my mind. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I assure her putting my phone back in my pocket.

"Good, you wanna come over to Piper's place, Jason's out of town for football, so it'll just be us and Frank if he can come."

"Sure… What about Percy and Annabeth?"

"They have a date." She shrugs.

"What time?"

"Eight sound good?"

"I'll be late."

"Fair enough." She turns back to the film where some teen mom is talking about her broken marriage. I don't watch the movie, there's no point, I keep thinking about Calypso. I think about how much better her life will be up in Toronto, how much more she'll love her life. She'll have no problem getting into college, she'll get a good job. She'll do great up there. And me? What about me?

There is so much in my life that is uncertain. I wish I could just know. I wish I could know when my mom is going to die. I wish I could know if colleges will want me. I wish I could stop feeling the weight of everything around me.

Time flies until I'm sitting in study hall, Piper is forcing Annabeth to help her with some history assignment, Hazel is having Frank fill out a biology assignment, and then there's Percy, sitting there staring at Annabeth like she's a gift. I wonder, for a moment, what she ever did to deserve him. And what I did to deserve what I've been getting.

Every single thought burns in my mind, saying that I deserve this, I did this to myself. But what decides who deserves what? I mean, fuck, do we ever do what we deserve to get? Do we ever deserve the bad things? Do we ever deserve the good things?

I know that I should probably talk about how easy they make everything seem. How Piper laughs like it's a language she's fluent in. How Percy can make any joke hilarious no matter how stupid. How Annabeth's cutting remarks make me laugh so hard I could cry. How Hazel's the only sensible one.

I should talk about the things that make me happy. Here's the thing, what makes me happy, the little stuff, it's small in comparison to the things that make me unhappy. What sucks is that unhappiness is so large and overbearing, that I can only forget about it for sixth period study hall, before reality slaps me again. But at least I have study hall, some people don't even have that.

I spend far too much time in my own mind, and Percy seems to notice in English.

"Bruh." He throws an eraser at me in the middle of the lecture I wasn't paying attention to about A Tale of Two Cities relating to Treasure Island. I haven't read either of them, so don't ask me. "You okay?"

I toss the eraser back at him, "I'm good man. Just fucking tired, you know?"

"Yeah… I get it." He sighs.

"You and Annabeth okay?" I ask.

"I guess so."

"Huh?"

"I don't know man, I just feel like she's not telling me everything. There's something else… does that make any sense?"

"Uhuh." I nod.

"It sucks.

"Sure does." I agree. "You think you know someone, for half a second, and then it's like they're lying."

"Well, it's not like she's lying. It's like she's avoiding something bigger."

"Excuse me, Leo and Percy. Would you like to share your conversation with the class?"

"Not at all, miss. It's just monetary bullshit anyway, like this class." Percy says.

"Want to tell that to the principal?" She folds her arms.

"That's alright, I'll just tell you." Everyone laughs at him.

"And you feel the same Leo?"

"Everyone does." I shrug.

"Then you both have detention on Monday after school."

"Great, thanks for the heads up, miss." Percy salutes her, the bell rings signifying the end of seventh period. My last period is nothing to report, and I'm sure you don't give a shit about me running home before going to work.

I spend nearly all of my time working on this one engine that's giving me a hard time. Once I finally spruce it up and get it running to my satisfaction, it's closing time. I lock up the business, saying quick goodbyes to some of my dad's employees before I make my way towards the sandwich shop.

Calypso is there with Agnes on her lap, and one hand holding onto Zoe's shoulder. They're sitting in a vacant booth, no one else behind the counter, the rest of the lights are off in the store, but the door is unlocked. I open the front door, the dinky little bell causes the three of them to look up at me.

"Hey." Calypso smiles at me.

"Hey… You guys ready?" Zoe nods at me, standing up quickly. She seems anxious to leave, but Calypso hesitates slightly. Sitting Agnes on her hip she takes one last look around the shop.

"Can we go?" Zoe asks me, shoving her hands deep in the pockets of her hoodie.

"Yeah." I nod leading her out of the shop. "You're ready to go then, huh?"

"I've been ready to run away since I was born, Leo." She says. "I'm tired of this."

"I get that." I nod.

"Do you?"

"More than you want to know, kiddo." I sigh before Calypso walks out of the shop.

"Are we going to the better place now?" Agnes asks.

"Well, you're going to get there soon enough." I tell her. "Do you want me to hold her?" I ask Calypso.

"Do you want to walk, Aggie?" Calypso asks her sweetly.

"No." Agnes shakes her head.

"Can Leo carry you for a bit then?"

"Okay." I take the four year old out of her sister's arms. She snuggles into crook of my neck before falling asleep. Together we walk through the streets until we get back to my place.

"Go get your bags, Zoe." Calypso says.

"Why don't you guys stay for a little bit?" I suggest, "Get warmed up have something to eat."

"The bus doesn't come for another two hours, Callie. Why don't we wait?" Zoe says, "Aggie's tired anyway."

Calypso looks at me before nodding to her sister. I lay Agnes down on the couch, Calypso grabs a blanket to cover her. I help them start to pack up some food, before Zoe and I grab the packed bags from upstairs.

About an hour later, Zoe is ready to go. "Should I wake up Aggie?" She asks her sister.

"Yeah. We should head out." Calypso agrees. Zoe leaves us alone, an unsettling silence settles between us.

"I can't believe we're here." She says.

"Me either." I tell her.

"I… I don't know what to say."

"I have a question."

"Go for it."

"Did you ever love me?"

She looks at me for a second, not wanting to answer the question. "It never would have worked out, Leo. We're too messy."

"But love is always messy. It's supposed to mean something… right?"

"I wouldn't have had sex with you if I didn't love you."

"So why did we never say it?" I feel this sense of betrayal sticking in my throat.

"Because, we couldn't. Life just wasn't fair to us, Leo. It's not our fault."

"This is really it then, huh?"

"Don't think of it like that." She says. "Every goodbye is the start of a new adventure."

"And our adventure?"

"Our adventure ends here, but we get to start something new."

"I love you, Calypso."

"I love you too, Leo. But you have to let me go."

"I never said I wouldn't let you go… I just want you to know."

"I wish you every happiness. You deserve all the good things that the world has to offer." She hugs me, I can almost feel the nervous energy coming off of her. "I know that this is the right choice, I know it. We're going to be so much happier." She pulls back from me, "And you're going to do something amazing. I know it."

"I hope you get to be happy." I tell her, trying to memorize how her body feels, she smells like cheap shampoo. She's soft and delicate, and yet, here she is running away from her parents to keep her kid sisters safe. "Are you ready?" I finally ask her.

"Yeah." She whispers.

I walk her to the front door, Agnes is up and ready to go, Zoe holds her hand tightly to keep her from bouncing off the walls.

"You guys ready?" Calypso asks, grabbing one of the bags.

"Are you?" Zoe asks, concern for her sister passing over her gaze.

"Of course I'm ready." She nods, turning back towards me for one last goodbye.

"Thank you, Leo, really." Zoe says as I open the front door for them.

"Anytime, Zoe, anytime." I tell her as the three of them leave my house. I watch them walk down the street until I can't see them anymore. I stand in my own doorway feeling the darkness of autumn fall around me. I start walking towards Piper's place and get there within the hour.

"Hey girl." Piper opens the door, "Welcome to therapy."

"Excuse me?" I ask walking inside.

"Hazel's ranting about her life choices and stuff so, it's a therapy session." She says leading me up to her room.

"Where's Frank?" I ask when we get there.

"As if I know." She shrugs, "I think he just bailed on us. Continue, Hazel."

She sighs, "It's just that my dad has never been a part of my life, her has no right to just say that shit to me."

"But you were kind of asking him to be a part of your life, when you moved here. I mean, you showed up at his door and told him, hey, I need you right now. Doesn't it mean something to you that he wants to help?"

"Of course it means something."

"He probably loves you but doesn't know how to say it." I tell her. "My dad sure doesn't know how to people.

"He says it to his wife everyday."

"It's a different kind of love." I tell her, "Like, I never told a girl I loved her until it was too late, but I still slept with her a lot. We figure out how to love in our own ways in our own time."

"I guess so." She sighs, "But is she really gone?"

"Yeah…" She's gone for good now, and there's nothing I can do about it. How can you love someone and never say it? How can you just…. How can you just let someone go like that?

"That sucks bro."

"It's not a big deal." But it really is, she left when I really needed someone.

"Then what is a big deal. What's going on in Leo's world?" Piper asks leaning back to stretch out on her bed. I feel like I've seen more of her stomach in the past month than I've seen her arms.

"I'm too dumb to get into college."

"Same." Hazel sighs.

"Oh cut that crap out." Piper sighed. "You're good enough for college because wanting to go to college is half the battle."

"Being smart is half the battle." I scoff at her.

She gives me a stern look. "You are smart, everyone is smart in their own way."

"I'm not smart in the way the world wants me to be."

"But you're the smart the world needs." She tells me confidently.

"The stupid kind of smart?"

She sighs,"Fine, Leo you're not smart."

"Thanks." I smirk.

"You may not be smart, but you are extraordinary."

Maybe that's what I'm going to need to remember in the coming weeks.


	21. Chapter 21 Healing and Hurting

_**Here's to finals week my friends. May the odds be ever in your favor, and may the holy spirit descend upon you to magically give you answers.**_

 **Annabeth**

" _Maybe we all just lived between healing and hurting."_

I didn't go to bed last night, I was up all night, my stomach so knotted it physically hurt me. I'm dressed and in my car, but I don't know why or how I managed this feat. Things haven't gotten much easier for me, I know, I know, with the holidays so near I should feel better about myself. But forgive me for not being thrilled with peppermint mocha and piss colored house lights. Forgive me for feeling like the world is not at its most wonderful. I feel like falling apart.

I spend every day like a phantom haunting the life that I used to live. No one seems to get it, or even notice actually. My new 'friends', they probably just don't know any better. The don't know who I used to be. I'll make an excuse for them. My parents, I will not forgive. They should know better. They should know _me_ better.

I sit in classes I don't care about, hold conversations that mean nothing to me, I fake every laugh and smile because I feel like all I want to do is cry. I go home every night, my thoughts screaming so loudly that they're actually destroying me, I feel like I'm deaf. Every night I sit down in my shower and cut up my thighs, my hips, anything that I know will be covered by my clothes. Even though I'm hurting myself I can't stand the thought of hurting the people I consider to be my friends. They'd be devastated if they found out...

I am scared, I am out of control, and I don't know what's going to happen to me.

"Hey, the bell rang girly." Hazel shakes my shoulder, throwing me back into reality.

Finals are done after tomorrow, I don't know what I'm going to do without the constant distraction of homework.

"Right." I sigh standing up. But I don't want to go home, more like I can't bring myself to go home. Being at home means so much more than I'm ready to deal with. I start walking through the hallways before I end up at the Fine Arts building. I stop out front, looking at the cinderblocks and gum covered pillars. How did I get here?

I walk in anyway, walking towards the corner where Percy and I make out at lunch.

"Yo, hot stuff." I look over to see Piper, placing a block of wood in front of the door she's propped open with her ass. "You come to chill?"

"Sure." I nod walking into the room, which turns out to be the stage door to our auditorium.

"You can put your shit with my shit." I toss my bag over to where her's sits.

"What are you doing here?"

"Winter play prep." She sighs. "I asked to be stage manager again. Mr. A can't live without me." She smiles at me.

"Must be nice to be needed."

"Oh lot's of people need me. Mr. A, Hazel, my dunce of a boyfriend."

"Yeah…"

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I debate whether or not I should tell her everything. "Nothing is going right." Is that vague enough?

"What do you mean?" She asks setting up some prop boxes.

"I mean that I feel like I'm falling apart." I feel my voice catch in my throat.

She looks at me sharply, sensing the thickness of my words. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I don't think anything happened. I just… I feel so hurt."

"Like, that kind of hurt where you feel like your throat is clogged?"

"Yeah, like that."

"You're scared."

"Terrified." I nod.

She walks up to me and squeezes me to her, sure I'm taller than her, but I can still burrow my face into her neck.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but it'll be okay."

"Will it?" I ask.

"Only one way to find out." She says walking to a surge protector.

"And that is?"

"Put one foot in front of the other. One day leads to another."

I take a seat on an oddly off balance stool. "Easier said than done." I admit.

"Well, you get to decide what you do and when, you know."

"I know."

"Am I helping at all?" She asks turning around to face me. She tugs at the belt loops of her skinny jeans so her midriff is covered.

"A little bit." I nod. "So, where is the cast?"

"They're off learning lines. The rest of the crew isn't required to be here. I'm just getting the place ready."

"Have you always liked theatre?"

"Well, my dad's an actor, I've always been more charmed by stage productions than movies though."

"Oh, he's like a legit actor." I say.

"I guess so." She chuckles, she flips a few switches, the stage lights glow a dim red, then shift to blue and green. "How's the boyfriend?"

"He's good."

"He treating you right?"

"Right by my standards."

"I guess that's good?"

"Yeah, it's good."

She sighs before looking at me, "You ever danced on a stage?"

"When I was like six." I chuckle.

"You need an impromptu dance party." She plugs her phone into a random aux cord and starts playing some Taylor Swift song. "Get your ass up." She says, blasting the theatre with Shake it Off.

"Um-" She takes my hand and forces me to start swing dancing with her. She pulls away mouthing the words and moving her body to the beat. I can't fight the laughter, warming my chest in a way I've never felt before. Something that could be mistaken for love.

I dance with her, shouting the words that I honestly don't know. She lets her hair fly wildly, her heart two beats ahead of her feet. I try keeping up with her, my feet stumbling, but my heart keeps singing. This is what freedom must feel like, this has to be it. For the first time in years I feel like I have nothing to worry about.

The song ends, she runs back to the sound board and cuts the music off before it can skip to something else. She hurries back to me, "Okay, now we sing."

"No." I shake my head laughing.

"Yes, now we make our own music."

"I don't sing." I say, shaking my head.

"Neither do I." Piper chuckles taking my hands and swinging our arms around. "But I'll make an exception, just this once."

"For me?" I ask with a teasing smile.

She opens her mouth and sings that Avril Lavigne song, you know the one? The one that starts, "You know that I'm a crazy bitch!"

Well she makes me laugh, because of the way she makes me dance, but her voice is beautiful. Every note carries effortlessly, even as she stumbles over her feet. She may look like a bumbling fool but she sounds like an angel.

When she finishes singing, she smiles at me and bowed. As I applaud her, I realize that my clapping is not alone, and so does Piper. Looking around her, I see the theatre teacher walking up to us.

"Very impressive." Mr. A says folding his arms, "You've been holding out of me McLean."

"No I haven't." She blushes instantly, I don't think I've ever seen her blush. "Sorry, Mr. A, we'll be going now."

"So soon?" He asks, "I was just enjoying the musical you were putting on."

"Bye!" She tries to scurry off the stage, I follow quickly behind.

"Hold on there." He says, "You're good, you should be in choir."

"No." Piper shook her head, "I'd never do that."

"Well, then I'll just have to require you to audition for the spring musical."

"I couldn't-"

"Follow in your father's footsteps, take a chance."

"But I-"

"And I'll make it a test grade, if you really won't audition." Mr. A allows himself a chuckle, "Don't be nervous, you'll do just fine, I promise. Lock up when you're done, I'm heading home. Goodnight."

He walks past us and out of the theatre.

"You don't think he was serious, do you?" She asks me frantically.

"Um, I don't-"

"Please tell me he was kidding. I don't sing in front of crowds!" She says nervously.

"I'm so sorry, Piper."

"No, no it's not your fault. I just… Nevermind." She shakes off her nerves and forces a smile, "You wanna go get food or something?"

I haven't eaten all day, and now, thinking about eating makes me want to vomit. "No, I um… I should go."

"Oh." She lets her shoulders fall. "Hug?" I oblige her, noticing the tense muscles of her shoulders as I do so. I hope my embrace communicates how sorry I am.

I sit in my car, not wanting to come home but not sure where else to go. I call Percy and ask him if he's free. Driving to his place, I notice the tears on my cheeks, I wipe them off with a spare napkin before knocking on the door.

He doesn't hesitate to kiss me in greeting. I feel like I'm gone, like I'm numb again and that's a good thing, right?

"What's up?"

"I just, I don't want to go home." I sigh slipping my freezing hands in his. His hands are dry and cracking, but it keeps me feeling numb.

"Why not?"

"My parents, they just… They don't get it, or anything really." Maybe I should tell him, maybe I could tell him I'm depressed, that I'm scared and I want to die. Maybe he'll get it.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Do I? Do I want him to know about my problems? "It's a long story."

"I've got time." He says, I wonder if that's concern I hear in his tone. Or if it's just curiosity, there's a distinct difference between the two.

"Can we go to your room?" I ask.

"Sure. Sure." He nods, dropping one of my hands and leading me to his astoundingly clean bedroom. We sit together on the bed, he grabs my legs and drapes them over his lap. He squeezes my hand and looks at me expectantly.

"So… When I was younger, I was in every club and team under the sun." I start talking about what has already happened. It's easier than talking about what is happening. "I was like sixteen, and things got really bad. I was only home to sleep, I didn't have time for homework. I had a mental breakdown in class one time because a paper I had spent six hours on wasn't due.

"Like, it was bad and I was dealing with it poorly. I stopped eating altogether because I just did not have time to do everything I was doing and eat. It got to a point where I was basically starving myself. If I sat down to eat a full meal I'd be sick... and then my body started shutting down."

I look away from his eyes and look down at our hands, clasped together like a chain link fence. I start to laugh, "I was at this debate competition, I hadn't eaten all day because I just was so nervous. I won in my category which meant I advanced to the finals, but when I stood up to get my award I blacked out.

"Three days later I woke up in a hospital bed, they told me I was malnutried and I went into some kind of coma thing. After about two weeks in the hospital trying to put on weight they had me meet with this therapist, but my parents kind of freaked out because they said I didn't have an eating disorder. They kept saying I was fine, but I didn't feel fine, I had never felt so sick in my life. And that's the extreme version of how they don't get it or me at all." I sigh, concluding my story. I don't tell him that I went home still not feeling well, that I can still only stomach two meals a day. I don't tell him I started cutting then. I don't tell him I've started cutting again. I wish I could tell him these things, but I just can't bring myself to.

"Come here." He says putting an arm around my back, pulling me closer to him. I want to disappear, but the sound of his gentle breath, and the feeling of his hand as he runs his fingertips along my back. Well, he reminds me that he cares, that he wants to help me. He's here, and he's real. He would never hurt me… Right?

"You deserved better. They hurt you and that's fucked up."

"I know."

"Did you ever get help?"

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. "No."

"Annabeth." I turn and place my face in the space by his neck, my tears are silent pleas for help. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"No, don't you get it Percy? It happened because of me. It's my fault. And I'm still blaming my family for it." I look at him and feel my heart break seeing the brokenness in his gaze.

"You don't get to blame yourself for your parents refusing to help you. That's shitty parenting and has nothing to do with you."

"But I gave myself a fucking eating disorder." I say, "That's on me."

"We all make mistakes."

"I still can't eat three full meals. I'm fucking damaged."

"We're all damaged, Annabeth, shit happens, people get hurt."

"But why? Why do I keep doing this?"

"Because, we get to heal and become new again. We get to have second chances."

"And what happens when you run out of chances?"

"Impossible. Tomorrow's another day." I put myself back into his chest as he says, "So you're damaged-"

" _Badly_ damaged."

"But you are worth healing, please believe me."

"I'll try, Percy." But I know what's really going to happen.

"I'll be here."

What? "You'll be here?"

"No one should go through this alone. I'm not going to leave you like this. You're worth fighting for. Believe me."

I wish I could…

His mom knocks on the door to his room, "Dinner."

"Thanks mom." He says as she quickly walks back down the hall. "Come on, let's go eat."

"Oh god." I didn't mean to say that, I meant to think it.

"What is it?"

"N-nothing." I turn away.

"What's wrong?" He asks again.

"Well, it's just… Now you're going to watch me eat. Aren't you?"

He chuckles, "I won't stare, I promise."

"I'm not starving myself, I just can't eat a whole lot. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Really?"

"Yes, really, I trust you."

I want to scream at him not to trust me. I want him to see the slash marks on my thighs as I shout my insecurities. I want him to know I'm in pain so he can keep his promise and help fix me. But I know he can't. I know I can't bring myself to say anything.

I eat with him, holding down my tears and sick, I try not to think about the fear and hate inside of me.

I go home, my parents yell at me for not telling them I was going to be out late. They tell me to go to my room, to think about what I've done.

They call me ungrateful, they tell me they didn't have to have me, they tell me that they gave me my life and I need to respect them. I want to scream. I want to tell them that they didn't have to have me, that I would have preferred they didn't have me. I go to my room and quickly grab clothes to change into.

I cry in the shower, I cut my thighs, and when that's not enough I cut a few notches into my shoulder. I wonder why I keep doing this. I wonder how I can keep doing this. I wonder if I'll make it out of this year alive. I wonder if I want to.


	22. Chapter 22 Kindness and Niceness

**Jason**

" _Kindness connects to who you are, while niceness connects to how you want to be seen."_

Life is one giant fucking contradiction, people want you to be social, but if you're social you're automatically stupid. If you stay at home you're a social pariah. You're supposed to sleep with as many girls as possible, unless you're a girl then you shouldn't sleep with anyone but your husband.

Today, I don't want sex, I want a hug. My mom woke me up because she was crying so loudly, I wanted to cry too, but I didn't, instead I held her hair back as she vomited. Thalia told me she was leaving for a training tomorrow and would be gone until a few days before Christmas. Dad's not coming home either, because of this, I didn't bother with a tree, not yet, Thalia and I will do it later. I'm at lunch with Dakota now, I don't want to eat though, I'm just… there's too much.

"So I told her fuck it, and she said fuck me. So I was like, dude are you serious? And she said yes, so I had sex with Gwen."

"Nice." I nod sipping my soda.

"How's Piper?"

"I don't know man." I sigh, "I think that I'm doing something wrong here."

"Is she not putting out?"

"Okay, dude, seriously stop."

"What? It's an honest question."

"It's not that, I just feel like she won't tell me what she's thinking."

"She thinks?" He teases again.

"Dude, cut it the fuck out." I feel an almost growl form in the back of my throat. "Don't you fucking dare talk about her like that, she's a person not a sex doll. She has feelings and a family and me. She has me, and I love her." Did I just say I love the girl I've only been dating for a month?

"Wow, I didn't know you felt that way."

"Well, I do." I slump back in my seat.

"I mean, you've always been defensive of people, but you haven't been until now. Not of her anyway."

"I know, and I don't know why I can't defend her. It sucks." I use my hands to cover my eyes. Burning of embarrassment sears through my skin.

"Life sucks man, we just have to deal with it." He says, "Look, I think I underestimated how you feel about her, and I'm sorry for that. But if you want people to start seeing her how you see her, it's your job to stand up to them. If you want to change how people see your relationship, that's on you."

"Who cares? Who cares about any of that?"

"You do, obviously, you dunce." He laughs taking a huge bite of burger.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"So?" He asks.

"So, what?"

"So you love her huh?"

"I guess so… I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting."

"I don't think so, you're pretty touchy feely you know."

"Oh you know it." I chuckle. After the two of us finish lunch I head over to Piper's place, when I get there, she walks out in the snow to greet me.

"Hey handsome." She smiles at me, even bundled up in a puffy jacket she's sexy as hell.

"Hey." I kiss her before she takes me inside.

"I made nutella hot chocolate, and I have the live action version of the Grinch. Let's get this Christmas shit started." She says as we strip off our layers of clothing. Her house is decorated beautifully, a tree at least twelve feet high, presents creating a sea beneath it, holly and garland strung around everywhere.

"You like Christmas I take it." I smile at her, we've already exchanged gifts. The present she gave to me sits in my room, unopened. I spot the crudely wrapped gift I gave to her sitting perfectly with the rest of the gifts.

"Love it, my dad will be home for longer than five minutes and my mom's coming into town." She chuckles leading me through the house to the home theatre.

"That'll be fun."

"You can come around if you like. I know your dad won't be home."

"Oh, nah, I think Thalia and I are going to go see a movie and eat chinese food."

"I didn't know you were jewish." She teases me.

"Oh yeah, totally." I roll my eyes as I take a seat.

"Hey, Piper… Can I tell you something?"

"Of course." She says grabbing the remote, taking a seat beside me.

"I'm sorry that I care so much about your reputation. I know that it's something that really shouldn't matter, and I can't tell you why it matters to me… Point is I'm sorry. I don't care about what other people think. I just… I really want to be with you."

"You mean that?" She asks sweetly. The look in her eyes is something I've never seen before, not on her. There's this innocence hanging like Christmas ornaments. She looks blissful, hopeful, like her every wish is there.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." I promise her, I can't keep myself from kissing her. She sighs into me, the taste of her smile is heavenly and sweet. I can feel her heartbeat against mine, this electricity that's sparked between us brings me back to life.

"I care about you, Jason. Like, a lot, you're just… You're so different it's extraordinary."

I laugh, "Because I have human decency?"

"Okay, bullshit, Jason. You really think that no one has ever asked me out after sex?" She asks.

"I mean I've never really thought of it."

"Of course boys have asked me out. But they didn't want to love me, they wanted to have sex with me. That's why you're different."

"We gonna watch this movie or what?" I ask her.

"You want to do other stuff?"

"Not really, can we snuggle?"

"Snuggling sounds amazing." She says curling up next to me, her legs draped over my legs. She holds me tightly. She makes me feel warm and loved, like I have a purpose. All I've been feeling lately is useless. Holding onto her makes me feel worthy of something.

The movie ends, but I can't honestly say that I paid any attention to it. I was watching the screen feeling warm, finally being held by someone who cares.

"Are you okay?" Piper asks me, I realize now that she's untangled herself from me. That and I'm crying.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why are you crying?"

"Things have been a huge mess." I say wiping my eyes.

"Like what?"

Maybe it's time I tell her. "My mom's an alcoholic, and I've been taking care of her for awhile now. She gets this way when my dad leaves and since he's not coming home until graduation…"

She kisses my cheek putting one hand on my jaw, running her thumb across my skin to wipe away the tears.

"It's okay." She says so softly it could have been mistaken for a breeze. She starts kissing my lips feverently, like this kiss is our only chance. I moan into her lips pulling her closer. God, this is why I'm here. Because she cares about me, she wants to protect me. She wants to take my worries and carry them with me, she doesn't want me to feel like I'm alone.

Our kisses turn hot and harsh, like these kisses are the only thing we need to survive. Our skin creates hot friction when we end up without shirts on. Kisses covering every inch of exposed skin, my chest, her fingers, my shoulders, her stomach. Every bit of our bodies, covered in love.

She takes my face roughly, kissing me with harsh passion that feels like freedom. She backs up from me, unbuttons my pants and puts her hands on my lower abs.

Just as we're about to get down to it, her phone rings on the coffee table.

"Tell me to ignore it." She says with a seductive drawl.

"You should get that, make me wait." I smirk at her, knowing that giving her the opposite of what she wants will make her go crazy.

"God, you're a tease." She sighs before picking up the phone. "Hello?" She bites her lip looking at me. I sit up, putting my hands on her waist and begin kissing her neck. "Wait, Leo, slow down what happened?"

I pull away from her looking at her suddenly ashen face. I feel worry bubble up inside of me. "What? Wait, how do you know…. Are you sure?" She looks up at me, I realize that look, as her being terrified. "Oh my god… Is she okay?"

"What's wrong?" I ask her, but she puts a finger up to silence me.

"Have you told Percy yet?" She furrows her brow, "So, I'm the first one you called because you want me to tell him, huh?"

I look at her face change from frightened, to calculating. "Okay, sounds good, we'll be there soon… Yes you did interrupt but who gives a shit? I'll see you in ten minutes."

She ends the call and quickly grabs her shirt off the floor, "We've got to go."

"What happened?"

"Grab your shirt and car keys, we're going to the hospital."

"The hospital?" I ask picking up my shirt and throwing it on. Piper has disappeared into the hallway, so I follow her out to the front hall where we pull on our coats.

"Yeah, Leo… He… He said… Goddamn it." She sighs buckling her seat belt as I start up my car. "I have to call Percy."

"Stop and tell me what happened, Pipes." I say calming her down.

"Okay." She lets out a pent up breath, "Leo was in the hospital because apparently his mom is sick."

"Oh god."

"That's not it. He was hanging out with some volunteer and this girl came into the ER, all cut up and unconscious." I look at her trying to figure out what she's saying. "It was Annabeth, the doctor's are saying she tried to kill herself."

I can't say anything. I stare blankly at her wondering how the fuck this could have happened. How could she do this? Where was she that was bad enough to make her do this? What kind of hell was she going through? How did we miss it?

"Jason, start driving, I have to call Percy. God fucking damn I don't want to call him." She said with a groan, but even so she called him up anyway, "Hey, Percy, it's Piper. Where you at?" She cringes as he talks to her. "Well, there's no easy way to say this. So I'm just going to. Leo saw Annabeth in the hospital, she-... Eating disorder?... No… No… No, Percy you don't understand… Stop talking and listen to me!... Percy, she tried to kill herself… I'm not lying-... Percy… Percy!" She pulls back her phone to see he's hung up on her. "Idiot."

"He's scared, Piper, leave him alone."

"This is his girlfriend, he needs to be here for her. Right?"

"Well, yeah."

"I'm calling him back-"

"No." I take her phone and toss it in the backseat. "I'll call him when we get there, A, he won't answer if you call him back. B, he won't listen to you."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, Piper. You need to calm down, freaking out won't help anyone."

"Okay." She nods. I pull into the hospital parking lot, and the two of us hurry inside. Piper calls Leo to see where we need to be, I call Percy.

"Hello?" He answers.

"Hey man, it's me." I say.

"He dude, you know, your girlfriend has some shitty idea of what a prank is."

"It wasn't a prank, Percy. Piper and I are at the hospital right now."

"For what?"

"For Annabeth, to see her."

"Why is she there?"

"Percy, Piper wasn't lying to you. Leo called her to tell us that Annabeth is here." He says nothing. "Percy-"

"It's because of her eating disorder though, she's not… She'd never try to kill herself. It's not like that!"

"I don't know what was going on with her, bro. I'm not going to pretend I knew what was going on with her. But you need to be here, for her." He doesn't respond again, "Hey-"

"I'll be there soon."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." We hang up and find Leo in a waiting room talking to… Reyna?

"Reyna?" I ask walking up to them.

"Jason, you're Annabeth's friend?"

"Yeah, and you're Leo's friend?"

"Yeah."

"Small world, sure." Leo rolls his eyes.

"Is everything okay?" Piper asks sitting next to Leo.

"No, it's not okay, she cut open an artery and started bleeding out." Leo says.

"The doctors took her to a room of her own, once they patched her up. You're not allowed to see her until she wakes up." Reyna tells us.

"Why not?" Piper asks.

"Because she was suicidal, and when she wakes up she's going to have a psychologist speak with her." Reyna says assuredly.

"Leo, why were you here?" Piper asks him tentatively.

"For the ladies, obviously." He snorts.

"Seriously. I mean you started to tell me on the phone… but I just want to know for sure."

He sighs, avoiding her gaze. "She lives here now… like it's her last Christmas."

We sit there, the four of us, the heavy silence settling like a blanket of warmth. We can't speak and so we don't.


	23. Chapter 23 Becoming Someone Else

**I LIVE! Well sort of, I'll kind of be off the radar for the next two weeks because school is starting up again and my birthday is coming up. But expect much more regular updates for this story later in the month, and don't expect me to really be on top of myself until like February XD. Also, happy new year to you, it's been awhile.**

 **Hazel**

" _Everyone was always becoming someone else."_

I got the call that Annabeth was in the hospital when Mrs. Di Angelo asked me what I was doing today, my answer was going to the hospital. She encouraged me to call my mom before I left, but I didn't want to listen. Percy picked up Frank and I, he was quiet, I wondered what was going through his mind. Because what was going through my head and is still going through my head is not good.

I wonder why she didn't say anything. I feel victimized, like, why didn't she think about me? And I hate how selfish I'm feeling about this. But I'm going through so much more than any of them know and it's making me feel sick to my stomach knowing that she couldn't handle her life. It makes me wonder; why should I handle mine?

We get to the hospital, Percy still brooding in silence, he looks wickedly terrifying. Piper is there waiting for us. She informs us of what she knows to be going on. Percy keeps muttering something, curse words no doubt. If my boyfriend tried to kill himself I'd be cursing up a storm. How did he not know she was depressed? Are we all so self absorbed, so surrounded by ourselves, that we can't see other people's suffering?

"And here we are." Piper sighed as we reached the waiting room. We all take a seat, in silence we wait for something to happen, I'm not sure what.

I look around at each face I'm sitting with, wondering how the fuck we got here. How the world could be so unfair that it throws all of us, these broken people together. Extraordinary, if you ask me, our friendship is a paint splatter picture, complex, unexplainable. Unimaginably complicated, but we're here for the girl who sliced open her veins and that's what counts. Right?

It's then, I realize something, "Where are her parents?" I ask.

"As if I know." Piper says, "You'd think they'd be here."

"Well, they aren't, are we just going to wait around like this?" Percy asks.

"You can't see her yet, the doctors will come get us when they know something." Reyna assures him.

"Why not?"

"Because that's how it works, I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"I want you to tell me we can go see her."

Leo gets up and walks away, Reyna follows quickly after him.

"What's his deal?" I ask as the two disappear, "He wasn't even arguing."

"He's the one who found out she did this." Piper says gently, "His mother is sick."

"What the fuck?" Falls out of my face before I can stop the words from coming.

"What? Can't people have a private life anymore?" Piper asks.

"It's not that… Don't worry about it." I shake my head.

"Where are her parents?" Frank asks.

"MIA." Jason sighs, "We haven't seen them at all. Leo said she came in alone."

"Then who called that ambulance to get her?"

"I'm guessing a neighbor or something."

"What if she called them? Don't people do that?" Piper asks.

"I don't know." Frank sighed.

"Can we please stop talking about her like this?" Percy asked, loudly interrupting the speculation. "I mean it, stop. She's… you don't understand."

"Yeah I don't understand, that's why I'm trying to." I retaliate.

"We can't until-"

"I don't even understand myself, Percy, but at least I'm fucking trying to. We can't ignore this. We can't ignore that she's incapable of dealing with her life right now."

"Get out." He says.

"You know what? Fine." I storm out of the waiting room in a huff.

"Hazel." Frank says following after me.

"Get away."

He grabs my arm as I reach the stairwell. "Stop running away.

"Who are you to tell me not to run away?"

"I'm your friend, dummy." He says, "Sorry."

"What do you want, Frank?"

"I want this all to just be a dream. A bad dream that I can just wake up from in the morning."

"Well it's not. Believe me, I've seen some shitty things go down in this world."

"Thing's don't have to be as bad as they seem." He says gently. That's first time I've ever thought of Frank as legitimately gentle…

I sit down on a step, he hesitantly sits beside me. "So… my mom's marrying her abuser." I say , but the words don't sound any more real. "He kicked me out of the house last year, and I ran away to this place."

"You don't have to tell me this." He says.

I look at him, "I want to. I need to know what could be worse in her life."

"It's not a contest."

"I know that."

"If we were measuring out our suffering for some competition, I'm pretty sure I would have won years ago. But what would have been my prize huh? Suicide? Just because you're going through 'more' than she is, doesn't mean she's as strong as you. That's the difference, not our struggles, not what we go through. The difference is how strong we are to deal with the shit we get."

I look at him and for some reason I don't see the harshness I've grown accustomed to in his gaze. What must have been hurt all along. "What's wrong?"

"Don't worry about me. It's Annabeth we have to worry about." He stands up.

"Hey, Frank…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm here for you."

"Thanks… Let's go back." He suggests.

The two of us walk back to the waiting room only to see Piper comforting a crying Percy.

"Why are they being such dicks?" He groans into her shoulder.

"I don't know." She sighs.

"What happened?" I ask Jason.

"They won't let us see her." Percy hiccups, "Because her parents aren't here. Because her parents don't fucking care or something."

"Maybe-"

"Do not defend them, Piper. Don't you fucking dare."

"Jason, maybe you should take Percy for a walk." Piper says with a sigh, "You can't stay here, not like this. It's not healthy."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Take a break and talk it out." She sends him out with Jason, who reluctantly puts an arm around Percy's shoulder. "Goddamn."

"You didn't sign up to take care of him you know." I tell her.

"I didn't sign up to take care of any of you, but here I am." She says. "You guys need me though, don't pretend you don't."

"I guess you're right."

We sit together in silence for maybe ten minutes before a doctor approaches us.

"Are you here for Annabeth Chase?" She asks.

"Yes." Piper stands up, "Is she okay?"

"She's alive if that's what you mean." The doctor says firmly. "She doesn't want to be alone. I technically can't authorize any of you to be with her right now. But in this case, I'm willing to make an exception. Who would like to come see her?"

Nither Frank or I volunteer, I'm not even sure I could look at her right now. Which makes me sound like a bitch. But I've always been a bitch, it's just really hard to tell with me.

"I'll go." Piper says following the doctor down a hallway before they disappear.

"Fuck." I sigh.

"What?"

"I'm a bitch, that's what."

"As if." Frank chuckles.

"What would you call what I just did?"

"I don't know, but I wouldn't call you a bitch, or else I'd have to call myself a bitch."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, that you're not the only one with mommy/daddy issues." He says, "I hate hospitals… You wanna know why?"

I snort, "Surprise me. Why do you hate hospitals?"

He looks at me, a cocky smirk on his lips and a hint of longing in his gaze. "I watched my parents die in a hospital. The same one actually. They didn't know that part though."

I find myself without words as he readjusts himself in his seat. "My freshman year, they were both deployed. My dad got sent back first, in real bad shape because of some fighting he'd seen. They couldn't properly treat him where he was so they flew him back to the states. He wasn't even here a week, before he died.

"Then of course about two months later my mom was in a training accident and lost her left leg. They sent her back for rehab but she'd developed some kind of infection that got her killed. She was here for a week and a half." He sighs heavily. "It's strange the things you remember, like when my dad died… I remember how he smelled. I remember his voice and the last words out of his mouth. He told me he wanted me to take care of my mom.

"And so naturally when my mom came back, she didn't know about my dad. And I didn't have the heart to tell her that he was gone. So my last words to my mother were a half lie I guess. I told he she'd be seeing dad soon, and she looked at me with these big eyes I'd never seen her have before. She said I really love him you know, and you too. I love you."

We sit in silence even the sounds around us fade out of range, I look at him before placing my hand on his shoulder.

"There are worse things she could be going through, of course there are. But it's how we deal with things, how strong we are. That's what matters."

"You-"

"No. Don't tell me any bullshit Hazel. When my parents died I was angry and I hated everything. I beat the shit out of anyone and anything I could because I was pissed off. But that's how I chose to deal with their deaths. And maybe Annabeth isn't going through something like I did, but she's still in pain. She still hurts and this was how she dealt with it. We can't be mad at her, Hazel."

I don't know what to do but hug him, so I lunge forward and squeeze him as tightly as I can muster. He hugs me back, I don't know what he's thinking but I hope I'm making things easier.

"Fucking fuck." I hear him growl. I look behind me to see Annabeth's parents walking around looking hesitant but still calm. I know they're her parents because they look so much like her.

Frank stands up and walks over to them, I hurry to follow after. "You're Annabeth's parents." He says sternly. Suddenly knowing that he's an army brat makes a whole lot more sense.

"Yes… Who are you?"

"I'm her friend, who's been here for the hours that you haven't been."

"Frank-"

"No, there's something wrong when the friends she's had for four months come to help and her parents come when it's convenient."

"Frank stop it!" I hiss at him.

"Who do you think you are to say that I don't care about my daughter?" Her dad threatens us.

"Someone who actually gives a shit about her." Frank says.

"I don't know if I agree with you being around my daughter." Her mom says.

"Don't you get it? That's why she's here maybe. Because of you. You're her parents, shouldn't you know when your daughter is cutting herself." I pull on Frank's arm and I suddenly see him seething with rage. "They did this to her, Hazel, stop defending them!"

"They made a mistake!" I tell him.

"This is too big a mistake, she almost died!"

I push past him to address her parents. "She's awake, they're in with her right now, they'll come and get you when she's out. We haven't gotten to see her yet, because you weren't here."

Her parents look between Frank and I suspiciously before walking to the waiting room.

"Did you just… Lie?"

"Like you said, they did this to her." I say bitterly, I can accept that people make mistakes, but people should also pay the consequences for those mistakes. I have made my fair share of mistakes and I have paid for every single one of them.

The two of us decide to take a walk in silence, mostly we just think about why this happened and how. Or that's what I thought he was thinking until he speaks up.

"You should call your mom." He says. "It's not her fault that you got kicked out. You should give her a chance. I mean, it's shit that she let it happen, but you don't seem to want to give up on her."

I shake my head. "You're wrong, I do want to give up on her. I just don't know how."

"I don't believe that."

I quickly change the subject, "Who do you live with? Since your parents are dead."

"My grandma."

"What's she like?"

He chuckles, seeing that I really don't want to talk about me anymore. "Imagine the most stereotyped Asian grandma you can think of and multiply that image by a hundred."

He tells me all about his grandma, how she's the toughest lady he knows. He tells me about her cooking, her laugh, and what it sounds like when she shouts. I think that for the first time, I see a light inside of Frank. An innocence, something that I never thought I'd see. Or maybe innocence isn't something you lose, maybe it's something you have to learn to become.


	24. Chapter 24 Pain Like a Storm

**Who's ready for the** _ **first**_ **not totally heartbreakingly depressing chapter in years!?**

 **BECAUSE I AM! Have some joy! You deserve it!**

 **Leo**

" _Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer morning could end in a downpour. Could end in lightning and thunder."_

Everything was going fine, until we somehow ended up in the ER. I had gotten away from my parents and I was chilling with Reyna, we were actually kind of getting somewhere. We talked a lot about loneliness and why everything I was feeling was okay.

"So, you know that these things are all what us hospital folk call 'normal' right?"

"Oh my fucking god, what is that? Am I dying?" I asked getting a small laugh out of her.

"Clearly." She had rolled her eyes as we walked into the ER, we saw a hoard of doctors swarming a gurney. I noticed flyaway blond curls before I noticed anything else.

I heard, "Patient's name; Annabeth Chase. Found laying in her bathtub with a kitchen knife in hand." They said she wanted to stab her own neck, but after cutting open the veins in her arms she was too weak to lift the knife. They said some neighbor heard wailing. They said they didn't know where her brothers and parents were.

I stood there like an idiot staring at her body, she was still breathing. I didn't know how or why or what. All of the questions, I have every question still in my mind. But Reyna pulled me into an elevator and asked me what was wrong.

I called Piper first, figuring that she'd know what to do. "Hello?" She asked, breathless. I knew she was in the middle of sex with Jason. But I couldn't muster even the tiniest of fucks.

"Pipes, I need you to get down here, I just saw Annabeth in the ER and they're saying she tried to kill herself and-"

"Wait, Leo, slow down what happened?"

"I don't know, I'm at the hospital right now and they brought Annabeth in and they're saying she tried to kill herself."

"What? Wait how do you-"

"I'm here because my mom is sick, okay? There I said it, but that's not what matters right now. Annabeth is the one almost dead here."

"Are you sure?"

"Piper, really? Yes I'm sure. I heard them say her name."

"Oh my god, is she okay?"

"No! She tried to kill herself! Are you even listening to me!?"

"Have you told Percy yet?"

"No, you're the first one I called. I was kind of hoping you'd volunteer"

"So I'm the first one you called because you want me to tell him, huh?"

"Exactly. Thanks Pipes. I'll call Frank."

"Okay, sounds good, we'll be there soon."

I couldn't resist a, "We huh?"

"Yes you did interrupt, who gives a shit, I'll be there in ten minutes." She hung up. I called Frank to tell him what happened. Maybe I should have lied my way out of telling them about my mom. Reyna thinks I did the right thing by being honest. I'm not so sure.

Well, It's been a few hours since Annabeth was admitted and I still haven't gone to see her, maybe there's a problem with that, but maybe there isn't a problem either.

I mean it's not my job to watch over her.

Right?

"Hey." Reyna sighs sitting in front of me in the cafeteria.

"Hey." I mutter a response.

"Why are you out here?" She asks.

"You know why." She followed me after I walked out.

"Do I?"

"I just can't be around them."

"Which them?" She looks at me.

"Exactly." I sigh, "The people I used to escape to. You know, so I could run away, they're here now. There's nowhere else to go."

"Maybe you shouldn't be running away then."

I roll my eyes. "You don't get it. You don't understand what it feels like when all you want to do is run."

"You don't know that."

"You'd get it if you understood."

"Leo, I know what it's like to want to disappear. I know what it's like to want to run away. But I know that running is not the solution."

"Then what is?" I ask.

She shrugs, "It's different for everyone."

"So, wise one, what should I do?"

"Talk to your friends, let them help you."

"So, you're not one of my friends?" I half tease, half ask.

"Of course I'm your friend." She smiles, "But here's the thing; you never ran away to me like you did to them."

I fold my arms looking at her, "Well, I guess I should like, call Piper or someone."

"Wow, I never thought of that." She rolls her eyes at me.

"I didn't ask for your sass." I crack a smile at her.

"You're basically a walking sass machine, you don't get to talk."

"Oh really?"

"Call someone. Or something." Just as I pull my phone out I notice Percy walk into the cafeteria.

"Hey man!" I call out to him, waving him over. He takes a seat next to Reyna, across from me. "What goes on?" I ask with a smirk.

"You know, so don't go there." He says bitterly.

"Woah, just trying to lighten the mood."

"Why? Why the fuck would you do that?"

I look at Reyna and say. "Because… Because I can't stand the thought of being this heavy all the time."

"What does that mean?" He looks at me genuinely confused.

"It means my mom is dying, Percy. Annabeth tried to kill herself, my mom is dying, and the world is a dark horrible place. But if I can laugh about it, if I can lighten the rest of the world around me… I keep thinking that laughter will make things easier."

"Laughter didn't make abuse any easier." Percy mutters.

"What?"

"Look, we all have issues."

"I get that."

"Annabeth told me something, that I really should have taken more seriously. This… This is my fault."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"She told me she stopped eating. But she made it seem like that was something of the past. She told me what was happening but she painted it as something that I didn't have to worry about, when it was something that was happening then and now. I should have done something."

"You can't take the blame for her life dude."

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know…"

"When you figure it out, please tell me what the secret is." He sighs standing up to leave. "And… I'm sorry about your mom. I-... My mom didn't die, but I know what it's like to feel like the world is falling apart."

"Don't we all dude?"

He smirks, turning to face me. "Everyone except for Jason and Piper. They're the dream team, after all."

"You think that?"

"His biggest worry is that she's a slut. Her biggest worry is that she's a slut. It's understandable. You know?"

"I think they have more to them than we know." I say.

"What makes you say that?"

"I don't know man. I get a weird vibe from both of them."

"I don't follow."

"She seems like he's new territory, like she doesn't know what'll happen around him."

"Okay, so maybe there's a reason she turned out the way she did. But Jason?"

"No one is as perfect as they seem."

"I guess you're right…"

"You wanna go eat or something?"

He turns to look at the lunch line. "Oh, right, that's what people do in cafeteria's."

"Kind of."

"Wait for me?"

"Sure." He goes to pay for a slice of pizza or something.

"See, not so hard, right?" Reyna asks me encouragingly.

"I guess not."

"You guess? No, no, it wasn't hard at all, Reyna. You were right."

"As if!" I laugh.

"Come on." She smiles at me.

"No way." I fold my arms.

"Who's idea was it to open up to your friends?"

"And who actually did it?"

"Alright it was a partnership, you're right, my bad."

"Thank you."

"But it was still my idea."

"Sure missy, whatever you say."

"Missy?" She chuckles.

"What do you want me to call you?"

"Reyna, would be nice."

"Eh, it's alright," I shrug.

"I won't respond to anything else."

"You sure about that, cupcake?" She says nothing though I can see her fighting a smile. "Buttercup? Butterscotch? Reyrey? Kiddo?" I can see her defenses dropping with each bad nickname.

Percy comes back as soon as she busts out with laughter at my most recent nickname.

"What did I miss?" He asks sitting down with a half smile.

"Nothing, you brought the party."

"I always do."

"You know it."

Percy asks me about my plans for Christmas. I tell him that I'll probably spend it here in the hospital with my mom. He says that he understands and hopes that it's great.

He tells me about the best Christmas he ever had. Apparently his mom was with this dickwad of a guy and she wasn't allowed to get him presents because money was too tight. But she worked extra hours to get him three presents. He and I share the fact that we're mama's boys.

Reyna stays quiet watching our interactions intently, like we're incredibly interesting.

At one point she actually leaves without saying a word.

"So, you and Reyna?"

"Yeah, she distracts me from my mama drama." I say.

"Distracts you huh?"

"Not like that. That was… someone else."

"Was?"

"Yeah…"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"She uh… Well she didn't have it too easy at home. She and her sisters kind of ran away."

"That fucking blows man."

"You're telling me."

"Well, what do you want me to say?" He chuckles, before changing his voice. "That's not so bad, my girlfriend tried to kill herself."

"I mean… yeah."

"And then there's Frank… Man that kid is fucked up."

I immediately come to Frank's defense, "Well, don't tell him I told you this. But apparently he watched both of his parents die."

"Holy fuck."

"He only told me because he wanted me to know I wasn't alone. That I had someone to talk to."

"Frank's a good guy." Percy says, "I guess no one is easy to read."

"Well duh." I hear a voice from behind me. I turn to see Piper as she continues to say, "People are not puzzles, we are not mysteries that need to be solved. We are not novels that reveal all of our secrets by the end."

"Then what are we?"

"Unpredictable." She says ruffling my hair. She really is a pretty person, she's hot, yeah I can see every bump and curve in the skinny jeans she wears and the off the shoulder sweater reveals hot pink bra straps. But she's also considerate, compassionate, and kind, I'm starting to realize that matters more. "But that's the best part, we get so many chances to change and be more in general… We get to create ourselves."

"That's deep." Percy chuckles.

"Hey, by the way, Annabeth wants to see you." She says this and Percy sprints off to find Annabeth's room.

"Where's our boyfriend?" I asks.

"Who knows?" She asks. "I think he's talking to his sister, she works here you know."

"I didn't actually."

"I don't know what I'm going to do with him." She sighs.

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't know how to function." She chuckles. "But he's also kind of the best."

"Excuse you, I'm the best."

She leans her head on my shoulder, "Can we just pretend all of this isn't real?"

"We can, but that won't fix anything."

"I feel like I spend all of my time fixing everyone else."

"Well… That doesn't sound too bad." I shrug.

"It isn't. I'm just saying."

"Can you fix me next then, please?"

"Sure. Just go ahead and tell me all about it."

"You serious?"

"Yes, Leo, I'm serious. I'll fix you too. We'll pick up all the stupid little pieces of your life and we'll fix you right up."

I never thought that anyone would say that to me. I didn't think anyone wanted to help me, let alone fix me. I begin to wonder if she was here all along… I guess they all were, I just didn't see it until now.


	25. Chapter 25 Bottom of the Ocean

**Hey guys so sorry for the unexpected hiatus, trust me when I say that February is one of my busiest months out of the year. Anyway, I am back and I'll be finishing up as much as I can before… You know, college and I start working on becoming an actual author… Anyway here is your chapter it's more like a segway into the next chapter but that's okay.**

 **Annabeth**

" _We'd been trying to touch the sky from the bottom of the ocean."_

I didn't mean to scream, it just hurt so badly.

Cutting myself hurt so much and did so little.

I didn't mean to scream, I don't know why I did it.

I know why I tried so hard to end it all.

I know that…

But why I screamed, I don't know.

I remember saying goodbye, as I slit my wrists open and felt the blood pool out of my skin.

I said each name that I could think to apologize to as my consciousness left me.

I thought I was dead, I thought it was all over, I thought, finally I'm done fighting.

But then I woke up.

I willed myself to die and it wasn't enough.

Who'd have thought it?

Dying seemed so easy, and yet I managed to fuck that up too.

They made doctors look at me.

Told me I was depressed as if I was the one who didn't know that.

But then they left me alone.

They made me talk to Piper.

She pretended we were having a sleepover.

She told me about nice things.

But that couldn't last.

Percy came in and tried to tell me we'd fix me.

I would have believed him, if my parents hadn't intervened.

They told me that they would fix me.

And after having been in this hospital for a week, I know now that I don't want them to fix me.

I don't want my parents to fix me.

I don't want Percy or Piper.

I don't want them to put me back together again.

That's my job.

I want to fix myself.

Almost two weeks ago, Piper told me something.

She said, Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with the rest of your life?

And I wondered for far too long what she meant.

She was telling me that I had killed myself.

That I succeeded.

That I no longer had to be dead.

I can be alive, and now I get to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

And my first step, to getting better.

Is healing myself.

I don't know how I'm going to get there.

But now I have something I used to never have before.

Determination.

I want this.

I want to get better.

And so, I will.


	26. Chapter 26 The Cave

**Jason**

" _I will not go back into the cave."_

By the time school starts again, Annabeth has been let out of the hospital. They had her transferred to the psych ward after two days in her hospital room. Percy tells me that he's hopeful she'll get better and I hope he's right. I think she'll be fine… I hope she'll be fine. As for me? Well, I've decided that new year's resolutions are for people actually willing to change themselves.

So my resolution is to kiss my girlfriend at the Football banquet tomorrow and hold her hand between every class. Sounds stupid, I know. But I think this is something worth striving for.

And so far I've been doing well, the first week of school I've kept up on my unspoken promise. I've grown used to the feeling of her hand in mine, like we're unbreakable links that keep the universe together. I also drive her to school now, since four to six nights a week I spend the night. I only go home when Thalia's there for longer than an hour, which isn't often.

My view every morning is the most beautiful thing in the world. Piper, laying beside me sprawled out on the king sized bed. Her hair strung along her face, her mouth left slightly open, her chest rises and falls evenly. Her shirt rides up to expose her stomach, something I can't keep my hands off of. Which is always the worst, because no matter how soft my touch is I always wake her up.

I wake up, I stare at her, watch her breathe, I put my hand somewhere on her body, and she wakes up, it's our routine.

"Morning." She says tiredly. I sit up and kiss her, after a few moments of morning breath kisses, which are surprisingly still pleasant, we get up, we shower. We do a lot of things together now, we get dressed and head downstairs. Only, today is different.

"Oh my god, no way." She says in shock, "My dad's car is here…"

"So…?"

I follow her to the kitchen, but she puts her hand in front of my chest to stop me.

"Um… Wait out here?"

"Sure." I nod watching her go into the kitchen and close the door behind her. I listen intently.

"Hi dad, you're home." I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah, I have the morning off, I'm meeting with my agent about a new project in the coming year."

"Oh… That's cool. I guess."

"Don't worry, we're staying until your graduation."

"Yeah, great."

"Do you want to tag along?"

"I have school?"

"Wait really?" I suddenly notice that his voice sounds exactly like it does in the movies. Smooth and gentle…

"Yeah, school started last week."

"And you're going out dressed like that?" What?

"What the hell dad?"

"That's not appropriate for school."

"It's fine, why do you care anyway?" I can almost hear her eyes roll.

"Because I don't think that you should leave the house looking like that?"

"They're just clothes dad. Who gives a fuck?"

"Lots of people give a fuck, Piper. Stop giving me this, you know how hard your mother and I have worked to keep you out of trouble."

"So you raised me in LA to keep me out of trouble?" The resentment in her tone is undeniable.

"Alright, that's enough of that." He says.

"Sure… Let's stop talking about how much you resent your whore of a daughter."

"I do not resent you."

"Do you?"

"Piper-"

"Also let's talk about how you don't deny that I'm a whore."

"I raised you better than to parade around boys who will use and abuse you when you look like a slut."

"Oh please, dad I'm the one using them." Ouch?

"You know, for someone who hates the spotlight, you sure do ask for attention a lot."

"Yeah thanks, dad, don't you have to go now?"

"How long have you been seeing that boy?" He says this so accusingly that my heart lodges in my throat.

She pauses, "Um, excuse me?"

"That boy, who is he? The one in your bed most nights."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"I deserve to know who you are bringing into my house, Piper."

"Fine, he's my boyfriend, you happy?"

"You are being very dramatic right now."

"And where the hell did I get that from, do you think?"

"That is enough."

She huffs loudly at his words, "Why don't you go to your stupid breakfast or whatever."

I hear silence and then a door closes.

"Alright Jason come on out." She says, sounding defeated.

I open the door and walk up behind her, she's got her elbows on the table in front of her, and her head in her hands.

"What was that about?" I ask, putting my hands on her shoulders.

"What do you think? My dad was being a dick."

Suddenly the garage door opens and Tristan McLean walks back inside. He looks like… a normal person, not like a movie star or anything. Just… he looks a lot like Piper.

"Hi, Jason, I'm Piper's dad." He says walking up to us.

"Dad are you fucking with me right now!?" Piper growls.

"It-It's nice to meet you." I hold out my hand to him.

"So what did it take to convince her to settle for you?"

"Dad!"

"I'm that annoying kind of person who requires emotional commitment." I say, my nerves trying to get the better of me.

"Jason you don't have to do this." Piper says taking my hand.

"And why shouldn't he?"

"Dad-"

"I want to meet your boyfriend."

"You're unreal!"

"Should I go?"

"No!" They both yell at me before continuing to argue with each other.

"It's my life!"

"It's my house!"

"Well you don't even live here half the time anyway! Why do you give a shit who's here!?"

"You are my daughter and I will not deal with this disrespect!"

"Some dad you are!"

They fight for an impossible amount of time before Piper takes my hand and storms out of the house, pulling me behind her.

She is silent until we get to school. "So that's my dad."

"Yup…"

"Okay." The two of us walk into the building, hand in hand until we reach my locker. Piper puts herself in front of my locker, her hands behind her back.

"I bet I can get this unlocked while we make out. Kill two birds with one stone?"

"Haha very funny."

"I'm serious." She says, pulling me into her lips. I kiss her, every inch of her skin is warm and pulsing with excitement. I can feel the muscles in her body tighten and contract as she unlocks my locker. I let my tongue slip down into her mouth, trying to taking in every part of her.

She opens the locker behind her, but I push her back into it, closing the locker so that it's just us again. She doesn't seem to mind my aggressiveness too much.

"Gross." Reyna shutters beside us.

"Want a little threeway action boo?" Piper asks her, pulling away from me.

"No thank you. I've known Jason way too long for that."

"Hey!" I laugh putting one hand on my locker above Piper's head.

"Hello party people!" Dakota shouts, throwing his arms around mine and Reyna's neck.

"Really?" Reyna asks, snaking her way out of his hold.

"Jason, she hates me." Dakota complains.

"Yup." She folds her arms.

"It's okay man, I hate you too." I tease.

"Wow, Piper, help me out bro." He looks around me to her.

"Oh wait I'm one of your party people? Could have fooled me." She snorts.

"Yikes! You guys are a tough crowd." The bell rings as he says this. "I have to go, but yo, all of you guys, lunch today?"

"Sounds good." Reyna nods.

"Sweet, deuces." He walks backwards into the crowd.

"Well, I have Science, see you later." Reyna says turning to head up some stairs.

"So, just you and me sweet pea."

"There's no place I'd rather be." She says swinging our hands as we walk to calculus.

"You are coming tomorrow right?"

"Of course… Unless-"

"I want you there, so shut your mouth." I tell her as we walk into class. Alec is laying on his desk trying to sleep.

"Make me." She says sitting down. Practically jumping on top of her, I kiss her lips. "You're sloppy." She says, pulling away from me, wiping my mouth with her hand.

"You like it."

"Ew." She says. I shrug taking my seat.

"Could you hoes keep it down? I'm dying." Alec says perching his chin on his hand. Class is long and dull, but I don't think I mind so much. In fact my whole day is kind of boring, even study hall where my friends and I just screw around the whole time. It's not until I get to weights class that things get real.

Octavian is there, so isn't that a dead give away?

"I heard some whiny little loser tried to kill herself over break." He says lifting a measly ten pounds in each are. "Sad isn't it? To think that nobody would have missed her even if she hadn't messed it up-"

"Hey, Octavian, I have a great idea." I interrupt him, putting down my own weights. Half of the room stares at me as I say, "Shut the fuck up."

"I'm sorry? Since when do you care about anything other than your dick?"

"Excuse me?"

"What? it's no secret that you're banging your way through senior year. And with a slut like Piper as your personal bitch it's easy to see that all you care about it your dick." I stand up so quickly, Octavian backs himself into a corner without me even approaching him.

"You want say that again dickwad?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"You're only asking because no one would even miss your dumb ass."

"I'll tell coach."

I push myself forward to make him feel smaller, a low growl developes in the back of my throat, "Say it, I dare you. Call my girlfriend a slut, and you'll be sorry for it."

"Just because you give her a different title, doesn't mean she's any less of one. Remember what shakespeare said? Even if you don't call it a rose, it's still a fucking rose. Just because you call her your girlfriend doesn't mean she's any less of a slut."

I tighten my hands into fists, "You're wrong about her, she's not a slut."

"You're so dumb of course she is. I've seen her backstage, bro. You want to know how often she's-" I grab his shirt and hold him just close enough that my breath disperses over his face.

"Listen closely, I'm only going to say this once. She's my girlfriend, I care about her, and she is not a slut. She's a person. She was born a person and she'll always be a person. And as for the girl who tried to kill herself, she has more balls just waking up in the morning than you will ever have. Don't forget that." I release him and stalk back over to my machine.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I also feel liberated, like I did something that was worthy. Of what? I don't know, maybe friendship with Annabeth, maybe my girlfriend, who knows?

What I do know is that I never want to stop feeling this way, feeling free and like I honestly understand. I think that Piper would say, I've found my way out of the cave.


	27. Chapter 27 Parts of Love

**Hazel**

" _Part of love is letting a person be who they want to be."_

I did not expect to be spending so much time with Frank, nor did I expect to like his company as much as I do. I like having his presence near me. Someone who's strong and stable, and I realize that's why I loved having Piper around too. They both seem so strong, like they've weathered through their hardships. And if they can do it, so can I.

"Hey, Frank…" I find myself asking Friday at lunch, "Do you want to go mini-golfing or something? Piper, Jason, Annabeth, and Percy are all going. Leo says he might have to be with his mom… So I was wondering if you'd been asked yet."

He looks at me with a tight smile, "Thanks… I'll uh… Think about it."

"Cool, cool." I feel a painfully hot blush cross over from cheek to cheek.

The two of us try to keep ourselves busy, ignoring one another as we wait for the lunch bell to ring. I get to class only to see Jason and Piper making out in front of the door.

"PDA!" I shout jumping onto them.

"Hey!" Piper laughs holding onto me.

"Let's go learn about life and the universe." I shove her into the classroom, "Jason get lost yo, we see you in like forty minutes."

He chuckles, "But that's forty minutes I'm not with her."

"You're disgusting, bye."

"Bye kiddo." He snorts walking away.

"So, someone is desperate for my attention." Piper takes my hand.

"Oh totally." I roll my eyes as we walk to our desks. "So I invited Frank to come out tonight."

"That's good, we'll have a fucking ball." She chuckles as the class begins.

We walk to our lab desk and start filling out a stupid worksheet. I start copying cell parts down as Piper speaks up.

"So, Jason was talking about plans for Spring Break and he gave me a great idea. Why don't we all go to my parent's summer home in Florida?"

"Because that doesn't sound like a terrible idea." I snort.

"I think it sounds awesome. Just us, chilling on the beach living life, having a goddamned blast."

"It sounds like the set up to a horror film."

"As if." She scoffs, "It'll be fun, I swear on it."

"I'll think about it." I decide is a valid answer.

"Yay!" She claps her hands together, "Frank and Jason said they're coming for sure."

I nod feeling my skin rise in temperature. There's no way… There is absolutely no way that I could have a crush on Frank… Right? I can't… Oh come on, this is such bullshit. Of course it would be me. I'm the one who has to develope feelings for the most terrifying boy in school. Don't judge me, I have a type, and apparently my type is guys with anger issues and a track records of beating the shit out of people who cross them.

What can I say? I get it from my mother.

Class ends unceremoniously with Piper whisking me away to study hall.

"Come on slow poke." She says literally grabbing my sleeve and dragging me behind her.

"I don't wanna." I complain dragging my feet jokingly.

"Please? For me?" She turns to ask with big wide eyes.

"God, you're lucky I love you."

"Thanks bae!" She says quickly kissing my cheek before walking ahead of me. Did… Did she just kiss me? "Let's go."

"You just want to get your freak on with Jason." I say catching up with her.

"Fuck you, no I do not. I just like being with him."

"Really?" I snort.

"It's true…" She blushes slightly. "He's not your average football player. He's… sweet and gentle."

"TMI?"

"No I mean like he genuinely cares about me."

"Oh… That sounds, nice."

"Yeah. I guess I do have a type." She chuckles. "Sweet nerdy boys with big dicks."

"God, seriously!?" I laugh with her.

"Your home girl has needs."

"And I have needs too but-"

"Let's go get you a vibrator, Hazel! Oh my god that will be so much fun."

I shove her just as we reach the library. "Dude I share a room with my half sister." I half scold, half choke on my laughter.

"So? She can't be there all the time." She says taking a seat beside Jason who instantly claims her. I sit beside her continuing our conversation.

"What if she finds it!?"

"Does she go through your shit often?" Piper eggs me on.

"No but-"

"Then we have nothing to worry about."

"What are you arguing about this time?" Annabeth chuckles softly. It's been a little weird… I mean this new Annabeth, she's softer, less harsh. Maybe it's because I only knew her as depressed and it's hard for me to adjust. But she has smiled more in the past two weeks than I've seen in the whole six months I've known her… Wow, six months, it's weird how close you can become to people in so little time.

"We're going to buy sex toys before minigolf okay?" Piper says causing the whole table to sport an array of reactions. Leo busts out laughing, Percy instantly blushes, Annabeth's mouth falls open, Frank bites his lower lip, and Jason looks at her with amusement.

"Uh… Why?" Annabeth asks.

"Because I said so and of course because my lovely ladies need someone looking out for them." Piper winks at her.

"Hey now, why do you girls get all the fun?" Jason teases.

"Have you ever had sex with a teenage boy? Getting fingered feels like they're just trying to get the last chip out of the pringles can, A. B, getting eaten out feels like they're in a pie eating contest with their hands tied behind their back. And finally C, penis vagina sex feels less like wonder and more like riding a goddamn mechanical bull."

While half of us are cracking up the others are staring at her with wide embarrassed eyes. Annabeth, still chuckling uncontrollably asks, "And we don't get a say in this?"

"Nope." Piper says proudly as Jason squeezes her closer to him.

"So, we're going to get vibrators."

"Yup. Get used to it." She says looking up at him with a smirk.

"I'm afraid, I already am."

"Do we have to go?" Percy asks.

"Have you ever seen a vagina?" Annabeth asks suddenly.

"Wow." I say under my breath in shock.

"Uh… Yes?"

"Well good, I don't want you going in blind." She says teasingly but all of us, save Piper, are taken aback.

"Yas girl! Slay me!" Piper reaches across the table to grab Annabeth's hand.

"Well, I uh-"

"Don't worry, Percy, we'll figure it all out later." She promises leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Um… Okay. Sure?"

Piper, for better or for worse, sticks to her promise and after she picks up Annabeth and I, she drives us to a strip mall… Not like that. The guys are there too and they look less than thrilled.

"Can you really get vibrators here?" Percy asks nervously as we walk inside. The moment we open the door I instantly feel something, I can't exactly pinpoint it… Excitement? Fear? I don't know, maybe I'm reawakening my rebellious side.

The first wall we are greeted with is lined with whips and floggers, as well as brightly colored assorted 'massagers' that seem to give the store an odd neon glow. There are sexy magazines and DVDs jam packed onto one of the far walls, and the only person working does not seem to give even one single shit.

"The answer is yes, babe." Annabeth snorts.

"How did you know this was here?" Frank asks.

"I know things. Hey, Jason let's go find something new to try." She grabs his hand and begins to browse up and down the aisles.

"Annabeth, can we uh… talk?"

"Of course." She says taking his hand and leading him down a different aisle.

"This is impressive." Frank says shyly.

"Come on Hazel, we're gonna hook you up with some good shit." Leo says leading the way.

"Oh good." I chuckle, but it sounds more sarcastic than I meant it.

"We don't have to do this you know. We can go wait in the car." Frank tells me.

"No, I think this could be fun."

"Hey do you have a pink one yet?" Leo asks looking at one of the displays.

"Nope."

"I think that every girl deserves a pink vibrator."

"Deserves huh?" I snort loudly.

"Yes." He says, "How do you feel about freaky shit?"

"It's the best kind of shit." I say following him down one of the aisles.

He points out a couple of different um… toys? "So this one is just for that, external pleasure." He wiggles his eyebrows as he says this, "Then of course we've got your standard, and then here's one with an extra little ear for both."

I take a look at the different varieties of vibrators before picking out a um… different one.

"Oh my god you have some kinky fantasy?" Leo asks.

"Hey I like what I like." I tease him.

"Is that… a tongue?" Frank asks cautiously.

"Yup." I look at his completely beet red face. "You don't have to stay."

"No… No I'm good."

"Are you sure?" Leo asks, "You look like you're going to pass out."

"It's just a new experience… Um… Don't mind me."

Leo and I can't help ourselves from laughing. "Big burly scary as fuck Frank can't handle a sex store." I nearly fall over laughing.

"So?" He pouts.

"This is amazing." Leo allows his laughter to subside.

"I hate you." He groans turning to walk down a different aisle. "Piper what the fuck!?" The two us rush around the corner to see Piper and Jason with a basket full of lube, body gels, and some other things that I don't want to know about.

"Hey don't judge." Jason says with a low chuckle.

Percy and Annabeth hurry from the other side of the aisle. Annabeth is holding some kind of toy, while Percy has a corset on a hanger around his neck. "What is going-... Oh." Annabeth blushes when she sees their things.

"I told you to get it in bulk." Percy says with a laugh.

"But we want to try all of the flavors, and look at this orgasm gel-"

"Okay are we done?" Frank asks.

"No!" Leo says, yanking him back towards a different display. Frank's face reads 'please help' but the rest of us just laugh harshly.

"So, _mini golfing_ is a great idea." I tease, "We should do this more often."

"Hazel, I'm surprised!" Percy says.

"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a black and red corset." I say looking him up and down.

He looks down and blushes. "What? Not my color?"

"Too much lace, not enough skin."

"I'm literally going to vomit, you are way too sexually active for my liking." Percy says taking off the corset.

"Yeah well, you should have seen me in Alaska." I shrug walking towards them to close the group off.

"I'm a proud mama." Piper says throwing one arm around my shoulders.

"I don't even want to know." Percy shakes his head.

"I do." Annabeth chuckles folding her arms over her chest.

"How many sexual partners have you had, Hazel?" Piper asks as we walk towards the cashier.

"Maybe like six… No wait seven. Definitely seven."

"I've only had one, girl. How the hell have you-... Nevermind." Percy huffs dramatically.

We buy our 'products' before heading over to the mini golf place, which is surprisingly an even better time than the sex store. The entire time we're playing, we tell small stories, and dumb jokes are shared. I love my friends, I really do, they're so thoughtful and so full of life. Especially, I am happy to report, Annabeth.

It's not until I get home that things are not so wonderful. I'm home alone. Nico went out with friends, Bianca has night class, Maria and my dad went out to dinner.

When the home phone rings I answer it quickly.

"Hello?"

"Is Hazel there?" Oh no.

"Um… yes she is, who is this calling?"

"Please I need to speak with her."

"Who is calling?"

"Her mother."

"One second." I put the phone to my chest and take a few deep breaths. "What do you want?" I ask when I put the phone back to my ear.

"Hazel, sweetheart, are you alright?"

"Fine, what do you want?"

"I want to see you. We need to talk."

"Well I'm not going to Alaska just to-"

"I'm in New York."

I pause, "What?"

"I'm in New York… Just give me a chance Hazel. I'm your mother, I want to explain myself to you." I'm silent, trying to gather the courage to speak. "You owe me this." I hear the front door open, I wonder who it could be. "Hazel?"

"I owe you nothing." I snarl without trying to. "Don't you ever call this number again." I feel tears prickling in my eyes.

"Hazel, please consider-"

"No, you consider what you've done. I know that I haven't been the best kid, but you have certainly not been the best mother, and you know it."

"I want to talk, please."

"No." I hang up the phone as salty streams of tears slip down my face. The heel of my hand pressed firmly to my forehead as Nico's arms wrap around my shoulders. "Why does this keep happening?"

"I don't know." He mutters squeezing me tightly, trying to let me cry myself out. I don't think that will be happening. There's too much hurt for me to accomplish that.


	28. Chapter 28 To Survive This

**Whoa, I'm like not dead! Sort of, sorry about the delay you guys these past few weeks have been long and hard but I'm about to graduate! I've been on this website for four years now, crazy huh? Anyway, here's your chapter.**

* * *

 **Leo**

" _Just how many things do I have to invent in my head to survive this?"_

I went to see my mom before school today, she's not doing so well, and at this point we're just delaying the inevitable. I know that and I've come to accept it, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. Actually I'm the farthest thing from happy you can be while still being a functioning human being. Which I guess is most people anyway.

I sit in my classes staring at the power points as I'm lectured about some random shit and I for once have no issue paying attention, because at least this is a sound distraction from the rest of the world. Is it weird that the worse my mom gets the more work I do? I mean, that's weird right? Kind of twisted right?

I mean, who the hell… What the hell… Why the hell… Fuck. Just fuck. Nothing matters any more right? Right?

I got an email from Calypso the other day, she told me how great her new life is. I couldn't bring myself to respond to her just because wow, if her life is so great now, why should I ruin it? I ruin everything… don't I?

"Hey dude. Agree with me." Percy says bringing me back into reality.

"I completely agree… With what?"

"That in a fight sharknado would smoke godzilla."

"I'm telling you that's bullshit." Jason laughs. "An entity can't 'fight' a giant dinosaur. Don't you remember the medior? Wiped out the dinosaurs, without a trace."

"Wow, once a dinosaur kid, always a dinosaur kid." Piper snorts.

"Well if you think about it, sharknado isn't exactly an entity. Well, I mean, everything is an entity, but it's not a living thing." I say.

"Sharks are living." Percy argues.

"Yeah but the mechanics of sharknado are just not very accurate, at the velocity a sharknado would have to be going in order to actually exist the sharks would just fling out of the tornado and would likely be dead quickly, not nearly long enough to fight godzilla."

Frank looks up at me and says, "That's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say, Leo."

"And it's about a fictional tornado too, sad isn't it?" I chuckle.

"Well, if it's what you're good at." He shrugs.

"Ever thought about being in the movie industry?" Piper asks with an airy laugh.

"No, not my scene." I laugh with her.

"Sure."

"Great now that we got that out of the way who wants to help me with this bullshit math homework?"

"You're doing homework?" Annabeth snorts playfully.

"I know right? The world is honestly ending."

"No the world ends when Percy does his homework." Hazel chuckles.

"Hey now." Percy says.

"You know it's true." Annabeth pokes him, a small smile baring her teeth.

"I wouldn't say that."

"Oh?"

"No I would not… You're rude."

"As if."

He wraps his arms around her and squeezes her tightly. I remember what it was like to have a relationship similar to theirs, and I try not to dwell on it. I miss Calypso yes, but I mostly miss feeling wanted, needed, like I had someone to escape to.

The truth of the matter is that I cared too much about something that did not and could not care about me. Well maybe that isn't true but that's certainly how I feel. I can't shake myself out of this bullshit depression crap. I don't know, maybe it's just me… No wait it's definitely me.

I could and have every right to blame my mom but I can't do it. This isn't her fault, I am not her fault.

I have actually finished my homework for once, and even before I got home. I kind of don't know what to do with my life… Maybe I should… No wait…. What?

Ah fuck it. You don't care about this. I don't even care about this and it's my life. I'm walking home from my dad's shop, trying to wade my way through these muddled thoughts and instead I find something else.

I get the mail and head inside my house, after thumbing through a few letters I find one addressed to me, from Texas Tech. I quickly close the door with my foot and tear the letter open, they weren't supposed to send out letters for another two months. So why did they send me this letter. I stop opening it, knowing that this will tell me whether or not I get the future I want.

How much bullshit is that? Someone else gets to decide what kind of future I'm allowed to have. I guess that's been happening a lot recently. I mean, I don't get to choose when I lose my mom.


	29. Chapter 29 Seriously

_**Guess who's back? It's me! I'm back! Yay, so sorry for the delay I've been having major renovations done at my house and I'm finally getting settled back in! Now who's ready for a good hopeful happy chapter?**_

 **Annabeth**

" _I suddenly realized if every moment of a book should be taken seriously, every moment of life should be taken seriously as well."_

I wake up fairly early on Saturday knowing that I already have my day planned for me. Piper's dragging me to her fucking audition for the school musical. How our high school managed to get Heather's approved for the spring musical is beyond me. The whole musical is about murder, sex, drugs, and suicide. I mean, it's not like high school isn't like that but still.

"Hey." She walks into my room and tosses a bag onto my body. "Get up we're going."

"What are you doing in my house? How did you get my address?" I sit up in my bed and grab some jeans.

She shrugs, "Well I got your address by asking Percy and I got in by knocking on the door like a normal person."

"Who let you in?"

"Your mama." She says flopping on my bed, her already short dress riding up her thighs.

"My mom?"

"Yeah, you know, the lady who birthed you."

"I know who my mom is, but she's not exactly a um… how do I put this? Pleasant woman."

"I feel dude." She snorts in an unladylike fashion sitting upright. "Cute bra."

"Shit, Pipes!" I use my shirt to hide my bra.

"What? I like the polka dots."

"Could you not be a whore for five minutes."

"Sorry sweetie, not my type." She smirks.

"It's not my fault you're a hoe."

"Awe cute you're learning." I throw my shirt on, "You ready?"

"Sure." I follow her out of my room.

"Annie?" My dad calls out from his office, "Where are you going sweetheart?"

"Piper and I are going to the mall."

"Have fun."

"Kay." I drag Piper out to her car.

"They trying too hard?" She asks.

"Ugh, like you can't even imagine." She backs out of the driveway and heads right to school. "Lunch on me?"

"Sure, you pick the place though." I suddenly notice she's listening to the Heather's soundtrack.

"You're not nervous are you?"

"I'm incredibly nervous!"

"You've got to be shitting me." I snort.

"Why?"

"Because you are Piper McLean, girl who could conquer the whole fucking world with a smile and a shimmy."

She shrugs, "I don't like public speaking."

"Are you fucking with me right now?"

"No! Why do you think I'm dragging you with me?"

"I thought you wanted an excuse to chill."

"As if." She sighs, "First of all I don't need an excuse to chill, second I need you to hold my hair back if I vomit."

"No can do princess, vomit is not my thing. I was anorexic for a reason."

"Okay low blow bitch."

I chuckle as she drums her fingers on the wheel. "But I will let you eat your feelings afterwards."

"Oh thank god."

"So what are you auditioning?"

"Girls got to pick between Fight For Me and Dead Girl Walking." She informs me. "I, for obvious reasons picked Dead Girl Walking."

I skip to that song on the playlist and everything suddenly makes sense. Mr. A didn't want Piper for this role, he needs her, like holy shit.

"You're my last meal on death row? Shit girl have you used that line on Jason?"

"No but I totally should." She chuckles, "Actually I should use, I'm hot and pissed and on the pill."

"Yes girl."

She pulls into the parking lot and takes a deep breath. "Tell me I can leave now."

"Not a chance bitch, I'm up at nine on a Saturday, you're doing this."

"Okay." She nervously climbs out of the car and into the auditorium. I'm super out of my element around all of these theatre nerds… I stick by Piper, watching Octavian recite lines towards a wall, that kid has always given me the creeps. There's something unsettling about someone who can just become a different person at the drop of a hat. Then there's Lacy sitting up against the wall listening to her music. And of course Drew is trying to look like a mega bitch.

Once Piper has signed herself up she turns to find me and scurries over to my side. "I hate myself, why am I doing this?"

"Because it's a grade."

"Let's bounce I don't need to pass Theatre, it's fucking Theatre!" I grab her arm before she can run out of the room.

"Hey now, no need to get freaky."

"You're right…"

"Alright auditioners please come into the theatre." Mr. A holds the door to the auditorium open. Piper grips my hand leading me into the theatre.

"Please don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." I tell her.

We sit together watching mediocre performances from a majority of the students. Some are pretty phenomenal but others are just sad. Finally Piper's number get's called. She looks at me as if the number 31 is going to shatter the earth. I smack her arm spurring her into action. Waltzing in an unsure manner she reaches the white X marking the center of the stage and stops.

"Um… My uh… Name is Piper and I'll be performing Dead Girl Walking…" She twists her hands together waiting for Mr. A to finish writing. She looks at me as if I'm her anchor in this moment, like every second won't count if I'm not here. I don't know why she's giving me that kind of power when I-... No, I'll be here for her, now is not the time to feel useless. Especially when I have this power to give someone else.

"Please go ahead." Mr. A finally says.

Piper presses her lips tightly together, rocks on her feet a little bit before opening her mouth. Her voice cracks a little bit as she searches for the words. When her eyes land on me I mouth the first words to her.

She nods before she starts singing, _"The demon queen of high school has decreed it, she says monday 8 am I'll be deleted. They'll hunt me down in study hall, stuff and mount me on the wall, 30 hours to live, how shall I spend them?_

" _I don't have to stay and die like cattle, I could change my name and ride up to Seattle. But I don't own a motor bike… Wait… Here's an option that I like, spend these 30 hours getting freaky._

" _I need it hard, I'm a dead girl walking. I'm in your yard, I'm a dead girl walking. Before they punch my clock, I'm snapping off your window lock, got no time to knock I'm a dead girl walking."_

She isn't asked to stop singing, she just does; blushing furiously and trembling like her body is caught in an earthquake.

"Thank you." Mr. A says relieving her from the stage. She hurries off the stage back to me, nearly jumping into my lap to hide. I try to rub the shakes out of her hands, but it's a fruitless task. When the rest of the auditioners have gone through Mr. A dismisses everyone, Piper bolts out of the theatre and I am ashamed to say that I don't follow her out. I hang back watching the others mob the exit before strolling out into the parking lot. Piper is sitting in the car hunched over texting, I climb into the passenger side and buckle the seatbelt.

"So my dumb boyfriend is coming, do you mind?"

"Nah, are you-"

"Hush." She snorts yanking the auxiliary cord out of the port, the radio coughs to life as she begins to drive to the mall. I feel a sense of dread settle in my stomach.

"I'm sorry." I sputter out.

"Why?" I see the remnants of her shaking as she drives.

"I was supposed to be there for you and I fucked up."

"No you didn't. I fucked up. Did you hear me up there? I was a mess."

"No you weren't you killed it." I tell her.

"But my voice was shaking and my heart was racing and I was shaking so badly-"

"Shut up. Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? You did something you didn't have to and you rocked it. You were born to be Veronica Sawyer alright?"

"But I don't want to be in a show…"

"Maybe you'll discover that's where you belong."

"Therapy has turned you into a sap."

I snort loudly, "God Piper, why do you have to be such a megabitch?"

She sends me an amused smirk, "Because I can be."

So here's the thing, ever since I was released from the hospital people have been treating me like I'm broken glass, a dangerous mess that can splinter and spread without notice. Only two people haven't looked at me like I'm broken; Piper and Percy. Piper doesn't seem to give a shit that I tried to kill myself, but she's also never going to let me live it down. But I appreciate it and her. That she doesn't care, or feel the need to make me feel better. She trusts me which is more than anyone else will do.

Percy… He looks at me like I'm something new, like if everyone else sees me as broken glass he sees me as a mosaic. Random broken pieces slapped together to make something new. He looks at me like I've been reborn, as if I am a phoenix just emerging from the ashes. It's a breath of fresh air, to be someone new in the eyes of someone who loves me.

And I like to think that if he can see me as something new, as something beautiful created out of something old and broken. Maybe I can be new.

We pull up to the pizza joint and get out of the car. Percy and Jason are there waiting for us to walk in. Piper runs in and covers Jason's eyes murmuring in his ear, "Guess who?" As I sit next to Percy.

Jason takes her hands and starts trying to lick them. "Ew!" She squirms out of his grasp.

"Hey you two only in the bedroom… Or the car… Or wherever the hell else you two kids do it." Percy laughs draping his arm around my shoulders. I scoot into his grasp just a bit more.

She climbs over Jason's lap to sit next to him. "So how'd it go?" He asks as she settles in.

"We won't speak of it."

"Oh come the fuck on." I roll my eyes.

"What?" She challenges me.

"Nothing." I groan, "You're just a liar."

"Hey now, I'm a lot of things. Hoe, whore, bitch, but a liar I will never be."

"Damn we can't crucify her now." Percy snaps, "But you know who we can crucify?"

"You're such an old lady in a nursing home." Jason snorts.

"Drew got caught giving some guy head in the fine arts building, but since it was after school they can't do anything about it." He laughs.

"Wow and I thought your hoe levels were off the chart, Pipes." I chuckle.

"Well we do run in the same circles, now I'm just doing laps." She winks at Jason who tilts his head back to cackle.

"But Drew's a true bitch." Percy snorts.

"Don't talk about her like that." Piper says.

"Why not? It's true, and you don't even like her." Jason says.

"You know she was like patient zero for that one time STD's were spreading through the school." I comment.

"She likes sex and yeah she's kind of abrasive… But still-"

"Abrasive is the nice way of putting it." Percy says.

"Drew told me that she grew up thinking sex was the only way to get any kind of affection. That's what happens when mommy dearest is an escort. But I guess that's not an excuse for her being a massive bitch. But then again… so am I."

"What's your story then?" Percy asks.

"Why am I a bitch or why am I a hoe?"

"I guess they're intertwined huh?"

"You'd think that." But she doesn't actually respond and I'm not willing to press her further. Neither of the other two say anything as we're served the pizza our boyfriends apparently already ordered.

I burst out laughing in the silence catching their attention. "God you're salty." I tell her.

"I try." She flips her hair over one shoulder.

Percy offers to drive me home, the two of us don't actually go home after lunch though. He drives me to a park where we sit on the merry-go-round. He places one hand on my thigh, the other holds my hand.

"So I've decided to start at community college." He says softly, his thumb caressing where my scars sit innocently under the denim. "I know it's not that impressive, and I know that it's probably going to get looked down upon, but I can handle it and that's a start. School just isn't good for me. I might be a fireman or a paramedic or something, I'm not too sure yet."

I nod, looking at our hands. The bones in his knuckles stick out, and his veins are well defined. I twist our wrists occupying my hands with his.

"I think I finally get what my mom has been saying all of these years."

"What's that?" I ask.

"There is no wrong way to live."

What a nice thought, that everything you're doing is the right thing. Even if it's hard, or disapproved of, it's the right thing, because it's you. It's your life and your choices, every step you take is the right one. I look up into his eyes and I smile.

"I like that. There's no wrong way to live."

He smiles back at me, "So what about you? Where are you thinking about going?"

I find it hard to say these words but I've done harder things. "I'm hoping for either MIT Cornell or Rice."

"Damn, big schools for a girl with big dreams."

I let out a pent up breath, "I know what you're thinking."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, that it might not be safe for me to leave, but Percy I've got to-"

"And you're wrong." He chuckles.

"I am?"

"Annabeth, you want to get better now, don't you?"

"Well, yeah-"

"That's huge, if you want to get better nothing can stop you." He takes my hand and kisses the top, "You my dear, can and will do just about anything you want. And if you can't do it, you just can't do it yet."

My heart feels warm when he says that. I remember all of my trashy dystopian novels, how the girls feel love, or at the very least like a guy. Their hearts feel warm, and they feel good. I smile saying, "I'm glad someone gets it."

"I'm glad you get it." He chuckles.

This time, I lean forward to kiss him, the merry go round rocks to one side as I sit up. But I don't go numb when I let our lips touch. Instead I feel prickly, like my skin is coming to life and my face feels warm. Like I've never had so much life inside of me. And then I start laughing, kissing him and laughing because oh my god does it feel good to be alive.

I want him, and I want this life, and I'm suddenly not afraid of anything anymore. I can take on this world. I can touch other people's lives, hell I can give life. I am invincible. And even when he stops kissing me to hold my cheek in his hands I don't stop feeling alive.

His intimidating green eyes are bright with laughter, and I am here, present, alive. Why did I ever want to give this up?

Why did I want this to end?

I never want this to end.

And it isn't because of him, my boyfriend, or even his kiss. It's because he believes in me. Do you understand how beautiful it is to have someone believe in you?

"I knew you'd get it eventually knucklehead." He snorts.

"Get what?"

"Get this," He leans forward rocking the merry go round again. "That as far as the future is concerned it's all good." He kisses me again.

And how could this moment get any better? I believe him.


	30. Chapter 30 Expectation

**Jason**

" _I want to live up to their expectations. I guess that's what it comes down to, the power of expectation."_

I spent the night at my house because Piper's parents are actually going to be home for longer than five minutes. She told me I could stay but I didn't want to start anything else. So I spent the night in a house that reeks of booze and depression. Thalia got in early, so when I wake up there is breakfast waiting for me. It's odd but a nice change from my usual poptart breakfast.

I go to school and sit in my classes, the entire time bored out of my mind because wow who even gives a shit about calculus? Can I graduate now? I mean really?

Senioritis aside classes are a breeze and even when I get to sixth period, things seem to be alright. Well, seem to be until I actually walk in.

"Get your fat ass over here!" Hazel squeals jumping on top of Frank trying to grab something out of his hands.

"My fat ass is right here." He tells her smugly.

"So is mine." Percy says, "I'm hurt that you don't want to tell us what's the matter."

"What did I miss?" I ask, kissing the back of Piper's head.

"Hazel won't tell us who's texting her, my vote is on the secret lesbian lover."

"It's totally the crazy ex-boyfriend. Otherwise she wouldn't care so much." Leo tells me.

"Ah." I sit down between Piper and Percy who has laid his head down on his text book. "You okay man?"

"So bored!" He groans.

I pat his back, "It'll be okay."

"OW!" Frank shouts suddenly, relenting to Hazel's will. "You bit me!"

"Yes I did." She rips her phone out of his hand and immediately begins texting.

"What a loser." Annabeth teases him, poking his neck so that he cringes, laughing heavily.

"Stop!" He smacks her hand.

"Wow, and to think I thought you were scary when I first met you." Hazel scoffs.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Frank turns to glare at her which is actually thoroughly frightening.

She, however, doesn't back down. "Let's be real you've been in ISS more than you've been in public school."

He suppresses a laugh but can't smother the smile on his lips as quickly. "Okay sure, but that doesn't make me scary."

"You're right, what makes you scary is that you don't give a shit."

"Then I must be fucking vicious." Piper snorts.

"Oh you are." Annabeth says leaning on Percy's shoulder, "If you don't care about something, then who's to say it matters? And if those things don't matter well… what does matter?"

"Nothing." Piper smirks.

"And if nothing matters, then why are we here?"

"Sex of course." We all bust out laughing.

"But really though." Annabeth continues, "We're here for the continuation of the human race, who cares about anything, so long as people last for another generation."

"Wow, um could you guys not get deep on me for five minutes, I'm trying to beat my high score here." Leo sighs.

"Jason knows how deep I can go, right?" Piper smacks my chest immediately forcing a blush to crawl up my neck.

"Let's not-"

"Mouth or vagina?" Percy asks with a snort.

"Why not both?" She winks.

"Pipes, please not now." I cover her mouth as she cackles. She licks my hand, as if I give a shit about that. "And you're a child. Great, I'm fucking a twelve-year-old."

"So you get to talk about sex but she doesn't?" Annabeth asks, "Somebody say sexism?"

"Haha, sexism." Leo snorts.

"Fine, I'm done." Piper rolls her eyes, "Annabeth did you still need help on your essay?"

"Yeah, here's my second draft." She passes the paper over and Piper immediately begins scribbling on the page, critiquing like it's her second nature.

"Can I read it?"

"Yeah, it's our last big essay, so I need like six drafts."

"Are you only just reading To Kill a Mockingbird?" I ask having seen the title.

"No, we read that sequel, Go Set a Watchman." She tells me.

"I think it's pretty solid." Piper passes me the paper. I read through it marking some of the paragraphs, but I have a big problem with her argument.

"You let your opinion get in the way of the facts." I tell her.

"Well, it is my paper."

"But you're completely disregarding not only the history, but the characters themselves."

"No, Jean Louise is very clearly represented."

"Yeah, because you very clearly like her." I tell her, "This time period is a train wreck when it comes to racism and justice. No one can decide how to be 'fair' and everyone has their own idea of what 'fair' is. You're just mad that Atticus wasn't who you thought he was.

"He's a complex character with a complex moral compass, he's a racist yes, but he also believes in justice. He's a good man, but he's a racist. He doesn't live up to your idea of him, you expected him to be perfect just like little Scout. But that's not true, as Jean Louise finds out. Atticus is a human freaking being."

"Are you trying to say there isn't anything wrong with being a racist?" Annabeth asks, the rest of our friends listening intently.

"Not at all, I'm saying that he's a racist, but does that make him evil?"

"It makes him an asshole." Percy grumbles, not entirely understanding the conversation.

"Look, at the time period. It's the mid-1900s, and he was an adult in the what? 1920s 1930s? It would be impossible for him to not be racist especially if you saw the rest of his family, which you do. He is a product of his time, nothing more nothing less. But he raised his daughter to be better than he was.

"What To Kill a Mockingbird becomes when you realize that Atticus is a racist, is a story of justice. Putting your own opinions aside in favor of what is right. God what's that quote? Something about how court is the place where a man should not be judged. He realizes there's something wrong with his thinking and so he raised his kids to think differently and he did a pretty good job if you ask me."

Annabeth folds her arms, "Okay… I don't see what that has to do with my paper."

"Well, your thesis statement says, 'The characters in Go Set a Watchman outline the ideals of a southern mindset in 1950s America, and Scout is an excellent example of the counterculture.' Then you proceed to only talk about the counterculture without explaining the other side. You need to talk about the other characters, and Atticus can go both ways."

"No he really can't."

"But he can, he didn't let the world's expectation of how he should raise his children interfere with their upbringing. They were raised without a mother and taught that race is irrelevant in a time where that was unheard of. He defended a black man honorably when the world around him told him to just do it half assed."

"You can't be a good person and a racist. Simple as that." Leo says.

"You sure about that?"

He nods, "You're a racist, you're an asshole."

"So even though Atticus raised two non-racist children, he's an asshole." I sigh, "He's a lesser evil than, oh I don't know, the guy who actually tried to murder two children."

They all look at me like I'm crazy except for Piper, who looks at me with a teasing grin. "What you're saying is that there's a difference between being evil and acting upon it."

"Um-"

"Hear him out Leo." Piper says. "Atticus had the potential to be evil all along. But he isn't. He's a racist, but he's a good person. He has that evil, that racism inside of him. But he doesn't act on it. Instead he tries to be good."

"That's the difference." I add on. "He could be bad, but he chooses to be good."

"Okay, I get it, talk about the culture." Annabeth snorts stealing away her essay.

"You are unbelievable." Leo rolls his eyes at me.

"I know, the power of expectation is daunting."

"What are you on?" He asks.

"You expect people to fit inside your perfect little world of people suck or they don't. But people are so much more than that." He looks at me like I just took a dump in the middle of the road.

"I'm legit insulted right now." Leo says.

"Look man, we've all been through some shit. To most people I'm a flimsy paper picture of a person. One sided, two dimensional, print out, but I'm still a human being. Look around you, I mean we're a mob of stereotypes that somehow managed to become friends. What did you first think of me when you met me?"

"Damn he's attractive. I need to get on that." Piper says draping her legs over my lap.

"Thanks, but seriously."

"No really I thought that." She snorts.

"Wow he's got his shit figured out." Hazel says.

"And now you know that can't be farther from the truth." I say. "For better or for worse, we're humans first, complex concoctions of experiences and traits. People have depth, there is more to us than our biggest trait. Like Frank, for example. He's been in ISS more than regular school, but I'll be damned if he doesn't give the best hugs and isn't one of the best listeners I've ever met."

"All he's saying," Annabeth jumps in, "is that we are not defined by either our best or worst qualities. Because people can't be defined. Like Hazel, she doesn't have a voice-"

"Hey!"

"But she has the most contagious laugh and her sense of reality can't be beat." Annabeth leans over and hugs Hazel tightly.

"And obviously I'm such a charming delinquent the only reason this school hasn't dropped me yet is because my step dad works here." Percy rolls his eyes.

"That." Piper snorts, "And you care more than you'd ever admit."

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too." Piper and Percy have a glaring contest for a moment.

"So, we're just going to accept that Jason justified a racist?" Leo asks.

"He's no airhead, he makes a good argument." Percy shrugs.

"There's more to Atticus than being a racist, he's still a good person who believes in justice first and foremost. He's just not perfect anymore, which makes him more human. Yes he's a racist, but there's more to him than that."

"We'll agree to disagree."

"Cool." I chuckle. I think Leo thinks I'm an asshole, and maybe he's right. But I've spent a lot of time this year realizing that expectation has power, and once it goes away we are left with this freedom that compares to none. When we let go of other's expectations of us, we are allowed to be whatever it is we want to be.


	31. Chapter 31 Trust

**Hazel**

" _For what it's worth: trust your feelings. I can't promise you'll be happy again, but I can promise the risk is worth it."_

I feel so heavy walking into school, it's probably because of the slushy snow that sticks to my back and makes my body feel like a half melted snow cone. I'm so done with school, and I'm so done just coasting through this past month.

I've avoided phone calls and conversations. I'm surprised she hasn't tried to come to my house maybe she's afraid to see me, like I'm afraid to see her.

"Hey loser." Leo sits on my lap.

"Hey." I sigh scrolling through my phone. I mean, Health is a joke anyway, today we're watching a movie about getting a natural high. Insert eye roll here. "How are you?"

"I'm just your everyday train wreck." Same. "But other than that, I'm going to college so."

"Leo!" I hug him from behind. "That's great."

"It's pretty rad." He blushes, actually blushes.

"Dude, where are you going?"

"Texas."

"What the hell is in Texas?"

"I'll have you know; Texas is one of the largest states in the US. God did you learn nothing in Alaska?"

"No I didn't learn a damn thing in Alaska, we've been over this." I chuckle. "Where are you going to college though!?"

"Texas Tech. I register early June."

"That's so cool dude."

"Thanks." Morning announcements finally get Leo out of my lap and into his own desk.

The whole morning is kind of a bore, until lunch, when Leo and Frank join me for a rousing game of how much can we roast each other in an hour.

"Hey, guys, have you seen Piper?" Jason suddenly approaches us, mid roasting session.

"No, why?" I snort looking up at him.

"Because she's not answering my texts."

Leo shrugs, "I don't know man. Want to roast with us?"

"Um, why are you roasting each other?"

"Because that's what friends do." Frank says.

"Not exactly but okay, sure."

"Hey friends roast each other." I tell him.

"I thought friends were supposed to be there for one another." He says rather bitterly. "I mean every now and then roasting is fun sure, but we do it every day and for what? A laugh?"

"What happened to you?" Leo asks.

"Look, I just don't understand our generation's need to constantly make fun of each other and to be rude, and ugh." He covers his face with his hands.

"Dude?"

"Don't… Don't be weird okay?"

"You are the only one being weird right now." Frank says honestly.

"I need to know that everyone is as messed up as me."

I cackle at that, "Oh honey, didn't you hear? You landed on the island of misfit toys months ago when your ass got into sixth period study hall. No wait, I take that back, the fucking continent of misfit toys."

"Not even misfits, we're those toys that Sid mutilated in Toy Story." Leo tacks on. "Everyone has problems; it's almost relieving that you too have issues."

"What does that mean?" Jason asks

"It means that even you, the prince of perfection, has struggled. And to someone like me, who's dragged himself through the sewers of life, that's illuminating." Frank says with a wicked smirk.

"Cut that poetic shit out right now." Jason snorts. "Life isn't a metaphor."

"You've been spending way too much time with Piper." Leo mutters.

"So, what's your damage?" I ask.

He swallows harshly, a deep breath in, and the words fall out like a faucet. "My sister had my mom sent to some alcohol rehab camp thing. She didn't tell my dad, and he paid us a surprise two day visit this weekend, and guess who wasn't there."

"Jesus." Leo says under his breath.

"He wasn't too happy to find out that his disgustingly nineteen-fifties poster family wasn't perfect."

"Yikes dude." I sigh.

"And I can't even tell my football friends because they keep asking me about sex with my girlfriend, and roasting me about it. And I shouldn't care but I do. And I just… This will make me sound like an asshole, but I need someone who's not Piper for five minutes to tell me I'm not crazy."

Frank puts his hand on Jason's shoulder firmly. "You are one of the most normal assholes I have ever met."

Jason deflates with relief, and a small smile break the intensity of his face. "You want to talk mommy issues; you have come to the right place." I assure him.

"I'm a walking mommy issue." Leo says. "My mom is dying."

"My mom is dead." Frank shrugs.

"And my mom is crazy." I actually laugh at that. Finally saying it to people who understand. Or maybe that's just it, they don't understand. Because their mother's didn't follow them across a continent. What they do understand is that everyone has problems.

I am not special because of my mother's whatever it is, everyone deals with their own mommy issues. Big or small. There is no better or worse, there is different. Varying degrees of trauma that affect us in different ways, and they do not make us special. They make us human.

"And you're laughing because?" Jason chuckles with me.

"I just came up with our study hall prompt, take notes and be ready for your assignment." I stand up just as the bell rings and strut to class.

When I get there, Piper is sitting in her desk peeling the glitter polish off of her nails.

"Hey boo." I say sitting down.

"Hey." She sighs.

"What's wrong?"

"I got a part." She mumbles.

"Oh…"

"But not just any part, I got _the_ part."

"You got a lead?" I ask.

"Sort of, I'm a Heather."

"What the fuck is a Heather?"

"Heather Chandler, from Heathers. The musical? You know, the one that was made of out the cult film?"

"Cult film?"

"Heathers, the film, with Winona Ryder?"

"Okay." I nod at her.

"You've never seen Heathers? Movie night during spring break. You're coming right?"

"All of us are. I think."

"Yeah, Annabeth guilted her parents, Leo's dad said he needs a break anyway, Jason's parents don't care, my parents don't care, your parents rock, Frank's grandma needs a break, and Percy's mom thought it was a brilliant plan."

"And you gave me a recap why?"

She shrugs, "You okay?"

I shrug before class starts, and lo and behold, class is a major drag. We walk to study hall together she tells me all about how everyone wanted to be Heather Chandler and all she wanted was to disappear.

"Well if it isn't the wonder twins." Leo teases lightly.

"Yup." I slump to my seat, and Piper plops beside Jason.

"So teach what was that assignment you had for us earlier?" Leo asks.

I smirk at him, "Mommy issues." Percy nearly cracks a rib holding back his laughter, "We've all got them, and it's time we realize that it's not all that uncommon to have mommy issues."

Frank smiles at me, I recall what he said to me; About everyone dealing with their own shit as themselves. "Who's first?"

"Oh pick me teacher." Piper chuckles.

"Be my guest."

"My mom likes to leave me notes on the fridge that say something along the lines of, 'sorry sweetie, mommy has to be in Paris for the next four months. Frozen meals in the fridge for a week and well you have a credit card, figure yourself out.'" We snort and laugh as she condescendingly impersonates her mother.

"Cute." I grab her hand as I laugh. "Who's next?"

"Oh me." Percy says, an amused yet solemn look on his face. "My mom wouldn't leave her abuser until she got knocked up by the man she was having an affair with. And I'm secretly bitter about it, because I wasn't a good enough reason for her to get out."

"That's rough buddy." Frank says, "I let my mom die without telling her that she was leaving me an orphan." Percy nods to him, an acknowledgement.

"I secretly hate my mom for dying on me." Leo says heavily.

Annabeth turns to put a hand on his shoulder before saying. "I secretly blame my parents for my self harm. Mostly because they treat me like I'm twelve years old like my brothers. But also because maybe if they spent less time focused on themselves and their lives, I'd feel like someone cares about me." Leo wraps an arm around her shoulders before Percy can.

"My mom just got sent to a rehab camp for her drinking problem." Jason admits to the table, Annabeth and Percy perk up at his words glancing at him with sympathy. I know he doesn't want that though; he just wants to know he isn't alone.

"My mom is marrying her abuser." I tell the table, shocking some into a stupor and obviously depressing others. "Not just her abuser though, he tried to kill us, and he made me homeless when I disagreed with him. So I ran away to my dad, but she's been in the state for a couple of weeks now. I refuse to see her because I honestly hate her." I chuckle deep in my chest, "Who the fuck hates their mom?"

Piper raises her hand, then Jason raises his, followed by Annabeth and Leo. Percy does one of those halfsies raised hands along with Frank.

"There ain't a single soul on this godforsaken planet that ain't messed up." Leo says in a way that sounds like he's quoting someone.

"So I guess that means, we're never alone, huh?" I smile at him.

"Yeah." Frank breathes out nodding. I see him flash me a small smile, like he's proud of me for something, but I'm not too sure what it is.

"And isn't it beautiful?" Piper asks looping her arms around mine and Jason's necks. "Knowing that there isn't a perfect thing in this world?"

"No." Frank says, "There are perfect things."

"Like what?" Annabeth asks.

"Well for one thing, this." He points to the table. "Us, right now, being present in one another's lives. We're messy, unrefined, and downright wrong. But you guys are the closest thing to family I've ever had, and if that's not perfect nothing is."

"Blood of the coven is thicker than the water of the womb." Jason says.

"Nerd alert." Piper teases him before kissing his cheek.

"But really though, without this class, I don't know where I'd be."

"I feel you man." Leo says.

"Me too." Annabeth agrees.

The bell rings, but none of us get up for a good minute. It's too good, too real when you're surrounded by people who love you. You almost never want it to end.

By the end of the school day I'm feeling so perfectly content nothing could bring me down, not even what's waiting for me at home. When Mrs. Di Angelo parks the car in the driveway, and we get out to be greeted by the woman sitting on the front porch step. My mother.

"Hazel, sweetheart." My mother's voice reminds me of warmth, like charcoal. Rough but warm.

"Mom." I return, my inner peace fills me up with this sense of completion.

"I know you're upset darling but-"

"No, mom." I say and it sounds so gentle to my own ears, I'm almost taken aback. "I'm not upset, not anymore."

"You're not?"

"No, you're not worth being upset over." I watch my mother become cut down by my words, like a tree that falls at the feet of a lumberjack. "You chose this life, just like I've made choices, not all of them are good and not all of them are bad. But here's the thing that separates us, I'm trying to fix my mistakes, and if I can't fix them, I'm learning how to accept them. I know that I'm your kid and all, there's supposed to be that unconditional love crap. But honestly? That's some ripe bullshit.

"Love isn't something you just get to have, it's something you work for, and it's hard, and it hurts. But it's worth it in the end. That is, it's worth it if you treat it right. So I'll go to your wedding, if you still think your marriage is the right choice. But I don't think it is right, mom, not for you.

"I won't leave to be with you, though. I've built a home here, I have a life and a future, friends, maybe even a boyfriend. I haven't gotten that far. I guess what I'm saying is, leave. Go and live your life, and when you decide that I should be a part of that life… Feel free to call me."

I've never seen my mother cry, and seeing it now isn't a good thing by a long shot. However, seeing her tears lets me know that I've gotten through to her. I turn to Mrs. Di Angelo who is standing in absolute shock, and say. "I'm going to Piper's place, I'll be back by seven."

With that I leave my two mothers in my wake, walking briskly down the road taking a few turns until I reach Piper's place.

"Hey girl hey." I greet walking into her house without knocking.

"Oh hey, I didn't know you were coming. I just called Annabeth to get her ass over here. You wanna come chill?"

"Sure. Who else is coming?"

"Not sure, Jason didn't text me back, neither did Frank or Leo. Annabeth said she'd call Percy."

"Cool." I sigh walking into one of the three living rooms, yes really.

"So, what was the rush to get over here before the call?"

I look at her and I smile, "I told my mom to fuck off."

"Dude yas, Hazel slay me!" She holds her hand up for a high five.

I oblige her before saying, "I can't remember the last time I felt this powerful."

"Probably never, right?"

"No wait, I do remember."

"Oh." She snorts.

"When I called my dad and asked him to take me in."

"Damn girl, you're my favorite bad ass bitch."

"Well yeah." I chuckle.

A few minutes later, Annabeth is walking in the front door. "Don't you people know how to knock?" Piper asks jokingly.

"You told me to just come in." Annabeth snorts.

"It's my fault don't worry." I tell her.

"Alright… So, what are we doing?"

"Video games." Piper takes us into the living room to set up Just Dance. Freaking, Just Dance, we might as well be seven year olds. But seven year olds do have a lot of fun so, whatever I guess. When we're more exhausted than we should be, we collapse on the couch, sprawling out to lay beside each other.

"Have the guys texted you back?" I ask Piper.

"Nah, the losers…" She picks up her phone and frowns at the empty lock screen.

"Wait a second!" Annabeth snatches the phone out of her hands.

"What?" Sitting up, Piper looks at her lock screen.

"You have Jason as your lock screen?"

"You know it."

"Ew." I gag.

"Hey, he looks fucking fine in that picture." Piper steals the phone out of Annabeth's hand.

"It's cool." Annabeth turns on her phone to show a picture of her and Percy as he lock screen.

"Cute." Piper smiles. "Hazel what's yours?"

I turn on my phone to show a picture of Mrs. O'Leary sitting on Nico's lap. "Who's that?" Annabeth asks, "I've never seen him before."

"He's my half-brother."

"The boy or the dog?" Piper asks.

"Bitch." I shove her.

"Kidding of course." She looks at her phone again. "So, where are our boys then?"

"I'll call Leo. Sadly, I trust him the most if I'm given a choice." I search for his contact quickly.

"That's true…" Annabeth chuckles, "Percy's dumb, but you know, he's my dumb."

"Same with Jason." Piper nods.

Leo picks up, but he says nothing. So I speak up, "Hey dude, where are you? We're at Piper's place if you want to come over. Are you with the guys?"

He doesn't respond.

"Dude?"

"My mom died…"

I say nothing, my face frozen in shock and despair. "Oh Leo-"

"I killed my mom, Hazel."


	32. Chapter 32 Why I'm Here

**Hey, sorry for the delay, you'll see why I took so long via this chapter. See y'all at the end.**

 **Leo**

" _I did not come to heal her, the monster said, I came to heal you."_

It felt like a scene straight out of some fucked up drama, I watched the light drain from her face for a solid hour. I held her hand, unable to hold a conversation for longer than a sentence fragment. But still I was there, with my mom as she laid in this bed, dying. Then she looked at me, her eyes all glossy and tired looking, and she said. "Mijo, your mother loves you."

"I know mama." I said barely above a whisper to match her croaking strained voice.

"But you don't, I love you so much. I wish I could have given you so much more. I'm so sorry."

"You've given me the world."

"I-"

"Mama, I'm going to college." I told her suddenly, so I could see the light in her eyes. So she could be proud of me.

"You're… What?"

"I'm going to be an engineer. I'm going to college." I saw her eyes well up with tears as she touched my face a smile as bright as the first day of spring graced her cracking sunken features. My throat so clogged I felt like I was choking. All of a sudden, as I took her hand in mine, she went limp. Her skin felt cold and heavy, like I could understand how a human could weigh so much.

Then the ringing in my ears turned into that all too famous flat line, her heartrate suddenly nothing more than a long loud beep. The deafening noise that stuck in the air sounding like the word dead on repeat. There was no rushing into her room, just a mess of an intern to proclaim her dead. He came in quickly and left even quicker as if my mother's death was just a wrench in his day.

And now I'm here, in the waiting room of the hospital sitting on my ass. Wondering what to do and where to go. My dad is working, my mom is dead, my mom is dead, my mom is dead-

"Hey." Reyna is in front of me, squatting to my level, one hand on my knee. "You okay?"

"She's dead now." I say, making it present. Her death is here, it is now, all of my memories of her are past. Every verb and adjective I have for her is past tense, because she is something of the past. How does this happen so quickly?

They say that life changes over time, but the biggest changes happen in an instant. One second she was breathing and then next… I didn't have a mom. I don't have a mom. She's gone now.

Reyna says nothing, wrapping her arms around me tugging me closer to her. I feel like being held isn't the right thing to do. I feel like I should be crying but I've forgotten how to cry. There's a rock in my stomach so heavy it's tearing me apart, but I can't physically emote how this thing feels.

"My teen angst bullshit has a body count." I say finally.

"What?" Reyna asks quizzically.

"You heard me." I say slowly and darkly, "My teen angst bullshit has a body count."

"Oh no, Leo." Reyna sighs, "She didn't die because of you."

"You think that, but you weren't there."

"I didn't have to be." She gently takes my cheek in her hand gently urging me to look at her. "Your mom was sick, it had nothing to do with you."

"I told her that I got into college and then she died, before she could say anything. She must have been so shocked that her idiot of a son could-"

"Cut that shit out right fucking now." Reyna scolds me, a fire bursting to life in her eyes. "Your mother was probably the one person on this earth who knew, and yes I do mean knew, that you're so much smarter than you think. When the rest of the world was against you, she was on your side and that counts for something."

I suddenly realize the flare in her, is anger, a deep passionate anger. "So what's your damage?"

"I don't matter, Leo, we're talking about you."

"You matter to me, so spill Ramirez." She looks slightly taken aback, maybe by my proper pronunciation of her name, or maybe because she knows she matters to me.

"Moms are always on your side."

"But yours wasn't." I guess, judging by her immediate response, I assume I'm right.

"No." She whispers, "She's still on my side, she just doesn't know me anymore."

"Maybe you spend too much time with delinquents." I joke halfheartedly.

"Like who?"

"Me, Jason."

"Jason's not a delinquent." She says defensively.

"You don't h-"

"No, I don't have a crush on Jason. Never have, never will."

"Then what happened?"

"Why aren't you crying?" She asks me.

"I don't know…" She looks at me sadly, "Why are you avoiding my question?"

"Because… I don't know you well enough. I've only told one… make that two people…"

"What?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

I sigh, "Well when you feel like talking…" I write my number on her hand, "Call me or something." I start to stand up when she grips my arm.

"Hey, wait. Where are you going?"

"I… I don't know. Away I guess."

"What good is running away?"

I think about Calypso and my face gets hot. "Sometimes it's your only option."

"You never have only one option; we always have another answer."

"Just because we have more than one answer, doesn't mean the others are good options. If you're stuck on a cliff, you can jump, climb down, or do nothing. Which of those sounds like a good idea to you?"

"Leo this isn't-"

"It is, I'm at a tipping point, I can jump, do nothing or climb down. I don't know how far I've got left to climb, but I better get started."

"So… Is this goodbye then?" She asks.

"Absolutely not. Call me." I stand up shoving my hands into the deepest parts of my pockets and I walk away. When I get outside I feel my phone vibrate. I look at the screen to see a text _; I prefer texting, more time to think._ She's said.

This is my disclaimer; do not ever do what I'm about to do right now. Promise?

I call Frank and get an immediate answer, "Yes?"

"Frank? You remember when you told me that if I ever needed a hit, I could ask you?"

He pauses for a second before saying, "My grandma's at her bridge club the rest of the night, come on over."

"I owe you one."

"You all do." He sighs before hanging up. I guess he's right, the lovable terrifying guy that he is. He attracts problems and problem people. When he told me about his mom and dad, I felt like he was trying to fix me. And it kind of worked.

I guess that's why Piper and him clicked so well, they attract the broken people, the ones who need fixing. But who's going to fix them? I guess that's a question for another time. Or maybe they're slowly fixing each other.

Maybe we're not fixing each other at all, maybe we're just living, coasting through our lives trying to stay sane. How do I stay sane when my mom, the only person who always believed in me, was always on my side, is gone? What do I do now? I'm doing way too much thinking; I need to stop thinking.

When I get to Frank's place, I'm surprised by how small his house is. It reminds me of a rabbit hole the house is small and compact, but inside it's impeccably clean.

"The other guys are here already." Frank tells me as I take off my shoes as instructed. He leads me into his bedroom, it's so neat yet lived in, it belongs on a fucking interior design show. The whole room is greens and whites, everything is so well coordinated, I find it hard to believe he lives here, or that anyone lives here.

"Let's blaze." Frank sighs pulling out a bag of weed and rolling up four joints.

"And we're doing this why?" Percy asks me, "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but?"

"I'm sure you'll find out." I sigh having been graciously handed the first joint. It doesn't take me all that long to feel the buzzing effects of the drug to fill my brain.

I feel so light and at the same time, hopeless. I thought this would make me better, why isn't this making me better?

"Dude are you crying?" Jason asks, his voice lilted, the bastard really is a light weight.

I start sobbing, and sobbing like I've lost my damn mind, why aren't I fixed yet? I keep crying and it hurts to sob like this. It's like something has broken inside of me, like a water balloon has popped and all that's left is an explosion of tears and the patchy remains of my sanity. Ah fuck it, I didn't have the sanity to begin with.

"Leo?" Percy asks not moving from his spot.

"What!? What do you idiots want!?" I shout involuntarily.

"To help you." Frank says softly.

"She's dead! You can't help me because she's fucking dead!" I sob harder than before. They say nothing, they watch me crumble into dust before them. Like one of those lost civilizations that Jason likes to talk about, time-lapsed to show the destruction. I'm suddenly in oblivion. "How do I make it stop?!"

"What?" Frank asks.

"This!" I gesture to all of me, "This mess! How do I stop feeling, or thinking or... Frank how do I stop!?"

He says nothing, I choke and cough and sputter out incoherent syllables because this hurts like an open, gapping, festering wound that won't go away. It's only been an hour, how the fuck am I going to deal with my mom being dead for a lifetime?

Frank stands up, takes a seat beside me and holds onto me. I'm still screaming, still wondering why it hurts so much. Yet he holds my shuddering high as fuck figure, and I can't help but feel grateful.

I stop crying, I don't say anything, the guys and I start watching some trippy as hell TV show. That's when Hazel calls me. Mesmerized by the screen I don't immediately say anything.

"Hey dude, where are you? We're at Piper's place if you want to come over. Are you with the guys?" I don't respond, some weird ass shit is going down in this show. "Dude?

"My mom died." I tell her, slowly remembering why I'm here, stoned as fucking hell on this couch watching god knows what. I can't keep up.

"Oh Leo-"

"I killed my mom, Hazel." I sit there remembering what happened. I see the light drain from her eyes, feel her hand fall limp in mine. "I killed my own fucking mom."

"What are you talking about?" Hazel asks.

"Dude, you cool?" Jason asks cautiously.

"My mom is dead, that's something that happened."

"Tell me what happened?" She asks.

"You didn't kill her, she was sick, bruh." Frank slaps a hand on my shoulder. "We can't control that."

"But… You weren't there." I tell him.

"Who else are you talking to?" Hazel asks.

"I wasn't there, but you are not in the wrong for being with your mom when she died." Jason says.

"In fact you might win son of the year." Percy chuckles in a daze.

"Leo?" Hazel asks sharply.

"I'm at Frank's." I murmur to her.

"Are you okay?"

"Aside from being high off my ass, and freshly depressed. I'm fucking swell."

"Ah man dude." Jason sighs, "Don't be depressed. You're all goody."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that." I tell him.

"Say that again?" Hazel says.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that?"

"No that other bit."

"About being high off my ass?"

"Why the hell are you high?"

"To stop feeling. It's not working."

"No shit!" She shouts at me, "Are you guys okay?"

"Goodbye." I hang up on her so that I can stop thinking, but once you start thinking… Thoughts are dangerous creatures, they grow and they live even without you. The dark ones, the really painful ones, they hurt and they destroy. Everything they touch turns to dust and destruction.

An evil thought is staring me in the face now, waiting to destroy me like a lion staring down its next meal. What am I thinking?

If Calypso doesn't need me, and if my mom is already gone, then what am I still doing here?

 **Okay well we got through that… You knew it was coming don't look at me like that. Don't worry shit will come full circle just you wait my darling. In the meantime, go ahead and give me suggestions for future chapters. Y'all don't know this but I take your ideas to heart, and I want to hear what you're thinking. Okay I love you!**


	33. Chapter 33 Changing History Not the Past

**Annabeth**

" _Gods have great power but only humans have creativity, the power to change history."_

Hazel looks at her phone in awe, Piper looks fucking pissed off. I don't know what I look like, but I imagine it's not like either of them. Maybe I look bored, or confused, Leo's high with Frank I get that. What I don't get is why Piper looks absolutely livid.

"Fucking idiots." She huffs heavily picking up her phone.

"I can't believe it…" Hazel says breathlessly.

"We don't know what happened." I say calmly. The fact that I'm the calm one for once is impressive. Usually I'd be losing my mind, Hazel would be impassive, and Piper would be the calm, keeping us together as best she knew how. But right now, the tides have turned.

"We know enough." She grinds her teeth as her call must not go through. "Damnit."

"Look at me." I take her hand, "You need to calm down, we don't know what happened exactly. Who did you just call?"

"Jason, who's probably getting high with Leo, your boyfriend, and Frank. Let's go." She takes her hand back and flies off the bed.

"Where?" Hazel asks standing up.

"Frank's." She sighs grabbing her purse from her desk.

"Why? I think you're overreacting."

"No, that would be the boys." She says marching down the stairs.

"Piper!" I grab her arm to stop her from storming out of the house. "There are worse things to do with yourself than get high. Especially when you're depressed. I should know." She bites the inside of her lip, staring at me with big eyes and a wild fire blazing inside of her.

"They're safe." I continue, "They're among friends, and goddamn it, Leo isn't me. He's going to be fine."

"Annabeth." Hazel sighs, "Don't say that."

"It's true. No one else is dumb enough to even try what I did."

"You weren't dumb, you just-"

"What? I just what? I tried to kill myself, Hazel. Because I was so selfish and I thought so little of myself. Leo won't do that."

"Annabeth wouldn't do that either." Piper says suddenly, anger heavy in her tone. "You never really know a person until you _know_ a person. The Annabeth I thought I knew wouldn't hurt herself, and I'm scared, okay? He could do so many dumb things right now. He's vulnerable, yes, but he also needs to face this without a cloud of weed mugging up his thoughts."

"How do you know what's best for him?" I ask.

"Because I'm the one who's had a therapist for five years, I should know this shit by now."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Hazel asks.

"I get things alright?" She says this darkly before sulking down the rest of the stairs. We pile in the car and as she pulls out of the garage she says. "Look, the longer you choose to ignore a problem, whether it's cutting, drinking, getting high, or even shopping… the worse it gets. I can't watch anyone else do that to themselves."

"Who have you seen fall apart?" I ask.

"You, for starters." She says and I feel her comment cut into me like a knife. "And you don't think I've lived it honey?" She starts laughing, "Come on, don't even try to tell me that you didn't think, 'god what happened to her?', when we first met."

Hazel and I say nothing; we look awkwardly between each other before she speaks again.

"Everyone has problems, and at one time or another, everyone tries to ignore those problems. But fuck me gently with a chainsaw, we all have to realize it's not worth it. Hiding and avoiding our issues isn't worth it, they come back to haunt us anyway. We might as well face them head on, then they can't hurt us."

"It still hurts." I say much harsher than I meant it.

"But at least we can see what's coming and not have to put on a show when the world comes crumbling down."

"Oh shut up." Hazel says, "The world can't fall apart, we can fall apart, but the world is always going to be there. Remember?"

Piper says nothing as she continues to drive leaving Hazel and I in an uncomfortable still silence. It's almost like the world around us is on pause. Until suddenly, Hazel asks.

"What's your damage?"

"You don't care." She responds bitterly. "No one does. No one gives a flying fuck about the easiest thing since fucking spray cheese. But it's okay."

"You're hiding too bitch, don't think yourself so noble then." Hazel says harshly.

"We all need to calm down." I intervene. Who knew that I'd be the one to stop the conflict?

"You're right, this is about Leo." Piper says.

"There are more people suffering in this world than just Leo." Hazel says, "There's room for you too."

Piper parks abruptly in front of a small but nice home, peeling out of the car almost as fast as she parked. Just as Hazel and I get unbuckled, she's already flying inside the house. Once Hazel and I rush inside we see Piper standing in front of a door, not wearing any shoes.

We walk up behind her listening to what she's saying, "You have got to be kidding me!" Her tone is slightly whining slightly frustrated, "And why the hell are you watching Rugrats of all things!?"

"It's trippy as hell." Wait…

"Percy?" I ask walking into the room.

"Annie?" He falls off the couch face first into the rug. I sigh walking over to pick him up, "What are you doing here?"

"We came to yell at you, apparently." Hazel huffs in a corner.

"Hey can you take off your shoes?" Frank asks, his eyes not leaving the screen.

"Sure…" I nod taking my shoes off and tossing them back towards the front door. Hazel follows my example.

"So, you're here." Percy says chuckling.

"Yup." Hazel sighs.

"What are you idiots doing?" Piper says, frustration evident in her tone.

"Babe, it's no big deal." Jason says nonchalantly.

"You shut up." His eyes get big at her words, "You guys cannot be serious right now."

"Why not?" Frank asks.

"Because this is stupid-"

"I'm stupid too!" Leo says, strangely he seems less high than the rest of them. I say that as if I know stuff, but I don't, all I know about being high is that my boyfriend is leaning on me like I'm a mattress.

"No you aren't, and you're all better than this." She gets on Leo's level, looks him square in the eye and starts to talk. "You are a fucking mechanic at eighteen, you're going to college all the way in Texas, you helped one of your best friends run away when it almost broke you into pieces. You may not be smart, but you are extraordinary."

"You've said that before." He sighs.

"I said it before and I meant it just as much then as I mean it now." She says, "God, Leo, maybe we're all here for no reason other than to exist. Maybe we should just grow up and be adults and die. But I don't see it that way. I want to live, I want to see the beauty in everything. And when I look at people, I don't see them as they are, but how they could be. You are a little girl's hero, you are somebody's child, you are our best friend, dude. Doesn't that mean something to you?"

Everyone else is silent, even the TV has gone quiet only a, 'would you like to watch the next episode?' screen up. For the first time I see Piper as someone who has hurt too, who has lost. I wonder what she went through when I tried to kill myself. I wonder how she felt because of Jason's mom, and Frank's parents.

"Your mom isn't coming back, and I honestly feel you, from the bottom of my heart, believe me. But you're still here, and you're high off your ass. Well, guess what? Once the high is gone, you're left lower than you were to begin with, and then what? Get high again until you die? That's no way to live either.

"So what are you going to do? When you come back down, are you going to hurt more? You gonna get high again? You still have a funeral to get through, what are you going to do then?"

She's really mad, I've never seen her so fierce and just plain angry. I start trying to sit Percy down, but he's gripping me all the way back to his seat on the couch.

"I can't believe your first thought was to get high."

"What else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, tell your dad or something?" Her eyes are bright with emotion, suddenly I'm not so sure she's angry. I think she's scared. "Anything but hurt yourself, this shit hurts, Leo. Don't throw yourself away you are worth so much more than this."

Leo shakes his head, "Sure."

"That's what you think." Jason says, he doesn't seem high either, not anymore. Maybe it's wearing off?

"You weren't there man."

"No, I wasn't. But somebody's worth isn't dependent on what he's seen and done. There's so much more than that."

"You may feel like the world is against you, but even if the whole world is up in arms ready to hunt you down, we're still going to be here. All of us and we'd underground railroad you until you were safe. Even if the world is evil, even if it doesn't care about you. I do. Frank does. Jason does. Percy, Annabeth, and Hazel care about you. If you're not worth anything, what does that say about us?"

"This isn't about you." He says tears stuck in his eyes. I can hear his throat closing up.

"But I know what you're thinking, and what you're going through. Dude, this hurts. And you may be hurting right now, but we're not going to leave you to drown. Promise me you won't do this again, please." She takes his hands which turns into him falling on top of her, tears spilling out of him like a faucet.

She holds him so fiercely it's like she's trying to push all of his broken pieces back together. Leo stops crying after a little while, and he whispers something softly in her ear. I wonder if it's that easy for her, a couple of words, and a hug to squish all of the shattered bits of him back together.

"Well." Jason sighs standing up, "I don't know about you guys but that's enough chaos for me, for today."

"I thought chaos killed the dinosaurs." Piper says softly.

He nods at her, "Chaos killed the dinosaurs darling. Let's go get a slushie." He holds his hand out too her.

"We all deserve a slushie." She stands up with Leo, "You can all pile in my car."

As the guys get up to leave, Hazel directing them out of the room, I grab on to Piper's shoulder. The two of us have a staring match her eyes tumble through colors almost like a washing machine, my heart feels the need to say.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She smiles gently, patting my cheek before walking past me. "We'll get to our happy ending eventually, Annabeth. We just have to believe it exists."

"And we have to fight like hell to get it."

"But it's worth it." She walks out the door as I mutter.

"I know… I think I'm on my way there… I hope you are too."


	34. Chapter 34 To Move On

**What's this? Two chapters in a week? No you're not dreaming, I've just finally had time to write! Okay, love you bye.**

 **Jason**

" _Perhaps I want to old days back again and they'll never come back, and I am haunted by the memory of them and of the world falling around my ears."_

It's been two weeks since Leo's mom died, two weeks since my girlfriend yelled at us for getting high, a week since the funeral, and now we're celebrating Hazel's mom leaving town. So we're getting milkshakes, because what the fuck else do you do on a day like this? A day that proves that yes, we can survive, all of us.

My mom has been in rehab for three weeks, and my dad is furious with Thalia and I. But do we care? Nope. Thalia is getting her own apartment in fucking Florida, because I guess she got a nursing job down there or something. As for me, I'm leaving for college in the next five months.

Unless I fail and have to stay in my parent's house forever… I just realized that holy shit I'm graduating in five months, who let this happen? And why am I the only one worried about this? I know Hazel's going to community, Piper's applied out of state, Frank's staying in New York, Percy's starting at community, Leo's going to Texas. I just remembered, Annabeth already lost her mind in part due to college, so she gets a free pass.

"Hey! Get your head in the game." Piper shoves me in the booth.

"I'm sorry."

"God, Jason, Dakota was right you do need to get out more." Percy rolls his eyes.

"You know him?" I ask.

Percy sighs, "I didn't want to be the one to tell you this… but we go to the same school."

"We didn't want you to find out this way." Leo fakes a sob.

"But we knew you'd find out eventually." Percy collapses into Leo as the two of them sob.

"We have theatre together." Piper says, "The three of us give Mr. A, a hard time."

"I thought he loved you." Hazel snorts.

"Well now that I'm in the cast, I think I annoy him more."

"When's the show? I'm thinking about taking the study hall squad on a field trip." Annabeth smirks at my girlfriend.

"Please don't." Piper blushes.

"I haven't heard you sing yet. I can't say I'm not intrigued." I tease her.

"It's the second Friday in April, at least that's when it opens." Percy informs us.

"Traitor." He sticks his tongue out to her, which she retaliates. I drape my arm across her shoulders, chuckling at their feud.

"Hey so seriously give us a preview."

"Maybe later." She says, "I was actually going to ask you guys to think something over for me."

"What's up?" Frank asks.

"What do you think about getting tattoos together?"

Hazel nearly chokes, I laugh, but Annabeth's response is priceless. "Let's go right now."

"You're kidding right?" I ask her.

"Fuck no." She says, "Come on we're all eighteen, we're young and restless, let's do this shit."

"Hold it tiger, let's think this through real quick." Frank says.

"No. I'm tired of thinking shit through. I want a tattoo. I just haven't had the balls to get one yet. I'm down if you are."

"Wait just a hot minute, I want a tattoo but I don't know what I want yet." Leo says.

"Same." Hazel agrees.

"What do you want?" Percy asks.

"It's a secret until we go."

"Let's wait until spring break." I suggest. "Then we'll have at least a couple of days without our parents judging our life choices."

"Cute. So who's ready to be a delinquent?" Piper asks having noticed that all of us have finished our ice cream.

"Oh god." Frank shakes his head.

"I'm excited too, Frank." She smirks at us.

"God, fuck you."

"Let's go!" She bounces up out of the booth and drags us out of the ice cream parlor. She decides to drive us all down to this park in the middle of nowhere in the next town over.

"Why?" Hazel asks, clearly humored but also slightly concerned.

"Why not?" Piper opens the trunk. With a blanket in hand and a cooler in the other she closes the trunk with her foot. "I think that Annabeth should give alcohol a fair chance in a safe environment."

"Safe environment?" Annabeth snorts, "We're in a creepy ass park an hour away from home. This is goddamn horror movie bait."

However, Frank takes the cooler and Percy helps Piper set up the blanket. Soon we're all drinking our beer watching the stars try to outshine each other. I feel oddly enough, complete.

"I think…" I start to talk but I'm afraid to interrupt the silence. But the damage is done and everyone is staring at me.

"Yes?" Leo eggs me on.

"You know how books are cliché as hell and they end when everything seems good?"

"Yeah." Annabeth nods.

"I think my book would end here, but I'm glad that life's not a book. We've got a hell of a lot of living left to do. I hope you guys will stick around."

"I'll think about it." Piper winks at me.

"Same no promises." Leo snorts.

"I'm serious. This has to be what happy looks like."

"You're cute, Jason. If I wasn't dating this goober I'd kiss you." Annabeth chuckles. She's handling her alcohol well this time.

"You can kiss his cheek." Piper offers me up moving just a bit away from my side.

"Come here!" Annabeth snorts, getting on her hands and knees before kissing my cheek.

"Hey now." Percy swallows a mouth full of alcohol. Annabeth swings herself onto his lap and kisses him passionately.

"You can kiss my cheek too if you want." I tell Percy as his hands delicately trace her back.

"In a minute." He breathes before kissing his girlfriend again.

"What about me?" Leo asks, I stick my cheek out for him to kiss. "What a babe."

"I know right?" Piper squeezes back into my side.

"Do you ever just realize you're alive?" Frank asks. "Because I think I just became aware that I have a pulse."

"I think you should be done there, buddy." Leo puts his hand over Frank's beer.

"Nah I get you." Piper says. "Annabeth we're about to have a heart to heart, bitch. Dismount."

"You're one to talk." Annabeth sits up and gets back to cuddling Percy.

"Hey, you wanna bone? I have condoms in the center console, lube in the hand compartment, have fun. But we are in public and I know you're not on the pill. I'm looking out of you."

"Mom friend of the year goes to." Hazel smiles brightly.

"I'm a cool mom." Piper smirks.

"You're a slut, but a cool slut."

She chuckles, "I'm not your token manic pixie dream girl."

"I'm sorry?" Percy asks with a laugh.

Piper holds up her hands opening them at each word to emphasize her point, "Manic Depressive Pixie Dream Girl. You know, your Alaska's, Leslie's Margo's, Ryan's, Lux's, and other obscurely named/named for a metaphor, characters. The female characters who exist for the sole purpose of helping the male protagonist find out the utter joy of being alive, only to die herself." She seems to be enjoying this, so no one stops her from talking.

"I'm sure you're well acquainted with the media's new way to help you swallow a 'new age woman', who's just as new aged as the patriarchy itself. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. She's sexy, wild, and fucked up in more ways than one, usually in enough ways that by the time the golden boy tries to save her she's dead.

"And the story usually goes like this." She looks me right in the eye before slapping a hand onto my shoulder. "Boy meets girl who's free to the point of fame, why doesn't matter. What matters is, boy falls head over heels in love with her, and he's the only one to see that's not just a hot piece of ass, but she's beautiful inside and out. She's different from others girls because she understands that life is one giant adventure, but also a cluster fuck of pain.

"The whole point of her, is that she teaches the main character an important lesson about how valuable life is, usually at the expense of her own life. But if she's lucky enough to make it out alive, she has to be in love with said protagonist. Realizing the error of her slutty ways she has to bend to monogamy and accept her fate as the future Mrs. that she never wanted to become. If you ask me, the stories like this should be cautionary tales, don't let the life inside of you die because you've finally found, 'the one'.

"But really the worst part about these stories is that they are self-destructive for the boy too aren't they? The story basically says that other people have to bring you to life because you can't rely on yourself to do the job. Who the fuck believes that anyway? What if you like your paper town, or your simple country life? No, you just don't realize what you're missing out on. And I'm sorry but that's not good enough for me, and if you're my friends it shouldn't be good enough for you either.

"I know you all deserve better than that, because we talk about the moral equivalent of the meaning of life, just to jack off our giggle dicks. Because Annabeth may need to take that stick out of her ass through her mouth, Jason may need to get out more, Percy may be a fucking twat, Frank may be the scariest asshole in school, Leo may actually be dumb, and yes Hazel's just fucked up enough to hate her mother; but at the end of the day I know that there is no such thing as just fucked up enough.

"In a world full of darkness, where pain is the norm, we managed to find each other People who remind us that no matter how shitty this world is we can endure it. These stories try to tell us that pain is inevitable, but no fucking shit Sherlock. We know pain, but that makes it so much easier to find and understand the love that we have. Right here." She takes my hand smiling like an absolute maniac.

"If the whole world wants their fucking paper town, I will build them a cardboard city. I'm not defined by the dick count on my vagina, or how wild I am, bitch. I am not a definition. None of us are, people are uniquely their own. So I think we should hang a sign on the library door. 'Leave your bullshit stereotypes outside, we don't accept mob mentality here. When you realize that life is worth living come on in.' There is more to high school than the shit we deal with, more than winning the heart of the sex fiend manic pixie dream girl. This right here is what real life looks like."

Leo starts to slow clap which slowly turns into a standing ovation. I kiss her, because it feels right. We soon realize that the sun is creeping slowly to the top of the sky, crawling through the pale morning blue. My girlfriend has once again stolen the very breath out of our bodies and reminded us that yes, there is a reason we're here, and that reason is ours. She gives us the chance to be who we could be, she always has, it's just hard to wake up and realize it. I think I'll tell her I love her, now that I'm sure that what I've always felt for her is love. Maybe she'll finally believe me.

"Shit, your family will kill me, Annabeth." Piper says.

"Nah, they're letting me get away with everything now." She says.

"I can't believe that." Percy says.

"Why not?" She asks.

"Annabeth, my darling, I love you dearly. But you could mistake the stick up your ass for a blow job." When he says this we all laugh hysterically. "But your parents have their heads shoved so far up their asses they can't see shit."

"Very true." She agrees.

"Alright, really though, kids. It's time to pack up and head home." I stand up and start gathering them.

"God, mom and dad are so lame." Leo rolls his eyes at me.

"You want to stay over at my place?" I ask him.

"For serious?"

"Well, yeah." I say. "My mom's not home so you won't get second hand drunk or anything."

"You sure?"

"Dude, shut up and get in the car." I snort, "Stay the night."

"Thanks man… I uh, don't exactly want to be around my dad."

"I get it." I tell him as we all get to the car.

"I'm staying too. You didn't ask but I'm staying." Frank tells me.

"Sure dude."

"Just don't get high or Piper will kick your ass." Percy says.

"True."

We all climb back into Piper's car; she drives us back to the ice cream place to pick up my car. Standing in the parking lot, for the first time out loud and to her I lean down to her lips saying, "I love you." Before kissing her with everything inside of me. Her smile in goofy and genuine, I will never forget that smile no matter how long I live.

She keeps the girls, I keep the guys as we go our separate ways for the night, and honestly thank god we're here. Thank god that I have these people in my life that are so… so themselves. Unapologetically, perfectly themselves. The guys and I stay up playing video games, and talking about girls. We can go from deep thoughtful intellectuals to regular run of the mill terrifying teenage boys. I just couldn't ask for any better friends, and I want the world to know, they do exist. We exist, all we have to do is wake up to see it.


	35. Chapter 35 Proof

**Hazel**

" _New skin amazes me. New skin is a miracle. It is proof we can heal."_

Today is a good day, I can feel it. Last week the gang and I went on a late night adventure to some strange new city. It was a good day… night? I don't know, I don't care. Today we're planning our trip to Florida, we've decided to get our tattoos two days before we leave. I told Mrs. Di Angelo and my dad that I'm getting a tattoo, they said there were much worse things I could do.

I know what you're wondering about… But Hazel, what about your mom?! You just told her off! I know, my dad offered to help me file for a restraining order against her. Ultimately I decided that she's still my mom, and someday I might want to forgive her.

I have forgiven her mostly; I can't choose her life for her. While I'm still firm in my belief that she's making a huge mistake by marrying… him. I can't keep her from marrying him, if it's a mistake she'll figure it out soon enough.

What I can do is remind myself that tomorrow is the first day we're going back to the stables. Mrs. Di Angelo has planned a full family outing later next month. Right now the study hall gang and I are sitting in a café planning our spring break. Piper tells us all about the different tattoo artists at this place she's picked. Frank has just finished showing me the design choices he has in mind.

Annabeth is enthralled with everything Piper has to say, I remember when we all first met. How she couldn't stand Piper, and now, look at her. An easy smile breaks the harshness of her features, making her look gentle, she's wearing short sleeves, showing off the scars on her wrists. Seeing the new pale skin covering the old cuts gives me hope. Maybe she wasn't so severe, when we first met I mean, maybe she was just in a dark place. I like to believe that we helped get her out of that place.

I glance at Percy, he also seems to be admiring the view of his friends, smiling, laughing as we try to build a week's worth of adventures. My eyes fall on Jason he's making an argument for some restaurant that he wants to visit. Finally, I look to Leo, the poor kid has been through more than any of the rest of us in the past weeks. With this group of friends that's saying something, you know.

What amazes me about him is that he is here, present in the moment. I can tell by looking at his eyes, there's a light inside of him that can't be faked. He's engaged in our conversation, smiling and laughing. He finally understands that he doesn't need to act around us, I've never been more honored.

"Hey I've got to get home, spring cleaning starts tomorrow." Frank rolls his eyes, "I've got to move all the furniture so that grandma can vacuum under them."

"Aw cute." I snicker at him.

"Piper can you drive me?"

"Sure, Hazel, boo boo, let's go." I stand up to leave with them. Jason quickly kisses her before we can exit.

"Hey! Where's my kiss?" Leo asks, and the three of us, Piper, Frank, and I, kiss both of his cheeks and the top of his head. "And now that I feel like a child." He dramatically wipes his skin before slumping in his seat, a tentative blush creeping up his neck.

"Bye, guys." I lead the way out of the shop and to Piper's car. The ride to Frank's place is hushed, with light teasing conversation. When he gets out of the car I climb into the front seat, before I can start a conversation, Piper begins to pester me.

"So are you going to grow a pair and ask him out or what?" She asks.

"I'm… What?"

"Ho don't play."

"I'm not… How'd you know?"

"I'm just perceptive." She tells me with a hint of teasing in her tone.

"Oh… Well, what do I do?"

"I don't know, it's your life not mine."

"I'm scared."

"Of him?"

"Of me." I snort, "Both of us I guess, he's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Neither am I, I'm unsure if I can handle him. Or maybe I'm scared he can't handle me."

"I'd leave that up to him. I mean, him being able to handle you."

"I mean, you're not wrong."

"I'm usually not wrong." She smirks. "So, I recently realized that I have no idea where Jason applied to school, and I'm too embarrassed to ask him, so I guess I'll find out what Ivy League my nerd got into."

"What are you guys going to do? If you go to different colleges."

"Break up." She says curtly, "I wouldn't force him to stay for me-"

"You're staying?"

"I already got accepted, I'm waiting for my other schools to come in… And if he stayed just for me I'd break up with him anyway."

"Why?" I ask incredulously.

"Because your dreams should be worth more than a person." She says, "People come and go, but you always need a dream. Dreams keep people alive, people kill enough, I'd never kill a dream of his."

"You love him. Don't you?"

"Whoa there tiger, love's a little strong. I wouldn't go there."

" _You_ wouldn't." I snort. "But you're blushing."

"I'll know love when I see it." She claims.

"And?"

"And shut up."

"You love him! What a cutie!"

"I'm not cute and I don't fall in love." She parks the car in front of my house and huffs dramatically.

"You're right, you don't fall in l love." I let a harsh laugh hiss between my teeth. "You learned to love, that's better than falling any day." She scoffs at me, rolling her eyes. I keep talking, because I love having power over the girl who's as unshakable as god himself. "It hurts to fall, and you have to get back up eventually. Learning is slow, methodical, and forever."

"You think I'll love him forever? Do you even know me?"

"I think you could, if you let yourself." I tell her. "You know what we're learning about in English?"

"You? Learning in a class?"

I roll my eyes, "Whore… Anyway, we're learning that knowledge is like a glacier, we only know what's on top but what is beneath it is what we can't know."

"Frankenstein?"

"Yeah. Frankenstein." I snort, "Now let me finish. You were a frozen lake and he melted you awake."

"If it's melted it's gone."

"No it isn't." I argue. "What does ice become when it melts?"

"Water." She chuckles.

"And water is just a fact." She stares at me with a smirk.

"You gonna get out of my car?"

"I'm not blind enough to think you're not healing too." I say with an unfamiliar sincerity in my heart. "I may not know why you're loose as liquid, but I don't care. Whatever happened to you, you're healing, no different than Leo, or Annabeth, even Jason, Percy, or Frank. You're healing too."

She gives me a bittersweet smile as she says, "Just like you."

"Just like me." I give her a two finger salute and walk into my house.

I hear the TV playing in the living room, loudly… Is that Divergent? I walk to the open living room door, and see Nico straddled on top of… Some boy. I grit my teeth as a cunning smile fights to slip onto my face, and walk into the kitchen out of view from the living room. I make myself a glass of iced tea, sitting at the breakfast bar and drown out the moans of my brother having sex on the couch via earbuds. I get a text from Mrs. Di Angelo telling me to heat up some frozen food for lunch. I take out my earbuds to hear the familiar chatter of after sex banter.

"Good?" A soft yet deep voice I feel like I know comes from the living room.

"Usually." Nico sighs playfully. I imagine the smirk on his face.

"Aw, come on, babe. You know you love it."

"I love you. There's a difference."

"Not a big one." I imagine they kiss in the silence.

I can't keep my joy at how sly I am inside of my much longer. I shout, "Hey, Nico, does your friend want some chicken nuggets too?"

"Shit!"

"Yes please!"

"Will!" Will, like the Will I know?

"What? I'm hungry."

"You're so stupid." I start making the frozen chicken nuggets, they're shaped like dinosaurs which makes me chuckle. The two of them come out of the living room, flushed, mussed up hair, and still fumbling with their clothes.

"Hey, Will. Thought I heard you." I tease.

"Yup, it's me-"

"You tell no one." Nico says firmly interrupting Will.

"If anyone can keep a secret, it's me." I remind him. "You guys want some ketchup, a condom?"

"Hazel-"

"Yes, please to both of those." A bright warm smile covers Will's face with joy.

"Calm yourself, Nico. You think I haven't slept with girls before?" I say with a hint of sass.

"You did what?" He asks.

"Yeah, it was… not my best moment, mostly because she was my best friend… and hella gay… and I was mostly just high. But still."

"So… you're not a lesbian?" He asks.

"I mean, I haven't fallen in love with any girls yet. I'll keep you posted."

"Please do." Will leans on his elbow look at me with a fascination in his eyes. He's got pretty eyes, I will admit.

Nico rolls his eyes and smacks Will's ass. "Kiss up."

"That's not kissing up, this is." Will rips Nico towards him and kisses him almost violently.

"Dude!"

"What? She doesn't care."

"It's true. I don't." I chuckle.

"You don't? Really? You're serious." He's really skeptical and I don't know why. "I mean this in the least offensive way possible, but you're from Alaska."

"I'm sorry?" I chuckle.

"Alaska, where you're famous for hunting, the cold, and Sarah Palin." The three of us laugh for a moment.

"I was born in New Orleans, you know."

"Okay, well, A, no… And B that's Louisiana. Like so southern they were the last state to illegalize slavery." It's like he's determined to not believe me.

"There are much worse things you could be, darling." I say. He could be m-… He could be so many worse things. But he couldn't be me, I am not worse. I am not worse than him, I have done things that are wrong, I have made mistakes. But that doesn't mean I can't be better than I was yesterday.

"Really?" He asks one final time, his hand wrapping itself around Will's, like it naturally belongs there. Like they are natural together.

"Chaos killed the dinosaurs. Let's go get a slushie."

"What?"

"It means that chaos made a new world. For better or worse, we're here, the world is ours and not theirs. So we celebrate."

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

"The world is ours, Nico. Always has been, we just have to open our eyes to see it." He still doesn't get it so I explain. "Some people kill, some people hate. But all you're doing is loving someone. There are so many worse things you could do than love someone."

He cracks a smile, not a smirk or a teasing toothy grin. A genuine, small, happy smile, and I think this is the first time I've seen it. I hand Will the ketchup when I take out our chicken nuggets, and the three of us… We kill the dinosaurs to make room for ourselves.


	36. Chapter 36 Endure

**Leo**

" _How much of this were we supposed to endure?"_

I'm starting to think that all of this is in my head. This bullshit of being right here, right now. It feels like years since I last saw the light in my mom's eyes before she faded away. I feel this strange numbness that is only quelled by the presence of my friends.

It's a tiring chore somedays, just to gather myself out of bed and start my day. Today I can't even accomplish that, why? I got a letter from Calypso that utterly destroyed me.

 _Dear Leo,_

 _Sorry that I'm apparently not good enough for your time anymore. I know that your life isn't easy, but would it kill you to message me? I have so much to tell you because life here is good. And I'm good, I just want to share that with you because you helped to get me here. I guess that people change, or some shit. I haven't even been gone for three months and you're already trying to get rid of me. I'm sorry I left you, but like I said we'd have never worked out._

 _Just message me back when you're less of a drama queen. There's only room for one of us._

 _Cali._

She never went by Cali, when I knew her. It sounds disgraceful to call a girl by a nickname when her full name is beautiful and rare. Maybe I was right; she was what love felt like, this is just what heartbreak feels like. Having your heart broken not only by death but by her…

I feel weak calling Reyna but it doesn't stop me from doing so.

"Hello?" She answers wearily. I guess a phone call is kind of weird huh?

"Hey loser." The corners of my mouth fight to smile.

"Leo?"

"Bingo."

"What's up?"

"I uh… Just wanted to talk."

"Uh huh." She nods I imagine, "You're not okay then?"

"I can't get out of bed."

"Leo it's six at night."

"I know."

"You haven't moved all day?"

"No… It's been a bad day."

I can practically hear her thinking through her breath over the phone. "I'll be there in twenty minutes, text me your address." She hangs up without waiting for me to respond. I text her my address and wait for her to arrive, mostly because what else can I do? The door is unlocked downstairs, there's no need to move. The light from the day slowly fades away bathing me in a muted orange light before it's gone completely.

"Leo!" I finally notice her presence beside me, "Hello? Anyone home?" She taps my head lightly.

"Unfortunately." I sigh.

"Kid, what are you doing?" She asks sitting next to me.

"I don't know…" I say softly.

"Come on, get up."

"I don't know if I can." I tell her honestly trying to remain levelheaded.

"Hey now, don't give me that. You're Leo Valdez. You pull off extraordinary every day, just by being alive."

"What does that mean?" I ask as she yanks me to sitting up right.

"It means that you still have life inside of you. That in itself is extraordinary." I hear Piper's voice as she says this, 'You may not be smart, but you are extraordinary' she said. I believed it then, but do I believe it now?

"I'm tired."

"Too bad, we're going out."

"Where?"

"I was thinking into the city."

"That's the three hours away." I scoff at her.

"Then we'd better get moving… Where's your dad anyway?"

"Working. He's coasting through life right now… Kind of like me."

"Then let's break the cycle and start living." She drags me to stand up. "I'll call Piper, and Jason! Hell even a few of my friends. Who do you want to come?"

"I don't want to go into the city this week… Maybe next week."

She rolls her eyes, "Fine, promise me."

I wrap my pinky around hers and she yanks me out of bed just by my finger. "Ow!" I complain.

"Get dressed we're still going to get ice cream."

"Why?"

"Ice cream is sad people food; Cry into some cookie dough and life gets easier." She claims throwing clothes at me.

"Can't I go out like this?"

"No, get dressed."

"I had ice cream a few days ago." I throw on my clothes as she turns her back to me.

"Well, then we're going to get pie. We'll be sad diner people."

"Sad diner people?"

"Yeah, you know, the movie trope where the main character sits in a sad diner and some wise old waitress inspires them to go to prom or win the home game or something?"

"You sound like you have no life." I shove my hands into my pockets and follow her out the door.

"Says the boy laid up in bed." She retorts climbing into her car. I follow after her, we're not even a minute away from my house when she asks. "So, what's today?"

"What do you-"

"I know today's special. So what is it?"

"It's her birthday." I tell her softly.

"Figures." She nods. "So, sad diner, I'm thinking the old VI."

"VI?"

"Village Inn." She tells me, "Sound good?"

"Actually, yeah."

"Fantastic." She laughs loudly, like it's not even forced.

"Why are you in such a good mood?"

"Who says-"

"Shut up and answer the question." My voice sounds brittle and forced. Like I'm a tired old man who just wants his goddamn liverwurst or whatever old people eat.

"Contrary to prior belief, I like hanging out with you. I'm glad you called me, and fuck I like sad diners."

"Really."

"Yeah, little to no judgement."

"So, sad diners are a free zone."

"Look it's a twenty-four hour seven day a week operation. You sit down at any time, looking anyway you want, all your condiments just waiting for you. Put hot sauce and syrup on your eggs for god sake, put onion rings in your burger. No judgement. Plus enough pie to drown your sorrows away."

"You are passionate about this Village Inn."

"Yeah…" She says this dreamily and I know there's more thoughts in her head than sausage and onion rings.

"So… Who are they?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean." I tease as we pull into the vacant parking lot.

"Also, they're never crowded."

"Okay." We climb out of the car and I follow her inside. She gets us a table and menus before we're greeted by an incredibly pretty waitress. She's got long blonde curly hair and pretty blue eyes, an easy sort of non-judgmental smile. A look about her that says, you've had a rough day, let me get you some pancakes.

"Hey Reyna." She says in an airy chuckle, "Who's your friend?"

"The bum I told you about." Reyna chuckles. And suddenly I get it, lesbians, they're in love. I kind of ship it… "Leo."

"Hey, I'm Megan." She says gently, her voice sounds like soft laughter and genuine happiness.

"Please tell me you don't spell it with an h."

"No, my parents love me." She chuckles.

"Great."

"You guys all set?" She asks pulling out a notepad. Once our order is in and she walks away I give Reyna a sly look. She blushes immediately.

"So, how long have you been… coming to Village Inn?" I ask with a smirk.

"Before you judge me-"

"Hoe the only reason I'm judging you is because you've been getting some and you've left me out of the loop. I'm deeply offended you haven't told me about your romantic escapades with a hot blonde."

"First of all, she is hot isn't she? I almost can't believe she picked me."

"Two hot lesbians, damn." I chuckle.

"Okay, I'm bi, she's a lesbian."

"Okay, a hot bisexual and a hot lesbian." I put my hands in defense. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You're Mexican."

I laugh loudly at that. "So are you."

"Yeah but we're unconventional Mexicans."

"So am I! I live in New York!"

"Okay, I get it." She laughs. "I've only told one other person."

"Oh this should be good."

"Jason knows… Which by association means Piper knows."

"About Megan?"

"Yeah, he said she was totally just a girl version of himself. Which I mean, kind of. She's a cheerleader at school-"

"She goes to school with us?"

"Yeah." She sighs dreamily, "She's in the school play with Piper, and super smart, early acceptance to Duke for their science program. Basically my perfect person. She just happens to be a woman."

"And you think I care?"

"People usually do."

"Well, I'm not a person, I'm an amorphous lump."

"Great." She chuckles as Megan places our drinks in front of us.

"Plus you know I've already been told that I'm useless, once today so." I shrug.

"Funny I said the same thing to my ex-girlfriend." Megan jokes winking at Reyna.

"Yikes, my ex-girlfriend said the same thing to me." I say but much more honestly.

"I am so sorry, that was a joke." Megan says awkwardly.

"Leo's a sad puppy today. By the way make sure next weekend is free we're going into the city."

"We?" She looks surprised.

"Yeah." Reyna nods. "We." They share a smile that is unfamiliar to me, what I imagine a promise looks like. An apology, a conversation that would take too long with real words. I understand the feeling.

"So wait." Reyna looks away from Megan to me, "She did what?" I pull up the email and watch her jaw fall slack. "This bitch!" Reyna shows my phone to Megan.

"Oh what a hoe." Megan's nose scrunches up as if she's disgusted.

"Can I respond to her? Please, please, please."

"Be my guest." I sigh allowing Reyna to type furiously. Megan starts pouring cream and sugar into Reyna's coffee. I think she knows how to do it just right, and I feel like my theory is confirmed when she stops pouring when the cream pot has about three quarters left. One of those disposable cream things too, so don't think I'm crazy.

"I'll go check on your food." Megan dips her pretty head before heading back.

"Okay. Sent." Reyna throws the phone back at me right as our food arrives.

I read the message she sent. For how long she took typing it's surprisingly short.

 _Sorry… I didn't get out of bed until six, yes in the evening, because I couldn't physically move. Tell you why later._

"Why do you insist on making me talk about my feelings?" I groan.

"Because you're good at it, now eat your burger."

"Hey so, I was promised sage advice from an old waitress and I'm disappointed." I look at Megan.

"Honey, if I had sage advice would I be working here?"

"According to Reyna yes."

They both roll their eyes the same way, "Fine… You want advice? Pretty girls will ruin you."

"Noted and executed."

"But that doesn't mean they aren't worth fighting for." She glances briefly at Reyna, who's smiling that conversational smile. They're remembering what their lives were before the other.

"Well, I don't think she's worth it." I break their moment.

"Why not?" She asks.

"She left when I needed her… I helped her leave when I needed her. And it destroyed me to do it. She's gotten everything she's ever wanted. But she doesn't have me and I think she's selfish for still wanting me."

"See, you don't need advice, it's living inside of you."

"Let me try." Reyna says, "She's not worth your time, it sucks to hear it I know-"

"You know how I know I loved her?"

"How?"

"It's physically breaking my heart that she's gone. That she doesn't miss me half as much as I miss her. And I don't know what to do."

"I do." Megan says, "Find something new to love."

"You mean someone?"

"Nah, you find something first, and your someone will come soon enough. Trust me." She leaves then but comes back with her purse and a jacket, obviously waiting for us to finish. She holds Reyna's hand under the table the whole time.

I get home at eight, surprisingly my dad is there, waiting for me.

"Where were you?" He asks roughly.

"I went out with a friend."

"Do you know what today is?"

"Yeah… and?"

"And? Leo, how can you be so careless?"

"I'm not careless, dad, I was trying to survive." I say it so plainly he can't ignore how I'm feeling. "I miss her so much it hurts… And my friends make it better okay?" I'm crying now, I don't want to cry, I just am.

"Son-"

"It's easier because they may not get it, but they understand that I'm hurting, which is more than you. They try to make me feel better. Try to make me feel at all. They aren't scared of me or my emotions. I miss her dad. Don't you?"

His eyes are glossy as he walks over to me. For a second I'm afraid he'll hug me, my dad never hugs anyone, except for my mom. Instead he places his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Mijo." He butchers the word, but it makes my heart ache all the same. "I know… I know that this is hard on you, and if I were better with feelings… If I were more like your mother. Maybe I could fix this."

"I'm not an engine dad."

"That's why this is hard. There's a reason I'm a mechanic, I like quick fixes." He squeezes my muscles. "But this will pass."

"But I don't-"

"We won't forget her, I don't think either of us could. But we can heal." He chuckles heavily, "There was no one she loved more in this world than you. Carry that with you always."

I suddenly blurt out, "I'm going to college."

"What?" His glossy eyes grow startled.

"I got into Texas Tech… I told her before… Before-" I'm still crying, when am I going to stop crying?

"Leo… Really?" The last time my dad cried, we found out my mom was dying. I think the thought of her suffering hurt him more than her dying. He didn't cry at the funeral, I did. Now he's standing in front of me tears like rivers down his face.

"Yeah…"

"She would have… must have been so proud of you."

"It was the last thing I said to her. I killed her, dad."

"If you did, you killed her with joy." He's smiling through his tears. "You let your mother die a happy woman, there's nothing more noble than that. She was so scared for you, that you wouldn't have a job… If you are bound and determined to believe you killed her, you killed her with love. Nothing would have made her happier."

He wipes his eyes, and I try to do the same, a smile in my heart knowing that my mom was proud of me. Her last thoughts how proud of me she was. "We'll figure out the finances. We'll-"

I explain everything to him, making my dad happier beyond words. For a man with little emotion he has shown me a lot today. Tonight as I'm laying in bed I read through the email Calypso sent me.

 _Well, whatever trauma you're going through, email me back when you're ready to be an adult._

I smile as I start telling her everything, the smile in my heart radiating with heat. I'm typing furiously without skimping on any detail about how I lost my mother. Halfway through my email I pull out my phone and text my study hall group then Reyna. The same message to each of them that I then type up in my email.

 _I killed my mother with love. And I don't know how I missed that until now._


	37. Chapter 37 I Have Become

**So… HIGH T RATING FOR THIS CHAPTER! I mean it my small beans know that I was so pumped to write this but it got a little… intense. But by Fan Fiction's guidelines (trust me I've been reading them like my favorite Harry Potter book for this story to make sure it doesn't cross any lines) It's still a T rating, surprisingly am I right? Like they're actually really vague so I guess, that's the sites problem not mine. Anyway enjoy, I know you will ;)**

 **Annabeth**

" _I have gone from invisible to invincible."_

Yesterday was Saturday, Leo texted us that he killed his mother with love. I texted Piper if we should be concerned, but she said not to worry. 'He's coming around' she said. I have no clue what that means but you know what, it's Piper. The girl who rants about feminism like a poet, I just go with it at this point. Usually she's right, I mean I'm still judging her for the whole Leo getting high thing but that's just me.

My family somehow wrangled me into coming to church with them, not that I hate church or anything, I just get bored easily. Plus, my whole family hasn't been since I… You know. I, more or less, am here for my parents they really think that church will help me heal. I'm not entirely sure what's left to heal, if I'm honest. I feel good, really good. My therapist is cutting down my dosage of medication, I'm only slightly worried about what that will do. For the most part I feel like I'm in a good place, so it doesn't bother me too much.

During the peace, my dad hugs me tighter than he has in what must be years. My mom kisses my cheek in a sudden burst of affection, and even the twins squeeze me tightly. I forget that they care about me sometimes, it's nice to know they really care.

I told them I'd come if I could hang out with Percy afterwards, mostly because every second I spend with him feels good and honest. I can't describe it beyond that, he makes me feel like I was never broken to begin with. Even as I sit awkwardly in this pew, tugging my skirt down to hide my scars, the sleeves of my cardigan pulled to cover up to the bone of my wrists, I feel like I'm supposed to be here.

When mass ends I say a quick goodbye to my parents before walking swiftly out to my car. I feel like a giddy school girl, fumbling with my seatbelt, I'm so anxious to see him and I can't even express why. I make it to his place in record time, and find myself at the front door nearly breathless.

"Hi Annabeth." Mrs. Jackson smiles brightly at me letting me into her home. This small beautiful home is still warm like it's fighting the early spring cold. There are toys lovingly thrown about and the TV is playing some kind of kids program.

"How are you, Mrs. Jackson?" I ask her.

"All's good here."

"Honey are you ready to go?" Mr. Blofis walks out holding Lucy. She's in a pretty little dress and he's in a suit.

"Hi Mr. Blofis, good to see you." I greet my old English teacher. He was one of my favorites, my freshman year lit class with him was phenomenal.

"We're going to mass." She says to me, "Will you guys be okay here by yourselves?"

"Of course we will, do you know her?" Percy is leaning against a wall; he's glowing with some kind of joy, dressed in a three quarter length sleeved tee shirt and long jeans. It suits him well, I think happily as I walk to his side, lacing my fingers with his. I wonder if he's supposed to go to church too.

"Okay, we'll bring back lunch." She tells us as they exit the little home.

Percy's got his free arm around me in seconds, his lips pressed firmly to my forehead. "Have you started packing for spring break?"

"Not yet." I admit sheepishly, "It's still two weeks away though."

"Well, get on it, Hazel's been packing for a week already."

"Of course she has, always one uping me." I chuckle walking out of his grip and into the kitchen.

"I mean, typically."

"Wow thanks."

He pulls out a seat and sits down looking at me with teasing eyes. "It's the truth, but you are my girlfriend so you have that edge."

"At least it's something." I snicker leaning on the chair opposite him.

"I've been thinking about my tattoo."

"Yeah?" I perk up at the thought. I'm elated at the idea of getting tattoos together. If I regret it in a few years (which I won't) who cares? I'm young, wild, and free; things I never thought I'd ever feel.

"Uhuh, I think I want something beachy."

"So predictable from the walking fish." I roll my eyes.

"I'm going to get an anchor on my ass." He snorts.

"Please don't tell me you're serious."

"I'm not."

"Thank god."

"I still have to think about it, but everyone is keeping theirs a secret."

"Who else knows theirs? Besides Piper and I?"

"Hazel, Jason, and Leo surprisingly."

"What about Frank?"

"He hasn't said anything to me."

I nod, Percy talks about tattoo fails, but I stare at him instead of listening intently. His smile is bright and almost devilish, his hair a mess of loose curls, begging to brushed through by my fingers. His toothy grin reveals so much about him, I swear I can see every molar. I let my eyes wander along the lines of his body. His toned firm arms, muscles filling out the sleeves of his shirt, broad shoulders that create the lines of his figure. His large rough hands, hands that could take all of me and still have room left.

I feel this overwhelming sense of need stirring inside of me, something so profound that I don't recognize the feeling at all. Like every ounce of resolve to not touch him crumbles. I'm frightened when I realize I have no reason to not touch him. No reason to hold out anymore. In this moment I wonder why I held out for so long.

"Hey, Percy?" I interrupt him, unintentionally, "Sorry."

"What's up?" He asks, his smile faltering slightly.

"I-… I think I-"

"Is everything okay?"

I feel nervousness bubble in my stomach even as I feel so desperate for him. "I want something." I say softly.

"What?" He asks obliviously, one eyebrow raised, smile faltering. It takes everything in me not to pounce across the table to him. Instead I walk calmly, warmth kindling in my skin, I feel a small blush rise to my cheeks. I lean down, kissing him powerfully, he is at my command this time. I can taste the shock in his mouth as I slip my tongue into its familiar place.

"Are you sure?" He asks, "Like I'm not reading this wrong?"

"I'm a goddamn picture book, Percy." I snort.

"So you mean-"

"Yes, I mean it."

"And-"

"I've never been more sure about anything."

He sprints away from me and for a whole minute I think I've fucked up, royally. Why the… How the…

"Back." He smirks holding up a condom in one hand.

I laugh to myself as his body comes crashing into mine. I want that shirt off now, I want his skin to touch mine. I want his warmth to mix with mine. My hands are under his shirt in minutes, his firm muscles and hot skin pressed into my hands makes me picture what perfection feels like. For now, it's only him.

With his shirt discarded, he fumbles through the buttons on my cardigan, like an awkward dance of fingers and fabric, but he eventually gets them all undone. I'm surprised when the next thing I know, my skirt is on the floor, and he's stopped kissing me.

I realize that this is the first time he's seen my scars on my thighs. My heart swells with dread, his gaze stuck on my legs, jagged defined scars, and lumps of fresh pink skin. I feel tears prickling behind my eyes, realizing that this was a mistake, I shouldn't have done this.

But just as I'm ready to pick up my skirt, rebutton my shirt, and call the whole thing off as a desperate mistake, a moment of weakness. He gets on his knees and kisses each cut. Every bumpy, new skinned scar, the rough skin prickles with something I've never experienced before. A sensation that I don't recognize at all. Once every single cut, yes all fourteen of them, has received his attention, he looks up at me, smiling gently.

He slowly comes back to me, his eyes still light, his smile warm and welcoming as he kisses me again.

"Why did you do that?" I ask breathless and flushed, my hands touching his skin like feathers too timid to touch the ground, ready to float away at the slightest breeze.

"I worship you." He chuckles, his hands holding my jaw, tilting my forehead to touch his. Hot heavy breath mixes between us filling up the gaps where our bodies don't touch, "I would give anything for you to know how beautiful I think you are. Even if you only understood a fraction of it. You're a temple, hell you're the goddamn Vatican in your own right.

"I know that this world is unfair, but right now we can leave it locked out there." Suddenly his hands grab my thighs as he hoists me up onto the table. The stark almost violent contrast between my heat and the table's coolness shocks my body to life, out of the stupor he just put me in.

He has placed me above him, so that his head has to tilt just slightly to look at me, like I'm stained glass in a church. Or like I am the church, towering, powerful, beautiful. But I feel like a stained glass painting as the sun shines through me from the window just behind me. I feel as though he'll get on his knees to pray to me, to worship me like a saint, no, like Mary herself. The folds on my cardigan hang open like curtains, exposing me to him in a way I never have before. I feel like part of a painting, part of something beautiful and it's all because of him.

He continues to speak in a warm soft voice, "You're beautiful, if you believe it nowhere else, believe it here. With me. I'd make the whole world disappear if I could, just so you could understand." My fingers trace his face before furling themselves into his dark curls, we are quiet as we stare at one another. In the silence I feel heat, as if my fingers are wicks to the candles we intend to light on fire. If I am the church he's the candles warming everything near and inside of me.

I feel holy, intended, like I belong here.

"I get it." I say, my voice much more gentle than I have ever heard it.

"Get what?" He asks with a beautiful little laugh.

"What Piper and Jason say when they have sex…" My fingers play with the hair on his head, my eyes never leaving him for a moment. "You know, chaos killed the dinosaurs."

"I'm aware." He smirks unknowingly.

"Chaos didn't kill them. We did." Now I've lost him, so I yank him close to me, so we're only inches apart, and I kiss his lips, asking him to stay with me for a moment. "We're what killed the dinosaurs, we're an asteroid that's overdue. They died, because god said there wasn't enough room… His new world needed room for me and you.

"But right now, in this house… I'm sure there's not enough room in the whole world for us." I take him and smash my lips to his like the cosmos erupting, so we can make our new world. I can't stand there being distance between us, there is too much space and not enough touch. Not enough heat, I need to fill this world with hot kisses and friction from skin. The rest of the world is locked outside but right here in this room is the only world I need.

We move so much, make so much heat I swear the house buckles beneath us. This house that cannot stand the wild fire that we are, it shifts and warps under our love, our heat, our sex.

I get why Piper is addicted to sex, the way that my body and his body move together as one. The way my touch makes sounds come out of him like a music box, the way his hands make me feel wanted. How this moment is all about us, like we are the only thing that's right about this broken world. Nothing matters but him and me.

Altogether I realize that I'm not addicted to sex. I'm addicted to him, to this thing we can create together, because it wouldn't be the same without him. He loves me more than I could ever imagine loving myself. He makes me feel like I deserve my own mass, my own sermon, my own religion, he is praying to me. And I feel worthy of it.

I can't ever abandon this body… No, I can't ever abandon this person, if he can love this body from head to toe and still have room enough to love my mind and my heart. Then I am deserving of this body, this mind, this heart, this soul, no matter how broken.

Broken people can make beautiful things… And that's the story of how I lost my virginity on Percy's kitchen table.


	38. Chapter 38 Happiness

**Jason**

" _I would rather be happy than dignified."_

"So, I just said fuck it and um, fuck you. I'm still going to move." Thalia recounts a story in depth to me. She pauses to let me cackle at her.

"Dumb ass."

"I know right, I'm like, honey there's no way I'm staying here for your bitch ass car pool."

"When are you looking at apartments again?"

"The last few days of your spring break." She shoots me a grin before saying. "That means wild sex but no parties, I don't want to show up and see you as a walking train wreck."

"Yes ma'am." I salute her. "Though I will have a new tattoo so there's that."

"Dork." She ruffles my hair. "You know that mom gets back the last week of April, right?"

"Ugh." I roll my eyes dramatically.

"Shut it, you'll live." She sighs, "Besides she's still your mom, no matter how… aggravating she is, she'll always be our mom."

"I'd beg to differ."

"I'm not your mom." Her smile fights to the surface.

"Yes you are, because you love me." I nuzzle her shoulder, to which she shoves my head lightly.

"That doesn't make me your mom. I'm still young and cool."

"Uhuh." I nod at her.

"So how're your friends?"

"Which ones?"

"Your support group or whatever." That's what she calls sixth period study hall. My support group.

"Leo's good, he's coming around to having lost his mom. Annabeth and Percy had sex-"

"Finally, I've been waiting all year for that!" She laughs. "God I love high school drama."

"Is that why you still watch Degrasi?"

"It's a quality show."

"Anyway, Frank's good, I'm pretty sure at least. He's kind of shut off from his issues. Um… Hazel's good, she told her mom to shove off. Which is pretty rad." I chuckle.

"And how's bae?"

"She's… She's great." I say feeling embarrassed.

"Yeah?" She eggs me on.

"Yeah."

"So have you told her you love her yet?" I open my mouth to speak but she laughs. "I knew it! I so knew it!"

"Shut it."

"Well, did she say it back?"

"She didn't have to." I shrug.

"Um, yes she does. How long has it been?"

"I don't know two, three weeks?"

"Jason!"

"What?"

She rolls her eyes, "God, you're so stupid, she didn't say it back?"

"I don't expect her to."

"Then why are you in this relationship?"

"Because… It's real to me… I guess."

"Not a good answer."

"I don't know, if she's not ready yet, then whatever."

She folds her arms, smiling at me. "You've changed."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at every relationship you've ever had."

"Okay…"

"You break up with girls when they're either too committed or not committed enough."

"That's not-"

"Karen, freshman year asked you where you see yourself in five years. Janie, summer of freshman year, saving herself till marriage. Suzie, sophomore year wouldn't kiss you after a month of casual dating. Marci, second semester sophomore year, told you about the church she'd like to get married in-"

"I get your point." I sigh trying to block out how much of a douche I was.

"So?"

"I guess I grew up."

"How so?" She folds her arms smiling like I've amused her.

"I guess… somewhere along the lines, I realized that a relationship isn't just about me."

"Aw, you're growing up." She chuckles. "See, now I trust you to go to college."

"What?"

"Jason." Thalia shakes her head at me, "You were an asshole the first three years of high school."

"I wasn't that bad."

"You basically treated your girlfriends like prizes." She says.

"I-"

"Don't argue with me, I was the objective eyes here. You treated your girlfriends like dolls, and played victim when they didn't like something you said or did. Then you dumped them because you have a very specific set of criteria for how much commitment goes with what stage of your relationship."

"Ouch." I scrunch up my face. "You make me sound like-… Fuck you I am not dad."

"Not anymore, thank god."

"I am not dad."

"No you're not. Don't you get it?" She chuckles, "You set yourself straight before you ended up with two kids who hate you and an alcoholic wife. Now you have, Piper, and she could not be farther from our mom if she was a goddamn tranny."

"Um… Thanks?"

"You're welcome." She says confidently. "Now, what are you doing about college? Harvard ever get back to you?"

"God no." I shake my head. "Stanford is more my speed."

"California? God please don't go back to being a fuck boy."

"I'll try." I snort.

"I mean it, I hear you've gone back to your fuck boy shit and I will drive to California to kick your ass."

"Yes ma'am."

"That's what I like to hear." She ruffles my hair, "Now I have to get to work, I know that you and the guys are hanging out here, all I ask is that you don't break anything."

"You've got it." I promise her as she walks out of the house. I feel really bad now, thinking about all of my ex-girlfriends… Was I really that bad? I hope not. I mean, I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but I also couldn't have been my dad, right? Right?

Before I know it Frank and Dakota are dragging me out to Dakota's car. Why is Frank hanging out with me and my football friends? Because apparently he already knows them and he's bored so, that's why.

"Tonight's going to be lit." Dakota says.

"I hope you're not serious, for your own sake." Frank says snidely.

"Ha ha, you're so funny." He slams on the breaks to remind us who's in charge of our lives, and I suddenly regret having him drive.

"Funny or right?"

"Don't push it." I advise him, "I've been friends with Dakota long enough to know that in his car, he's never wrong."

"Smart man." Dakota laughs heartily. "I'm so pumped for this dinner."

"Yeah, let's just hope that the other guys don't insult the waitress like last year."

"I think it's safe to assume it's a waiting game. It will happen."

"Goddamnit, I hope not." I sigh.

"Oh this will be fun." Frank chuckles.

"You bet your sweet ass it will be." Dakota assures him as we pull into the restaurant parking lot.

"And we didn't die, two wins for the night." I say hoping out of the car and dragging my friends inside.

Lucky for us Zach and Alec saved our seats. Frank and Zach start chatting about some new video game, while Dakota, George, Alec, and I start talking. Mostly about how banging spring break is going to be… I'm sorry for using banging unironically.

"Well, well, well, look who I found."

"Reyna, what's up girl?" I chuckle offering her a high five.

"Not much." She shrugs, "Where's your girlfriend? I thought you two were attached at the genitals."

I roll my eyes. "Very funny. She's with Annabeth doing, god knows what."

Ever since Leo's hospital visit, Reyna's been a regular at my lunch group, along with Piper. I'm starting to think they're better friends than I ever was for either one of them.

"Wreaking havoc, burning down the patriarchy one frat house at a time." George says with a smirk.

"That sounds like a shitty bro comedy." Alec chuckles, "I'd go see it."

"There'd be a lot of stupid offensive humor." Reyna says.

"You say that like it wouldn't be fun." Dakota sounds hurt at the thought. "Hey, stick around awhile, go steal a chair."

"Okay, that was kind of the plan since you invited me." She smirks snatching a chair and sandwiching herself between George and Alec.

"We all still meeting at your house after?" George asks.

"Like you have to ask?" Zach snorts from across the table. "Casa Grace is always home to us, so long as the tyrannical mister isn't home."

"Zach you need your appetizers sweetie, you're not you when you're hungry." Reyna says with a bite to her tone.

"He's always hungry." Frank says, "It makes no difference, believe me, I've seen him when he gets the munchies, they might as well call him disposer."

"That sounds like a rad superhero name." Zach agrees with him.

"And the other supers? Does that make Dakota, Statesman?" My friends groan at the joke.

"God, Jason, you ruin everything with puns, you know that right?" Dakota ruffs up my hair.

"Puns make everything better." I claim.

"Yeah, okay." Reyna steals my glass of water. Somehow we manage to get our wing order for our table that has grown to about fifty people. Which means, when we get to my house… Okay, perspective; every football player and cheerleader, with additional partners spattered in there are at my house. It's literally every middle aged screenwriter's idea of what a high school party is, full of hot people, full of booze, and incidentally, full of assholes.

"Hey, Piper." I call my girlfriend out of a slight fear for my life and the lives of others.

"What's up?"

"I need back up over here."

"I told you having a party at your house was a terrible idea." She laughs over the phone. "Though I'm third wheeling like a goddamn Olympian so thanks for the save. We'll be over in ten minutes."

"Thank you so much." I hang up and attempt to round up my friends. I find Reyna first. "Hey, dude, where's Daktoa?"

"I last saw him with George and Frank." She shouts over the obscene sounds of the party atmosphere.

"What about Alec?"

"I saw his girlfriend a little while ago, they might be together."

"And Zach?"

"I'm guessing he's with Alec? I don't know."

"Okay, you go find them, I'll find Frank and the others. We've got to get this under control."

"You've got it." She nods to me heading off through a swarm of people. It doesn't take long at all of me to find Dakota, mostly because he slammed into me while running top speed.

"Dude!" I shout at him as I catch him.

"Come with me, now!" He yanks me behind him.

"What happened!?" I ask allowing my body to become limp enough for him to drag me.

"Octavian happened."

"Fuck." I sigh angrily. He takes me outside where I'm disoriented at the sudden darkness. But then I see it, Frank on top of Octavian, the two of them beating the ever living hell out of each other.

Without a moment of hesitation, I take each of Frank's arms and pin them to his sides. George and Zach seemingly come out of nowhere to help me get him off of Octavian. Though, the blonde coward does try to shove and punch Frank while we have him restrained. I don't bother trying to ask what happened I just lead Frank to the back deck away from that punk.

"Are you okay?" I ask him once the three of us have finally wrangled him over to the porch.

"Do I look like I'm okay!?" He asks me harshly. He's got claw marks on his cheek but otherwise he looks relatively unharmed, mostly his clothes are crumpled and his hair's a mess. Then there's that look in his eye, the fire, like he's never been so livid in his entire life. I hope to god he's never been this angry before.

"Okay, this has to stop-"

"George, calm your moral compass for all of two minutes." I hold out my hand to signal him to stop. My eyes focusing on Frank. "Tell me what he did."

"I can't." He says through gritted teeth.

"Okay… Well-"

"What the-… Never mind. I found Alec, he and Remi are starting to clear out the house." Reyna gives her status report.

"Thanks, I owe you." She gives me a look that says I don't owe her anything. For some reason she thinks me accepting her as a bisexual means that I'm the best friend there ever was. I always tell her that doesn't make me someone extraordinary, it makes me a real friend. She still doesn't buy it.

"Hey so- Jesus! Frank!" Piper suddenly appears behind Reyna with Annabeth and Percy in tow. She races down the stairs and takes him in. "You look like hell."

"Yeah, well, I just got back." He mutters miserably.

"What…. Who?" She decides is a better question. She looks directly at Zach with this killer gaze I can't figure out if I've seen before.

"Octavian." Just hearing the name makes Frank inhale sharply. Percy, Annabeth, and Reyna have filed in around Frank who has taken a seat on the deck stairs. Piper looks methodical for half a second before saying a simple.

"Watch this."

She turns on her heal and struts towards Octavian. All of us, even Frank suddenly look anxious and worried, after a second of shifting glances at one another we follow quickly after her.

She approaches Octavian, all cocked hips and long legs, she looks powerful and pissed off. Two things you never want to see staring you down. "So what is it this time? Your ego got so big you had to jerk off to insulting the nearest victim?"

He snorts and I realize that he looks much worse than Frank, still bleeding nose, scratch marks littering his arms and even his neck. _He_ looks like hell. Even so he smiles, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I get around."

"So I've gathered." He chuckles heavily.

"I just want to know what makes you so high and mighty that you think you can insult someone and get away with it. Because darling, from the looks of it you weren't expecting a fight. Though I wouldn't be surprised if you were."

"I didn't expect ape boy over there to go nuts over hearing the cold truth. A mere miscalculation." He shrugs.

"The truth huh? What do you know about 'the truth'?" All four of us begin to hold back Frank before he can barrel through us to beat the shit out of him.

"I just gave him a friendly reminder that even if we lived in a world where his parents were alive, they'd still treat him like the disappointment he is. Then I remembered that if they were his parents they would have been disappointments themselves to begin with." All four of us guys have to hold Frank back from killing him.

"And you would know about being a disappointment wouldn't you?" She says in a sickly sweet voice. I really don't know where she's going with this, but I don't like it.

"What are you talking about, babe? Everyone wants me as a friend or a fuck. In fact, the only disappointment here is that you're not on all fours." Now I'm seeing red, and I don't know how she's keeping it together.

"Sorry, I don't think you heard me right, probably the brain tumor you had for breakfast acting up again. So what I'm saying is that you have nothing left to offer this school but date rapes and aids jokes." All of us, every last person in my backyard stops to stare at her as the words come out of her mouth. "Let me spell it out for you; You're a high school has been waiting to happen, 'babe'. What are you gonna have once we throw our caps up in three months? A failed acting career that never got started, a spot waiting at you in the community college speech team, and a future of what ifs that don't have even the slightest chance of being answered.

"Congratulations, you peeked in high school, what now? What next? Oo, maybe you'll marry your high school sweetheart and raise the next generation of children who would rather die than end up like their parents. Or maybe you'll end up the sad surly theatre teacher that's so bitter it's a part of your charm. I can't wait to see how average you are in ten years, that'll be the only reason I come back to this godforsaken town."

"I'm not the one beating someone up over a couple of words." He's still smirking brilliantly at her.

"No, but you are the kind of person to go out of your way to be an asshole, so there's that."

"Just admit that I'm not in the wrong."

"Okay you know what? Frank may have his problems, but the difference is he wants to change. He doesn't want to be angry, you get off on being a walking piece of shit. We could go on like this, but I don't feel like holding up the party, and I feel like it's time you get out." She says the last few words with such a venom, even I feel like I should turn and go.

Octavian relents holding up his hands in mock defeat. "Just remember, in a world of Heathers and Marthas you were born a Heather, baby. And you know exactly what happens to Heathers… See ya later, Chandler"

She holds her head up high, and while absolutely none of the rest of us understand that, he walks away looking pleased with himself.

"So… Wow." Annabeth says looking at Reyna.

"You could say that again." Reyna nods at her.

"Um, yeah, the rest of you… Go home. Show's over." Percy calls to my backyard. People filter out of my backyard just as Remi and Alec come out of my house.

"On the bright side, house is empty, down side what the hell happened to you?" Alec asks looking at Frank.

"It's a… long story." He looks almost ashamed

"That took all of fifteen minutes?" Annabeth asks still dumbfounded.

"Don't think too hard about it." His hand goes to the back of his neck, embarrassment or residual anger flushing his cheeks.

She says nothing before wrapping her arms around his torso his shock is evident at first before he collapses on her. Trying to keep himself together in the presence of so many people, but it's obvious he can't anymore.

"Come on bro, let's go call Hazel and Leo. See if we can't get their asses over here." Percy and Annabeth lead him inside, followed closely by Reyna and Zach. George, Alec, and Remi look around a little bit, before George turns to me.

"I'll go see about starting to clean up your place."

"Thanks man." I smile at him as the three of them walk inside of my house. I feel myself laughing before I realize that the sound is coming out of my throat.

"What's so funny?" Piper asks, more concerned than angry.

"You have power I didn't even know you had." I tell her, our hands somehow finding a way together.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're so freaking powerful; you could create a whole new world just by opening your mouth. You could destroy entire civilizations, I swear."

"Yeah well… Nobody, and I mean nobody hurts my friends."

"Frank hurt him you know."

"Yeah, I know." She chuckles. "But… I feel like I need to protect him. I mean, if I don't, who will?"

"All of us." I tell her. "We love him; we love each other enough that we'd do anything just to keep the others afloat. That's what love looks like. I don't know if anyone's told you that."

She looks at me with this sort of awe that makes me feel like a god. I wonder what's going on inside of her head until she finally cracks a smile. "Yikes."

"Yikes?" She shakes her head, a blush capturing her face. Have I ever seen her blush? "You okay?"

"I just… It's stupid."

"No, it's not." I assure her.

"I uh… I just had this thought…"

"Yes?" I chuckle.

"I believe you."

"I'm sorry?" She suddenly takes my neck and kisses me in that way that only she can. I swear her heart is racing against my body when she finally pulls away.

"I love you…" A smile breaks her face, that smile of pure unadulterated joy, "Yup, sounds right."

"Does it?" I feel stupid for smiling so much at her, but I can't help it.

"Yes… I… I love you."

It sounds weak to reuse her words but I do so anyway. "I believe you, I love you too."

Her hands hold my shoulders, she laughs musically. "Well… Now that we've cleared that up."

"We should go inside huh?" I ask reluctantly.

"Yeah…" She waits a heartbeat before turning around and walking slowly.

I drape my arm around her shoulders as we walk inside. "So, are you busy later?"

"No, why?"

"You wanna have sex?"

She cackles with laughter, "Fuck you, Jason… but also fuck you, how much longer do you think the gang will be here?"

This time I laugh, "At least two hours."

"I can wait two hours."

As we walk inside to start clean up, all I can hear in my mind is her voice on repeat. 'I love you' I always thought that love was something insignificant. But right now with her hand in mine, knowing she loves me… I'm reminded that we killed the dinosaurs. I wonder if anyone else has ever felt like this.


	39. Chapter 39 A Lot of Love

**Hazel**

" _It takes a lot of love to hate you like this."_

I am furious to find out that Frank got into a fight with Octavian. Not because Octavian is a scrub and totally deserved it, but because I know Frank is better than this. So after being just short of dragging Leo over to Jason's place by the ear; I storm inside and immediately grit my teeth. The sounds of loud jubilant laughter and an exchange of some crude jokes.

"Please just don't actually kill him!" Leo shouts as I walk into the spacious living room. My arms folded, my mouth drawn into a tight line.

"Oh shit." Percy says softly, but I don't look at him, I stare down Frank who is cowering away from my gaze.

"What the fuck, Frank?" I demand harshly, I wonder if I've ever sounded this way in front of anyone. The last time I spoke like this… I got kicked out of my home. I am met with an infuriating silence. "Well?"

"It wasn't my fault." he says tightly.

"Like hell it wasn't." I ball up my hands to keep from lashing out at him physically.

"He asked for it." Frank says.

"Isn't everybody?" I know that provoking his anger is a terrible idea but at this point. Fuck if I care. "What's the difference between him and any normal person? You can't just beat up any asshole who's rude to you!"

"What'd I miss?" Leo asks coming up from behind me.

"You don't get it!" Frank stands up nearly roaring at me.

"Okay Imma just." Leo scampers over to Jason's lap.

"Like hell I don't!"

"He-"

"I don't care what he said to you, dip shit. You are better than this!"

"So I'm just supposed to take people's crap sitting down?"

"You're supposed to handle it without making a dick of yourself." Before I know it, his towering figure is standing right before me. I have never felt so terrified, yet powerful at the same time. He's angry and fully capable of hurting me, but I'm the one in control. "God, you can't be this stupid can you?"

"What do you mean!?"

"You gave in to him! Gave him the attention he wanted and now he can go around talking shit about you and be right!"

"Whoa, okay too far-"

"Shut up!" The two of us snap at Piper for trying to butt in.

"You fell right into his lap and fed his ego! God, you should know better."

"He talked shit about my parents!"

"I don't really care, you should be sound enough to know he's wrong"

"Hey-"

"You know I'm right!"

"But you're being a bitch about it!"

I'm not surprised by what he says. I'm surprised by my response. "It's because I love you!" Well, can't back down now, so I keep yelling. "It takes a lot of love to hate you like this! Just like when Piper screamed at Leo. Just like when you yelled at Annabeth's parents! It takes a lot of love to get this pissed off."

He's just as caught off guard as I am, but he finds his voice. "Really?" He asks.

"Duh! Did you smash your head into a wall too? Of course I care about you!"

"But you said love." He retaliates.

"Yeah okay, fine, I love you. And that's why I'm mad, because god, Frank… you're so good and kind, yet you beat the living hell out of anyone who crosses you. What were you thinking?"

"I-"

"You weren't; I know you weren't but for god sake you can be so much better than this."

"I'm sorry." He sneaks in.

"I don't get it, why? Why did you do this?"

"I… I don't…" I don't know what possesses me in this moment, but I feel so much heat, rage and hate inside of my very bones because god I'm pissed off at him. He's stupid, and strong at this point he should know better. Then I see it, how passionate this whole thing has been, that there is a fire between us like a thick wall.

This kind of separation that makes me feel something that I don't recognize in myself. Why do I feel this way? Before I can answer my own question I'm closing the space between us and I'm kissing him. Why the hell am I kissing him? Oh my god I'm kissing Frank! What the fuck?

I pull back just as quickly as I closed the space, suddenly there's not enough space between us. When did he grab my shoulders? The two of us stare at one another, our gazes shocked our mouths agape. We're both in shock, both confused and both of us are at a loss.

I'm vaguely aware of noise from the couch but I'm also so infuriated and embarrassed that I recognize the heat in my body as intense shame. I turn sharply with the intent in mind to run as far as I can, as fast as I can. Desperate to be anywhere that isn't this living room, but his hand grasps at mine, at the last second sending me toppling to the ground.

"Uh… Sorry." He says sheepishly getting on his knees rather than helping me up. "Just uh… I mean… Don't run away… please."

"I didn't mean to do that I'm so sorry." I say as a jumble of the first words that come out of my mouth. I turn to look at him, even on his knees he towers over me, his eyes are big with some kind of emotion. His hand still grips mine.

"You didn't?" He asks sounding hurt.

"I didn't… I shouldn't have… I can't do this." I decide trying to get to my knees, but he's still holding my hand.

"Wait-"

"I can't… I'd ruin you."

He snorts at that, "Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'd be so bad for you."

"Like hell you would." His expression turns harsh and cold for a second. "I'm already damaged, Hazel. Badly damaged."

"Exactly."

"That doesn't mean I can't be with anyone."

"That's not what I meant!" I say in a frazzled panic, "You don't get it, I hurt everyone I love."

"What are you talking about?"

"I hurt people, I ruin relationships, and I leave in the middle of the six car pileup I call my love life. I can't do that to you."

"And what if I want it?" I never thought anyone would say something like this to me. "What if I don't care about your damage?" He holds up his hands which I just now have the chance to observe. His knuckles are cut open, thick scabs having already formed. Bruises along the lines of his fingers, veins poking out of his skin like bulging pale blue rivers. My fingers somehow fit together with his, our hands melded flesh and bones of contrasting colors. We shouldn't fit together, my small delicate hands, and his large rough ones. But they do.

"I love you too much to hurt you like that." I admit this without even knowing if it's true before it leaves my mouth. Like my mind is driving itself and I'm a passenger in its expedition.

"Love always hurts, but it's always worth the hurt too." He tilts my head up slightly, timidly.

"How would you know?" I ask harsher than I meant it.

"Come on, if you were happy everyday of your life you wouldn't be human. You'd be a game show host." I snort as he keeps talking, "And if we've learned anything this year, it's that we're as human as humans come. We make mistakes we fuck up, but we also touch other people's lives and try to learn from the past.

"You don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. And I happen to think you're beautiful." He chuckles, "But if you're still not convinced… give me one more shot." He leans forward and kisses me like I haven't been kissed since… Since my first love, I haven't been kissed like this since Sammy. Like it not only means something, but like it means everything.

He's hot and I feel like my insides are burning up. I feel so much all at once I wonder how this is possible. How the virgin school bully can be so soft and caring. Fresh off a fight from the biggest douche canoe I've ever met. There's this gentleness like he's a faint cool breeze on a hot day. I feel like I'm drowning, like I can't breathe, but also like I never want to surface. If he's an ocean, I'd gladly drown in him.

He collapses on top of me, has to catch himself and prop up his body to hover over mine. I should be scared, terrified even, but I just want. I haven't wanted like I do now, in a whole year. He has this smile spread thin across his face, like he's played me, and suddenly I feel played. Angry even.

Opening his mouth, he lets out a chuckle, "Wow uh… so some first kiss huh?"

"Wait, really?" He nods sheepishly, a loud laugh breaking out of my lungs, "God, I can't have a normal relationship can I?"

"I thought you knew better than to expect normal." He says.

"I guess you're right." My hands wrap around the back of his neck, my fingers brushing the skin they come into contact with.

Applause bursts out of the couch and I'm hyper aware that oh my god this has all really just happened. With a live audience…

"Encore! Encore!" Leo shouts at us.

"Let me uh… Help you up…" Frank stutters awkwardly.

"Yes please." The two of us scramble to stand up, our faces hot with humiliation.

"Quite a show there." Jason laughs.

"Couldn't have directed it better myself." Piper nods snuggling deeper into Jason's chest.

"I think that me shouting 'just kiss already' did work, so get off my ass Annabeth." Percy says as she rolls her eyes.

Zach, George, and Leo hoot and holler at us to get a room. Reyna has her arms folded over her chest but nods in approval. Then there's Alec and his girlfriend giving each other these eyes that say, 'how cute puppy love.'

"I've got to give you an Oscar, remind me the next time we're at my house to present to you both." Piper snorts.

"Well I mean… The extreme always seems to make an impression." I say shyly.

"Sure does." Frank says softly, even shier than me. Our hands entwine with each other as we take a seat on the couch, squished between Piper and Percy. We're heckled for a little bit before we start up a movie. I text Frank.

'So how about an ice cream date?'

'Sounds good… :)'

I think it's safe to say that I may not know where I'm going, or how this will end up. But I'm sure it will make a beautiful adventure.


	40. Chapter 40 Dancing With Love

**Leo**

" _Because sometimes you just have to dance like a mad man in the self-help section of your local book store."_

"So, we're actually doing this?" I ask crawling into the back seat of Reyna's car. I'm not really sure why I doubted her, after all she is Reyna, she can do anything.

"You bet your sweet ass, buckle up love muffin." Megan laughs joyously from the passenger seat.

"Okay, I guess." I tease slightly buckling my seat belt before Reyna speeds away from my house.

We're going into the city, for what? I'm not sure, probably pizza and an adventure, I'm learning that when my friends are involved it's always an adventure. An amazing, awkward adventure, which my twerps always seem to make meaningful.

Jason and Piper wrangled the gang together to go ahead of us. We're all meeting just outside some shop or something. I really wasn't paying attention to details because, well… I was kind of basking in the attention that my friends were giving me. This whole trip is for me, and I've never had anyone genuinely care about me like this.

They really love me, and I'm always caught off guard by it, no matter how many times they prove themselves to me. I will always be amazed at how accepting they are of me. Not even just me, of everybody, we're truly an army of misfit toys, parading around like we are winners even though we really aren't. Although, who's to say who wins and who doesn't?

I live in a world defined by being right, by doing things in the right order. Even a toe out of line and the world looks back in disdain. But my friends walk the tight rope. Not even, they hold their breath and they jump into their own skin every morning. I'm not totally convinced Piper even knows lines exist. Annabeth has turned her back on the line that nearly killed her and for that I'm honored to be her friend.

Frank chooses to walk beside the stupid societal line, while Jason walks on a checkered path trying to please both himself and the rest of the fucking world. The worst part is he manages it, the feat is both impressive and terrifying. Hazel walks the line like a tightrope, though she allows herself to stray and that makes me happy. Then there's Percy, he'd set the line on fire if he could, just to watch it burn.

"Hey, are you paying attention?" Megan asks me, "You're supposed to side with me."

"Hoe as if, he's supposed to side with me." Reyna retaliates. Megan flips her off, Reyna grabs her finger and twists their hands together.

"OTP!" I shout for the back seat. "And by the way I'm not registered to vote, so I can't take sides. Sorry about it."

"Hey, you can always take sides, what kind of democracy would we be living in if the minority wasn't the loudest?" Reyna asks her hand still laced with Megan's.

"I mean, a good one, probably."

"Yike." Megan snorts, the three of us banter the whole hour and a half it takes for us to get within city limits. There's this air of trust that leaves a constant taste of trust in the air. I feel good, and honest. Like I don't have to pretend to be okay, maybe it's because when I'm with them I am okay.

Reyna parks in a large parking area while we get to the subway station. After a quick ride we walk to the nearest pizzeria. Annabeth is standing over the table while the group shakes with laughter.

"What did I miss?" I ask taking the empty seat beside Hazel.

"Well, Annabeth and Percy had sex." Frank explains to me.

"And I was the most awkward I have ever been!" Annabeth laughs maniacally, "Picture this-"

"I don't particularly want to." I tell her, "Rain check?"

"Ugh fine." She flashes me a teasing grin.

"Did we order already?"

"Yup, three meat for you, Frank, Percy, and I. Veggie lovers for Piper and Annabeth. Pineapple and ham for Reyna, Jason, and Megan." Hazel informs me.

"You have the audacity to ruin pizza with pineapple? How dare you?" I ask in a low teasing tone.

"Well, mostly because I have zero fucks to give. But also because I'm a freak of nature." Reyna responds, a bright laugh coming out of Megan as she plays with Reyna's loose curls.

"We can't be friends anymore." I turn from her, "Hazel, new best friend status activate."

Hazel snickers at me, "You're so cute when you're stupid. Which is always so-"

"I don't have to take this!" I cackle with laughter.

"Well, I mean you never have to take anything." Piper says, "I should know."

"Shots fired at yourself?" Percy chuckles.

"What? I'm not wrong."

"Piper, you're a god." Megan says in her forever lilted voice.

"What makes you say that?" She smiles easily at the blonde.

"No one's a loser or a freak around you."

An airy half laugh escapes her lips, head tilted back. "That's because real life sucks losers dry. I know that one too." She winks at Jason who blushes madly.

"I'm not sure why that made me feel weird but it did." He admits.

"I'm not wrong." She says proudly folding her arms over her chest before looking me dead in the eye. "You want to fuck with eagles, you've got to learn to fly."

"So you teach people how to spread their wings and fly?" I ask.

"No, I teach them that they've always had wings. The choice of whether or not to fly is what they have to figure out."

I snicker, "Well, you're just beautiful. When did you start flying?"

"I haven't yet. I'm waiting for the opportune moment." She looks around at each of us. Our pizza comes then warm and gooey, really truly good pizza could mend every world problem. I'm positive it could.

Our bellies full, we head out to whatever adventure Reyna has planned for us. She put this whole thing together after all, she looks free almost excited. Maybe she is, this is the first time she's ever been out in public with Megan. I'm excited too, but a different kind of excited.

I'm elated to spend time with these people, they get me and my life. It's weird that they're all couples now, talk about third wheeling, am I right? I'm ninth wheeling currently, but here's the thing. They aren't constantly reminding me that they're couples, they aren't constantly kissing or loving on each other. They are still separate people, they just want to be closer.

I'm good with being alone, it's like… I loved Calypso, I can say that honestly. I loved her with all of my heart. She will always be my first love, but that doesn't mean I can't love again. My heart is too big for her to take up all of it, there's a silent part that will always be hers. For now, I'm content with giving her that much.

But I won't let my love for her get in the way of my life. She didn't let me change her mind, she didn't consider me and I'm good with that. Now I don't have to consider her either. I just have to deal with always loving her though, no matter how small that love becomes. It will always be a part of me, and I can't say I mind it.

We wander until we're in front of a beautiful bookstore. Jason cackles at the sight.

"I'm not even surprised." He says, "You're such a nerd."

"There's this cool indie band playing here tonight." She informs us, "I figured all of us dweebs could use a good mosh pit and a dance among the bookshelves."

"Sounds like a good plan to me." Annabeth says tugging on Percy's sleeve, her eyes dazzling with anticipation.

When we walk inside we are greeted by the preshow band absolutely wailing on their guitar solo. There's a small stage in the center of the reading area, a large crowd of people jumping and bopping to the beat. I don't hesitate to move my body, I love dancing. I love how I have the choice to give a fuck or not, I can care about how I look or I can give myself over to the music.

Today not a single fuck is given, I fist pump, I shake every muscle I have inside of this body. For the first time in a long time I remember that this body is my own. Every cell belongs to me I have power over everything inside of me. I think that everyone should stop and dance every now and then. Like a juice cleanse for the soul, only it actually works.

I dance with my eyes closed, like I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain by seeing. I hear shouts and cheers, but they all become dulled to me as I focus on the music. There's a beautiful blur of colors spattering my vision from the strobe lights behind my eye lids. I wonder what kind of beautiful world we live in where a band can shred like this in a bookstore.

Suddenly, my eyes snap open, I grab the two hands closest to me and dash through the store, looking for a specific aisle.

"Where are we going?" Annabeth laughs. When we get there, she understands, the Self Help section of the store is long and full of bullshit. I know that coping is hard, and the struggle of getting through rough times doesn't always feel worthwhile. Advice books piss me off, because it's someone who doesn't understand your situation but tries to help out anyway… For profit of course, everyone has advice to give in their back pocket, but this you have to pay for. Fuck that.

Here's my advice, dance like a mad man. Dance and shake off every insecurity and hate inside of your body, because this is something you can do. Everyone can close their eyes and move like they were born to do so. Like every nerve ending has a purpose and that purpose is to get jiggy with it.

Every one of my friends joins my madness, grinding and grooving to music like it's our last night on earth. Like if we exhaust ourselves enough we won't watch the world explode. If we stay up all night, if we just keep moving we can save not only ourselves, but the whole fucking universe.

This band is my new favorite, whoever they are, I'm a fan of music just fast enough that I don't ever need to stop moving, and a bet that can override my own heart rate to keep me alive. My night is spent in a hazy sweat filled book store, fog machine air and hard core rock filling up my lungs. I don't know if I've ever exerted so much energy at one time.

I am reminded once again of that stupid line of life, how there's a certain way to live. Dance says screw the line, do whatever your soul says is right. Move like you will never be able to move again. Live like tomorrow is never coming. The line says stay on the straight and narrow, and all will be well. Dance says life is not a box of chocolates, it's a candy store and you decide what you want. Dance says fuck the world, this is now, dance says just let everything go for however long you like, you can pick up your worries at the door. But right here, right now you are as alive as you will ever be, drop your sorrows the moment you walk in and move. Movement reminds us to breathe, reminds us that we are alive.

It's a stupidly glorious thing, to remember how alive you can be. How alive you actually are.

When the band finally closes, it's one a.m. A magical hour if you ask me, perfect for change, perfect to go get a goddamn slurpee. Time to walk tiredly out of a bookstore full of hot sweaty teenage messes, my best friends.

We get on the subway together, just in time before they close. The gang and I get to our cars and drive to the nearest gas station for a slurpee. We make a toast to hard rock and prom in the trunk of Jason's car.

"You'll love it, Leo. Dancing all night long." Reyna says.

"Basically what this was, but with nice clothes." Jason tells me.

"I can't wait." I promise them.


	41. Chapter 41 Yesterday

**Annabeth**

" _I will never stop trying to be better than I was yesterday."_

I'm exhausted, probably because it's almost three am. The gang and I are heading out now to hopefully beat traffic, the guys are packing our suit cases into the trunk. How we managed to all meet up in one place, rent a van, and still have everyone still in one piece is beyond me. But I'm not about to question it. Instead I take it as a sign, and roll with it.

Piper's arms wrap around my neck as she comes back out of her house. "That's the last of it, right? You guys packed a lot of shit."

I snort at that, "I need all of that shit."

"Hoe, I don't think I've ever seen you wear something that's not a sweat shirt or a tee… Except for the whole duct tape thing."

"Who says it's just clothes?"

"Is it condoms?" She teases. When I don't respond she laughs maniacally. "I'm a proud mama."

"I mean, we've already told the world, might as well enjoy the ride."

"Yikes, I didn't know you were a cowgirl Annabeth."

"You don't know lots of things about me then." She laughs harshly, at my words. "Don't worry I brought a cute scrunchie to hang on the door when we do it."

"Thank god." She snorts flipping her braid from one shoulder to the other.

"Okay, ground rules." Jason says walking over to us, Frank and Hazel shyly holding hands behind him. Leo is up on his back like a baby monkey clinging to its mother, then Percy slips over to my side. "No touching sexually in the back of the van."

"Noted." Piper nods teasingly.

"Any and all sex on this trip is safe, behind a closed door, and with some sort of object on the door to make sure that nobody walks into a room at the wrong time."

Percy raises his hand, "Does that mean we can't have kitchen sex?"

I smack his arm, "It was one time!"

"And you were really hungry for it, so the kitchen was perfect." He has a mischievous glint in his eyes that I don't much appreciate. "I'm just trying to make sure we don't break any rules."

"Guys, please?" Jason sighs, "Anyway, everyone will take a turn driving, except for Frank who has requested to only drive in the city. When we get there we stick together, I'm not having any of that horror movie bull shit missing person crap happening."

"Aw, and here I thought we were gonna roleplay again." Piper teases, "I brought the rope and everything!"

Jason's face is unreadable, aside from his clear distaste for mornings. "Anyway, always answer your phone. Now when we get our tattoos, no poking or slapping the new ink. Got it?"

"Yes sir." Frank salutes him.

"Good, everyone in the van." He claps his hands together.

"Hey, so are we gonna have coffee run or what?" Leo asks sliding down his back.

"No, because then you assholes will have to piss." Piper says hoping over to Jason's side.

"And besides it's preferable that you sleep and not touch each other right mom?" Hazel asks Jason.

"Exactly. I'm looking at you Frank." The moment he says it, Frank's hand retracts from Hazel's and he looks away from her, blushing madly as he does so.

"Jesus, Frank, calm down, we know that you're pure and we respect that you want to keep your awkward as hell first time to yourself, and in your own time." Percy teases.

"No really though. Keep that shit to yourself." Leo shudders.

"Hey, knock it off." I sigh buckling my seatbelt, Percy's hand falls onto my thigh. "Hey, you heard mom, no touching." I scold him playfully.

"I am not going to be responsible for this." Leo sighs next to me, Frank and Hazel are sitting closer to the front both in the window seats, while Percy and I have squished in the back seat beside Leo. Piper sits shot gun while Jason is in the driver's seat.

"I am!" Piper says brightly, you wouldn't think that Piper McLean, of all people would be a morning person. You would be wrong. "But I did already promise your parents that no babies would be conceived on the duration of this trip. So just tell me if you need a condom, and you can't need one while Leo is back there."

"Thanks for looking out for me, Pipes." Leo falls asleep instantly.

"What kind of music, Jason?" She asks him.

"Uh… Fall Out Boy, because I'm trash."

"Of course." She chuckles flipping through songs on her phone. Frank and Hazel's hands have crept back together, though I can see Hazel has already followed Leo to dream land.

"Fall Out Boy doesn't make you trash. It makes you Tumblr which is basically the same thing." Percy chuckles. I curl into his side, startling him, but he wraps his arms around me. Squeezing me slightly before leaving a small kiss on my forehead.

"Well, you're not wrong." Piper puts on American Beauty but not so loud as to wake those of us trying to sleep. I watch her hand snake over to Jason. He takes her hand and kisses her knuckles, a surprisingly sweet gesture that makes my stomach feel warm. Every now and again I have to remind myself, there is more to somebody than what they show to the world

More parts of us than what we reveal because our masks and walls act to defend us. Just because Piper is bad ass and 'teaches us real life', by being as real as she can be, doesn't make her any less soft. She still has warm parts of her heart that remind me she is human.

Jason too, he's the responsible one… Until you get him drunk then he couldn't be farther from it. Hazel seems soft, quiet, but lord almighty is she a force of nature. Frank is rough and just short of certifiably insane, but he holds Hazel's hand like it's nothing short of precious.

Leo, curled up beside me, joking and a total goof, has more heart and love inside of his body than I think even he realizes. And of course there's Percy, maniacal, dead beat, but would never show the softness his love can contain. The gentleness in his heart transfers to my skin as I fall asleep.

When I wake up it's only because We've stopped for a fast food run. Piper's driving next, I volunteer to sit with her while Jason takes a nap. The moment we're back on the road just about everyone else has crashed. Jason, Percy, and Leo have melded together in the back seat, while Hazel and Frank have slumped in their own seats. I put on the Heathers sound track, as she starts to talk.

"I kind of can't believe we're actually doing this." She chuckles.

"Yeah, me either." I agree, reading the story pulled up on my phone in the spaces of silence.

"I mean, I'm glad we are, but… we're just a couple of kids. You know?"

"Well we could just grow up, be adults, and die." I respond sharply.

"We're gonna have to do that someday, you know, the whole growing up thing."

"Yeah, but we don't have to be so… I don't know…" I sigh, "I guess it's like this; we're small, and we're just a bunch of eighteen-year-olds hurtling towards a new adventure. But what if everything's a new adventure?"

Piper smiles, "That's what I'm thinking."

"Then maybe it's not just an adventure, then it's a life. Nobody can tell us how to live our lives right? Right?" She laughs loudly at my question and embarrassment makes me feel hot. "Come on you're always saying that, you have to believe it."

"Of course I believe it."

"Then why are you laughing?"

She glances at me with eyes dancing through an array of emotions and colors. "You have so much life and knowledge inside of you, you could burn the whole world down and then build it all again from nothing but the ashes."

I look at her confusion and awe in my gaze because this girl, this wildly beautiful girl… Just told me that there is life inside of me. Four months ago I tried to kill myself, and now she's saying there's life inside of me.

She smirks, "You may not have always known this, hell, maybe you didn't know it until now. You have more power and life inside of you than anyone I've ever met. If you want my opinion, it's because you had to fight for it. To live, to want to be here. When you have to work your whole life for something, fight tooth and nail to get it. You tend to appreciate that thing more. For you it's being alive, for Leo it's having people who love him, Jason it's family, Hazel it's trust, Percy it's acceptance, and Frank has that kindness."

I look at her silhouette as the sun dances across her features, bright eyes and laughter lines. She's not who I thought she was at all. "Your legs are as open as your heart." I tell her.

She laughs beautifully before saying, "Thanks darling."

"No, really I mean it." I tell her. "You're really you, and not anything else."

"I'd hate to be the one to break this to you… But despite this, despite everything that's happened to you. You're still you." Her fingers drum the wheel anxiously, "You'll get to the point where you don't recognize yourself, someday you'll think what have I become. Maybe. But no matter what you go through, or who you've become. You're always going to be you, what's great about humans is that we can change."

"Have you changed much?" I ask her.

"I told Jason I love him, what do you think?"

"Yeah, but maybe that wasn't a whole lot."

"You didn't know me before this year." She says it sadly and I wonder what she could possibly mean, as the sound track suddenly starts to talk.

"Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?" Jolting the whole car awake.

"Oh yeah, Pilgrims, Indians, tater tots. It's a real party continent."

"What the hell are you listening to McLean?" Leo asks causing Piper and I to erupt into laughter.

I keep laughing as I switch to the next song on the sound track, I Love My Dead Gay Son. While the whole car tries to wrap their heads around Piper's musical choices. The two of us in the front seat sing along.

When we finally reach Piper's beach house, it's earlier than we thought, but it's still late. The house is massive, enough room for each of us to have a room to ourselves, though Piper decided that it would be a bad idea and let us pick partners. Hazel's my roomie, Leo and Frank, Percy and Jason, then of course Piper realized she was alone. She shrugged it off mostly, though she does tease Jason for not being his first choice.

She orders a pizza while the rest of us unpack. Hazel sees some of what I brought and loses her mind.

"I can't believe you bought a real fucking corset." She says in shock.

"I don't judge your life, don't judge mine."

"I'm not hating I'm just slightly impressed… Nice bikini."

"Thanks." I smile softly, I had been super nervous about wearing it, but I've decided that if Percy loves even my scars… Well my friends won't mind either. They're the least judgmental people I've ever met.

"Hey bitches, I'm putting on Heathers get your asses down here!" Piper calls up.

"You'd like that wouldn't you!?" Leo shouts back down.

"Let's go loser." I wave Hazel over to the doorway. Piper has laid out pizza, drinks, and chips on a table outside of the movie room, because she has a movie room in her beach house. Apparently.

"God, mom, yes I'm okay." Hazel and I stop outside the door as Piper talks on speaker phone.

"I know, honey, but you understand my concern."

"God, treat me like a human being for five minutes instead of an unruly teenager!" She groans as Jason and Percy walk up behind us.

Jason sighs, Percy mouths, "Is she okay?" I shrug in response.

"Do you really think yourself so special!?" Her mother's voice is heavy with static but rings out clearly, "When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings."

"I've gotta go mom." Piper's voice sounds like she's rolling her eyes.

"Stay safe, I love you." When she walks out of the movie room she looks surprised.

"Hey, babes, foods up." Of course she ignores what just happened. None of us bring it up, though Jason asks her gently when we sit down to eat. Leo and Frank enter last, before we watch this movie.

God bless Winona Ryder, she is perfection in this role and I finally understand the soundtrack… There's a moment when everyone in the town is praying at Heather Chandler's body, I look at my friends. I watch each of them, entranced with the film, and I feel a stirring of love in my gut. Like we've all had to go through something extraordinary to get here.

Let me say that in books, dystopias and fantasies, the characters are always fighting for moments like these. They crave monotony. They want to go to the grocery store without almost dying, or to repaint a room in their apartment. They want this moment, surrounded by friends, enjoying a movie, their boyfriend on one side… But above all else, they want to feel safe.

And right here, right now… I feel safe.


	42. Chapter 42 On Behalf of Love

**Jason**

" _I want love to conquer all. But love can't conquer anything. It can't do anything on its own. It relies on us to do the conquering on its behalf."_

In the morning we storm the beach so early that the sand looks grey in the early light. The sky breaks free into beautiful dewy colors and a bright morning sun. Before we know what's happening the beach is filled with random strangers, but to us it feels practically empty. Hazel and Annabeth with their feet splayed in the sand, Leo building sand castles close by as Frank nods his approval, Percy, Piper, and I attacking one another in the ocean.

There are too many grown up old people on this beach, too many sun bathing retirees who have this beach every day. Then there's us, the kids that are causing a ruckus, but don't have a care in the world. We are sent nasty looks from baking old people, but I soon realize I'm the only one who cares. None of my friends even gives a second thought to the people looking at us with disdain. Without another thought towards those people I pick up Leo over my shoulder and run into the ocean.

"Dude!" He cackles before I throw him under the waves.

"What?" I ask as he tries and fails to dunk me under the waves.

"What's your deal?" He asks so I drape my arm around his shoulders and stick my other arm out.

"All those people out there, you see them don't you?"

"No." He deadpans.

"They've had their turn, they've fixed the world and smashed it to bits again. All of them have had their chance to hold the world in their hands and turn it, even if it was just that hour that they knew what love was. Now it's our turn."

"Jason, you're being a sap again!" Piper shouts jumping onto my back, her slippery wet body smacks roughly against my own. "You know that all of those people don't give a single fuck about us."

"Well they should, didn't they know that we were coming?" Leo asks running back out of the waves and taking Annabeth by the hand. "Let's make some memories."

I start spinning Piper as Annabeth, Hazel, and Frank join us in the ocean. There's something mystical about being in a body so large it could swallow you whole. Destroy you without a trace, but also rejuvenate you, bring you life in place of emptiness.

Percy and Frank get ice cream together, Annabeth, Hazel and I draw pictures and write our names in the sand. Piper and Leo dance as the salty cold waves crash against their dark rippling with goose-bump skin. Laughter that is positively louder than thunder cloaks this whole beach.

When the waves climb so high that we get knocked off of our feet only to lay on the rough sea floor. Piper rolls on top of me dunking my head under when I'm weak. I resurface to find her laughing effortlessly, like laughter is the only thing we need, the only thing we know.

"You aren't just pretty, you know." I say the words and I feel myself grinning out of embarrassment. Her eyes pierce like a knife to my heart.

"I know." Her at ease air returns.

"I love you."

She blushes, "I love you…"

I kiss her trying to suck her worry out of her body. A large wave crashes over us and we're suddenly drowning for all of thirty seconds. We resurface and stare at each other like kids caught touching each other, all awkward smiles and shaking muscles. She doesn't laugh, just takes my hand and drags me to the shore.

I take her face in my hands and kiss her again until she pulls away. "You're making me feel all nervous again."

"And what am I supposed to do about that?" I find myself laughing.

"I don't know but stop it."

"You want me to?" I ask a low husky note in my tone.

"Later!" She practically squeaks and in that moment she's so drastically different from the girl I first met I speak up.

"You're being… not you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're acting like some manic pixie dream girl."

She rolls her eyes and suddenly she's back to me. "I couldn't be farther from one of those."

"Really?" I snort.

"Our story doesn't need one." She tells me, "But fuck, I guess if we absolutely must have one, then sure. I'll take one for the team."

"The whole team?" I snort.

"Guess what though, Jason. I'm not here for you. Remember that." Her words don't hurt, they almost fill me with relief.

"Understood." I affirm.

"I mean it. I'm here on my own terms, because I want you. I didn't need bullshit persuasion or to change you to make you fit a little mold of a boy who suddenly knows how to live."

"Piper." I take her hands and kiss them, "I promise that we won't let that life inside of you die. I fell in love with you, all of you. The fire in your eyes, the song in your heart, and your ever pressing need to be boned. Don't forget that, I fell in love with the whole package, the life inside of you included. If you ever find yourself extinguishing your fire for anyone, I fully expect you to drop them flat on their ass. Even if it's me, especially if it's me."

She stares at me for long enough that the waves have stolen most of the sand from under us. She cracks a smile so beautiful no painting genius or god in a pantheon could have crafted it by hand.

"Fuck you Jason, you made me speechless." So she tackles me with sweet sandy kisses. I can nearly feel her heart beating against mine, there's this thick sheet of love between us that makes my heart almost loud as it thumps wildly in my chest. The girl with a vault full of precious words that hold meaning in every accentuated syllable, I made that girl speechless.

"Hey, no public sex!" Hazel snorts kicking cold salt water onto our boiling hot skin.

"Guys, not in the sand!" Percy cackles.

"Yeast infections for days." Annabeth says with a hint of wisdom in her tone before she completely knocks Percy's legs from underneath him, then takes off running down the shoreline before he can chase her down. I look at her with a smile, I had glanced over her scars before we left. I couldn't not see them in her swim suit, but that girl has a beautiful laugh. Just enough gasping to remind you it's joy and just enough noise to fill the spaces where others would leave silence. Her laugh sounds like a hymn in a holy place, like it's revered and rightly so, another worldly quality about it.

I'm reminded of when we all gathered in a hospital for her, when Piper emerged from Annabeth's room and had a light in her eyes. When I drove her home she finally told me why.

"There's no one more beautiful than a survivor, fresh out of the wreckage. Still standing, still alive, and the most amazing part about them is when they have this light behind their eyes. You know in your heart they're going to make it. She's going to make it, some people have a light, she had a whole damn forest fire."

When the sun starts to fade in the distance, our skin slightly pinkish and much darker than we had started, we head back to the house. Leo on Percy's back, Hazel and Annabeth holding hands, Piper running ahead, twirling excitedly like a child, Frank and I hanging in the back walking tiredly. The smile on Frank's face makes me think that there is so much joy in friendship, so much love that I think I get why we've come together.

The world threw us together because we are the obscure puzzle pieces, we're from opposite ends of the board but we still fit. We don't make a good image, hell we probably wouldn't make a picture at all. But we fit together, and what we do make is perfect for us.

Once Chinese takeout is ordered we sit in the back yard, drinking up hard lemonades and the night sky. We're all exhausted, but that doesn't stop us from laughing enough to act as a workout. We fall into one of our signature, how the hell did this end up so deep talks. Somehow, Piper still ends up laughing as Percy's just discovered happiness.

"Alright, you bitches win." She says with a snort unburrowing herself from my side.

"What did we win?" Leo scoffs.

"You've unlocked friendship level eight."

"Tragic backstory?" Annabeth laughs a little too eagerly.

"It doesn't have to be tragic." Piper retaliates, "Just because it sounds tragic doesn't mean it was. Honestly, it wasn't that bad."

"What are you gonna tell us?" Frank asks amused.

"My virginity story." She says simply, and suddenly all of us are leaned in closer. Completely at the mercy of her words. "So, you don't get to judge me."

"Too late princess." Hazel snorts.

"Alright." Piper shrugs, "So I was at my cousin's wedding, and there was this guy I had never seen before. I have close to fifty cousins, so at first I was like, is he my cousin? Is he? And I've always looked older than I am, okay? I've had breasts since the third grade, I just look super mature."

"How old were you?" Percy asks cautiously.

"It was a week before my thirteenth birthday."

Leo cringes, "You lost your virginity at twelve."

"Yeah… Strike number one, right?" She tries to joke but none of us find it very funny. "So anyway, a few drinks-"

"You were drinking?" I almost demand.

"Hey, weddings are a real treasure in my family, by that I mean there is never a room filled with more drunk... generally unhappy and willing to do stupid shit, people all in one place at once."

"You're not Mexican." Leo lets an airy chuckle fall out of his body.

"No, I'm Cherokee, trust me on this."

"You've got it." Hazel tips her drink to her.

"So this guy and I had sex in a bathroom stall in the men's room."

"A class act right there." Annabeth claps her hands.

"He and I texted for a little while, until…. I uh… found out he was thirty-six and looking to settle down."

All of us stare in an aghast shock, she doesn't shy away from our gazes. All she does is avert her eyes back up to the stars and stick her tongue in her cheek.

"That's almost three times your age." Frank says fiercely.

"Thanks dad, I know that now." She snarks at him. "I blocked his number and at first I was really embarrassed."

"So you didn't tell anyone?" Annabeth asks.

"Not for a few months."

"Shit, dude." Percy sighs.

"What was I supposed to do? It wasn't rape, it was consensual sex, if anyone was going to get in trouble it would have been my parents. I was now thirteen, mind you. I didn't know what to do, all I knew was that I broke the law, and I didn't exactly mind." She chuckles nervously looking at her hands. "How can I explain this? It wasn't fabulous sex, nobody's first time is, I don't care what the world tells you. First time sex is awkward and just plain uncomfortable. But I still liked it, I had never felt that way before."

She looks around at all of us, taking in the shocked faces, the looks of near disgust. "I could blame my parents for not being there for me, I could blame them for making me seek attention that I was lacking at home. I'd be a liar if I said any of that though, because I didn't even consider them at all. I wanted that for myself, not to get back at them or anything, and I suddenly wanted the world to know how this felt."

She laughs again, an airy clearly torn sound that fights the whole way out of her throat. "Call me a little scientist, but I started experimenting, first with myself and then with others. I did some weird shit, let me tell you, I made my own sex toys that the internet suggested for god sake. I didn't find it hard to even talk about it to my friends at school."

"You were the kid every parent fears." Hazel says lightly.

"Basically." Piper agrees a grateful smile taking up her face. "So here's a fun story, I gave all of my best guy friends blow jobs. Two of them turned out to be gay, and then out of the three straight one's two of them got girlfriends. At a sleep over I taught my friends how to touch themselves."

"Holy shit you were a productive thirteen-year-old." Leo lets out a snicker.

"I was!" She agrees, "Until I was caught giving head to the one single guy friend left in a bathroom stall at school…"

"At thirteen." Percy deadpans.

"Yeah…" She starts to blush a bright shade of red, I realize I've never seen her blush until now. "Um, needless to say my parents were not thrilled that I was doing all of this stuff. So they put me into therapy and that's when I found out um… Fuck this is the hard part."

She bites the inside of her cheek, to give her a moment I wonder aloud. "So I don't know about you, but my girlfriend can make sex toys. Just putting that out there."

"I imagine they're like water bottles or something." Frank chuckles. Piper gives me a grateful look, but I can't say I'm not curious as to what she's going to say next.

"Honey if you think I can fit a water bottle up my vagina you are sorely mistaken and probably have seen way too much porn." Annabeth says.

"Hey, Frank wouldn't know any better. Leave the pure cinnamon bun out of this." Leo says.

"Okay, I'm good, really." Piper breaks up our talk, "So apparently when I was really little, like, I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I used to always make fun of myself. Because I have no memories until I was like six so I thought that it was totally a sign I would always have memory problems.

"As it turns out, I had been in therapy before I was thirteen. When I was four years old my uncle had been assaulting two of my cousins and I, sexually. Which is why I don't have any memories from that part of my life. I had blocked them out, like actually mind bleached those thoughts out of my brain. I to this day don't remember anything, not even what my uncle looks like.

"So imagine, going to therapy and having your new therapist ask you about having been sexually assaulted. And I'm like, that's not why I'm here at all. So she explains to me that my uncle is going to be in jail for another ten years for what he did to my cousins and I. Do you know how weird it is to know that you were so fucked up that your brain made you forget it?" All of us are silent, not sure how or if we should even answer her.

She sighs, a bitterness suddenly hangs in her eyes. "I felt like, I don't know, betrayed I guess it a good word for it. Like wow, thanks parents for telling me that I'm fucked up. But I also fully understand why they wouldn't tell me that, and keep it a secret. So I guess the real story of how I lost my virginity is that my dipshit uncle raped me and my cousins when we were too young to remember. Because oh by the way, I still am not allowed to tell them what happened to us, even though they're two of my best friends. That's fucked up right?"

"Yes." All of us say in some form or fashion, she laughs. Actually laughs.

"What?" Percy asks.

"I just… I've never told anyone about this, it's weird to be validated… Like no, I'm not crazy, just a mess."

"So what happened?" Hazel asks.

"I stayed in therapy, she told me that he'd been caught, sent to jail for twenty years. This really fucked me up because again I have no memory of this ever happening to me. I ended up telling her about the wedding thing. She made me tell my parents who were just fucking furious. I guess I can't blame them, my dumb ass was not doing myself any favors you know?"

"I mean, there isn't a blame in that kind of a situation." Leo says.

"Yeah, there is, and it's on me."

"Not totally." Leo presses, "It was a mistake, but you don't have to blame anyone."

"Well, I guess. Here's my problem though, I've never felt traumatized. You'd think I would have felt traumatized, but I didn't, I was fine. And I still wanted to have sex, so I kept having sex. Blah blah blah, I've seen more dicks than I can count. Watched my parent's disappointment turn into indifference, and now I'm here, with you losers."

She throws her arms up in the air as if to signify a victor and wraps her arms around my neck, leaving a harsh kiss on my cheek. "I'm not hurt, I'm not sad or tragic, I'm someone who's lived a life bigger than I even knew. I never needed fixing, I don't think, but even if I did I'm alive now. Every step I took got me here, and if I had to do it all over again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Even the days that I was called a whore, because I knew that there were much worse things in this world than love."

Suddenly, Leo busts out laughing. "I never thought of it like that. Sluts aren't damaged, they've just got a lot of love to give."

"Exactly!" Piper jumps up and hugs him.

Hazel smiles, "One of my old friends used to tell me, 'everyone thinks that I'm the dirty one because I'm a hoe, but they never take the time to look at their own hands.'"

"That's just it." Annabeth says, "Nobody has dirty hands, nobody is dirty. We're people, we just are."

"I feel really proud right now." Piper smiles brightly.

"You should, you've spent all year trying to teach us to be brave. We're doing a good job." Percy chuckles.

"That and in this moment there has never been a story more valiant than yours." I say, "You're nothing short of an icon. Your own brain looked at your trauma and said, nah I'm good. You're bad ass."

She comes back to me and kisses me quickly, like a thank you or her way of telling me I've made it. I finally get it, that the world does not have to be so bad. Piper has this power of speech, this way with words that remind me why words are magic. Although, maybe it's not the words that are magical, maybe it's just her. Because she doesn't have to say anything at all and I am still enthralled with every syllable as she kisses my neck.

Soon the fire dies down and we go our separate ways, I take Piper, cradled in my arms and run her upstairs. Shouts from our friends follow us to her room, reminding me of all those dumb rules I put in place. I lay her out on the bed and kiss her, as if I'm trying to communicate with just kisses.

When I kiss her nose I'm saying, 'you're perfect', when I kiss her jaw I'm saying 'thank you', her cheek 'I get it', her neck, 'kissing you feels like a prayer'. I don't think I have any more words to say other than, 'I love you' over and over again every time our lips crash together like waves on a shoreline. I can't imagine her being anyone else, us being anywhere else. If love feels like anything, it has to be this.


	43. Chapter 43 Rather Chase the Sun

**Damn, I'm back at it again with the unannounced hiatus's, so sorry guys I've been super busy with college life and trying to get myself together, but you know what it's all good. Because I have the chapter for you! It may take me a bit to post the next chapter after this but I doubt you'll be mad because, omg they're getting tattoos! So exciting I know. Anyway, if you messaged me since I last posted I'm so sorry for slow responses, like I said, college is slaying me. I'm still alive (but I'm barely breathing) Anyway, enjoy the chapter, tell me what you think, and as always, sending my love!**

 **Hazel**

" _I'd rather chase the sun than wait for it."_

Maybe it's because I've never been to a beach before, but I have fallen in love with the shore. Sand really does sparkle, in case you were skeptical, it sparkles like you're walking on glass. Then the water, it's not clear, not like you'd think. It's almost briny, dark, but still one of the prettiest sights I've ever seen.

This morning, I woke up early, to find myself alone. I assume Annabeth is off sexing with Percy somewhere, so I get ready. Today we're getting inked and I am so excited about it. I've been waiting for this ever since Annabeth first brought it up.

I've had my design drawn out for almost two years now, and as I look in the mirror at my body, I recognize this as the last time I will ever look this way. From this day on, I'll carry a part of me that I put there, unlike the rest of the bullshit that I carry. I've decided that every scar I have has just sort of happened to me, but this is something that's mine.

I go downstairs to see Jason reading the back of a cereal box. "Yes you are eating pure sugar and some corn, what of it?"

"Morning to you too." Jason chuckles passing me the cereal.

"How you doing?"

"I'm good."

"Excited for tonight?"

"Not as excited as you." He smirks at me.

"Yeah, and?"

"It's not a bad thing, I'm just stating a fact."

"So you're ready then?"

"Again, not as much as you."

I huff dramatically, "And why not?"

"I'm a big baby when it comes to pain." He admits.

"Then why in the name of good fuck were you a football player?"

He tilts his head back laughing, "You've got me there, let's say society."

"Alright, pull the society card."

"Look, my dad wanted a vomit worthy nineteen fifties family dynamic. Okay? Picture perfect jock son included."

"Alright I guess." I chuckle. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Piper's a morning person, she's showering right now. I'm a light sleeper."

"Ah, well, Annabeth was gone when I woke up too."

"Yeah I've been watching her and Percy making out on the veranda ever since they got back from their beach walk." He gestures to one of the large windows overlooking the lush backyard. I see two heads peek up over the backs of the love seat, their faces hidden by a cloak of thick blonde curls.

"I figured." I respond. "So what are you getting?"

"For my ink?"

"It's a tattoo, Jason." I laugh.

"What's wrong with calling it ink?"

"You sound like a dad trying to be hip with the kids." He rolls his eyes at my words.

"You want to be grounded to the back seat for the trip back home, young lady?" He asks sternly with good intent behind his tone.

I hold back a laugh, "No, sir." The two of us let our giggles out, "You use that voice in the bedroom?"

"It's cute that you want to know about my sex life. Is yours really that dry?"

"Not since your girlfriend bought me a vibrator." Jason seems shocked by my words which makes me laugh even harder.

"I always forget that Frank is the innocent one."

"Yeah, me too." I snort.

"Hey kids." Piper walks into the kitchen, her hair still damp from her shower. "What's for breakfast."

"Sugar corn." Jason responds. She looks at us strangely when our laughter bubbles out of us, before taking the cereal box away from us.

"Is this weed cereal or are you guys high on something else?"

"High on life." Jason responds sweetly before pointing at me. "And excitement, if you're Hazel."

"For tonight?" She asks lilting her voice.

"Duh."

Piper's eyes nearly roll into the back of her head. "What is it? Christmas?"

"Basically, just look at the teenage dream outside." I point behind me.

Doing the sign of the cross, Piper chuckles, "Father, son, holy shit. She's a cowgirl alright."

I don't turn around but Jason does, "Oh my good fuck. Outside? Really?"

"I'm tempted to throw lube at them. Dare me?"

I shout yes, Jason shouts no, Piper lets a smirk dance across her face and she goes into the bathroom and walks out with a small bottle of lube in her hand. She opens a window close to Annabeth and Percy, the sounds of their moaning filter through as she chucks the lube at them with a triumphant. "You're welcome!" Before slamming the window shut.

"Our friends are a mess." Jason shakes his head.

"But I'm your mess." I throw my arms around him, which I'm stunned to say he returns. His strong arms locking me in a tight hug.

"Yeah, you're my mess." He leans his head on mine and I feel warm, almost like he's my big brother or something.

"Me too!" Piper nearly jumps on me, kissing the top of my head as she does. "Where's that idiot boyfriend of yours and his cuddle buddy?"

"Still spooning, probably." I snort. Frank and Leo being roommates make sense, Frank doesn't like physical contact much. For some reason though, he doesn't mind it when Leo cuddles him. The bromance is strong with them.

"God I hope so." Piper laughs. The three of us enjoy our breakfast before the guys emerge and the two morning sex whores return from the elements. Together, the seven of us head out to the board walk amusement park. All of us trying desperately to feel as young as possible, while simultaneously being surrounded by grandparents taking young children to the kiddie rides.

Honestly, the whole time we've been here, people look at us like we're missing our adult supervision and yeah, I guess we are. But we can vote, so that counts for something, right?

Anyway, we do a lot of dicking around. Riding whatever we please, eating junk food, and making memories that are undeniable. There's something about amusement parks that feel youthful, disgusting and somewhat impossible, but that's what being young is. Disgusting, almost wrong, like any second the ferris wheel is going to break down or one more ride on the tilt-a-whirl will make you vomit. Being young is a lot like that, nothing feels particularly right, but we persist because at least we're still living.

I'm shotgun as we drive to the tattoo parlor, surprisingly the only one who's nervous is Jason. Piper keeps making fun of him, "Are you serious right now?"

"Of course I am." He says embarrassment evident in his tone.

"Come on, you played football with an appendicitis. You can handle this."

"I don't like needles." He says.

"Yeah well, neither do I. Did that stop me?" Annabeth teases him, but that thought makes me cringe on the inside. The scars on her legs were hard to look at but she told me, 'there's new skin, if my body can heal, so can my brain' I guess that's true. But it didn't make it any easier to look at.

"You don't count." Percy rolls his eyes.

"I'm scared of needles too." I admit.

"And no one is more excited than you, to do this!" Piper laughs joyfully.

"I fucking know!" I laugh, thumbing the design for my tattoo. It's folded up small, the creases in the paper are deep and the design started to fade so I traced over the original. This is a part of me in my mind, and soon it's going to be on my body. I remember the day he drew it, one of my old friends.

I remember it so clearly my mind might as well have recorded the moment, the bright sun shining down on us before it disappeared for a long while. We were sitting in this park across the street from the local elementary school. We were cutting class, all of us, as if anything was new there. Sammy had pulled me tight to his chest and zipped up his jacket with me inside. Ricky held a half-burnt cigarette in one hand and Juels hand in the other. Juels was methodically trying to sketch out something, while the cold wind tried to disrupt his creative process. Jensen laid across my thighs her eyes closed, fading purple hair sprawled beneath her, roots tucked away expertly in her signature grimy red beanie. Emily poking fun at Sammy, trying to convince him that there are worse things in life than failing PE, but that was pretty low.

I felt warm, despite the cold November air, the occasional harsh wind that would pass by. Ricky's overly curly dark hair kept falling in his face, and I wondered if the ends of his hair would get burned by the cigarette if it got too close. Juels roughly turned the page of his sketch book.

"What's wrong honey bun?" I'd asked him.

He pouted at me and he reminded me of a little kid, his dark brown eyes looking severe and his slicked back hair like a child with trust fund parents. Hell, he still is a trust fund kid, if his parents haven't found out about the whole gay thing. "I can't get this figure right."

"Well, draw something else." Sammy suggested as if the answer were obvious.

"What do I draw?" He asked looking at Ricky.

"To hell if I know, kiddo, make something pretty." Ricky shrugged puffing out a cloud of smoke.

"Draw me a tattoo." Jensen said, "I'll have an original Jullian Lazaro on my body."

He snorted loudly before looking down at his sketch pad.

"It's not a bad idea." I told him, "You'd make a killer tattoo artist. I'd definitely have your art on my body."

"You think so?" He asked me genuinely.

"Nah, Hazel just says random bullshit." Emily cackled, "Of course she means it, when doesn't she mean it?"

Juels rolled his eyes but got back to his work. Sammy pulled me up on his lap, "Better soak it up Elle, that's the closest you're getting to a compliment from Emily for the rest of your life."

Sammy called me Elle, it started out as just the letter, for my last name, for Louisiana, and just because he never thought my name fit well. 'Hazel's an in-between color, kind of muddy and confused. Elle, you're not any of those things. You're clear as crystal and stubborn as hell, even if you didn't know what you were doing, you'd pretend pretty well.'

"Don't I know it." I snorted, my hands poking out of the bottom of his jacket to stroke Jensen's hair. Her multicolored ever wild hair, that somehow always stayed soft. Even that time she dyed it half green and half gold. 'For Mardi Gras!'

"So are you dating again or what?" Emily asked.

"She's too good for me." Sammy said.

"He won't take me back."

"God you're stupid." Jensen chuckled.

"Hey, not all of us can be serial romantics." Sammy retorted. Jensen shrugged, we'd always had an odd relationship, Jensen and I. It got weirder when I kissed her, one very high night. I still haven't totally forgiven myself for that. The girl who wears her heart, shattered as it is, on her cheek like a trophy and eyes so blue I mistook them for the sky, I too took my turn to break her invincible heart.

"But not all of us can date, Hazel." Jensen reminded him.

"Ain't that the truth." Ricky snorted.

"She deserves better than me, she always will." He'd said this over and over again for years. I will still never understand why he thought so highly of me, maybe he saw something in me I'm still trying to find. Whatever the reason we never did date again, we had sex and we loved each other. Why we never dated again, I don't know. Maybe he could tell you.

Ricky started telling us about some drama with the school, something about a sexting scandal and he'd somehow ended up with Ivory Wilson's nudes. He was in shock that he'd received them because he'd never been straight a day in his life. In his own words, 'I saw enough pussy the moment I came out of one thanks.'

Then out of nowhere, Juels smiled brightly, "Fuck yeah." He turned his sketch book around and showed us the product. He'd drawn me looking over my shoulder, topless, on my side a cascade of gold pouring out of my skin. Gems and gold pieces falling effortlessly out of an almost pretty cut, dancing up the waterfall of gold read the words, 'Even her blood is beautiful'.

"Shit man, draw me a tattoo next." Sammy smiled his crooked, brighter than sunlight smile.

"Can I have it?" I asked, and he looked at me strangely.

"You actually want it?"

"Of course I do. It's beautiful." I didn't understand why he'd drawn me that way, but the image was so beautiful I wanted to have it forever.

"Promise me something first." He said, "You have to actually get this tattoo. Someday."

"Cross my heart. I'll always want it."

"Hey just think before you ink, dumbass." Emily smirked beautifully at me, she had a wicked sort of beauty about her. Like an evil enchantress whose beauty was unfair and usually an illusion. But she was always gorgeous, almost white skin, black hair cut in a twenties bob, perfect winged eye liner, and blood red lips. There was never a day she didn't look flawless, her sinister beauty that we always made fun of her for.

'Oh no it's Snow White's wicked mother!'

'You're so white it burns my eyes.'

'Please spare my first born child, your grace.'

Her humor was sharp, but never ill meant, she was also crazy smart. As much of a bitch as she could be, there was no one with more compassion in her heart. She got me home after many a drunken night spent with Sammy, she never let me feel alone.

"I'm serious, you think about that tattoo, for at least two years. Then go right ahead."

"Yes ma'am." I had promised her, and now almost three years later here I am.

I kept that picture with me every second of my journey to New York, knowing in my heart that my friends were always behind me. Even if I had been a jerk and barely told them I was leaving. Even when I broke Jensen's heart, and even when I didn't tell them I was homeless. They were with me because I had that picture. Now I'm going to have it forever.


	44. Chapter 44 Forgetting and Forgiveness

**And I swear I'm not dead, I'm just really stressed! Also we're coming up on the end here folks! Who's ready? I'm ready!**

 **Leo**

" _I didn't say forget, never forget. Just stop living there."_

The tattoo parlor is surprisingly clean, art hanging on the purple walls, there's a faint scent of antiseptic and paint. Piper meets the guy at the front desk, while the rest of us hang back looking at all of the art work. There are couches around coffee tables, littered with tattoo magazines and inspiration books. The atmosphere is much more inviting than I thought it would be, you'd think a tattoo parlor would be dark and dingy. But this place is really nice, I have to hand it to Piper, she did a good job.

"So, who's going first?" Piper asks walking back to us with the guy right behind her. "We have three artists booked."

"I have to go first, or I'll wimp out." Hazel says but she sounds near bursting with joy.

The rest of us look wearily between each other. Piper finally speaks up, "Mine's going to take a while." I instantly wonder what she could possibly be getting.

"Well, if it's all us girls, I'll go." Annabeth volunteers. Just like that the three of them are taken to the back room and us guys pace the waiting room.

"You nervous?" Jason asks me.

"Not really." I say honestly, "You?"

"Yeah… I hate needles." He chuckles nervously.

"I don't but I'm still nervous." Percy snorts.

"I'm excited though, I'm really looking forward to having something on my body that I put there." Jason tells us.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Well, you know, everything else on my body is something that's just kind of happened to me. This is something I'm putting there. Not a scar or blemish, something that I put meaning on."

"Huh…" I say under my breath. I'd never thought of that before. We fall into silence, the four of us nervous and awkward until Annabeth walks out. Her smile bright and confident.

"Who's next pansy's?" She chuckles.

I let Frank volunteer, since I can't muster the courage to go back with the heavily tattooed men.

"So what'd you get?" Percy asks her anxiously.

"You're going to have to wait and see until we get back, Hazel wants a tattoo fashion show later." Annabeth says with a smirk.

"Oh great, parading around our new bodies to each other. What could be more fun?" I ask with a tone full of sarcasm.

"It's really not that bad, it's like cat scratches." She reassures us.

"You know, for some reason, I don't believe you." Jason looks at her with a chuckle.

"I don't know what to tell you then, boo." She shrugs holding Percy's hand in her own.

"Your palms are sweaty." He comments.

"I did have twenty minutes of cat scratches." She reminds him.

"It's been twenty minutes?" I ask.

"Oh yeah." She nods, "You should see Piper and Hazel, they're getting bigger pieces than me. They look like they're dying."

"Oh, great." I feel that nervous energy return.

Another almost twenty minutes go by and Frank returns looking shaken and pale, but proud.

"How'd it go buddy?" Percy asks him.

"There are worse things." Frank shrugs but nearly collapses on the couch.

"Who's ready?" The tattoo artist smiles at us. He's got tattoos crawling up his neck too, and really he's kind of intimidating. Why am I scared of a tattoo artist? I don't know man but it's just unsettling.

"Oh, I just have to do it already." Jason stands up from the couch and follows the guy back. Just as he disappears Hazel finally comes out.

"Hey! You live!" I chuckle.

"Barely." She sighs, "Don't get me wrong I love it, but that shit hurt." That's not reassuring at all.

"Well, you did get one of the most painful places on your body." The tattoo artist chides her gently.

"You're right, but still." She sits down next to Frank and nearly melts into the couch.

"Who's next." This artist is a girl, her tattoos clutter her arms, but for some reason she seems less intimidating than the guy.

"I'll go." I volunteer, "Just so I'm not last." I wink at Percy before walking in after the artist.

"So, what are we doing?" She asks taking me to her station. The back of the parlor is nice and clean, just like the front. A couple of cozy couches by the work tables. Piper is on the far end of the shop laying on her stomach, her eyes screwed up in pain as one of the guys draws on her back. Jason is still talking to his tattoo artist.

"So, I just have an idea, but I don't know how to get it done." I explain to her. "When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that nothing was unfixable. My mom recently passed away, and I want a reminder of that."

She nods, "Do you know where you want it?"

"I'm thinking my chest."

"Do you have anything symbolic from her?"

"Not really, we're all mechanics. My dad owns a shop."

"Okay…" She starts to sketch out a design and when she shows it to me I feel like it's too much. She's drawn a wrench with the words inscribed in the handle.

"I don't know… What about this instead." I hold out my hand and take the image from her. I draw a heart between the teeth of the wrench and fill in the handle. I know what it means, the rest of the world doesn't need to. Not unless they're willing to stick around for the long run.

We work out the logistics and decide in the end to make it just an outline, the image is just an outline of a wrench barely six inches long with the teeth in shape of a heart. To remind myself that I have the tools to fix even my heart, no matter how broken.

I take off my shirt just as Jason is leaving, my tattoo takes all of ten minutes before the image is forever on my body. I get to be the first one to look at the image, and I absolutely love it.

As I get my shirt on Piper finally finishes hers, the look on her face is both tired and proud. Percy walks in as the two of us walk out together.

"I need a fucking nap." She says before collapsing onto Jason's lap.

"What the hell took so long?" Jason asks her laughing. She says nothing, passing out the moment she's off her feet.

"Is she okay?" Hazel asks the tattoo artist.

"Yeah, she got a big piece, she'll be fine." He assures us. Percy takes close to an hour to get his done, by the time we can actually leave the sky is dark. The keys to the van have been handed off to Annabeth, since she was the first to finish. She takes us to the Mexican restaurant we ordered from while still at the shop.

We take all of our food up to the master bedroom, which Piper has moved into during our time here. With our food passed around, Hazel decides it's time for us to parade our new body art.

"Let me eat my gorditas woman." I tell her as I've just finished assembling them. I know they won't be as good as my mom's but it's got to be good Mexican if we're this close to the boarder.

"You don't have to go first." She tells me.

"Any volunteers?" Piper asks.

"What about you?" Jason smiles, "You took a long ass time, I want to see what you were doing in there."

"I think I should go last, because of that." She retorts, sticking her tongue out at him. He sticks his tongue out back at her.

"Get a room!" Percy throws a salt packet at them.

Frank suddenly starts rolling up his sleeves, twisting his arms to show us the inside part of his bicep. On each arm there are numbers in bold typewriter script, they're an odd kind of beautiful.

"I got my parents troop numbers." He says a sadness hitched in his tone. "My mom on my right, my dad on my left." He rolls his sleeves back down and digs into his enchilada.

"I love it." Piper says.

"Me too." Hazel agrees. He shrugs but lets a blush creep up his neck, I think he's glad we approve.

"Percy, go." Frank says between bites.

"Alright." He chuckles pulling his shirt off.

"Yikes! Keep it PG!" I chuckle.

"I mean I would but you know you love it." He winks dramatically at me.

On his right hip he's got an intricate compass, a blue anchor in the center under the little arrow. Beneath it is a coordinate. But I'm not sure what it's for.

"So, there's this place that my mom has in Montauk, and it's my favorite place in the world. Like a safe haven of sorts… it's my favorite place in the whole world. So that's the coordinate, the compass is because I've always had a fascination with sailing and boats. Also I'm a great navigator for some reason, how that happened I couldn't tell you." He snorts getting a laugh out of us.

"Now put a shirt on, hoe." Frank chuckles.

"Do my nipples offend you Frank?" He asks groping his own chest.

"Jason, there has to be some kind of rule about this." Frank groans.

"Yeah there is, you two go get a room." Jason chuckles.

Percy throws his shirt on before pointing to Hazel. "Alright little bit, show me what you got."

Hazel gets on her knees and pulls out a sheet of paper from her back pocket. She explains that she had a group of friends back in Alaska, that one of them was an artist and drew her tattoo for her. The image is striking, the resemblance between her and the picture is almost perfect.

Then she lifts up her shirt to show us the long stream of jewels flowing down her side. It's perfect for her, what can I say besides what is now on her skin? Even her blood is beautiful.

"Alright, who am I gonna pick?" She taps her cheek a few times before smirking at Annabeth. "You're turn baby doll."

Annabeth smiles, "Alright this is thirteen plus, you've been warned."

"This is where we find out Annabeth's a freak." Jason snorts.

"She got a vagina tattoo." Percy jokes.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that." Frank says. "Wait those don't exist right?"

"I'm sure vulva tattoos are a thing but let's not go into that right now." Piper says with a laugh.

Annabeth lifts up her skirt to show us the tattoo stretched over top the scars on her right thigh. The elegant text reads 'I look like this because I am alive' the statement just kisses the highest scar on her thigh. It's simple, beautiful, and tells a story longer than any I've ever known.

"It's perfection." Percy tells her. "Pure perfection."

"I love it." She tells him kissing his lips before sitting back down. "Leo, come on, show me what you've got."

I reveal my tattoo to the gang, all of them enthralled by the simple image.

"I thought you'd go bigger." Frank says honestly.

"It's for my mom." I tell them, I'm sure they already knew that though. "To remind me that nothing is unfixable, that no matter what happens to me, I have the ability and the tools to fix my own heart. She gave me the tools to fix myself."

"You're god." Piper says with an easy smile.

"Yeah, okay." I roll my eyes playfully pulling my shirt down over my tattoo.

"Who's next?" Annabeth asks.

"Jason, duh." I point to him, devouring my food.

Jason pulls his shirt off to reveal two stars over his heart and the words 'You can fly' under them.

"I don't get it." Hazel says.

"Second star to the right and straight on till morning." He says, "Peter Pan?"

"Oh, okay." She nods.

"Why?" Percy asks.

"Well, I really love the idea of flight. Physics and all. Growing up I also loved the idea of Peter Pan so much that my big sister got me glitter and told me it was pixie dust. I just have a lot of good memories from it. And then there are two stars, kind of like my sister and I. Lastly, my nerd came out, Polaris and Duhbe, they're right next to each other and they're both in one of the Dippers."

"Wow, you really thought this one through." Annabeth comments.

"Yeah, I know a lot, and I have a lot that I want to represent. I knew I was going to be a pansy so I thought, might as well pour as much soul into it as I can."

"It's rad as fuck." I tell him.

"Thanks, Piper, dear. It's time to show us your big project." He nudges her.

"Is it a Heather's quote?" Hazel teases her.

"In a way." Piper chuckles turning around. She peels her shirt off of her back and reveals to us her tattoo.

Large and full of color, one of those bright watercolor tattoos that takes up her back from shoulder to shoulder. Wings. She has given herself wings that are soft, delicate, and bright. Just like her.

"So, you can fly now?" I ask her.

"Yeah, now I can." She smiles at me.

"Eagles wings?" Annabeth asks as Piper retakes her seat.

"Nah, Eagles are too rough, I'm more of a dove."

"Did you know that the dove was almost the national bird?" Jason asks.

"God, you're a dweeb." Piper rolls her eyes but kisses his cheek anyway. "By the way, this fucking hurt."

"Mine wasn't that bad." I say.

"Mine was. Shit it was so bad." Hazel groans.

"I didn't have too bad a time." Annabeth tells us, "But my guy told me that the less nerves there are and the less boney the area is the less it hurts."

We discuss our tattooing experience, and what I love about all of this is that right now, these people understand. They know my story, why I got this art on my body. To them it isn't a story, it's my life, and now I have a piece of my mother on my body. Although, I guess I don't need it. She gave me all of the tools I'll ever need. The ones to put my heart back together again.


	45. Chapter 45 Our Right

**Annabeth**

" _All women are princesses. It's our right."_

"Come on loser, let's go!" Piper eagerly drags my arm, pulling me out to the parking lot. Prom has just ended, the lights turned bright and the music cut off without celebration. And we were left with the fleeting sound of ringing ears, and bated breath.

"Let's go we have no time to waste!" Leo laughs loudly as we pile into Jason's car. All of us, which is ridiculously unsafe. But it's prom, and we couldn't have a care in the world if our lives depended on it. Because of our recklessness, our lives may depend on it, as we weave in and out of traffic to get to our intended destination.

When we first realized that we were all piling into Jason's car after dinner Leo had chuckled, "Are we going to prom or to hell?" And at this rate the destination might be both.

Piper has me unzip her large floral skirt so that she can just be in her extraordinarily beaded top and shorts. Her mother designed the dress for her 'I told her to make me a dress, she made me a goddamn princess'. I pull on a loose-fitting dress over my prom gown before shimmying my way out of it.

The guys are tossing piece of their suits into the trunk, and before I know it, in a flurry of discarded clothes, we arrive at our destination. Montauk, the drive took a lot less time that it should have considering we were speeding the entire time.

All of us nearly fall out of the car, coarse sand slipping between our toes as we run the length of the beach into freezing water. We kick up waves that the moon would be jealous of, make a current that is as new as we are. Disruption is the least of the names we could give ourselves in this moment, but we have left our cares behind.

Jason and Leo are setting up the bon fire as Hazel, Reyna, Megan, and Percy splash around in the water. Piper and Frank have taken to gathering our things out of the car and trying to create order out of our mess in the back seat.

"So, this is what freedom feels like." Megan says with a lilted laugh.

"Stick around long enough and the feeling beings to linger. With this crowd, at least." Hazel chuckles.

Reyna kicks up water at her girlfriend, "Get it together, love, today's a day for sex and saying goodbye. Who needs to be sentimental?"

"We do!" Percy shouts with a laugh, "Welcome to the club!"

I look over to see the bonfire light up, in one second it goes from a pile of wood to a bright cone of light. I run over to it like a moth to a flame, my heart soaring high in the sky with stars I've never seen before.

The others follow me, we begin to dance, because aside from that what else do you do with a bonfire? Leo throws more fodder on the flames so that their sparks hit the sky. Piper grabs my hips and rocks me back and forth, while Reyna and Jason dance with their backs to the other. One quick glance towards Frank and I see him doing that Charlie Brown move, the one where he hops between feet swishing hair he doesn't have. Leo right behind him doing that stupid grocery cart move he insisted was all the rage. Hazel and Megan have sandwiched a very uncomfortable looking Percy between them and I can't help but laugh.

These are my people, I feel as though 'friend' is too soft a word for them. Because of them I am alive to grind on the most beautiful girl in the world. If I ever needed to hide a body they'd go so far as to make that person ceased to exist. They are my life, I love them, and they love me.

I have always been the type of person to reach, to try for something new. I have always strived to be the best me I could be. Here, with these people, the best me is who I am right now. That's not to say they don't want me to grow, that's to say that love is good enough. I am good enough, they are more than enough.

Here we are, living in a silent moment. Reverent, almost. In the silence that surrounds me, no music aside from the crackling fire as wood splits and splinters to give us light, we are holy. I understand why teenagers feel invincible. Because as my gaze passes from person to person, I recognize how fleeting all of this is. That someday all of this will be gone and the world will collapse on itself. Whether heaven or hell is real, if there's a god all mighty and all powerful, this happened. This will not always exist.

I remember my history class, once upon a time, when we talked about the ancient Egyptians. How they made their civilization with the intent to last for eternity. The fact is humanity was not made to be eternal, we are not everlasting. Only, here in this moment I have stopped time, somewhere between grinding on Piper and jumping into Percy's arms I took photos with my mind.

The image of Reyna kissing an unruly blonde, Hazel Jumping on Leo's back clinging to him for her life. Jason and Frank grabbing each other's shirts and lip syncing with more passion than an award-winning love story. Piper releasing me to Percy as she sinks just slightly into the sand, trying and succeeding at being as alive as she knows how to be. Percy's eyes are so bright I wonder how the stars reflecting in the ocean reached his eyes.

I am convinced in this moment that we were put on this earth to be here, to be on a beach, fresh from our senior prom, not yet ready to wake up from our teenage dreams. I know that the years will continue to be rough, that I will struggle to feel worthy and that maybe I won't know why I'm still going. So on those days, I will take these pictures of pure joy out of the filing cabinet of my memories. Maybe I won't be reminiscing, so much as I will be reminding myself that there is a bright beautiful tomorrow we just have to get there.

I watch Piper yank Jason's hand dragging him away from the warmth of the bonfire, pulling a condom out of her back pocket as she races to love a boy who loves her back. There is nothing more beautiful in life than watching love be returned between two people. Hazel forces her lips on Frank's for just a moment before taking Leo's hands and forcing them into an awkward ring around the rosy type thing.

Reyna and Megan join in on their circle as Percy whispers in my ear. "Our friends really know how to have a good time huh?"

I turn around and kiss him, "They aren't the only ones."

He kisses me again, the warmth of the fire enveloping my back with hot intense tendrils. My mind is an ocean, full of things I'm certain I don't understand, but full nonetheless of things I need. Love, friends, hope. I'm the one to drag Percy to Jason's car. The radio is still loud and nearly makes the whole thing quake, but I don't care.

There is music and him, both filling me up, reminding me to stay grounded. That this is not the end of anything. If there is anything I've learned, it's that there is life after high school, college is not the beginning of anything, nor is it the end. People will try to trick you into believing that high school is the end of your childhood, but I sacrificed that a long time ago.

I'm starting something new and I'm leaving something else behind. That can be seen as an ending, but then I'd be ending so many more things than I'm willing to part with.

Now, usually it's a bad idea to fuck in your friend's trunk, but this is Jason we're talking about and since we were safe I'm sure he won't mind. Besides, they're the ones who fucked on the beach so they have no leg to stand on.

We get dressed before turning down the music, signifying the end of our bonfire night. Though, we do stick around to watch the sun climb out of the ocean. All of us snuggled up together on the cool sand, we are used to seeing sunrises together. There is something so magical about them, maybe it's because we often times forget that even the sun has to climb to the top of the sky. That no matter what it always does, without fail. Even on the days that we can't see it.

"I'll miss it." Piper says, breaking our silence, "This, and you… I wish we had more time."

"You say that as if we don't have any time left at all." Percy says. "We have these next months. Then the rest of our lives."

"You think so?" Piper asks. "People leave, people change."

"Well… Yeah, I guess that's true, but who says that change is bad?"

"What if we grow apart?"

"We won't." Hazel says confidently. "Don't ask me how I know, I just do. No matter where we go or what we become, this will always be a part of us. We're gonna be okay."

"Well, yeah we may be okay-"

"It's just gonna keep getting better from here." I tell her. "We survived this, we can survive anything. Since we did it together… I don't know for sure, but I feel in my heart you can't break a bond like the one we have. We grew up together, you're stuck with me." I grab her shoulders and squeeze her to my chest and I feel the words come out of my mouth without me even thinking them, "Maybe we won't grow old, but maybe then we'll never die."

She laughs once the words are there for her to hear. She seems grateful, so that even once we've piled back into Jason's car we're still holding on to one another. I like to believe everything happens for a reason, I always thought my reason for seventh period study hall was for them to save me. But maybe nobody needs saving, we just need each other to give a fuck about us.

Maybe our reason was to care for and about each other. I grab my prom dress and pull it back on, because I don't know, I want to feel like a queen again for five minutes.

Jason drops me off at my place, and when I walk inside I see my parents eating breakfast with my brothers, our Sunday ritual. My mom smiles up at me, "Welcome home, you want to come eat something?"

I take my seat, and begin to eat breakfast, my hair falling apart, makeup smudged and half sweat off, in a prom dress no less, but I have bacon and eggs. So really who gives a fuck?

"How was prom?" My dad asks.

"The best." I tell him honestly.

"Your friend Piper is hot." Bobby says.

"Is she single?" Matthew asks.

I laugh, "No she's not, and of course she's beautiful. Her dad's an actor."

"Oh yeah?" My mom chuckles.

"Yeah, she's cooler than him though."

"I can imagine. Percy was very polite." Did I mention that this was the first time my parents met my boyfriend?

"He liked you guys, for sure."

"Of course he did, we're awesome!" Bobby says, "So are any of your friends single."

"You're twelve." I roll my eyes.

"Thirteen in a week!" Matthew says.

"I'm glad you had a good time." My dad tells me. "Prom is such a big deal for you high schoolers nowadays."

"Oh and it wasn't in the good old days?" I tease him.

"No, it really wasn't. I spent my prom visiting a college." My mom chuckles. "And your dad didn't even have a prom."

I listen to my parents recount their teenage years, in a comfortable banter. I guess somethings never change, my mom trying to be right and my dad trying not to butt into her story telling. But I can't hide the happiness I feel. For the first time in a long time, my family makes me feel comfortable. Safe. Like I am loved and wanted without so much expectation.

They will never be perfect, I know that. My brothers keep asking me for Piper and Hazel's numbers, my parents keep interrupting each other. But it's who they are, and they're still trying their best. Despite everything they love me. Despite everything they are proud of me.

I may still love my people more, but that doesn't mean I don't have enough room in my heart for them too.


	46. Chapter 46 Something Real

**What's this I'm still alive? I am surprisingly, college hasn't killed me yet. So guess what I'm writing an original book! Yes a real book, not only that I'm working on new fan fiction, go vote on my page for your favorite ideas. That's why updates have been so sparse. Sorry guys but the book I'm working on I have a feeling you're really gonna like!**

 **ALSO TWO MORE CHAPTERS!**

 **Jason**

" _Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real."_

"Get in bitch we're going to watch your girlfriend be a hoe!" Percy shouts from his car. Since I drove to Montauk Percy has offered to take us all to Piper's performance. That's right, somehow our crazy clan made it to the end of the school year. I was beginning to think we wouldn't make it either.

It's opening night for Heather's and I can't believe that our school allowed this to be put on because holy Christ is it wildly inappropriate. But I mean, not my place.

I squish in between Leo and Reyna, Hazel and Frank stayed at school with Piper, but Annabeth is sitting in the front seat nudging Percy slightly as we go.

"Well, well, well, look at us. We're a downright family." Percy snorts, "Look at our kids all grown up."

"Mom, Reyna's doing the I'm not touching you thing again!" Leo groans.

"I'm nowhere near you!"

"Play nice." Annabeth says halfheartedly changing the song.

"Yikes, dissed by your own fake mom." I tease.

"I'm used to it." Leo rolls his eyes.

"So, I'm super pumped to watch Piper die in her underwear how about you?" Annabeth chuckles.

"Oh yeah, so pumped to see how she handles her drain-o." Percy snorts.

"Y'all are sick." Reyna shakes her head.

"Yup." Percy agrees.

"Only for the people we love." I assure her.

"You keep saying that, maybe you'll believe it." Leo's voice cracks as he laughs.

"Yikes, still lost your voice?" Percy asks. Prom night was wild, not as wild as usual mind you, but pretty damn wild.

"Nah, I'm just a prepubescent teenage boy."

"As are we all." Reyna laughs. Percy parks quickly, the lot isn't totally empty, this show has a huge cult following, even in our smallish town. I just hope we can get good seats. I brought Piper a bouquet because that's what Annabeth said people do for shows.

Hazel and Frank are waiting outside for us, the way she's standing and seemingly talking to him is very obviously flirtatious, and Frank's discomfort makes it so much better.

"Hey now, we've made it this far without pregnancy, we need to make it until at least the end of the year ok?" I interrupt them.

Frank blushes wildly, Hazel tilts her head back and laughs. "No promises."

"You have to stop that, Frank's gonna pop a blood vessel." Reyna folds her arms over her chest.

"Alright kids, mom has the tickets so stay close." Percy laughs kissing Annabeth's cheek.

"You're lucky you've got a big dick." Annabeth snorts.

"Wow! Not that you love him, or that he's cute?" I laugh.

"What can I say? He's got a big dick." Now Percy's blushing though I can see he's trying to laugh it off.

"How did we end up dating the ballsiest girls in this whole fucking town?" I laugh.

"Because you fuckers got lucky." Reyna shoves my shoulder.

"True." Percy says swinging his and Annabeth's hands between them.

"Let's go inside. We have seats saved and everything." Hazel guides us into the auditorium. The place is filled with a low grumbling sound of preshow chatter. The stage is lit but the curtain still closed. We take up nearly an entire row, except for the last two seats beside me. But we do have pretty good spots all things considered.

The show starts soon enough. Their Veronica is charming and quirky, not as cool as Winona Ryder, but you can't beat Winona man. It's not possible.

A couple takes a seat beside me before Piper even comes on stage. I smile brightly when she does. Even as a bitch character, with big eighties hair and a gaze so wicked it could chill your soul, she just seems so comfortable. So at ease, like she belongs there even though I'm positive she'd rather be anywhere else. She just about steals the show from Winona impersonator.

Every time she opens her mouth, the audience is completely at her mercy, like she really is a Heather, and she really does own Westerberg. Even they are her subjects. Her songs, her jokes, everything she does is absolutely perfect.

I always knew she had this power, I don't think she realized it until this moment. Also, whoever type casted Octavian as the crazy psychotic killer… nice job. Can I just say, +A.

Almost as quickly as it begun, it's all over. The cast comes out for bows, and when Piper gracefully acknowledges the audience, she seems surprised by the amount of cheers she receives.

When the lights come up I recognize the couple who sat next to me.

"Hi, Mr. McLean."

"Jason, good to see you."

"Good to see you too." I shake his hand.

"Oh, you're Jason. Piper's told me so little about you." Her mother shakes my hand as well. I'm surprisingly uncomfortable.

"You do exist!" Leo laughs.

"Excuse me?" Piper's mom asks.

"Well, it's just that we always hear about you, but I was beginning to think you weren't real. I'm Leo. By the way." Leo shakes their hands, the others seem invested in what's going on.

"You know our daughter?" Mr. McLean asks.

"Know her? We've been to hell and back with her." Leo smiles. "She's one of the best most genuine people I've ever met."

"Ain't that the truth." Reyna steals Leo's seat allowing the rest of the gang to scoot down.

"I don't think I follow."

"She hasn't told you about us has she?" Annabeth asks.

"Not really."

"Well, all you need to know, is she's great. Basically she's the best of us."

"Funny and smart." Percy adds on to his girlfriend's comment.

"One of the nicest people I've ever met." Frank tacks on.

"What we mean to say, is we don't really know what your home life is like. I mean we know her perspective, but you know bias and all… We want you to know from an outsiders opinion, you have a good kid." Hazel takes Frank's hand. "I hope you're proud of her."

Her parents seem taken aback by us all. Maybe they weren't expecting a group of teens to be so forward, with such kind words. Scratch that, they definitely weren't expecting it by the look on their faces.

"We were gonna take her out to ice cream afterwards. If that's okay." I tell them trying not to mess with the bouquet still in my hands.

"Well… Yes that seems fine." Mr. McLean looks crazy lost, but I can tell he's not too upset by it.

"Come on, let's go see if she's out now." Hazel leads us up and out of the auditorium. Piper's parents hanging back but still following behind.

Out in the front hall, I see several cast members scattered around in regular clothes but full stage makeup, talking to family and friends. But then there's Piper crouched down to sign a little girl's program. My first thought is who in the name of hell brought a little girl to come see this show? But my second is that she just looks so cute, like a costumed character at Disney she already has a few flowers in hand and her bag strapped over one shoulder.

I think celebrity must run in her veins because she looks again, just so comfortable.

I walk right up to her as the little girl leaves, "Hey pretty girl." I chuckle kissing her bright red lips. The others also crowd around her hugging her and singing her praises. She wants to disappear, but she loves us so she'll indulge it, for now.

"Uhg, fuck me gently with a chainsaw while you're at it." She folds her arms over her chest, giving a humored laugh.

"Not in front of your parents." I tell her.

"My what?" She looks past me to see her mom and dad beaming at her. "Oh my god."

"You did an amazing job, Pipes." Her dad hugs her straight away. "I always knew you'd make a better performer than your old man."

"Dad, mom, I thought-"

"What? We can't surprise our own daughter?" Her mom moved one of Piper's curls out of the way.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd be here?"

"And risk tabloids trying to wrangle you into the performance world? We only let that happen at fashion week."

"You did an amazing job, sweetheart."

"Thanks." She blushes, suddenly a shyness none of us recognizes in her, bubbles to the surface.

"What did I say? I told you she'd make a great actress." Mr. A walks up to her dad and shakes his hand, "I cannot believe the talent she has."

Piper slowly slips away as her parents talk to her teacher, "Let's motor." She smirks at me. "Before they try to get me in some stupid film."

"Noted, but say goodbye, please."

"Uhg. Fine." She wrinkles her nose at me before rushing off to kiss her parents' cheeks. "Bye!" She says quickly before dragging us out of the theatre.

"Who knew you'd make such a good bitch Pipes?" Hazel teases.

"I know right? I didn't know I had it in me!" She laughs loudly.

Frank takes shotgun, 'this way you can't distract the driver by feeling her up.' and we drive out to the ice cream parlor. At the end of the night, after laughs and hot fudge, Piper drives some of us home.

"You know, Pipes, your parents aren't so bad." I tell her.

"I know, the losers have been holding out on me." She smirks.

"I like them."

"Me too, I guess. I mean, I did get into San Francisco because of a killer letter of rec my dad got me."

"No way, you're going to San Francisco?" I feel dumb asking her because you know, after dating for eightish months I should know that by now. Oops.

"Yeah… I wasn't ready to have this conversation I guess."

"I'm going to Stanford."

"Wait really?"

"Yeah, it's only an hour's drive away." The two of us smile at each other before I lunge over the gear shift to kiss her.

"Wow so… we don't have to stop this then, huh?"

"I guess not." I chuckle.

"Good." She kisses me again, "Because if we can manage it, I'd like to never stop."

"Me too… I love you Piper Elizabeth."

She snorts. "I love you too Jason Samuel."

We kiss again for a long while, us just sitting outside my house. Until my sister knocks on the window.

"Can I have my brother back?" She teases.

"I guess." Piper rolls her eyes kissing me one more time before sending me on my way.

"How was the show?" Thalia asks slinging an arm over my shoulder.

"Good, you'd have liked it."

"I'm sure I would have." When we walk inside, I immediately notice something is off.

"Thalia?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on?"

"Well… It's movie night."

"What the-… Why?"

"Come on baby brother, can't we have family night?" In the living room I see my dad with my mom laying in his lap, fast asleep.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"If I'm not mistaken, you graduate in two-ish weeks, right?"

"I mean yeah but-"

"I'm not a perfect man, Jason, but this is important." He looks down at mom, "All of this is important… I need to start trying again. Maybe I can't fix this family, but I can damn well try."

He gently places my mom on the couch before standing up and hugging me tightly. "I'm going to try. I promise."

Maybe it's naïve of me to say that I believe him. Or maybe it's just stupidly hopeful. But I do believe him, if for no other reason than that I want to believe him. Everyone is capable of change, and I'm hoping deep down inside, that he is too. He just had to wake up to change the world.


	47. Chapter 47 But Strong

**My request poll is up so go check that out if you wanna see more. Thanks love Jess !**

 **Hazel**

" _Krasivaya. It means beautiful, but with strength. Unique."_

I feel like I need to thank god up in heaven for allowing the end of the year to finally arrive. Seriously, wow, we… we actually did it. We're graduating! Who'd have thought my little ragtag team of misfits would survive? Not me that's for sure.

Here we are, Piper and I sitting through one of our last publicly funded class periods ever. Watching some kids at a lab table build a house of cards while we sit in a reverent silence. Her eyes scanning the room intently.

"Looking for something?" I tease, our bio teacher has taken down every poster on these walls, apparently old people enjoy lab safety posters in retirement.

"No." She says, but doesn't elaborate.

"So…?"

"I'm just trying to remember it, that's all."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She sighs, "I guess I just recognized that everything I have right now is about to be gone forever."

"Not everything." I remind her. "Unless that's your way of trying to get rid of me."

"Hey we've been sitting in these same classrooms for four years straight, I thought… I don't know, I guess I thought it was going to last forever. It sure felt that way…"

"I don't buy for a minute you ever thought that."

"Well, there were lots of days that I thought this would never end."

"Everything has an end. But everything has a beginning too."

"For better or worse, I guess."

"Yeah, I guess so huh?" I chuckle.

"Do you ever stop and remind yourself that this is all happening?"

"More than you know, even I can't believe this is my real life most of the time… Like seriously how did this happen to me?"

She laughs, "I guess you're right."

"So… I guess this means we're old?"

"It means that we're ready to begin a new life. I don't believe in being old."

"Wow, why tumblr didn't know you were a real person."

"Fight me." She bears her teeth at me.

"I could probably kick your ass."

"No way, hoe."

"I'm a fighter, I may be small but I can fight."

"I don't doubt it, I'm a pretty girl but I can get dirty."

"Ew, keep it in your pants McLean."

"Never."

The bell rings dismissing us to our very last study hall period. The two of us pinball as we wander down the hallway leisurely, only to find all of our friends standing outside of the closed room.

"What gives?" Piper asks.

"Apparently they're putting all the books into storage." Percy smirks from over Annabeth's head.

"Who'd have thought books need to be kept away from the masses during the summer? I demand my freedoms!" Leo stomps his foot.

"Why? You don't read." Frank snickers.

"You know man that hurts, that hurts right here."

"Sorry, looks like we're just going to have to ditch." Piper says without even a bit of remorse.

"Alright, no. I'm a good kid, I don't ditch." Annabeth crosses her arms over her chest.

"Come on, we don't have a classroom, the door is right over there, it's the last day of school. What do we have to lose?"

"Graduation?" Jason quirks an eyebrow at her and I snort in response.

"The fact that I have never ditched school in my whole life." Annabeth sighs.

"Please, if you really feel like you need to come back you can. Come on let's live a little. Let's stick it to the man." I grab Frank's hand and squeeze it tight.

"I'm game, school is for chumps." Percy says.

"Am I really outnumbered?" Annabeth sighs.

"Yes ma'am." Piper says walking backwards towards the door. "Let's go, live a little, losers."

Leo and I race after her with Percy dragging Annabeth behind him, Frank and Jason taking up the rear exchanging amused glances. I hear Jason chuckle, "Time for another wild teen adventure."

Annabeth sighs dramatically, "I guess so."

"We only have so much time left for those, let's make the most of it." I laugh holding the door open to let us out into the world. The tardy bell plays as an anthem while we pile into Piper and Percy's cars, speeding off towards our future. And where do teens go to be a nuicence? Some park that means a lot to Jason apparently.

"There's swings there, but no one is ever at the freaking park and I want to be the first." He says like a child bursting with excitement to play with a brand new toy. When we get to this elusive park we barrel out of the car to play on the equipment. Everyone except for Piper and I, I can't speak for her, but I know that I'm staring at the tree up on a slight sloping hill. I recall the day I got that picture I now wear on my body, I can practically see Emily teasing Jensen at the trunk of the tree, while Ricky and Juels held hands.

For a second the breeze is not just cool, it's bitterly cold and stinging my ears, beside me isn't Piper it's Sammy. His shoulder bumping me as we get out of the car. "What kind of lady gets out of a car by herself?" He'd have teased me eyes sparkling eternally.

"You okay?" Piper asks me.

"I don't know." I say a melancholy sadness settling in my stomach. "I guess I know what you mean."

"About?"

I smirk at her, "All of this is gonna be gone someday. Some of my best days have already come and pass… How can I miss something that I still have?"

"That's called love, honey bun." She says confidently. "We have a good thing, I didn't want to see it go either."

"But it's not all gone."

"Not yet, maybe not all of it will ever go away. But in a few years, when you're the best mama this world has ever seen, Leo's got his own company, Jason's in space, and Annabeth is unendingly happy… Who knows?"

"I… I hated high school."

"Ditto." She snorts.

"But every second I spent with you guys was worth it. Even the shitty stuff."

"The shitty stuff tells us we're alive."

Before either of us know it, Annabeth is standing in front of us, wild curls flying everywhere, cheeks flushed red. She gasps for air but seems to be laughing too. "Hey, for five seconds, be a kid, we don't have much longer for it."

She grabs our wrists and yanks us behind her despite Piper's protests that she can do whatever she damn well pleases. We play a game of tag, flying all over the park, laughing that sounds like screaming. I remember what it's like to be a kid, while recalling why I love children so much. We are whimsical and effortless, in the moments that our feet hardly touch the ground there isn't anything to fear except for the thought of being caught.

Leo and Frank opted out of the game after two or three rounds and the rest of us followed suit soon after. All seven of us piled on top of one another, panting and sweaty, but managing to laugh all the same.

"Hey so, you guys wanna go to my place? We're close." I say once we've managed to mostly gather ourselves.

"Yeah, good idea." Piper agrees, "Anyone need to go get their car?"

"Pft." Annabeth snorts. "Nope."

"Let's go then." I force Frank to help me stand up which turns into him carrying me to the car. It's nice knowing that by the time I get home, I'll be alone. I had told my dad that Piper would take me home and not to worry about me.

We decide that the only thing that is appropriate to do is have a super smash tourney, and it's almost unnecessary to say that Annabeth won. Remind me to never let her play Samus ever again. It isn't long until the phone rings and I expect Mrs. Di Angelo to call me. But it isn't her.

"Is Hazel there?" A voice I don't recognize asks.

"Um… yes." My friends cast suspicious glances at me as I answer.

"Good, come on out Elle, we've got a surprise for you." And he hangs up.

"No fucking way." I chuckle, as I look at the phone. How did I not recognize that number. Instantly tears spring to my eyes as I rush out the front door. Sure enough, there stands Sammy smiling bright as sunshine, Emily as wickedly gorgeous as ever, Ricky trying to remain aloof, while Jensen jumps up and down, and Juels perches his chin on Ricky's shoulder.

"Holy shit!" I start crying as I fly into Sammy's arms. He caught me mid jump and starts rocking me back and forth as the others close in around me. Laughing loudly their warm embrace makes me sob harder, their voices are so much bolder than I remember. Sammy's laughter rumbling against my cheek, Jensen squeals are deafening in the best ways, each of their voices are a vibrant reminder of everything about Alaska I missed.

"What are you idiots doing here!?" I finally manage to ask once I've cried myself out.

"Well, your dumbass is graduating, so we're here to see you do it." Ricky snorts.

"Emily needed proof." Juels says cruelly.

"Dickwad I set this whole thing up!" She shoves him.

"Did you really!?" I ask her jumping up and down.

"Mostly, Juels paid, but what are you going to do?" She smiles. Her pale skin almost glows in the sunlight, her hair has grown out into a long bob. But she's still as sharp and enchanting as ever.

"I love you!" I hold her tightly.

"Oh just her huh?" Ricky snorts.

"You too, I guess." I can still feel the tears streaming down my face as I stare at each of them, drink in their new images. Ricky let his hair grow out so the ends curl up, Juels has makeup on for christ's sake, Jensen's hair is neon red and orange, and Sammy hasn't changed a bit.

"Guys, guess what." I find myself laughing despite all the crying I'm doing.

"What's up, buttercup?" Jensen laughs that beautiful melodic laugh that rings of a full heart.

I lift up my shirt to show them my tattoo, and they lose their minds. Telling me how beautiful it is, how irresponsible I am, and everything in between. Once they've managed to quiet themselves Juels finally asks, "So who's the peanut gallery?"

I turn back to see my friends all standing outside of my new home, smiling at me like parents watching their child play with a puppy. I am so excited for them to meet.

"My friends, come on, you'll love them." I see Leo take a step back and remember how similar he is to Sammy. I can't help but laugh. "Friends from Alaska, meet friends from New York. Friends from New York, friends from Alaska."

They begin to exchange names and pleasant jokes, I am almost jealous at how easy it is for them to interact. Piper and Annabeth take a liking to Jensen and Juels. Percy and Frank start teasing Emily, while Jason slips into an easy conversation with Ricky, it's just Sammy and Leo who can't seem to figure the other out.

"So we have to be related right?" Sammy asks.

"I hope so, good looks like these can't be allowed among the common people." Leo says as a matter-of-factly.

I watch all of my friends mingle, and I think how lucky am I. How lucky am I to have so many lives, so many loves, and so many people who love me. What a gift it is to know, that no matter where I go, I'll be able to find that love all over again. And never quite lose the love I've left behind.


	48. Chapter 48 Alive

**Leo**

" _Right now, these moments are not stories this is happening. You are alive."_

I didn't expect my dad to go all out for my graduation considering everything that has happened in the past year. But I wake up to his burnt best attempt at my mom's famous breakfast burritos and see take out IHOP laid out instead. That's a big deal for the guy.

We don't talk a whole lot, he's trying, but it's hard for him to be something he isn't. He's not my mom, but he's trying and that is more than enough.

I spend the morning in the shop before being shooed away for a shower. I put on my best clothes under my cap and gown. God, my cap and gown. How did this happen?

Who'd have thought that I, Leo Valdez, staple screw up, would graduate. On time, and with a semi scholarship to one of the best engineering schools in the country. I take every second to remember my mother, I hold her memory close in my heart before heading to the school with my dad. Our graduation is out in the 'stadium' aka a glorified patch of grass.

I see my friends almost immediately, before I'm even out of the car. Piper with her gown unzipped revealing more of her body than likely appropriate. Annabeth holding her cap in that top ten percent orange robe she's so proud to have. Hazel, desperately pinning her cap onto piles of unruly curls. Frank and Jason fumbling with their bow ties, while Percy still has his gown draped over his arm like a bath robe. His cap proudly on his head.

"What's up nerds?" I ask.

"We're graduating!" Jason takes my shoulders, shaking me abruptly.

"Yeah, dude, we are." I say once I've regained my composure.

"How the hell did this happen?" Piper snorts.

"Who knows?" Percy chuckle.

"You put that robe on right now, so help me." Annabeth chuckles, yet folds her arms like a disapproving mother.

Percy deliberately ignores her, and instead turns his attention to just above my head. "There's my favorite gay couple."

"I thought you and I were your favorite gay couple." Jason says sounding offended.

"Shut up, both of you." Hazel rolls her eyes as Reyna and Megan approach hand in hand.

"How are you doing?" Frank asks.

"Great." Reyna chuckles, her hand held firmly in Megan's. They still have that way of holding a conversation without saying a word. The squeeze of their hands, the gentle tug as Megan adjusts Reyna's cap. I wonder how many conversations they've had by the touch of their finger-tips.

I can feel myself picturing the life they'd have together, but stop myself before the thought can spiral out of control.

Something that you will never understand until you learn it the hard way: Live every moment as if it's a moment. We're so wrapped up in the great big ambiguous future we forget about now. Who knows what the world is going to throw at me next? NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING.

Stop pretending you know, and start realizing what you don't. Let me be honest, I really can't say that getting my degree means anything to me then. I know what it means, but the moment I have spent my entire childhood working towards, feels like nothing. It's a passing second that is so quick I'm suddenly sitting back down with a piece of paper and I can't help but think that's it?

It's hard to live when the world wants to know your five-year plan, but it's even harder to live a life looking towards the future. Live now, live as much and as large as you want. I don't know if this is my only life, or just one in a string of many. But I don't intend to live my life as if it's expendable.

Who knows what's waiting for me, but who cares? Today is enough, more than enough. So, I shoot my cap into the sky like it's a fucking rocket going into space and leaving the stratosphere. I don't bother to pick it up instead I hug the rando next to me.

As soon as we've greeted our parents and passed over our diplomas we drive out to Percy's small beach house in Montauk. Fourteen teenagers (Because yes we did drag Hazel's Alaskan friends with us. We are insane, trust me I know) at a beach house fresh out of high school is just as detrimental as it seems. But we're too full of life to recognize how good a horror set up this is.

In the bonfire light I see the brightest future I can conjure up for us. Piper and Jason's wedding, Hazel and Frank's hoard of children, and so many beautiful things. I'd cry if I wasn't so focused on skinny dipping in the ocean water. If I wasn't winning the massive pillow fight we've gotten into, or trying to figure out how much brownie batter would cover our ridiculous amount of cookie dough and manage to have all of it cook.

I could tell you that I believe in happy endings, except I don't believe in endings. I don't believe that anything is over, even when we are gone. I believe in happy moments, that we are allowed to be full of joy for simple reasons. Someday, somebody is going to try to take away every bit of happiness you hold in your heart. You can give it to them, as long as you know how to grow that happiness again.

If joy is like a forest, always have something to grow back, newer and more beautiful than the last. Guard the things you love, but let them go.

There are so many things I could tell you to do, but none are so important as living.

"Hey Leo!" Piper breaks my thoughts as we have somehow ended up the only ones awake. "Come on."

"What's up?" I ask noticing everyone else is long asleep.

"I want to watch the sunrise with my best friend."

"I'm your best friend?"

"You are… of course you are. Why?"

"I-… I don't know, it's just weird to hear you say it."

"Well, get used to it, I expect you to brawl someone over being maid of honor." She laughs musically.

"Maid of honor huh?"

"What? We're close, aren't we?"

"We have to be now, I'm your maid of honor." We reach the front porch, the sky a dark green. Hanging heavily like blackout curtain and I smile. "It's gonna be a good life, right?"

"If you want it to be." She says.

"I know…"

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"You think we're going to be friends in ten years?" She asks.

"If we aren't, we'll come to our tenth high school anniversary and it'll be like nothing has changed."

"You think so?"

"I do."

"Why?"

"I don't know… We grew up together, sure it was only a year. But the shit we've been through together… You can't break something like that, even if it fades."

"I love you." She says, "Do you know how big you are?"

"I am not fat." I laugh as the sun begins to peak over the sea.

"No, I mean you're larger than life." She chuckles, "How's Calypso?"

"She's better than ever."

"Because you're talking again?"

"I like to believe that's part of it."

"I bet it is, you're great to be around."

"I'm glad someone thinks so." Then she hugs me, it's sudden and she almost topples over me.

"You're a gift, and never forget it."

"How could I?" I ask so softly I wonder if she heard it. The two of us turn our heads toward the horizon watching the sun crawl up into the orange and pink sky.

Without an ounce of warning the two of us are sprayed with water guns from behind.

"Jesus fucking-!" Piper whips around to see Annabeth and Jason looking smug.

"Cowardly dicks." I snort.

"These cowards got you good." Annabeth shrugs before high-fiving Jason.

Piper is already chasing after them, I linger allowing the risen sun to take some of the water off of my clothes. I'm exhausted, but I'm also excited. For today, tomorrow, and every day that's coming. No matter what happens I'm always going to have these people, in my heart or in my life. For me, that's more than enough.

And by the way, if it means anything... We went through a lot together, and I just... I wanted to say. Thank you.


End file.
